Brain Stalled

 Why is my brain such a bitch to me? why does it do this to me every time? Why can't I ever write the things I have to write? Why do words get trapped there?

I finished the thing but it's not great. The words only started came after myself imposed deadline, so next time the fake deadline needs to be a week before the actual deadline which just isn't possible.I mean I start writing this post before last Saturday and here we are the next Saturday still writing it.

Another hing I'm thinking of applying for, but I might not and I have dropped the ball with college so far. I should probably just apply anyway, see what's happens. See what happens.

A lot of my projects have fallen to the waste line. That's probably not the right pharse. I have gonna back to one and I'm going to my best to get it out on time to YouTube. I have to film and edit it so might be a process. I was gonna film today but I felt tired and my camera is dead. I don't know where the charger is though. I think I know where it is but I could be wrong. I've found it tomorrow. 

I'm sure I'm gonna rejected from the thing I did apply for but I'm still full of the axiety of what if. It's long short and I'm sure better applicates will have applied. I could have bullshit better and I didn't because my brain didn't want do the work.

Oh, well. 

What is this?

This is going to be such a hard time to explain to our kids. Imagine teaching these events, where a world leader tells people to consume cleaning products. Sure, there was already arseholes giving their autistic kids bleach so it's not a search but someone who became president and then people actually doing it.

Youtube keeps trying to show me news report clips. No, that's not what I want from you. I came for production values better than most American live tv shows since LA and New York are hot spots for both entertainment and COVID-19.

My arms have been playing up. My left elbow yesterday, right elbow today. Love that for me. I have remembered that I have a session of my readathon in a weeks time that I have negated to prepare for. Its just the weeks disappear and the days have no meaning. I only know the day because of Animal Crossing.

FUck, I forgot K.K.Slider again. He was still there and so I have another song.

Green Day have postponed all their shows till the Glasgow one and I want to know what they know because Nicola Surgeon says we're nowhere near having crowded events.

I'm off to play Animal Crossing and kid on I'm not turning 27 and not rejected from College while the world burns.

Nothing or Over the limit.

I am once again sick. Don't worry, pretty sure it's not the hot virus of the year Covid-19. I'm sure because I got this cold from an Autoimmune depressed person, so they would be hella sick if it was the virus. Not much more I can about this mess, other than I hope it gets under control soon. Starting to worry they won't for a while.

I actually woke up with a sore throat on the day I had an interview about this college thing. Probably because this is the way of my body. I don't why I am the way I am. I mean Autism and anxiety have an effect, but I don't think it explains everything.

Even before the Interview, I was fucking up, so we had to write this review thing right. A thing I knew I would be asked to do when I applied, but then they specify favourite and used the word analysis so now I have never seen a film before and know nothing about being critical to any media.  It took me two days before the interview to decide I would write some shit about Scott Priglim Vs World. I like the Graphic Novel better, but I think that just comes from the limitation of film. I might just publish the writer's cut when I know my state of being. I had a limit of 500 words so of course, it ended up being almost 800 words without a conclusion, so I cut out a few paragraphs and just didn't write a conclusion to my nonsense. I mostly wrote about the film's mise-en-scene and how it's cool that it was actually completely filmed in its setting. One of the interviewers said it was good, but how much do you get from a glance. I guess he does grade a bunch of bullshit so maybe he has gotten good at doing it at speed. But not like he was gonna tell me it was terrible. They almost seemed to forget about the review but did ask right as the interview was wrapping up. But let's go back to the start.

I make the mistake of going to Wilkos at 3.20 to try and get pattern duck tape. It was a bust and I forgot completely that I wanted a universal remote for the TV in my living room. Its meant to be play DVDs but if you can't skip the ad for Step Up 3D, making it useless. Also turns out Scott Pilgrim is on Netflix anyway. It did have tons of toilet paper, but as I'm not a tool, so it was no use for me. I go to WHSmith to perchance they have the ducktape, but no, only Clearance Ghostbuster notebooks (which is one of my favourite live-action films, so who knows why I didn't think of it before) and Haribo.

I was with my sister so after that waste of time, I had to drive the 15 minutes to take her to the supermarket of choice so she can buy all the pot noodles. This meant that instead of being 15 minutes early, I was 7 minutes early. Not a big deal, but after going to reception I had to go into another building and make my way through a building with no map or signs to where the hell the stairs were. The elevator took forever to come and only went to the third floor. I need the fourth but I took it to the third on the hopes it would be easy to find my way. I end up being 3 minutes late and they are talking to someone anyway. So I sat down outside. Maybe I should have knocked and said I was there, but I didn't want to interrupt someone else interview.

They seem very confused when I said my name. I guess I could have been mumbled, I know I didn't respond typically to polite chit-chat like straight-up said nothing to how I am. I hate those questions anyway, its either 'fine' and the truth gets you weird looks. My throat was sore, that's my excuse. Not the Selective Mutism.

Which reminds me, I finally made it to the GP about this Anxiety thing. He said anti-anxiety drugs don't work, which not alarming to hear considering all the people on them. He referred me, so I'll probably hear about that in two years time when I get the will to go again about my chronic pain again.

There were two interviewers. They asked me the usual questions and I said some bullshit, like my strength being, have an eye for the frame and being good at editing. Lies if my half-arsed YouTube videos are anything to go by.

They asked what I wanted to do for in the future. I said my dream but I also like doing camera work. Didn't mention liking visual mixing, they must be only five of those jobs anymore outside of sports.

He straight up asked what I had been doing between high school and now, which now eight years of not doing much on paper. I told him about Visual Communication, but not the two years of uni. Though one of the lectures might straight-up being one of the randoms from uni who did one module, that was very badly taught. I had no idea what was going on with that module anyway. I might just re-summit the same pictures. Who would notice? I'll just dye my hair and I'm totally a different person.

I don't know what I think of the units. One of them is Animation based, which I kinda get if its to teach us Digital effects basics, otherwise what's the point of it. They will be some logic I'm sure. I guess I'll end up with another random animation. Maybe I could use an intro or something. Maybe I'll animate a skeleton like a punk.

I was asked about what I watched on YouTube, I said BookTube and nothing else. I could have said media analysis people who I do watch like Lindsey Ellis and that guy who just talks about Jurassic Park. I could only think of Drama video and tea channels that talk about people I don't know but its some reason interesting to see people's dirty laundry. I don't get celebrity gossip but YouTubers are so messy, just in public. Also, commentary channels are fun on weird tends of YouTube and social media. Internet humour is so weird and personal. YouTube leads to weird places.

