Saturday, 31 January 2015

I make plans for rejects

After months of confusion, frustration and being idiot, I have finished my portfolio and if asked for a portfolio from any of my other universities then I have something to throw at them even if it's shit.

I think it's terrible. I fall out of love with my creative film once I haven't seen it for a while, and then I hate it because what I was thinking. It's not terrible, I'm just so panicked by this whole process and I don't feel like I've sent in things that I want to be judge by but I didn't think I could send in my best work. Not that its that good either.

Eight or ten people get in and it's Edinburgh. People claim it's the dream to go there for some reason. Their visit wasn't great. Besides sheer title, I don't get why? Edinburgh is so expensive to live in. Also I think I might secretly still want to go to Edinburgh but the logical side my brain has decided that I shouldn't, as the chances of getting in are so slim and I don't have a lot of detail about it. The course structure doesn't sound completely right for me. But it would be cool to TV in consideration when studying. My point is, that I really didn't want to go why did I get so stressed about it. It should have just been me throwing something together in case. Edinburgh just doesn't make a good backup.

God, I need make more but real life or the confinement of my room makes it hard. Got my first job reject of the year. Though, I never sent a proper C.V. which I should have thrown together considering I have like usefully job skills. I should update it and start throwing them at shops and cafes.

I would like some magical money right now just so I could run away to my mind. I am a dumb arse with money and shouldn't be trusted with access to booksellers when I'm in this sort of mental state.

I have this strange paranoia that my potential universities might Google me. I know they won't and also if they Google only my first & last name, I won't come up. Yes, I have of course googled myself. It's interesting to see what comes up. It disappointing that my blog is so down the list now when I search Rachel Verna.

I had power out on Wednesday night, just imagine the horror that would have been if it happened on a Monday night. I had brought candle holders and a candle recently so they came in handy. If you live in the country then candles and something to start a fire is something you need to have in your house. Because even after the did work on it due to most of the regional having no power for days and even weeks in some cases last year. We were trapped in the house on Thursday by the snow that had knocked out the power so I never I went to college this week which is bad since I have missed few classes to due to illness and being sleep deprived. I'm having a flaw up and my limbs have been falling asleep and feel numb.

By the way, the dream story is not dead. I haven't gave up on it. It just been on the back burner for obvious reasons. I'm not promising anything about when it will be up, as I have lot of other things to do (in fact it's a proper stressful list) but I will post another creative story next week.. On the plus side, I have had a review up so far every Wednesday of this year and the next two Wednesdays are accounted for. I just really felt like talking to about this uni thing, even if it's a rambled mess.

P.S. I still want a fake life-size Skeleton and not found a good one to dream after.

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