I haven't got a lot to say or do.

 I am now vaccinated and I had a headache a few hours later which is meant to be one of the side effects. I felt like crap the day after. Generally, ill. 

Things have been a dull, blur since then. Probably because I watched all ten seasons of TaskMasker. I found another thing to apply to so another thing to unnecessary panic about. Do you think trying to learn Gaelic counts as knowing it. Sure, I can sort of read the basics but speak or listened to it, probably not. 

I've been negating things so trying to catch up on it including reading and watching films again. Still attempting to do that project which I'm running out of time. 

I have nothing to say.

Delayed. Delayed. Delayed Once Again.

 I am applied to something real last minutes. Maybe I should have just left it. The more I think about the more I feel like I shouldn't have wasted either of us times. 

Do I have proof that I have been doing stuff for years? Yes, but that shit has personal information in it and just because you're not meant to discriminate against me for them doesn't mean they don't. I know I've been discriminate against for my disabilities, nevermind my complex mess of sexuality. 

I negated to finish writing this post three weeks in a row. So now have been rejected been for both things I applied to, and while having drastically different due dates, I had my rejection on the same day. Last Friday. 

Blog posts are not meant to be hard so I don't why I make them that way. I'm meant to be doing activities I enjoy and I enjoy no activities. Does that mean I'm secretly depressed. How unhappy? Yes. I have no fulfilment in my life. I miss the cinema now.

I know we have a vaccine but that doesn't mean things will actually go back to normal when they say they will. Maybe it'll mutant past the vaccine having any impact. The fact that so many people are such arsehole about social distancing. Disabled lives really don't matter to those arseholes. 

My main thing is a weird want to buy Dr Martins. There a 150 so it's not happening. I've spent too much money lately. I have to be stop. It's destructive at this point. Well, It has been for years. Anyway, I have a patron that I'm not going to directly link here. There's a link somewhere. 

Blue Valentine

 I've been watching several Oscar-nominated films for reasons. So many of them are so bad and made me question men. Also, I generally wish the Academy cared more about what they were voting on. Also the stories are so boring and same plot over and over.

With no women to be seen. A woman will be there so you know they're not gay. Heaven forbid that you get gay from two men having intense eye contract and bond like no other. A woman is written to be a sexy lamp that lets you know they not gay. The woman might have a tragic backstory but that backstory is for the benefit of man and plot only. Woman need no characterisation. The characterisation is for men only.

This were films made literal decades before, but still, these are the films that have shaped pop-culture and have thought to be the best. These films do have merit, but so many would be better if they took women out of the film, and just randomly replace half of the men with women. It might not make sense, but it would be a lot more interesting. 

Could joke that all love interests should be boring so their trope name makes no sense. 

Tomorrow is Valentine's Day and I will be celebrating by eating two boxes of Ferrero Rocher. Through a month and a half with nothing to show for it. Not had my rejection yet and haven't 

My parents brought a new couch which has been a thing. Couldn't get the four-seater into the livingroom. In fact, it ended up jammed into the hall for a day, which meant I was visiting by climbing into and out of the window. My sibling and I had debated if it was possible to crimb into that window. I now know it is possible and I have broken into my parent's house by two different windows. 

Also, my trama is impossible to be precise about, at least I have a lot of it to tap into if I ever do get a writing job and since you're not paying me I shall be leaving you now. I might read or watch sixty films in a month. 

Brain Stalled

 Why is my brain such a bitch to me? why does it do this to me every time? Why can't I ever write the things I have to write? Why do words get trapped there?

I finished the thing but it's not great. The words only started came after myself imposed deadline, so next time the fake deadline needs to be a week before the actual deadline which just isn't possible.I mean I start writing this post before last Saturday and here we are the next Saturday still writing it.

Another hing I'm thinking of applying for, but I might not and I have dropped the ball with college so far. I should probably just apply anyway, see what's happens. See what happens.

A lot of my projects have fallen to the waste line. That's probably not the right pharse. I have gonna back to one and I'm going to my best to get it out on time to YouTube. I have to film and edit it so might be a process. I was gonna film today but I felt tired and my camera is dead. I don't know where the charger is though. I think I know where it is but I could be wrong. I've found it tomorrow. 

I'm sure I'm gonna rejected from the thing I did apply for but I'm still full of the axiety of what if. It's long short and I'm sure better applicates will have applied. I could have bullshit better and I didn't because my brain didn't want do the work.

Oh, well. 

To Be Writing Again.