They asked about games, and I said I like Point and Click games, which I do. I like puzzle, not shooter based games. I don't why I didn't mention the Sims, especially when I used to make films from the Sims 2. Sims 4 is trash compared to them all of the other ones, somehow even Sims 1 which no longer plays properly and looks like it made from literal cardboard. Couldn't age up kids but had rollercoasters.

I guess I'm a gamer. I own 3 consoles, but I just feel discontent due to not liking Shooters. I'm really gonna miss Flash. I mention Sam and Max, my OGs who probably explains some of my humour. I relate to Max the most and I know that is probably a bad thing. One of the interviews mention Monkey Island and my brain was like I've never played that when I have. Not the full series, but briefly the first and definitely the third one. Third one a lot.

I'm desperate for Animal Crossing: New Honzition to come out, that also escape my brain. I do know a lot of shit about video games because I love watching retro reviewers. I do watch decent people who put real effect into their videos. They have a YouTube module which I guess could be interesting.

They said they liked my choice in media: Sam & Max game, Nightmare on Elm Street 3, etc. Who knows what will happen. I'm just not choice.

My boiler is staying playing up. I, like a fool, I thought it had been fixed and was just wonky immediately after. But no, my house is freezing right now and I can't do my dishes.

I have started a project that involves me watching 40 films, I think I'm gonna start film Bullet Journal to document it. I'm starting this month in advance to when I would want to finish the project completely, but I'll probably end up watching more films because of it than I normally do. I will least have an impressive knowledge of early 90s films by the end of it.

I've left everything to get away from me, so excuse me as I panic film a video that somehow only five minutes long.

Writing Ghosts and Statements.

I finished and sent the application. A second later I realised that in the first sentence of the personal statement, I had written "Closing" instead of "Closest". I sent it to two people to proofread it and not only did one of them not tell me, one had noticed and somehow thought it was a film "term".

How in the context of the sentence. I've yet to get a confirmation email, so I've tempted to the delete the application and re-submit but I'm scared if I did that then something would go wrong and I wouldn't be able to actually resubmit it.

I don't if going back to college is a good idea but I'm not sure what else to do. Maybe I should apply for the Access for Science course and go study dead bodies. I want to be able to cope better. I know I'm in a funk and weird state right now. Everything makes me cry for some reason. Really silly things.

Decided to get with the kids and finally joined Tiktok, maybe this is what will get me internet fame lol. I know think its kinda funny that my generation had Vine and I never used it.

I'm writing the necromancer idea and I have thoughts about a story series. It's fun and petty.

My boiler is still turning it's self off, so saving turns on powers but my stair carpets feel wet. It's getting fixed, its needs a park which I guess isn't in.

I'm gonna go because I'm tired and my dog is singing. The StrangeAthon starts on Monday and I have some editing to do.

Book Review: My True Love Gave to Me. Edited by Stephanie Perkins

I hate Romance, but love short stories.

On the first day of Christmas, my true love gave to me . . . This beautiful collection features twelve gorgeously romantic stories set during the festive period, by some of the most talented and exciting YA authors writing today. The stories are filled with the magic of first love and the magic of the holidays.

This is an anthology of romance stories. I'm not big on the romance, but I like short stories. Most of the stories didn't fall in the tropes area, so this book certainly doesn't fall in the annoying area of YA Romances. There are illustrations at the start of each story that I liked and I also the font used in the corner is pretty looking. 

Midnight by Rainbow Rowell: This story tells the tale of several New Year almost Midnight; hence the title. This is a friend romance. It was nice I like the flash back to the couple's meeting and the grimace of their relationship every New Year after that till the start of the story. 4/5 stars for Chex Mix.

The Lady and the Fox by Kelly Link: This a magic story which raises questions and gives you no answers. This is instant love where the couple only say a few sentences to each other and then it's risk your life time. I liked their interactions, I just do not get the bit where the romance came in. There's more going on with the other love interest. It took me half way through the story to pin-point what time period we were in, so therefore timeless? Well, as long Skype and Tonys are a thing. I give this tale 3/5 stars for pine needles. I would have liked it better if the ending went a darker turn. 

Angels In The Snow by Matt de la Peña: Snowed in and staving at Christmas. This book features such fun as grief and college. Its told from a boy's point of view, which chaptery bits. I liked the style,  Takes place during the immediate days to Christmas and Christmas Day. 4/5 stars for muffins.

Polaris Is Where You’ll Find Me by Jenny Han: This was an interesting idea, though basically the film Santa Claus if you developed the idea and killed off Mrs Claus and the street hoodlum. Also add elves from the Lord of the Rings, because they be hot.  Okay, they really only share the concept of Santa adopting a kid and living at the North Pole with them. This was more the issue of growing up at the North Pole the only one of breed e.g. not an elf or Santa (I hate when people say magical beings ain't human when that's so not how genetics work. It's as dumb as racism because races ain't really a thing in biology, but one is obviously a more serious issue than the other). The ending was a little underwhelming, there was more there and this is one of the shorter stories (14 pages). 2/5 stars for Tall Elves.

It’s a Yuletide Miracle, Charlie Brown by Stephanie Perkins: A girl hears a voice in a parking lot then follows that voice to forest of Christmas tree. This story does not involve magic, despite me clearly giving a misleading description. This was favourite story so far. It was sweet and very real. The characters have witty banter with each other. 5/5 stars for Scattered boxes.

Your Temporary Santa by David Levithan: Levithan can always be grantee to bring the gay. I mean heteronormative makes everything so boring and this is the only one of these stories that isn't. A boy is convinced to pretended to be Santa for his boyfriend's 6 year old sister who flirts with teenagers for attention...why the word flirt? Charm has least disturbing connotations when referring to a child. 4/5 stars for disarranged stockings.

Krampuslauf by Holly Black: This was really a romance story, but I don't care. It has a nice friendships and magic. I also enjoyed the fake break-up. 3/5 for mysterious liquids.

What The Hell Have You Done, Sophie Roth? by Gayle Forman: WHY IS MICK JAGER CONSIDER SEXY? He wasn't that hot when he was young. This story takes place on the last night of Hanukkah, which by pure coincidence is when I read this story (though just as we were only 2 hours in and it was more the night of the 13th). I think this story also takes place on Christmas Eve (24th), due to clues in the book and that was when Hanukkah was last year. This is a story about two outsiders at university bonding over Ned Flanders. I like how the girl was swept up with all her mistakes. 4/5 stars for Glass candles.

