Saturday, 7 September 2013

I Win (Short story of sorts)

Hi, losers. This week I give you a story that start out as something else but turn into something completely different with naughty words in it. I was initially writing something about Time Slips which turn into something sort of involving superheros (I never tell how, well maybe if you ask really nicely). Basically, I started writing something and other character started shouting at me to write their story instead.

I've been really tired lately, so enjoy this rarely seen creativity.

 I Win

"You know Darren, this totally not the best way to meet our deadlines?" I say slipping my hot chocolate. Darren had dragged me from my desk on the pursuit of "Coffee". I frankly think the stuffs disgusting.

"No, this is the perfect way to finish them," He smirks behind his latte. "It gives the Deadline fairies the chance to do them for us."

"I'm petty sure, you're thinking of elves," I say, nudging his knee under the table. "And they're only known to make shoes in the middle of the night."

"No, I'm not. Elves make shoes, fairies write articles, reports and essays."

"Where were these fairies in high school?" I snicker.

"They were helping the smart kids get As," he says with his theory failing.

"Yeah, but if we have to leave our desks for them to come out, how would they help the smart kids in tests?"

"They...They reveal themselves to people they like."

"Oh," I say, pretending that this is big revelation and not Darren's typical bull. "So they like you, but not me."

"I wouldn't take it personally," he says coyly. "We can't all have my charm and good looks." I kick him hard under the table. He jumps up, shaking the table, spilling his drink. I slip mine, as he sits back down.

"You've got to really look out for those gobins," I say innocently. "They're known to attack arrogant boys."

"So why haven't they attack you?" I'm tempted to kick him again, but instead look at his hand where I can see a burn forming.

"You should probably get that under cold water," I say, feeling almost guilty. I really hadn't meant to make such a mess when I kicked him.

"Why don't we go back to your place?" He smirks at me."And you can ice it for me?"

"Sure," briefly enjoying the look of surprise in his eyes. "While we there, you can have a cold shower, to make sure you didn't miss any of the burns, obviously."

"Or you could just give me a complete rub down?" He says continuing to flirt with me. For some reason, this is our favourite game to play. He attractive enough, Okay, there's not really a but. We're young and chasing things or something.

"Sorry, do I look like your gym teacher?"

"Na, his boobs were bigger." He says leaving me stumped. He begins to look smug. I sit stuck for few moments.

"Anything bigger than a C just gets in the way," I replied finally. It was weak retort but size jokes were low anyway.

"I win," he says.

"I hope the gobins bite you in the arse."

"You're just upset that the fairies like me," he says replies nudging my leg under the table. I'm almost tempted to kick him again. He would definitely deserve it.

"Oh my god, is this your weird way of coming out to me?"

"What? Oh fairies as homosexuals. I said they liked me, not that I was one!"

"You're right, that must be why I put up with you," I reply waiting.

"Wait, you're gay," he askes shocked. "I thought you went out with Dean."

"`No, whatever gave you that idea,"I say as if serious. I had, had brief thing with Dean.

"" I watch him struggle for a reply, before I begin to laugh.

"I win," I say triumphantly.

"So you're not gay?" he asked clearly confused now.

"Bi actually. It just never came up before."

"Cool, we can have three way," he replies.

"I've always wanted to have sex with two guys at once."

"I'm straight."

"That what they all say, right before they end up with a cock in their mouths."

"Seriously, can we stop talking about this."

"Why, are you scared of the gays?"

"I'm not the homophobic one. You were calling them fairies a second ago."

"No, I wasn't. I honestly thought you were coming out to me," I lie convincingly. I'm quite good at it. Though, it bit of stretch to believe someone would come out using a story about Deadline Fairies.

We sit in silence as we finish as drinks. Maybe our game had went too far.

"If you are gay, I don't care. I was only messing around," I say finally.

"To be honest, I've never gave it much thought."

"Then you're probably not. I mean, not sure how anyone could go through puberty without getting any thoughts..." I stop to reminisced on my own thoughts of boys and girls.

"Well, maybe I did have some thoughts," he says shyly.

"Oh, really do tell," I say eagerly. Damn the Slash lover inside of me. I probably know way too much about male gay sex than any woman has right too.