I've been listening to a lot of music and writing again, its all thanks to Hannibal and Hannibal vampire AU fanfiction. I would like more Hannibal vampire but instead of writing that, I will work on my own abandoned fiction. Yes, it's Dance Hall I'm working on. It still lives...for now.

It has an actual plot now...sort of. Don't expert chapters, if you've been lurking on here for years, desperate for the ending. Well, it never had ending till now. That's right I have written the ending. I know how this book definitely ends. 

I have started writing a sequel. Ideas of conversation come to me more than the plot of the book. I just want to discuss the morality of vampires, and sometimes that morality can only be discussed with a character that doesn't belong in the first book. 

The middle of the first book is empty and I will need a big rewrite. The rewrite is pointless without having that middle figured out. I have an idea of things that going to happen. I have a rough family tree, though, there are several characters I need to name and possible rename. I have a character called Lix and I don't know if that was an actual name or random letters that I assigned to that character. 

I have two applications to fill in that ask me questions that should be easy to answer but don't want to leave my brain. It asks my recently favourite TV show. I keep a note of all the shows I've watched and I know it's Hannibal. I was even writing random essays notes about the show before I was asked that question and now I have no thoughts. 

Asking my least favourite being hard at least make sense because I didn't finish watching those episodes. Of the things I did finish watching, the Alienist season 2 was my least favourite. Part of me is tempted to go with the non-fiction stuff I watched recently since that most likely the most relevant to the thing I'm applying for. Maybe one of each. 

I do watch non-fiction, it's just random cooking/baking shows...and true crime. I mean watched a TV true-crime documentary today. It wasn't very good, but it was made to accompany a TV dramatisation so it was never meant to be a standalone thing. 

These things shouldn't be hard, as I write constantly about things I like and dislike. I criticise and write the reasons. I know why I like things but put in words where someone will definitely read it. That is hard in my brain. 

Hannibal is good in it's shooting and casting. The hash light is great, I love it.

Hannibal is good in the writing it steals from Harris. The adapting is interesting.

Hannibal is bad in that the final season, is actually 2 seasons split into one.

Hannibal is bad because the lack of character and relationship developments in the first season while trying to tell us Abby is important (which probably because there's nothing to adapt Abby from beside her first scene). Yeah, Will, Hannibal and Jack Crawford are the stars, but more has to be done than daughter surrogacy. There's not even a scene between Abigal and Will while discussing Will being too close to her. 

Hannibal is bad in that doesn't understand that a character saying something, rather than thinking of them changes that meaning. 

Hannibal is bad in that its showrunner doesn't understand tropes but tries to address to them. Someone tell Bryan Fuller that Fridging is where you kill a woman for the sake of a man's development, not about violence being done to woman in general. Fridging is a very specific trope and there are websites dedicated to explaining that trope. 

Hannibal is good in it's a rom-com where a cannibal convinces an FBI professor to run away off with him and somehow convinces the audience (me) while watching it that was the best option for everyone, except Jack Crawford, but Jack has played loose with the lives and mental state of those he leads so Jack can lose this one. 

See I can write about it. There's a word I want, but I can't find it in my head enough to even go hunting for it. Maybe it will come to me.

The other thing I'm applying for is more insane but I don't want to talk about it. 

I'm going to write about things, like a book I didn't like much.

Hannibal season 1, but both Will and I have a fever.

 Time is a concept that I refuse to believe in, but of course, like ghosts in every supernatural horror, time does not care about my personal experience with it and it will pass at whatever random speed. I am ill. I don't know how it happens as I've been isolating. I have theories but I feel crap so what's the point of getting into the theories.

Season 1 of Hannibal really hits different when you have a fever and watching it as you go in and out of consciousness. Makes Will all the more relatable and I too, now feel like someone has forced fed me an ear, but that's just what's ever going with my throat still. I'm been ill for a few days, kept having dreams I was better, then waking up very much not. 

I had a dream that Hannibal was serving soup, and my mouth was brunt from it. Then was a debate that whether Lector had done on purpose but it wasn't his m.o. I woke up with my tongue burning, so that was fun. I told my mum that at 6 something and she called the doctor in the morning while I was sleep so I got myself some very nice antibiotics without seeing or even talking to a doctor. I could barely talk at that point and nevermind mixing in Selective Mutism.  Okay, so my mum got me them but I was the one that picked them up. 