Beer Buckets and Baby Jesus by Myra McEntire: Male protagonist blows up pigeons and burns down part of a church. Depressing issues that just overshadow by a romance I don't care about. Actually, just straight up depressing, with a sappy ending.  2/5 stars for prostitute angels.

Welcome To Christmas, CA by Kiersten White: This a sweet story about food and what is a home. It also feels like a balanced story. The main character, Maria has issues outside the romance that are dealt with, instead of just being characterisation. Also this story also involves non-romantic love which is surprisingly not explored enough.  5/5 stars for lawn chairs.
 
Star of Bethlehem by Ally Carter: That was basically terrible and highly farfetch. The more interesting story is the girl who goes to New York. I want to know what the hell happen in Iceland. There's potential, but most of the story is wanting to know why Linda is hiding. The rest is just corny mush. 1/5 for corruption. 

The Girl Who Woke The Dreamer by Laini Taylor: This is slightly different but also not at all. Its the only fantasy story in book, but fits fine in my opinion with the other magical story that are in here. The main character Neve is a terrible situation and magic comes to the rescue or something like that. 4/5 stars dead flowers.

Overall, I give this book four out of five stars for . I enjoyed the majority of these stories, there's only one or two that really let the book down. A lot these stories have weird underling issues that just didn't fit in with the stories they were telling. There's some decentish diversity (as in more than one of the main characters are clearly a minority in America). Even as someone who not all about the romances in books, the characters are complex in their brief glances. Would definitely recommend for this seasonal.

I got this book for review off NetGalley and Macmillan Children's Books. I also own it and used having to do a review on it to trick me into reading it now, instead of the Summer of 2017.

Book Review: I was Here by Gayle Forman

I might of wrote this review whilst I still had tears in my eyes from reading this book.

This characteristically powerful novel follows eighteen-year-old Cody Reynolds in the months following her best friend's shocking suicide. 

As Cody numbly searches for answers as to why Meg took her own life, she begins a journey of self-discovery which takes her to a terrifying precipice, and forces her to question not only her relationship with the Meg she thought she knew, but her own understanding of life, love, death and forgiveness.

I always end up reading Forman's work in one sitting as I can't stop reading. I've ended up with sleepless nights because of her but luckily I started reading this book early in a day where I had nothing to tear me away from it. So it was only 1.50am by the time I finished.

Cory goes on this quest to figure out what pushed Meg to kill herself. There part was  mostly well done. However, I feel there are parts that were clearly misleading and slightly unbelievable that certain things didn't come up till the perfect point, especially after having actually read the whole book.

The characters and relationships were once again beautifully done. All the characters we come across have their purpose in the plot and Cory's journey but they're all feel real, like they have full back stories and their own lives going on.

This book is of course sad and I was crying my eyes out during the last chapters, but I actually felt kinda happy at the end. Maybe I just need a cry to relieve my stress levels. However, I find this book oddly life confirming. It deals with tragic topic as well as the grief that Meg's family and Cory go through so well.

This book's ending is great and that last sentences were the prefect way to end the story.

Overall, I gave this book 5 Stars of 5 for bus rides. I recommend this if you're doing a Read-a-Thon or if you need a purifying crying.

I got this off Netgalley for review. It being published by Simon and Schuster on 29th January 2015.

Rocking in the Disabled Zone

I am going to see Fall Out Boy tonight. Awesome, no? Basically, this is a pre-wrote post because I'm probably in a car right now and realistically won't get to write this post on Saturday.

We're going to be in the seating, went through the disabled tickets. I'm not actually sure if there is actually a zone, but I would imagine there is because they have to have seats reserved for disabled people and can't actually sell them. My mum called up for concert that was meant to be sold out and got tickets because of this.

I kinda wished I could gone standing but then I would be by myself and I would have try to get right at the front anyway. We will actually be right at the front in the seating. Not sure that is good seating and not. Hopefully it will be because I imagine it probably be all the same seating and we going to see McBusted next month (Yeah, I am that cool). I'm meant to be going to the Hydro three times this year and it all for things that kinda broke up. Fall Out Boy obviously had their hiatus. Busted lost a band member (who is a proper example of a sold out). I'm also going to see the Still Game show, for those who don't know Still Game was a very popular show in Scotland and the people who made it fell out with each other. They agreed to live show to happen.

So I'm seeing all break-ups this year. I wanted to also go see Kids in Glass Houses as they are breaking up and doing one last tour but can't because it right before I leave for Florida.

Update on the saga of the non-existent placement. I was ill on Monday so couldn't make it to college, went in on Monday to a missing class. I was majorly fuck off by this point so I went outside to call my mum to rant (there is no reception in the actual college for some reason). I told her I was tempted to just walk it but she called them to find out where there were (I'm selective mute and hate interacting with people, especially when I'm annoyed). We told that we not to bug the reception about our classroom locations.

There were in the fucking library. They have no reason to be in the Library, they can't even get login on to the library computers. The course-runner actually like I should have been psychically able to tell or that it was a obvious place to find them. The CR was rude on the phone to my mum.

So I finally came face-to-face with the CR who lead preceded to lie to me like I was idiot. She tried to save the reason I didn't have a placement yet was because of my attendance. I've been off three times, all explained and were all together. I'm also not the only person who didn't have a placement. I told her that just wanted to quit now anyway because the course had mostly been a waste of time, her specific class being the main factor. It’s meant to be employability skills but she hasn't actually taught anything in weeks. She try say other people had benefit from it, using the idiot of the group. I know that mean thing to say, but she asks the most irrelevant questions and doesn't strand assignments even when they've been clearly explained.

She said if I stayed on the course I would she would get me a placement which she did, but not in hotel like I wanted. In a cafe that must be where everyone gets their work placement in the nearest town. I'm almost told to fuck herself then. I didn't because apparently social norms and that.

I'm technically still on the course but I'm refusing to do nothing. I'm not taking part in the Presentation or the charity event which the idiot is now running. My main problem with it is the quiz is that it's asking you to guess the name, the breed, and age of a rescue dog. There is probably no way to know his exact age or breed. The main reason I'm not taking part is that I might still quit so they should just prepare to do it without me. Also with the presentation thing, if I'm not allowed to say it been terrible then I'm not saying anything all.

I'm meant to be respectfully to them when they've nothing close to like that with me, just doesn't fly in my head especially as soon as this is over I'm having nothing to do with any of them and will be telling everyone I know not to go near them.

That all for this week, I'm off to see Fall Out Boy and sit through a meal that promises to be at least awkward. I'll probably tell you about it next week and hopefully have pictures- of the concert I mean.