"Can we maybe not do this such a public place," he says using his hand to indicate the café. I doubt anyone was listening to us, but for all I know our whole conversation has been live-blogged on to twitter or tumblr.

"Fine, then get some "coffee" to go and we can go back to my place," I say getting up.

"Could you get mine for me, I just need a second?" He says, shoving the money into my hand.

"Okay," I say taking it. I try my best not to smirk.

I get the drinks and meet him out side. "Feeling better," I say handing him his coffee.

"Yeah, just my hand has started to hurt," he replies as we begin to walk in direction of my flat.

"Sure it did," I say eying him. I decided to let drop as he has started to look uncomfortable. We walk mostly in silence for the fifteen minutes it takes to get home. Our banter has kinda been lost.

I open the flat door, I shout a greeting to empty house. I guess both my flatmates are out, but I still take Darren to my room and shut the door in case they come back.

"So a penny for your gay thoughts?" I ask once we're both sat on my bed.

"My history teacher had a nice arse," he replies. "I would always stared at it when ever he turned his back to us."

"Its official, you're a gay," I joke. He just death glares me. I sigh. "Like I said, it no big deal. If you only like girls, you're hetero, if like only boys you're homo, if you like both you're Bi. I personally think everyone a little bit Bi. Well, maybe not if you're Asexual..." I stop once I realise I've been rambling.

"Can we just get drunk and do something stupid?" He says jumping off the bed.

"What like asking my next neigbour if he wants a threeway?" I say. He turns red. I grasp at him. The guy right next to us this bluff, professional type. I see him in the hall all the time, I had pointed him out to Darren when we had seen him jogging and I had... we both obviously had admired the view. "Oh my god, you're fancy my neighbour."

"No, he..." he hesitant. "Fine, he's hot."

"That he is," I smirk. "Well, we don't have to be drunk to do something stupid." I run out of the room.

"Wait, what?" he shouts after me. I'm already out of the flat, banging on the door. "You're unbelievable," he had ran after me.

"He might not even be in," I say as the door opens. My neighbour stands wet and shirtless, he has a nice chest. He only has dorky glasses and sweat pants on.

"Hi," he says staring at us.

 "Hey," I reply and nudging Darren shoulder.

"Can I help with something?" he asks confused.

"I'm your neighbour," I say, intentionally not giving my name or exact location. "Well, my friend here wanted to ask you something." I looked at Darren to find him gone. "Oh my god, the fairies have took him."

"Are you on something?" he asks concerned. Probably for his own safety.

"No, just life. Oh by the way,  you're hot. If you ever want a threesome, feel free bang on our door." I say walking away. 

"Er...thanks I think," I hear him replied. I keep walking down the hall until I hear him shut his door before actually walking back into my flat.

I find Darren at my desk, playing with a pencil.

"I can't believe you abandoned me like that."

"I can't believe you actually knocked on his door," he says avoiding eye contract.

"Why not?" I say as dump myself on my bed. "We both obviously fancy him, why not offer him a threeway?"

"You didn't" he says finally looking up at me.

"If you have to ask that question, you're clearly don't know me well enough."

 "Oh, I know you," he says, almost bitterly. "What would you have done if he had said yes?"

I never actually thought he would, I mean who accepts come ons by complete strangers. Okay, lots of people.

"I never actually gave him the ability to accept. I stated him the opportunity and walked away. He doesn't even know where I live."

"How can you be sure of that?" He says, making a good point. I mean if I know where he lives, then there good chance he might have seen me. Damn, my pink hair. He'd probably never notice me otherwise.

"Even if he does, he seems like alright bloke, we never had any problems with him and also I'm petty sure he's gay."

"How do you know?"

"Boyfriend, saw them making out in the hall once, twice, actually a few times."

"You stalker," he states. I would deny it but I did like the view.

"Well, they shouldn't put such a show on in the hall." I throw myself back onto the mattress. The bed boards creak. 

"Was it a good view?" he asks. 

"Yes, it what slash fictions are made of."

There suddenly banging on the door. 

"Who do ya think that'ra be?" I say quietly, pulling myself up. 

"You should go answer it," Darren says spinning the pencil on the desk.