I also had a fever, my throat was so sore before I started antibiotics that I couldn't swore and was barely able to talk. Anytime I squeezed I wanted to punch god, it hurt so badly. I keep having to fight my gag reflex, as I was sure vomiting would have been nightmare. I never had cough until yesterday where it started to get better. It feels like there is fuzz in my throat. Still feels like there's something in my throat. 

Other symptoms include not being able to eat spricy chicken because I could feel the spice in my ears. I didn't want the chicken really anyway. It was just going out of date and felt like I had to eat as no one else was gonna eat it. 

Though with everything going on, I can't be sure when I got sick because I carry stress in my throat, so I blamed the sore throat on that. I wonder if that's why I got it worse than everyone else seems to have it so far. Everyone seems to have got it now. 

One of our cats died last weekend. She was only two. It's all very suspensions. She's my sibling who needs cat and who is definitely going to into hospital before the year is out most likely. Christmas is literal days aways and it's never felt further. Not sure what we have in terms of food at all. Some frozen stuff I guess.

Lockdown and Covid mutating is just the of course of the year. My siblings are taking turns being hospital so that's great. There won't be any Christmas lights up this year because no one can be boather. Only my tradition of keeping Halloween decoarations up over the Christmas period reminds.

Life is a Slow March (also I do nothing for a month)

 I've been thinking about my oldest brother lately which isn't surprising. A date has been set for when he goes into the ground. Good thing, we're not Jewish because it's taken several sunsets. Who knows what we actually use to believe. 

A Catholic service is about as comforting as slapping when you don't believe in any of that crap, especially when it's a funeral for someone on the younger side. I just felt angry listening to all the shit and the main reason for having a Catholic funeral cannot be there for medical reasons. 

All this crap about god being a shepherd. Well, if he has been shepherding my family, I would like a word about several things and that maybe he should invest in a sheepdog.  So my thoughts through all the prays was about what a dick he is, which is probably the wrong attitude to have during a funeral. What is the right one, anger is meant to be one of the stages of grief but maybe you shouldn't be cursing god in a church. 

I joke about not being able to say I'm Satanist because I'm not an atheist. I guess I believe in something, but I don't believe we will meet again in the same form. I definitely don't believe in Abrahamic faiths and their teachings at all. Mainly they mostly sexist and no one plays attention to the actual good ones. Got to have your super churches, while the poor starve. 

Having a school next to church is quite awkward when leaving a funeral. They put him in the ground before my family got to the gravesite which is kinda shitty, especially as we were running early. 

The priest seemed to rush through the service, which I guess a good thing because I was dreading the idea of giant service. There are no hymns during a covid funeral. Why do Catholics sit up and down so much? We do not appreciate it as disabled people.

I've not done much recently, barely read but I have finished watching Murder, She Wrote except for the films. I've watched all of Hannibal in the last week, would have been quicker than that but I wanted to read fanfiction. Reading early fanfiction before a series is finished, Now I'm wondering what if Jessica Fetcher was Hannibal? Maybe she secretly is. I've been thinking about the murder statics around Jessica as I watch all 12 seasons. I had thought about doing vlogmas. I have several videos that I want to see the light of sitting unedited. 

This post probably be very different if I had finished writing three week ago instead of now. 

Time is Moving

 Life is something I should be living. 

I miss the cinema.  The cinemas are open but I am scared to go, especially since the rates are rising again. I'm really worried about not getting to see Wonder Women II. Maybe it's release will be delayed again and now having looked it up. It has been delayed for Christmas, 25th actual Christmas day which an odd choice for the sort of film that usually has a midnight release. That probably not gonna happen so Santa won't be missing out. It's actually boxing day which I doubt I'll be there for opening day. 

I never finished a post last week. Time is also getting away from me which doesn't help. I want to finish my film watching project this month, at least stage 1 of it. I have ten films left so it's not likely to happen but the project deadline is next year anyway. I've seen some good films doing this, but also a lot of shit films that make me question a whole gender.

I do love films and there's worth in them. But watching films from decades ago where the only diversity comes from a white woman and making the choice not to watch the film of a known groomer is not fun. Cis Men need help, especially the ones of the 80s. 

I'm off because I have sixty films to watch. 

Broken Glass Everywhere

 Sunday was a bad day. I started the day by being reminded that my car's MOT was due. The next day meaning I couldn't drive it for two days because I couldn't get an appointment till Wednesday to fix it. It did pass the first time but new tires are in my future. All four of them which is confusing considering I think I replaced all of them last year and your front tires are meant to go first. 

I opened my cupboard, for a glass to fall out and then shatter everywhere. I found bits a day later. I had already hoovered the kitchen. 