A Forgetive Note

I just realise that I forgot to talk about the Advise session I had last week, which was stupid of me considering how short last week's post was. I guess no damage done as I can obviously talk about it this time.

Petty standard stuff except for the fact that they negated to call out my course so everyone that was there for it missed the beginning of the talk thing about the college.Frankly, I don't know why there just didn't have a talk for each course since I know other people for that course had been there yesterday and there was another one right after us. The talk was the same as last time and boring.

We then had to wait ages for to be interviewed, our course really lucked out on that. Most of us were still waiting when the next Advise Session was meant to start. They said I was over qualification but I could get in if I want or just do the two highers. I kinda want to discuss it more with them. I'm not sure. I have to think about it. There sent me a weird email saying I have a conditional saying something about proof. I think that mean they want to see my SQA certificates as I forgot to bring them with me.

So the course thing I'm is a joke. Only one person got a placement this week and that was actually at the college canteen. The person running the course is joke. Her excuse was that she was sick last week but it was meant to be sort at least 3 weeks ago. She also claimed that I hadn't told her what I wanted to do. Lies. I filled out the form like everyone else. It very disappointing as it was one of the main reason I stayed on the course. Why couldn't I have got on the Springboard course?

Books came today. Got two more coming and that should be all the books that I have paid for coming in the mail. That all I really want to say this week. My reviews this week were done on the scape of my teeth and some might able to question the date I claim they appeared on this blog but oh well, I got them all read and reviewed this week. I see you in the next where I will be reviewing books that I have been out for a months (but not years) and probably bitching about something.

2014 Goals

This week has been book heavy as I've been partaking Bout of Books 9.0 Readathon. I've so far read 6 books which if you're counting is one more book than how many days there is. I'm hoping to have read 9 books by Monday Midnight. I also went to both of the libraries I frequent and plan to go again next week to big one.  Though, reading all these library books isn't very good for some of my challenges these years. 

1. To read a book a week. I like reading books at this rate and will need to if I'm to meet my other book goals. (so far I done this and more).
2. Read 100 books. I read 103 books last year but I'm doing stuff this year which I might be busy so I could have read more that easily last year so I'm just going to stick with that goal for next year.
3. I want to finish writing The Stranger a.k.a my June 2012 Camp NaNoWriMo novel a.k.a the novel I've been working on since I was 15. I would really like to have a finished first draft of this novel. Its an aim.
4. To continue with this weekly blog. Maybe even to have blog main topics pre-written and thought out more. I suppose my blog will becoming more like twice weekly. 
5. I think maybe focusing more on Creative Writing. I've got so many ideas that I want to do and I'm planning to something creative writey for a career.*fingers crossed* Also it could be part of the whole weekly post thing. 
6. On the other subject of writing, I want to start keeping a diary every day better than I did last year. I just really want to have a daily record of my life and you know writing everyday should make be a better writer (hell, maybe even a quicker one).  
7. To pass my driving tests. Need to do my theory and practical. I'm back on the insurance this year and I'm seeing about possible fund like I said in last week blog. It would be nice to get this done before May so I'll be able to drive before Open day season as both my parents can no longer cope with long journeys well and you know independence and that. 
8. To write Personal Statement and applied to UCAS (University). I want to get this done in petty of time so I don't have to have a mass panic around December 2014 to get in on time. Applying early is my goal. 
9. To do filming this summer so I have a good portfolio of stuff and not just use something because it all I've got.
10. To do well in my studies of all sort. I've applied to college starting in August, hopefully I'll be accept so I want to do well straight away. The finial exam will actually be next year but I still need to have good predicted grades. If I'm doing well they be less stress to when it comes closer to exam time.
11. To get a job. I'm meant to be going on Holiday this year and so I need spending money. Also saving some money for Uni would be good too. I've never had a job so getting real work experience before Uni would be brilliant as I am going to have to work to support myself realistically. 
12. To read 50 books by British Authors, this is part of the British Book Challenge which I'm doing for the second time this year. I did it last year and managed to 22 British Books in that year (I also won books from doing so you know fun). So I've decided to up myself on this front, also I was shocked by the number of books I read by Americans. I have to read a book and write a book almost every week if I'm to managed that. 
13. To read 60 books from existing book pile. This should be easy as I don't plan to really buy books this year as I own tons I haven't read yet and I have to save money this year. I'm taking part in Mount TBR Challegne which equals to be read piles with Mounts. Who knows I might manage to tackle a higher Mount than I think. We're see. 
14. To finish ten book series. I own/access to a lot of completed series so it would be good to get a lot of them done this year and ten seems like a good number. 

So that basically my plan of action for 2014. Wish me luck. Now I'm off to read and go see The Desolation of Smaug (wish me luck again).

A Day and Half without Power

I am now a graduate, no not the type with a degree or diploma. But I have so many certificates. Most of them useless, but hey I have them god damn it. Basically, this my complicated way of saying that I finished that Prince's Trust Course with a Presentation night that they like to call Graduation. It felt as meaningfully and as important as Nursery school Graduation was. Though, now I can no longer say that everything went down hill after Graduation (I have specifies it now). We all got Alphabet books which they no longer use to teach the Alphabet. I'm such a positive person, that must really show on this blog, doesn't it?

You can tell that I'm really inspired by this course to do great things with my life. Frankly, I'm not. Though, I now know what I'm hopefully doing next year if I get into the course, of course. I still have to write a Personal Statement thing and it's in high demand. So you know worrisome. I also might be a little over qualified for it. It basically to do more Highers so I can finally get an A. I plan to do 3 more next year. Should be hilarious next to the other five.

The presentation thing went fine we took pictures, people cried for some reason. We got terrible take-way. I order a large doner kebab, however, I received a tray of meat with a single, tiny pita bread, which I work out that pita bread cost a pound. So in summary, Fuck you Dante's in Dumfries, even if I lived in Dumfries I would never fucking go to you again. I get very worked out about my food. I mean the Kebab meat was still nice, but still I didn't order a tray of it. I knew I should have just order Pizza. I didn't understand why we didn't get Chinese or Indian, anyway.

We also had the opportunity to get our Hair and Make-up done by Students studying such thing. I took this opportunity by having my hair curled and make-up applied. I did now however touch my make-up with more colour.

We had went shopping on Thursday where we had got £50 off this other Trust to buy clothes for our Graduation/Interview wear. The boys all brought suits, the other girls brought party dresses/cat suits that there's no way you would go to a interview in. Though, in truth none of the stores in town really had anything at all. I mean if I had wanted to go down the party dress line, I saw nothing. I did get lucky with buying real leather brogue shoes for £6. There said were half price at £12. My family have it in their head that I have incredibly lucky just because I cleared out a School charity raffle thing one year. I think it more if you put yourself out there, you bound to eventually win.

