Okay, mental melt down is a bit of exaggeration, but it did make me think about what I'm planning to do and the limitation I'm facing. I don't think it normal to cry on your birthday typically (when you're still in your teens). As I've wrote before I've had many problems with school over the years and applying to uni: this is where most of my limitation come from.
My problem is I can't really decided what I want to do. There a lot of things I'm good at. Art, science and writing. What I really want to be is Leonardo Da Vinci, paint and do sciencey things. However, the structure of learning now a days is more strict. I suppose it always has been, but people wouldn't be that happy if you just showed up at the dissection of a human cadaver now.
Going to do Visual Communication after the summer, but the more I think about it I feel less confident about the idea of pursuing Art/Design. At this point I feel biology would the better route for me to take in some form. The only problem with that is the best course are looking for Higher Chemistry, which I never got to take due to the school's meddling. Its always haunt me that they never let me take it at SG level. I would have been so far better off if they had just left me at my own devices.
I think yesterday episode was built up from stress over exams and everyone asking where I was going after the summer. My answer wasn't the one I wanted to be giving. As my mum keeps telling me I'm only 19 and I still have time to do what I want hopefully. With all that said, All time low's "weightless" petty much describe how I'm feeling at the moment.
So I'm off to study so I can hopefully pull two As and B out of my brain on the days. Also trying not to worry about how unrealistic that might be, but then how I have the potential as well.