I then went out to clean my car, to find under a pile of napkins, mould. Great. I do clean the rubbish out of my car. I have no idea how long it has been there. I'm gonna try the carpet cleaner. Clean it out properly. I need seat covers for the back. Covered in dog hair because Skye kept barking at me as I was cleaning it. He's a wee rat. I had to let in the car while I did the front.

Skye is such a needy dog. Not sure what I did to make him that way. I also haven't read much this week, but I have caught up on six months of a book podcast, with more eps to go. I really only read on Monday this week and nothing else, so hella behind on all those reviews I should do. Have a few sitting to do as as well. 

I'm meant to be announcing StrangeAthon tomorrow but I'm having a real hard time drawing a tree. Also not filmed which is so me. I need to do better, so I will be off to try.

Jessica's Friends.

Hello, Hello, it is the end of the world once again. Nothing new has happened, I thought I would just remind you all we've been in crisis mode for months and we should definitely still be in crisis mode. 

I painted my walls this week. The whole downstairs is painted this ghastly cream colour. So I'm painting one and a bit walls because I can't be arsed to move the furniture I would need to paint it properly. I regret the white violet I brought. Its a much brighter pink than it looked on the label. It's still better than the cream and I can't take it back. d

Cream is a-okay colour to paint the walls, this cream just looks like its went off. 

I finished watching season 6 of Murder, She Wrote but I'm behind on everything. So I'll be off now. Next week post will told by Jessica Fletcher about some randoms she apparently friends with.

Neighbours are Inconvenient

 Apparently, my neighbours to impress themselves as existing the last week.

Last Saturday, I took my parents lawnmower to cut my grass, mine had broken and was not picking the grass up last week so I hadn't cut but not very well, to find my neighbour had cut the hedge in my garden. You know in theory that's a nice thing to do but they had filled my bin with tree branches. I'm not sure how all of it could have been from my side of the hedge. I don't know who owns the hedge, but I wouldn't have cut it till we were out of August. It didn't need desperately done, especially on such a hot day. So now instead of having tons of room to dump the grass in the bin, which is something that did need done. I ideally should have done it sooner but I just didn't have a free day to do it.  I have to squash it down and grass got everywhere when I was emptying the lawnmower bag. Also, it was too heavy to move up my garden. It really inconsiderate to fill someone else bin. 

I did curse arsehole out loud when I realise so I guess that summoned my neighbour while I was cutting this grass on Saturday. In hindsight,  I should have cut the grass on Sunday because it was cooler and still dry. I also probably should have said something to my neighbour instead of staring at them. I just didn't what he wanted me to say at that moment. I was annoyed at them filling my bin without saying anything to me. I know I don't spend every day at my house, but that's because my family is a disaster. In an ideal world, I wouldn't have had to move out but there's no room for me here. 

Also I still put my bin out. It's really fucking presumptive that a person who lives alone wouldn't have any rubbish in their house. Of course, I don't have any council bin bags. Lucky, I didn't have a stack of rubbish in my house or a project I was doing. I guess I should have just said thanks for cutting the hedge, but I had plans for that bin. I know I don't put it every week (mostly because I'm forgetting as hell) but it's still really inconsiderate of you to do that. But I also had been putting my bin out recently. 

I think you should ask your neighbours before you do that. Like I said I had cut my glass last week, badly, but that still proved I lived there. I don't really like when my neighbours do me favours. Like bring my bin in before I even have a chance to go out and get it. I think one must sit there and pounces as soon as they come. 

Now for the story of this week. So this my parents' neighbour but as I care for my parents I do stuff while I'm there. So my parents and sibling all went to the hospital so I was there watching my sister's dog because makes no sense for her to be left alone when I'm home and the dogs can go in the garden. I'm having a bad day. I filmed for an hour for one video and got nothing else filmed. I had already been interrupted during the second video by my parents coming home. So after putting everything away, I go to film again. But only a few seconds in I see the neighbour at the door. I can't ignore her, she probably heard me. 

This is 6pm, it's Dinner time/both my disabled parents are sleep. She comes to the door, the one day we're not all in the garden. We could have this conversation over a fence. 

She came to the door to complain about the dogs barking at them when they take their dogs into the field. She claimed we don't call them back went they bark at them which a lie. We call them, the only time I don't is when I'm at the toilet and they ignoring my shouting. They know barking is wrong, they still are chancers sometimes. They will stop if I go out there. 