Look at me Speaking.

I also won books (and minty biscuits) on Tuesday. I've been doing the British Book Challenge this year and there is a monthly draw of reviews entered which is of course a book prizes. I won November's which I was quite chuffed with considering that I didn't enter at all in October. Tuesday hadn't really been a good day, just little stuff that did it, though winning books turn it around some what. I was actually so depressed that I had actually already purchased four books before I had found out my winnings. I'm not really excited about the books I won, but that mainly to do with the fact that I never check out them out and I figure I just leave them till they arrived to see what they're about. However, any books make me happily, especially when they free to keep.

It strange I won this month as I've decided that December will be the month of reviews. I mean I'm planning to catch up on the books that I need to read/write reviews on. You know just getting all unfinished business over before the end of the year. These upcoming Wednesdays will have several books and you should enjoy that. I'm working on two right now and know what the one after them will be. also need to finish tidying my room.

The other major event of this week, was the fact that my house was without power for two days. Though, I only experienced a day and half of it as I had just left when power disappeared. I mean we had power issues before then. The power had cut out in the midnight of the night, I know this because I woke at 5.40ish to darkness. My TV was off and my alarm had reset so it was good thing I woke up when I did or I would have ended up missing the bus. Well, I would have been lucky if the bus had show up at 7.15am like it was meant to. However, it never showed due to the same reason we lost power and now have a fallen tree in a garden. I'm sort of going to miss that tree but it's a lost cause. You probably know that the wind was windy as hell and took down several trees/branches causing hazards on and blocking the roads in South of Scotland/something about the North of England. The power also briefly went off right before I left at house at 8.30am and apparently went off straight after I finally left for College. It then didn't come on till Midnight on Saturday. We had been told it would come on at 10pm on Thursday, then 6pm on Friday, then 11pm.

In the meantime, we had a lot of fun with fire and takeaways. We had MacDonalds, KFC and chip shop. We try to warm up the left over KFC by the Gas-fire (which was the only heating we had, really miss the Rayburn at times like that). I read Batman comics by Candle light and attempt to write a review by candle light before losing patience with the idea of work. BATMAN SPOILERALERT!(Though, I'm sure most Batman fans have heard about this already), I read the Death of Damian Wayne by Candle light, I'm just hating (not in the crap sense, more emotional pain of it) the whole of arc of Bruce grieving. It just so terrible. I mean Damian had start to grow on me but its the Bruce's suffering that really getting to me. It just so sad. I don't like and it the tiny stuff as well. Like cat Alfred sitting on his grave and stuff. SPOILERALERT! OVER!

I've made quite leeway with my pile of comics. I've Batman:The Dark Knight (which turns out is being rebooted as Asylum next year). I've got four comics left to read in Batman ones and then it Justice League and Superman action left. Well, before this month actual comic arrive. Though, I'm sort of annoyed with Titan as last month Superman has yet to arrived. I'm going to contract them about it because it sort of ridiculous how late some of the comics come. The last Dark Knight comic came a day early but that doesn't make up a Superman and Justice league one was sort of late too.

I also had to sleep downstairs on the couch due to the power cut as my mum has a thing about candles being upstairs. I suppose my mum has point considering how many books I have in my room that I would hate to see burn. Also all my other stuff is important I guess.

This week has actually been that eventfully. Next week probably won't be, but it certainly will be busy as I have Panto rehearse every night week and then the actual thing so I shall be rather tired by Saturday(a.k.a Opening night). Type to you then.

Leaving the Library A.K.A only be surround by books at night and weekends.

Proof that I do occasionally consumed alcohol.

I'm in Glasgow (sort of) right now being focus to be in the presence of non-home bound family member. Doing stupid things like going to TGIFriday to drink cocktails. Well, we actually went yesterday and droved up then too.

I had my last week of work experience at a University library. I finish reading the 'Life of Pi' for review and wrote two reviews in the end (though I had read that book before). I also replaced stickers on the books. So much fun...I'm going to miss the shelving. I actually am. It was tiny bit of challenge but I really like organising book to a system. It doesn't matter if it it my making or someone else's. As long as it not just big Alphabet line because honest you always give up by the time you get to F when you're just browsing for say Horror.  So tempted to offer to organise my local library shelves. They just so terrible and they get doubles of books no one likes.

As user of local library, hell I even actually give them money because I keep forgetting to renew my books on the right day, I have every right to moan about the stupid mistakes. However, I plan to do nothing about fixing/avoiding in the future about these annoyances. It just how I roll. 

Today I actually left the home of one sister (I frankly wanted to stay in hotel), visit another and spent too much money. My nephews are somewhat cute. The youngest one has a thing for going through bags and stealing books from said bag. I sort of don't mind because an obsession with books is just something I can get behind. Even if reading them isn't currently involved with that obsession. Someday it probably will be. Till then stealing books is the right path. I mean the Book Thief and I know that's what I did. However, I was lead a stray.

We went shopping today where I spent too much money. Brought a onesies, wristbands featuring Batman and my favourite aliens and also in my highest form immaturity brought several Monster High dolls when we went Toys R Us.  I was probably too happy when my mum told me we were going. We also went to Asda where I definitely spent too much money on books and children in need merch.

We also tried out the wheelchair in a public for the first time, it was a lot easier on lament floor than on carpet in the hallway. I was one doing the pushing. I did almost crash into people as it was awkward to see beyond the chair when turning corners. My mum made a joke that I need the chair now from pushing her around day.It wasn't that bad on my arms, though the top of my feet hurt hitting both on them on the bar things on them. I wonder if I'll get bruises.

To finish we had proper Fish & Chips on the way home. That all for this week, now I'm going to bed to pounder what I'm going to do with Dark Knight trilogy Blu-ray considering I don't own a player.

Routine and Buses

Like I said last week I've started a Prince's Trust team thing course this week and it went a little like this.

So I actually got out of my bed for 4 days with minor complications. On Monday, despite having been still awake at midnight. I woke up at 5am, an hour before I actually had to wake up. Then when I got on the bus, it turns out that the bus prices have went up by 80p since I last paid for one (which was before summer) meaning I didn't have enough in change on me and mum didn't have any change either. Lucky for me the driver let me on for a student anyway. I mean I am meant to be getting on for nothing anyway.

