Saturday, 19 January 2013

An Open Letter to my Brother

Sorry to do the people who read my blog and were looking forward to me discussing my Blood Donation experience. Frankly, this is a long time coming. This isn't something wrote in a rash moment, in fact I have wrote/filmed several things in an effect to get this off my chest.

This the same brother who appeared in a post last January which actually cause a disagreement which is main reason why my next post had "avoiding the bitchy" in it and only tiny about school as I didn't want to give the Stalker satisfaction of thinking I cared about her. Basically, his wife found my blog by stalking my twitter. I call stalking because she didn't follow me, but had checked it out more than once, though apparently its normal to google ones sister-in-laws regularly.

This brought on due to recently rumbling. My mother sent him quiet the polite message to try to clear the air a bit before a family gathering, even though the rest of us had decided that we weren't going to talk to him and that he and his wife were are going to sit in a corner by themselves for most of the night. Anyway, my brother called my mother up shouting and then this nonsense started up again. I've told myself several time just to let it go (its hard when it comes up every six months), frankly I really feel like I don't have a older brother. Its more like he's dead or something. Yeah, I had a brother when I was four but he just disappeared.

If were to ask my brother he would probably say I'm too young to be counted for words and action because he never talked me about them. He always went straight to our mother. This has angered me in the past because I'm my own person and my mother couldn't really stop me from posting on the internet my emotions and thoughts, not caring who sees it. To be honest this might say its a letter to my brother, its more at/about my brother since I shan't be sending this to him. Mainly since it wouldn't do anything. Sure I could say:

You have deeply hurt me and I no longer feel to trust you. I can no longer make nicely with you as I don't feel it worth the effect for me to speak as you don't know the privilege that is my voice. I don't speak much to people as this is a struggle for me which I kinda hoped you would have realise with being my brother for all my life. However, if you didn't know this after eighteen years, then I don't think there much hope.

I could tell you how hurt I am by your lack of understanding, but that wouldn't help, would it since I know this is been brought to attention several times. 

I was hurt by your lying and hurtful nature of you not standing up for me or any one else in the family. Just because you've got married, doesn't mean you abandoned your family, but that what you did. You seem to have no loyalty. I've told you several times why I am upset with you, however you don't listen. You ignore the issues and act like it nothing. To bluntly honest, you have to be stupid you seriously think you've done nothing wrong at all. I admit to my mistakes, though everything I've said was honest. When I post things online, I don't care if anyone sees it or their reaction, because I never post something I wouldn't say to the person face if I think they would actually knowledge it. This is why I never said it to you because you never actually responded to anything said to you. You just jump to defence. 

For the record, yes I don't like your choice in a wife. Mainly because she very self centred, a liar and goes around telling her version of the truth when she has no bloody right. While numb to the events of 2011, I can't justify to let go completely because I never said anything about her. I just repetitively called you arsehole which you've never proved me wrong. I couldn't go through with being part of the wedding since I liked neither of you and that would have just been a big lie. I only went as far as I did for mum. When quit the first time that would have been that, I wouldn't have went to the wedding. The night before I said I didn't want to go. I could done without the wedding which was frankly terrible. It incredibly rude to leave your guests standing for hours. I was especially surprise that I didn't tell your new wife to fuck herself when she told me to go back to the dinning room. I was so angry during the speeches, since from my point of view they were all lies. I was angry through the whole thing, since I probably shouldn't have been there, you couldn't actually afford to get married, in the same way you can't afford to go on holiday to America. 

I hate your attitude to money.You shouldn't favour people because they can afford to give you thousands as a gift and not a loan. Mum and dad have done a lot for and as the youngest sibling I petty much see everything. I am kinda a shamed of you and would avoid you on the street. Though, the avoiding part is due to not having anything civil to say to you in passing. Mum and dad have been though a lot an like your stranger when comes to the struggles that they've faced.

I would never say this to your face because you wouldn't listen, I wouldn't want to be misquoted and mainly I don't know you well enough to feel comfortable speaking to you anymore. Please don't respond unless you're going to be civilly and actually address the points to me. Contact mum and I'll know to write you off.

That big pile of text is petty pointless and I don't know if I do feel better after writing it. It won't really solve anything from it being in existence, but I've sent to it out to the universe. I

No comments:

Post a Comment