She said they jump at the fences. They don't jump at the fences, they stand up on the fences because they are nosey. If they were kids, sure I would tell them to stop spying on the neighbours. But they are dogs, they have no concept of boundaries. The only one who jumps on the fence is Leia and she never goes outside by herself. She gets given into trouble when she does that. They can't get over the fence, so they nothing to actually complain about. 

So she keeps saying its' really annoying when her kid is trying to work their horse. What horse, the horse that is always in the field, or the ponies they must be too big for now. 

The thing that made me mad, is that she said we should give them treats after they do this behaviour. So I shut the door in her face, after saying that I'm not going to train my dogs to be bad. I also then shout at the window that her dogs bark constantly. 

Here's the thing, they keep their dogs in kennels and those dogs bark all the time. Actually the next day, they bark all day. I guess they weren't home. The horse also bangs on the gate all the time. 

Okay, so this neighbour infamously stole a horse and did not care for this horse properly. It doesn't really matter if that's true but I know that they left horse out all the time by itself. Only ever play attention to it once it the owner tried to get it back.  

Do my dogs bark at her dogs, sometimes yes. My dogs did bark for five minutes, ignoring me shouting them from inside so I went outside and they came in when they saw me, so this neighbour came to the door ten, twenty minutes after they had been called inside. My dogs were inside, staring at her from the window. Not barking. 

Also, this same neighbour came to the door after my mother had made the fence taller, to complain about the dog jumping into her field. Bitch, why are you complaining when the problem has been solved? Yes, this is bad behaviour and I don't want my dog giving me a heart attack by standing on the gate between the field and our garden. It's dangerous for all the animals involved when she decides to visit the sheep. 

My dogs aren't perfect, but I've tried them to not bark back at other dogs. If wanted complete control of your environment then you move to the middle of nowhere. Lots of empty houses that no one wants if you have land money. You have neighbours, they will be noises. I have a dog who talks by barking. He doesn't play growl, he very odd squeaky thing. 

Also apparently, she a nurse and she came to the door without a face mask. WTF. Someone has it locally too. People aren't taking this serious enough, but that's a rant for another day. 

Frankly, the only one I feel is justified in complaining is the postman. I don't know why Leia hates them so much but she does. Violently so. Not even the same one, different people. Same reaction. Even complained to other strangers, they are the ones who upset her the most. In an ideal world, I would lock her out the livingroom during this time of the day. 

Also, my prepayment metre that tried to get taken out when I moved in is broken, but they won't fix unless I run out of power when seems like a dangerous game. I don't have any medical equipment so that is fine, but I am listed as Disabled so that definitely could be dangerous. Hopefully, they would fix if that was the case. Was working on a short story that I thought I had ending for but turns out I just never finished writing it and therefore did not post anything last Saturday. Behind on reviews as always and I haven't edited this week so it all been great. 

I'm gonna go now, I have to find my field's neighbours door so I can complain about the chickens coming into the garden when we first moved in. Very important. 

Halloween is Always in Your Heart.

Hello, Hello, Hello. That the greeting my gut told me to do. Another week, another week shielding apparently. Shielding is meant to be ending on 1st August and there's a vaccine in the air. Hopefully. this does mean the end of Lockdowns in Scotland. Sadly, a lot of places are still high. Universal Horror Night has been cancelled at both parks this year. Jokes about Halloween being cancelled have been going around since this start. Don't let Halloween be cancelled. You can't cancel Halloween. Its just whether you can go d

In a few years time, we have pandemic theme haunted houses again. Yes, they already a thing. There are a lot of places that are meant to be haunted due to having been used as temporary hospitals for past pandemics but most of them were 50 years ago at least.

I haven't been doing much. Finally, finished editing a video that I've been working on a few weeks because I am me. I still need to finish the captions though. Released it without them because no one watchs my video anyway which was a mistake because I say something is so confusing like five times and a few of them definitely should have been edited out. I've captioned over half the books in the video, what a shame that's only 6 minutes of 20-minute video because I rant about the fourth book and I guess had more to say about the 5th one that the others.

I also have been adding triggers and tropes to https://booktriggerwarnings.com/ because I have been reading and reviewing books. My Netgalley feedback percentage is now 45%. Well, for a day and then I got approved for another book so its back to 44% but I'm reading. I was bagging that I have no books that came in August except a graphic novel and audiobook. Guess what though, I have four books that come in the 3 September so those need to be read in August so they can be reviewed before release. It's a very first world problem I know. They fixed the Audiobook issue and I've not listened to it much. Not a lot of Audiobook jobs to do. I got to catch on my BuJo so I'll listen to it then.