The actually Monday was alright I guess. We get out petty early, complared to the rest of the college. So I don't actually have to wait for the college bus and get home early than 6 bloody O'clock. Lucky for me my mother is fine with picking me up from CD otherwise I would have wait for 2 hours around the college. I also worked out with the bus pass they gave me that I could literally just travel around Dumfries and Galloway all day like a homeless person.

I walked down to the town centre on Monday, but actually got the bus down the other three day. On the Monday there was this man who made all the boys wait until the girls/woman were on the bus. Now, I'm not sure whether to be glad or not that such manners still exist or be annoyed with the sexism. Yes, this really more of the sort of harmless sexism. I personally think everyone should calmly queue up and patiently get on the bus, which basically everyone does as this Britain and not you're not going anyway until everyone on the bus anyway.

We had first aid on Tuesday, we took coreskills test on Wednesday so apparently I'm now ready for Intermediate 2, what a shame I already have Higher B (I blame it on being Dyslexic as I knew the words were spelt wrong but couldn't remember how to spell whether or bachelor); we had terrible LGBT talk (okay, it was probably just terrible for me) on Thursday and on Friday I slept in because we don't go in on Fridays.

Like I said above, we had this LGBT talk thing which I hate. I always hate when I have contact with the LGBT. Now saying that makes me sound homophobic, but kinda the opposite. It just makes me so uncomfortable having to sit and listen to all these LGBT bullshit. I suppose it was better than my high school one which made me so angry. I'm not shamed or uncomfortable with what I am. If anyone was to directly ask me I wouldn't lie. I'm Biromanic Demisexual, its the label I like. Sometimes I do just say I'm Bi when I don't want to go into the whole Demi thing. Though, if I was a Homosexual, I wouldn't use the terms Gay or Lesbian because I really kinda hate them. It also bugs me that once again woman have a specific word, but still come under the only appropriate word for the male. Personally, I wish they was a word to say you're attracted to men and word for being attracted to woman. A hetero man and Homo woman would use the same word to describable their sexuality. I was also given a this wrist band that said "straight against hate" which made me super uncomfortable cause it kinda implies the wearer to be Hetero which I'm so not. We were given this elevation form and I'm wrote it was kinda Homophobic just to presume that in a room of 12 people that they're all Hetero. I know other "Queer" people are made to feel uncomfortable too by the LGBT talks. It really something they should work on. It like say sexuality is not a big deal but then go on to make a big deal about it.

I also don't see me making many friends on these course. Maybe I'm being too judgement, it's only been four days. I know I need to talk more, make more effect, but it just not in my nature. Who needs friends? Just have that one that lives miles away and fondly remember the times you had a sort of group that you saw almost everyday.

So that all for this weeks, which will probably involve less hot chocolate. I spent so much money at Costa.

6am Wake Up calls (getting up is hard)

Haló Loser, once we again I will soon find myself on a bus at 7 something on my way to college. This time I won't be trying to get a mislead HNC. It this meant to be like team sort of thing ran by the Prince's Trust. I actually lack a lot of inform of this thing, but it gets me out of the house. I think it be good as it has a work placement and in all my 20 years (er...), I haven't ever had proper work experience. Also 12 certificates and weird team building things. Also I might possibly lack real human contact, so newish people might be a good thing. Though, I could just start talking to my family more.

Friday the 13th was yesterday, so bad luck was had by none. Frankly, the number 13 is consider lucky if anything in my family. 13 June was the date that my sib received her transplant which is now of drinking age. I got a comic book, 2 books (I now own all of John Green books) and got Kobo mini. They were half price in Whsmith, I wanted the Touch, but they were sold out. I've been thinking of getting E-reader to get just read my free books (Netgallery and library bitches). I figure for 30 quid, it worth saving my phone battery and eye strains. I suppose it be good for those bus journeys.

I found Saturday the 14th to be bad luck if anything. When I woke this morning, my laptop was refusing to start. I got it to start eventually, however I'm scared to turn it off again. It reminded me that I really need to get a extenal harddrive to back up everything. I've been meaning to do it for years. Also I should probably catch up on editing all those waiting videos. Which reminds that I have to get my personal statement sorted. Then my sky box went weird and I had to unplug it to fix it. I sometimes wonder if I put too much stain on my sky box, but then tenner a month it should be able to handle it.

God, really not looking forward to getting up 6am again. I mean when I decided to do the course, I kinda forgot about the whole bus thing. I really hate that bus ride, it not just the length but also the windiness of it. It also not the quickest route but there no bus for that one that would get me to college on time.

Maybe I'll document the course week by week, so basically give myself a topic for the next 12 weeks. I'm not saying I'm guaranteeing that every post will be dedicate this alone. Just it something to write about. Oh yeah, for anyone who cares post from weeks ago will continue to appear randomly on this blog if you know what I mean.

I also started reading again, I even finished two books today and with long bus journeys I'll definintely be reading more or die of boredom; We're see.

See ya lot next week or accientally come across each other on the internet. Whatever happens first. 

Freedom to be Busy with things of my choising (Summer plans)

I'm rather tired at the moment, I went into Dumf (Home of Escaping) on the purpose of getting food out of Marks & Spencer to last me while my parents away next week. Very excitingly my sister and I will have the house to ourselves for a full week and since neither of us know how to drive we will basically won't be able to leave the house.

I also got a dress that's slightly too big and went to the Indian which was good. I'm almost tempted to end this post here instead of writing my tended stuff such as being finally done with college (at least for the summer) and now I can do all that stuff I've been despeaate to do but I have been putting off due to my college and feeling terrible. First plans are to tidy my room, reorganise my clothes and then my books. My room always needs tidying, I currently have limited access to my clothes and my bookcase have been buging for months due to read series not being together and them generally lukering about.

I'm also planning to catch up with my comic books as well as put a dent in my owned to be read list and do some creative stuff. Just basically all the stuff I've been wanting to do but have had to put off in favour of college.

I also have some big video plans that I'll discuss on my vlog/booktube channel tomorrow. I've recenty brought a memory card that allows me to film for over 160 minutes on it which is awesome and  bought a tripod this week. A big one thats taller than me, unlike the tiny one my mum brought off ebay.

Its not the fact it was off ebay that makes it bad, it just that literally too small have any practical use in filming videos. However, I think it makes a good stress relief toy so it might be good for editing.

With that note I leave you for bed where I'll have sweet dreams of book ideas.

