Saturday, 24 January 2015

Slashing (Short story)

 Hi guys so I decided not to attempt to finished that other short story I told about you for this week. Main reason being that my portfolio is not fully finished for a uni and the deadline is this coming Tuesday. Panic Mode has been initiated.So I have instead decided to post one of my stories that were originally posted at other places ages ago but fix all their mistakes or stuff I think needs improving before posting it here. I will be doing this with other stories in the future as I would rather have been all here, in one place.

The following story is a dialogue experiment I did a like three years ago and I'm fairly happy with the way it is. Its features fanfiction and slash pairings. I think in a way, the characters from my short story 'I win' evolved from the ones in here. It also has character quoting a line that I came up with years ago that I liked and want to put on T-shirts and buttons but have not. I should have another character say it without it meaning to be a quote. Here it is:

The Watson to my Holmes
The Batman to my Joker

“Slash slash slash slash slash slash slash”

“What are you doing?”


“You're just writing slash over and over...why?”

“Writer's block”

“What are you trying to write?”

“A slash between Nick Clegg and Carmen.”


“Because its funny, and full of angst.”

“ you should write about something, someone else.”

“Like who?”

“Sherlock Holmes & Watson?”

“What? No, I couldn't do that to John. I like John too much, just imagine the angst. Oh, the angst. Actually, maybe I will. NO, I'll write about Batman and Joker. That's a lot more funny and you can't get more angst than Batman.”

“Okay, I think I'll leave you to it.”

“Wait, go get milk.”

“No, I won't. I know you're not drinking it, you're just keep making hot chocolate using water and pouring the milk in poor Mrs Jones' flower bed.”

“Poor, nothing. She's an old cow, no that's an insult to cows and whales. She's an old hag and scum.”

“Why? What's she ever done to you? Also what the hell do you hope to achieve by pouring milk into her flower beds?”




“Come on? You must have something to say about your course of actions”

“Speaker's block.”

“Ha ha, very funny. Seriously, what do you think the milk will do?”

“Em...She stares at me funny. She doesn't like me...because of my hair.”

“So? That's no reasons to attack poor harmless flowers. Your hair is very petty, she's probably jealous that she couldn't pull off rainbow.”

“Oh, thanks. Come here”

“AR! Stop biting me.”

“But you taste so good, so very good.”

“Somehow I don't buy that, you're just like inflicting pain on me.”

“Of course, and I hope to scar you one day.”

“Stop it, detract your nails now.”

“No, you need more angst.”

“Hur, why do you think that?”

“It would make you're a better boyfriend, also scars are sexy.”

“Sure they are. I just take your word for that. Though, I doubt very much you'd be happy if I just crawled into a corner and refused to leave the house. You would have to buy your own milk and chocolate.”

“Shut up, kiss me.”



“Why do you have to ruin everything? You're were almost being sweet.”

“I'm just a sweet just wouldn't see it that way.”

“Stop saying that quote. Why do you have to keep hurting me?”

“Because...Its how I show affection”

“I would have liked to known that before I fell in love with you.”

“I love you too”


“The milk just annoys her, it makes the flowers sticky.”

“Kay, I'll buy more if you promise to stop using it taught Mrs Jones.”


“Please, I'll buy you more chocolate.”

“Are you a chubby chaser?”

“WHAT? No, you're not fat, nor I am trying to make you that way. Oh, stop laughing.”

“Fine, I'll stop wasting my time with her. Though, only if you snog me every time we see her.”

“I don't want to know how this can be an act of torment. Hmm...fine I''ll do that. I'll also leave you to it,”

“Don't I get a kiss?”

“Yes, dear.”

“Shut up, you talk too much.”

“Look who's talking; at less what I say makes sense.”

“Take me to your penis”

“No, no time. How about my mouth?”

“I'll settle for the ambassador.”

“I presume that's a yes”



“I do love you, you're know that, right?”

“Of course I do. You drive me insane, but I love you too.”

“We also need Irn Bru.”

“Kay, I be back soon. Just...Just behaviour, keep writing, writing is safe.”

“I need smut, smut smut smut smut smut. Smut and angst.”

“You've got plenty of smut.”


“Nothing, bye.”

“Bye Batsy.”


“I wonder if he'll realise that I got him to do the shopping again?”

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