I almost wrote fiction but then I remember that I'm constantly behind on other things. I'm sitting on six videos I want out as soon as possible. The StrangeAthon starts Monday and I haven't edited my TBR video yet for it. It shouldn't take too long but never can tell with uploading speeds. Maybe I should also do a blog post for the StrangeAthon on Book Review blog.

There's not much else to say I'm currently doing five things right now (watching TV; captioning a video; writing this; reading a book; editing a video) and I have something in the oven right now so let's make one less.

Hot Wings

I was gone last week. Not for any percudiular reason. Just forgot it was Saturday so I didn't write, for a week.

Netgalley now has arcs for Audiobooks and my life is now complete. I think it will help be more consistent with my arcs on Netgalley but the 200 arcs I have not reviewed are still there. Waiting, patient for the day where I get my shit together. In my defense, I'm been Netgalley a good few years and I have had several flare-ups over that time. I've also reviewed 159 books during that whole time as well. I want to get back to 50% by the end of the year. That's 21 books I need to review. I have read some of those but realistically I need to re-read them to review them because my notes have disappeared from the universe for some reason. There are a few books where I'm sure I started reviews for them. I just can't find them anyway.

Audiobooks don't really get affected by flare-ups. Sometimes my brain won't process text but it not happened to audio completely yet.

I left the house today and went to a restaurant. In an ideal world, I would be able to get TGIFriday's hot wings delivered to my house, but I can't and have been craving them for actual months. Scotland is more under control and everyone was wearing masks so it's fine I guess. No milkshakes or Tacos anymore. The hot wings were heaven so I guess it was worth it. We got milkshakes from five guys. Expensive but nice.

My brother lives in an ideal world because he got mozzarella sticks instead of coming with us like he was meant to. It's not that ideal since this is still happening in it.

There's not a much happening. I brought masks and clothes since I will probably be leaving the house for more than five seconds now. So a lot of money, too much money. I need masks...and My Chemical Romance Merch. I never got to see them this year, I may as well have a cool shirt to wear.
I have a massive spot on my nose, so the masks are convenient. I went into Waterstones today and didn't buy any books so a win.

I'm tired after my big day out so I'll write to you later,

So I Finally Did it.

I am typing this from a new keyboard. My laptop charger broke again. I wasn't sure if it was the charger or I had been betrayed by technology again. My laptop did die without warning. which is shitty of it and something it had been doing often.

So I went to Very.com and brought the best laptop that I could reasonably get away with not paying for till next year (or a few months anyway). I had just paid off my Switch which I have not played for a week because I missed a few days and I'm now too scared to go back to my village. I could just time travel and give gifts and get fossils and caught up to the real date.

Point is that I have a new laptop that doesn't have a CD drive which sure is something I only ever use in once a while like when I get an audiobook from the library. You can still buy plugged into CD drive.

I also went to Amazon and brought £20 charger so in case my information could be saved off my laptop. I would mostly be losing Audiobooks that I have negated to put on my phone and where I left off on my e-arcs. My university laptop still lives. I'm probably going to keep using it for other things.

My mother thinks my new laptop is small, but my other laptop was too big. It was actually a pain in the butt to take anyway.

My laptop had been dying for a while and I knew I should replace it sooner or later. Hell, I even went into a shop years before about getting a better one. It's not that it's just old. It was kinda always shitty and ill-fitting for purpose. Frankly, it was never a laptop I would have brought.

I wish my new one had more built-in memory but the ram 16 GBs and I can always plug into an external hard drive into it. I mean from past experience that not always that easy. Steam is definitely confused bu that myth. It should work for editing which I should definitely do more of.

I should always be doing a lot. The speaker is really loud. My old one was useless and couldn't stand to most background noise. Speakers do tend to get weaker the older and more they used.

I've let my reviews go but at least I have an excuse. I was without a computer for a day and a half. I should read and finish my knitting. I'm gonna go because I have a very boring life and who wants to talk about the giant elephant in the corner anyway.

BYEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE.

Primary Souce

I should have been seeing My Chemical Romance tonight. I should probably be sad or something but I guess I'm too drained for that now. I've had my grief over all the things I should have done this summer and haven't.

I've so far not got to hold my nibling yet.

At least I didn't drive for six hours yesterday. I haven't driven much in months, its been great. Still miss TGIF for some reason. Their hot wings and blue cheese sauce are not something I can capture so if anyone knows the receipt please feel free to DM me it.