Random Things that happen this week (Apparently this blog is just me talking about college now)

I'm tired girl who has to write a blog post of some sort, but I'm too tired to actually think of a good topic for this blog post since I'm so occupied by the notion of finishing college since College is technically over and I've still got a lot to do and only a week to do it. HA HA HA

My sanity is still the same as it was a month ago, but lets not discuss my sanity, that's a conversation for Tumblr at two am. Oh, yeah, my mum joined Tumblr but frankly I think she'll get too intimidated by the setting up of a theme and wander away. Because that what I did when I first joined Tumblr.

Honesty, I really can't think much to say. I guess I should say how the Doctors went. Basically, she said she had contract different people who told her she had should contract such and such, and it was just a big circle of that since because I'm 20 and therefore not a child, it hard to find the right place to refer me to. She thinks she found the right person to refer me to now and that what she going to do. So hopefully, I'm on painfully slow path for being recognised for my Autistic ways. Well, really Asperger Syndrome. Obviously, not full brown version but on the spectrum of that.

Book Depository had one there 24 hour sale things on Thursday/Friday and I actually only brought one book for £1.99 and it was a book that I had heard about though I was bit annoyed to missed out on the Penguin English Library books they sold early on. Oh, well its not like I don't have enough books to read for now. I don't think you can ever have too many books but can probably buy too many at the same time. I think I might now have closer to 200 unread books in my possession now which is the main reason I plan to read a lot this summer.

And writer a lot too.
And reorganised my room, starting with my clothes and then my books. Because frankly both are everywhere right now in my room. Also probably getting new bed. Well, my mother the one who really thinks that needs to happen but I want metal one because I break thing so easily. For example, I did probably break my bed by throwing myself on it. However, wants the point of a bed if you can't just trip yourself on to it now and then.

I have no idea what I'm talking about now. Oh, yeah, I've got my trampoline fixed, it cost a fiver which is a tad annoying considering how long it stood broken and all it needed was a quick fix.

I mysteriously hurt my right knee yesterday. I bent down in M&S to pick up the cabbage I had dropped and when I stood up my knee was suddenly in agony. I don't think I had hit it but pain. It made me realise how stupidly energetic I am with some of my movements. It feels better today, still a bit sore. I also bent back the nail on my right pinkie finger and cut the skin underneath it. The danger of having long nails.

Did I mention that I'm really tired?

Okay, that's enough random things that happened this week. I also bought a A2 sketch book yesterday and two sketch journals which are A4 & A5. I brought two because I couldn't decide on what size I wanted. See you next week where I'll probably be crying for numerous person reasons.

College and Illness

I'm ill, but I'm not really ill. Like I'm overly tired,  I just want to sleep everywhere. I've had this weird deep cough, it sounds worse than just normal slightly chocking cough but its not constant. I have had head aches. My body been achy again, like my arms have been playing up. It sometimes feel like the bone went numb.

This week I went to college two days straight: Monday, Tuesday. Now, I don't actually have any classes on Tuesday but I do on Wednesday. I was really going to go to college on Wednesday, but I slept through my alarm and couldn't move out of bed. Having missed my bus I had no way to get into college. Did the same on Thursday and finally making out of bed on Friday to go to the dentist (Fun Times, though my teeth are fine).

I have a chance not to fail this year and body like thats not happening. Here be sick, have random pain, don't be able to move in the morning. Sometimes I wake up quite early naturly but my body is like nope and then I wake up 3 clock like I did today.

My upper arms are aching so I find myself typing then stopping studdenly, but I'm commited to finished this post now even if its petty much filler. It just college stuff and being ill. Like I got something in the mail that counts as illness but I'm not sure whether to share it or not.

I'm going to the Doctor's on Tuesday to see about my whole Austisic muteness thing, to see about opinions or something. Also I'm to be seeing carer person so that something that happening.

I'm having such a hard times staying still to write this and my arms are being bad and so is my leg. Ar Fuck, seriously at lot out loud. Okay, that's all for this week, maybe I won't be in so much pain and have something more interesting to say next week as I will be done with college by then. Yay, Summer of nothingness! Bye.

Sleep Now, Clean Later

So now that I no longer have to dance and sing every night, I've been very productive in every other field. I don't why I lie to you, you basically my diary (but not cause I write my dark stuff in Mikey and daily stuff in my dated diary) and I have a clear track on here as being a Procrastinator. I'm not sure what I meant by that opening sentence.

I've also been a Twenty for a week and I'm old.

I've began the process of tidying my room, actually began this process weeks ago. I got so annoyed by the state of bed tonight that I put the piles of clothes into binbags (just for now) so I could change it and fix the damn thing. My bed is actually broken, the wooded bars have became lose so fall out and some have basically snapped. I'm feeling a big mas reorganising coming this summer as soon as I'm done with college (which I need to catch up majorly).

Though, tidying of my room and making of mood boards has been heidence by illness. I just been really worned now lately. I been close to vomiting, always fun. Its the tiredness that really getting to me. I mean coughing and pain I can live with but wanting to sleep all the time, well it really wastes up a lot of time. I'll sleep for over 12 hours and still feel tired. It just so hard to get anything done or care about getting things done.

I mean, the only reason my bed finially got changed is because I live in my bed, its been bugging me for months and in state of tiredness I dumped everything off my bed and changed it only because I could literally not sleep in it in the state was in and I know most people would have got to that stage after the chocolate had melted between the sheets and mattress (the bottom sheet had came undone and it rolled under there and I never notice). When depressed and busy you really don't care.

Mentally I'm feeling better, I feel tired all the time but I don't want to sleep all the time, that just keeps happening. I've also started reading again, Oh and making Book Tubes videps. So I'm showing the signs of getting out of this cycle of depression.

See you next week, I'm off to read or sleep. Probably sleep.

Book Review: Dead Romantic by C.J. Skuse

Frankly, this book isn't going to win any awards for being of great literature value. It basically, a reworking of Frankenstein into a modern setting and shallow values.

Stitching dead bodies:try wool

Camille wants to find the perfect boy, with an athlete's body and a poet's brain. But when she's mocked at a college party, she kows there isn't a boy alive who'll ever measure up. Enter Zoe, her brilliant but strange best friend, who takes biology homework to a whole new level. She can create Camille's dream boy, Frankenstein-stylee. But can she make him love her?

Camile has loved anything dead and has kept dead things as pets her whole childhood (including her ran over cat). Camile meets a mysterious girl, Zoe in Graveyard filling in a grave and becomes obsessed with her(with brief thoughts of homosexuality). Camile actually switches subjects to be in the same class as the girl.

Turns out Zoe is collecting body parts, in attempt to make a boy and restore her father shattered reputation. Camile decides to help, mainly because she needs a date to the college Halloween party to make that shallow boy who dating her ex (apparently)best friend, jealous. Because who doesn't love a pig who offers to take your (and every girls' in college) virginity to get it over with.