"No, you should," I say. "It be the neighbour; if you answer it, he'll think it's the wrong flat."

"That's almost smart," he says standing up. "Fine, I'll answer it but you owe me."

"You're the best," I say. "I'll make sure to give you a happy ending later."

He groaned. "Please don't say stuff like that unless you mean it."

"I wouldn't say it, unless I meant it," I say seriously. Maybe I'm sick of the games.

"I best go answer that," he says without looking back. I go to listen at my beddoor. 

"Hi," I hear Darren say. I fight the urge to laugh. 

"Where the pink haired one?" deep male voice asks. I don't recognise the voice. I'm totally dying my hair tonight.

"Hur?" Darren cleverly replies. "No one matching that description lives here."

"Oh, really," the deep voices say. "Do you know she offering threeways at this address?"

"Oh really?" Darren echos, faking shock. "I had no idea."

"I know for a fact only girls live here," the male voice says. "So who are you?"

"If you must know, I'm female. I like to dress more, what you probably call Masculine." Darren would actually make a petty girl if he wish to dress that way. Wait, how does he know only females live here?

"You have quite the bulge for a female,"Mr Deep says flirtatiously.

"I keep a sock down there, I think it makes these jeans look better." He replies just as flirtatiously.

"Shame," is Mr Deep's barely audio reply. I hear Darren inhale. "Bit hard for a sock." Darren just mumbles.  OMG, did that guy just grope him? Oh, I really wish I could see what going on. 

"Okay, I don't live here," Darren confesses, huskily. "I'm just visiting my friend."

"Well, do you want have a threeway?" Mr Deep asks. 

"Sure, what sort?" Darren replies confidently. 

"The fun sort," is the reply. 

"I'm not sure my girlfriend will be that appreciate that." 

"Is she the pink hair one?"  

"Maybe." Traitor.

"So she does live here?"

"Maybe." I jump up at that and push through the door. Mr Deep and Darren are basically touching, they standing that close to each other.

"Remind me never to trust you in an uncover mission," I say walking to the door. Mr Deep is quite hot, wait he's the hot neighbour's boyfriend. Not sure why that surprises me.

"When would we ever go uncover, we're music journalists?"

" I am, you're just the photo boy," I say cockily. Darren is just good writer as am, he does the writing sometimes and I do the photos. It bit of joke between us that we're not meant to switch. Our paper weird. "I might change routes someday."

"Not without me," he replies, still eying Mr Deep. "You're stuck with me."

"Not if I leave the country," I reply. Or the planet, I think. I too begin to eye Mr Deep, it the first time I've had a good look at him. I smirk at him when I realise I  recognise him from somewhere other than my hallway. I'm not going to mention it, I decide.

"I'll leave with you," he says, not turning to look at me once. I look down to see him hard, I shake my head.

"Now whose the stalker," I mumble. 

"So have been going around offering Threeways to all the neighbours?" Mr Deep interrupts.

"Only the hot ones," I say wrapping my arm around Darren. "Would you like to come in?" I flutter my eyelashes.

"I'm not sure my boyfriend will be that appreciate that," he says seriously, but there mirth in his eyes. 

"Maybe you shouldn't go around offering threeways to young girls then?" I say making it clear I've heard the whole conversation.

"Maybe you shouldn't be going around offering threeways to half naked men?" he says back.

"How was I to do know he'd be half naked?" I replied in a winning bow. Mr Deep looks stumped. He spends a minute just looking me over. 

"I win, if you would like to play another round, knock another day," I say pushing Mr Deep into the hallway by his shoulders. "I have something hard to solve," I whisper into his ear before shutting the door on his face.

"You're a mental case, you know that right?" Darren says looking me over.

"At least I don't get turned on by strange men!" I reply, locking the door. You never know.

"Who says I was turn on by him?" 

"I know I was," I reply. "Just listen to that voice." Darren gives me a look and I give him one back. "I'm kidding, sort of."

"He was hot, I was hoping he would bend me over." That reminded me.

"Did he really cop a feel?" I ask.

"Yeah," he replied. "God, I almost came from him doing that."

"I always knew you were prev." I say walking to my bedroom. "Come along, young one I'll show you good time." 

"Yes, Sir." I slap him for that one.

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