Isn't it odd that this technically counts as a primary source of what the pandemic was like to live through? The answer is boring and frustrating. Now I sound like something they give to Primary school kids studying World War II. May as well go for it then

Hello, I'm Rachel Verna and I'm someone whose a carer for a family member who's not allowed to live the house. The government sent us Shielding Boxes till we begged them to stop because we never ate anything from them. The bread was weird and frozen. The food was clearly was taken from Hotels and Cafes.

Well, I'm done for now. Maybe I'll be sad when it was time for Green Day and Fall Out Boy. I'll never have my ultimate Emo week.

Book Review Moving (and the world still burns)

Haló Strangeos, this week has been a lot but let's start with the fun and important blog announcement. If you follow this blog for my reviews, then you probably would like to know that I'm going to stop posting Book Reviews on this blog. I will be cross-post the next few posts but if I like having the two different blogs then I'll be sticking to having this being my writing blog and having a separate book blog.

I won't delete my reviews off this blog. I have transferred my book reviews to my new blog so they are all in one place. I had thought about whether it was right to have a blog with my creative writing and book reviews in the one place. The final decision came to me wanting to review books as I read them, instead of always Wednesday. This might be weird to other people but I didn't want to mess up the schedule on here of always only posting on a Wednesday and Saturday. 

There is a few odd posts where I have posted on other days, however, I didn't want it to be a common thing. Basically, if you want more you now have to go to StrangenessBooks. I thought I would try Wordpress and honestly not loving it so far. Definitely feel that paywall and I hate white aesthetic of modern internet. I transferred all my book reviews over there so they are in one place and they will stay here. I don't know. I might continue to cross-post for the year. We'll see.

Now for my usual Saturday thing.
So this week has been a lot. Just Kidding is a real piece of work.

Harry Potter was such a chunk of my teen years and the fan community is what I'm actually attached to.

Just why during a global pandemic and protest against Police Brutality, do you decided now is the time that you declare loudly that you hate Trans people, some of those people are victims of police brutality and violent crimes all the time, whose murders and disappears sit unsolved for years.

Trauma is not an excuse to be hateful to other people, people who are more vulnerable than you. Especially, when none of those people have hurt you. Rowling has just spurted lies and prejudice without proof any kind of what she saying. She made it clear that she hates or is scared of Trans people.

People do not transition because they hate their birth gender. They do it because it doesn't fit. Autistic people are more likely to question society normals because we don't fit it.

This public toilet myth is so infuriating because public toilets have always been on good faith and anyone can just walk into them. There's not a magical staircase. I suppose that staircase tells you everything you need to know what Rowling thinks of XY owners. Trauma is an explanation, not an excuse.

Her opinion of Trans men is no better. Apparently,

I also just assume she has no idea that non-binary people exist in the field of being Trans. I don't hate being a woman, it just doesn't fit me. Well, not all the time. I'm definitely under the non-binary umbrella. Sometimes I think I'm genderfluid because I switch between femme and genderless sometimes. However, I just like dresses and related to the depression of women. Isn't that more fuck-up than anything else. I know I will always be treated like a woman because I feel comfortable in this body (for the most part) and I'm not gonna change it.

The facts now are that J.K. Rowling 1.Transpobic. 2.Ableist and 3.Queerphobic. If you think you're being an Ally by claiming a character is gay and then refusing to put it in a canon.
She also doesn't care about Scotland so I wish she would stop living here. So maybe bookshops have whole sections to Harry Potter and I doubt a chain is going to care she a piece of work.

I can feel sympathy for Rowling but mostly I'm angry at her for turning her trauma against other people. She hurting people. With all that money and all the injustices in the world, why does she feel the need to make stuff up?

She talks about her fear of sexual assault and invasion of women-only spaces, but those spaces aren't invaded by men playing dress-up. They can just walk-in. I don't even know what women-only means. Bathroom and locker rooms should have stalls. Is this secret women society women club that I missed invite for and all women are sore secrecy so of course, they don't tell me.

If we want to get into, she not saying Sex is real because she doesn't understand how sex. Intersex people are real and no transperson is saying it's not real. It's painfully real for them. We still in the early staging of understanding how sex works. It's not the same for every person.

What it really comes down to is sexual assault is a serious issue and that for all women. Trans and Cis all have stories, some worse than others.

The whole way this has been reported on is troubling. All these years we've gone without a peep from her first husband but now is when he comes out the woodwork. The Sun is garbage but this feels so much like propaganda and the perfect way to try and silence people who are critical of her. They are lot but that doesn't feel like much with whose in power.