Camile refers to the Experiment as the Dead Sexy Boy and so her annoyances really begins. Camile isn't the cleverest person but sometimes this got really unbelievable. I mean, Camile is smart enough to have passed her GSES however, claims not to know that a crowbar is an object, and not just the verb of "Crowbarring". I'm petty sure she says the same thing two other times (obviously about other words) and definitely within 20 pages says it again. We get it pretty clearly that Camile is the local idiot that likes dead things.

At one point, Camile thinks Zoe has started to kill people for parts when one of the friends she abandons at the beginning of the books goes missing with her boyfriend, for no real reason. Also she does nothing about this suspicion anyway.

Oh, yeah this is a romance, right? I think its meant to be... The romance is typical and boring. Frankly (I'm really loving that word in this review) in terms of relationships, Zoe and Camile was most interesting but I don't think either like each other that much. Camile loves dead things, Zoe makes dead things alive, they are the perfect pair.

To sum up its a good book for a light read. It was funny at points and tried too hard at others. The ending was bit too cliffhangie( also very cliché) for something that doesn't deserve a sequel. It bit too unbelievable and the characters got annoying. I enjoyed it, brief boredom aside that made me skim through the last chapters before going back and finishing it properly. I did enjoy it, but that's about it. The idea was overdone, the characters don't learn anything, repeating habits (except on a bigger scale). Read it if you're not in the mood to think too much or get too emotionally invested.

Avoiding Life.

I wish I could make myself care. Basically, I've not been interested in anything.

I haven't been reading. I haven't been drawing. I haven't been writing.

I have been watching Cartoons but that only because I can do that in my bed while lying down without thinking. Basically, if it involves thinking I haven't been doing much of it.

I've been avoiding life really. Letting alot of things slide.

I never did finish my novel in time for that contest. Frankly, I'm not that happy with it at the moment anyway. I mean I think it needs a re-write. I want to finish this draft before I start reworking it. Just to have it all written out would be great.

I broke my laptop's built-in left button so that makes it harder to just lie in bed while staring at the laptop. I wonder if I can make the right button the main button on it so I don't have to use my spare mouse. Its getting a bit annoying. It actually does work sometimes, basically I split milk on it which has fucked it.

My cereal had went soggy by the time I had remove the plastic over the actual button and whipped all the milk I could see.

I've sort of started reading again but it took me like three weeks to finish a 298 pages books. I'm still kinda forcing myself to read. It was a non-fiction book but I'm not that interested in fiction books. I haven't made a BookTube video in a month and there's several reviews that need writing.

I haven't went to college in five weeks, two of those weeks were breaks. However, I should have been doing work for it because I'm terribly behind. I just don't care. Motivation for it has went and left me. I just don't think I have the time to finish.

I know in a year or so I regret not finishing the course if I gave up now. But that future me problem. She can deal with that regert which will join so much more. Arty never seems to go right for me.

I'm going to go now, I'll just leave you with this last thought: 

I hate Moodborads. 

The Wonderland Ban (How to keep oneself busy till then)

Hi, guys, so in a much better mood this week. I now have a giant pile of book packages which is probably the best indicator of my need to stop buying books.

There's more coming too.

I currently own 131 unread books and I've included the series I own as if they were just the one book. As you know I own complete series which I've never read any of them (such The Monroeville Vampires Series and there's currently 13 of them). I didn't add the series I thought it was kinda unproductive as I need to catch upwith/finish these series as much as to get through my currently large unread collection. So it really the same goal as the books.

Sometimes like I acquire books without thinking. For examples, I recently ordered a book thinking it was the cheap Hardback version. Its turns out its over expensive paperback. I could have got it somewhere else cheaper and would have arrived soon as well. The thing is that it clearly said paperback. I was just out of it when I order it and slightly impulsive. So instead of a deal, I got cheated. Oh, well. You have luck with books and then you don't.

Also with library and recently ARCs, I borrow/request them without thinking about the time I have. I want them so I take them and then struggle to read them all in time. And I usually read three avenge size books a week.

Hmm...

So this brief brings us to my "Alice and Wonderland Day Ban" or Wonderland Ban for short. It basically means I'm not buying any books till my Birthday which happens to be the day that Alice is meant to have went to Under Ground (or wonderland as most call it). So no books till the 4th May 2013, I know how will I survive for ten weeks ( or two months, a week and two days) without buying any books. I even have plan to shame myself by keeping a whiteboard with the number of unread books I own (131), the days till I last brought a book (Fuck, that's like 70 days by the end). I also have pre-order books coming in March, so that should help and I need to save for important things.


I also my college stuff is rather mess (Yay, we going to back to negative, but true negative). I got myself in this mess. Something I've always done is lie. All I do is lie. So when I face with the question how are things going with the project, I just nodded and mumbled okay. In truth, I'm terribly behind and I feel like crap because my body hates me (when its feels like it sometimes). Sometimes it my own fault, I just didn't do the thing or went down the wrong road and should have done a u-turn. I also avoid things that I don't like.

I have realised that Moodboards are my emery. I will never like them, and don't get much from them.

It might be,  because I'm dyslexic and already a really visual person. I mean I already sort of see things in my head, hell I can even vision stuff I saw years ago. Its still all in my head. I can bring back. I only need a picture if I want to copy it in close detail and even then I don't want

What I'm basically saying is that I can form a moodboard in my head and have complete idea there. Another thing is it kinda annoying as someone who actually does design as a job, doesn't have time to all this complicate research and so far I already knew a lot about things that they made us go into detail about.

I'm actually going to be rather buzy in the next months. I've enter my novel into a contest to be published by Random House. Its only an ebook, but the price is still petty epic and it also gives me some motivation to finish it. Its the same novel as my June Camp NaNoWriMo or The Stranger. You can see the first three parts (Prologue and first two proper chapters).

There is currently a good chance I might be doing a theatre production. I'm saying might as I plan to go to the meeting, but I might hate the whole thing or something. So I don't want to go into details till I know I'm definitely doing it. Though, it is a musical I'm very familiar with.

So in summary this basically what I plan to do with my self while I'm still a teenager:  reading, designy arty college stuff; writing a novel to a proper deadline and possible drama.

That all look great on UCAS when I -currently planning to- apply to do English and Film.

So my four old self happy because I did go to "art school"; now my young teen self can be happy that I am going down the possible scriptwriting/something to do with film route; all selves are happy because I'm going after books and now if only if I can please the actor in me somehow.