LBGTQ+ rights are going backwards which is something we've seen in other countries. Basically, J.K. is getting what she wants by the UK parliament and hope she feels proud that she tory scrum. Yeah, labour ain't the bee all but it's very tory to pay your way into fucking people over.

This is a mess of thoughts, so in summary J.K. Rowling can continue to fuck herself. Remus and Sirius were totalling in love and she hates Queer people. She right that she not a TERF because a feminist wouldn't try and define someone for what's between their legs.

Titles are Titles.

I am an Aunt again whoop and COVID is terrible because I don't get to hold the newborn baby.

I've been Aunt since before I was an 11 (I don't want to do maths) but this the first time there hasn't been something going on to taint the experience. Also this a miracle baby that my sister never thought she would get to have. So this should be a great time but COVID. It's an okay time for my family.

My dad broke his bed in a way that's probably not fixable. Also, he really overestimates how strong modern books are. My mother is upset because she wants a new fridge because it keeps freezing everything in it and all the shelves are broken. Did you know its impossible to buy fridge replacement shelves?

There's a lot of bigger things going on in the world.

Black Lives Still Matter. I am worried about COVID and wouldn't be able to go protests if I lived near one. I'm trying to be a good ally. Signing petitions but I feel like there's not much I can do. I did use up my audible credits on Black writers and finally cancelled Audible. I wish I was better with money so I could donate to things, but I am but a fool.

World is World

Black Lives Matter.

Even in a pandemic police brutality is still blatantly happening. I'm so awe of people who are risking their lives to go out and protest. It's amazing how willing the police are do bad things on live tv. 

This week has also been a lot for Autistic people as well. With a video of someone murdering their Autistic child floating around and a YouTubr "rehomed" her adopted son from China. People are defending the last one, but she knew he was brain-damaged and delayed, meaning that he was always going to need more support. She knew what she was taking on, even if she didn't, nothing is granted when you choose to have a child. 

I was thinking of doing Pride videos but doesn't feel right with everything going on. I think its fine still to be making fun content as people should also be taking breaks during this time, because you don't get mental exhaustion. 

On the brighter side, I should definitely be an Aunt again, by this time next week. 

Murder I Knitted

I am still in the process of re-watching Murder, She Wrote. I am now on to season 3 and I'm almost finished watched Lilo and Stitch Series. I only have 13 episodes which include the Crossover eps. Not sure if they Lilo and Stitch had crossed back over to other shows. From memory, think it was just Disney shows visiting them. Apparently the last time the Recess characters appear in anything.

My sister's baby is due any day now, she technically late and I'm trying to finish this knitting process but I keep dropping stitches and having to go back. It's taking longer than it should.- Also I might run out of wool for the hood.

I've been reading, not editing or really writing. Writing is such slow process that I've only toy about it. I've been Bullet Journalling again. I just want to do so much.

My sleeping pattern is going to hell. A lot of staying up, not being able to sleep because my brain doesn't have structure. I don't really have much to say anymore. Except staring at sleeping Border Collies make me feel bitter.

27 and Still Bored.

Hi, I'm 27th and still depressed about a life situation. Still not writing but I've dyed my hair pink which a tiny bit of a fail.

My mum helped with the back and missed a big chunk, but no one will see it so I'll fix it when I redo my roots. I used two bottles of Manic Panic Cotten candy which were just a waste of money because it would not take to parts of my hair. So the hot pink went on and the bottle of my hair is not fully done. Looks kinda cool.

My birthday was fine, got a raspberry jam cake in the end so the day was saved. But the "My Birthday in Lockdown" t-shirt has still not come. Well, I actually got two. But one came on my birthday and the other on Thursday and goes out of date in June. I have flour so I want to do more baking but probably should finish eating at least one of those cakes.

My dad cut the mistake cake while they were still some of my birthday cake. So stale town for both.

They are so many goals I want to achieve with my life but now I'm even more in a state of limbo. I am getting older and I'm not processing. I know its fine for things to take a while but maybe not this long. The big thing is I'm not happy with where my life is and it's ultimately my fault, no matter the outside factors, I played a part in my failing.

If you do nothing, you get nothing.

This just a giant ramble going over the same thing. I miss writing, but nothing is stopping me. I need to get over this perfection idea when I know they are skills that you need to work at to be at a good level.  I also haven't read anything though this whole readathon so that's something.

Anyway,  maybe I finished that novel or I'll just start writing fanfiction instead of the original work I've been writing most of my teens.