Trapped by Books

Life has been calmly ciatic. I have a large list of things I have to do and as the others have a definite deadline. Of course, I often find myself doing nothing and just laying in the briss of stress building. I feel like I don't have a day off any more. I have to read stuff and write things for class while moving.

Put the reviewing stuff on top of that. I have no time to read the stuff I want to read. While I want to read the books I request for review, they feel like a tour and stress me out to get it done. This doesn't need put me in the best mood when reading them and I don't think they get a fair review. Basically, weekly book reviews have to stop for now. I have idea of how to replace them that would take less time while inflecting my opinions on to the world but I don't want to make promises.

Reviews are something I like doing. However, there have been a struggle to write recently. There also not a priority. I want to create my own stuff even if contains some of the issues I would criticise in a review. Though, first drafts are for mistakes and to be criticise by everyone.

To summarise the reviews will come when I have time and when they ready instead of wrote in a rush the night before or lied about when I posted them. There could be big gaps during this month as I am moving and therefore have no weekends.

I spent today moving stuff into the house and will spend tomorrow doing the same thing. I want to make the most of my education and do other career stuff. The weekly random posts still stand and I will continue to work on the novel. I am still working on it but there's not enough to make a chapter and I will at least post complete chapter even not having a full idea how our story will get to its last point.

I will write to next week with something. I might do writing prompts that can be completed in a hour if I'm working on the novel but it's not happy to show itself off.

2015 in Summery

This is a post I should have write maybe last week, but then again how can you reflected on something till its over. My goals for 2015 were:

1.  Read 60 books.
2. To finally catch on my book reviews and stop requesting books that I don't time to read.
3. I would like my To Be Read pile to go down as it now sits at 519 books.
4. In the same spirit I want to majorly cut back on the books I buy.
5. I would like finished reading/catch-up on 10 book series.
6. To save money.
7. To get a job this summer.
8. To pass my driving test.
9. To write creatively more and post it on this blog.
10. To finished a first draft of The Stranger.
11. To As in the Highers I'm study or at least put my best effort into doing it. 
12. To stop procrastinating.
13. Exercise and eat less junk.
14. Talk to people, make friends and don't be in my shell so much.
15. To put together a good portfolio together in less than month's time.

The majority of things were accomplished but also weren't at all.

1. I read 93 books last. Though, I'm not that happy about that considering I changed it to 102 for a very good reason which I will explain in a following point.
2. LOL. Still do this, but I seriously think about how unrealistic I am being before finally requesting a book. I have stopped requesting books I will never read. I might never catch up on though.
3. I think I counted wrong last year, because according to my spreadsheet I now have 459 books unread in my ownership and I only read 29 books that were mine last year. The thing I don't where I got that number from to say. Maybe it included NetGalley. So technically yes, but also hell no.
4. I brought 102 books and decided that if I was going to keep buying books I had to read at least as many as I buy, even if they not all owned books. I've never kept proper track of the number of books I buy per year before, so it's hard to say if this goal was achieved or not.  But I didn't a buy book every time I went into Waterstones. I stared keeping track of how much I was spending which was semi horrifying but that being said I've always thought of money in how many books I could buy with it.
5. I finished 10 series this year, meaning this was goal I accomplished without figuring the books I'm caught up with, but still they are ton of series I should finish.
6. No. I am still very bad with money.
7. I was unable to find one. I did work at charity shop so there's that.
8. I passed. I can drive by myself. I have been on a motorway. I have spinned my car in circle. I still hating driving.
9. I have been writing again, but I've also censored myself a lot this year. This a spiritually no. But I have stuff that mostly for me right now.
10. No. I think I added stuff. The Stranger is something I will finish, but I'm over aware of it's issues. I don't know if I should just straight up re-write it or continue with the plan to have at least one full draft of it instead of strips of scenes and beginning, end and middle.
11. I quit. This is clearly a fail in this front.
12. I will never likely stop. I put the pro in the word.
13. This is hard. Eating healthy is hard on a budget but I try. I still eat too much chocolate and need to find a form of excise that suits me.
14. Still Lonely. Still uncomfortable with this thing called Other People.
15. I did. Ish. But I also got into the uni I wanted to, so it doesn't really matter.

2015 was another year I lived. I got finally diagnosed with Autism and I went to uni so it's notable but in terms of emotions, nothing big happened to me. I achieved some goals and failed majorly at others. I will do the same next year. You can look forward to seeing those goals next week which is the typical scheduled for this time of year.  

Self-Destructive is fun.

I have started to procrastinating from eating, so I don't eat till I'm really tired. I am like a really advance sim. If I am a sim, then I'm clearly not the favourite one. More the one you to fill out the family then leave to it, till you get bored of your main one.

I'm procrastinating from everything else as always. Except filming and other group related stuff but also majorly procrastinating that stuff too. I have left myself with intense writing sensation that leave me depressed and lifeless.

I am at the stage where I sort of care, but don't care at all. I am past caring, because as a perfectionists I only have two working function. Numb and stressed or a odd mix of both where I do nothing.  Procrastnation, if it were a profession, then I would be one of the best.

I got both Netflixs and Amazon Prime in a matter of days. Amazon Prime is something, I would not buy except it was free and comes with fast shipping. As a video or music subscription it individually sucks. It also raises the big question, Why the hell is Pipper Pig on both? She her and SpongeBob belong together.

I have yet to actually pay for Netflixs, so far it been worth it as I have been watching large quantity of Community and am on the Epsideo 8 of 4th season so am in the majority way into it. It is not good for the whole production thing, but I enjoy it and it is relatable. The cast is good, regular or guest. Though, Alison Bree is just straight up playing the same character as My Alibi.

As for Amazon Prime there is some stuff on Prime Video. I have only used it for Mona the Vampire on mute while I'm trying to get to sleep. Nostalgia makes it so I don't need sound, but I did mange to use my phone for sound last night till I got bored of syncing it.

I'm currently catching on Doctor Who. I hadn't watched since the first part of The Zygon Inversion which was when I last decided to catch up it before. This is made difficult because my SmartTV hates BBC Iplayer. Perhaps it's bitter about BBC Three. I have now gave up and began awkwardly typing this post in the tiny window due the download version of Iplayer doesn't let you make it tiny.

I'm going to leave you now in favour of adventure and going to sleep a decentish time. If the gods allow; or my body; or whatever causes me to stay up all night.

First Chapters

I started writing The Novel, but I don't haven't put the bones together right. They all there, but the first chapter doesn't seem right and I want the first chapter to be right, because I can weak weeks in between that story. But that the first chapters need to dawn you in and hook you.

How stories start are important. Not as important as the endings or the entre worth of the middle. Because whilst the middle can be a bit wonky when you have decided to write a novel on a week to week basis for the internet. My novel will not be perfect. It will not proofread and I am a dyslexic who misses words in her sentences and writes the completely wrong word sometimes. I have literally, not noticed the wrong word for years. It why I always say in my "About"s that I'm dyslexic because I am doomed to make grammar and spelling mistakes more than a non-neurodivergent person (which it a term I like because it has "divergent" in it, but also because my things are numbers and it is still fun to mindboggle people).

The plot will very go off the rails. The characters might secretly build forts and not tell me about them till  over half way in. It will be thing that should be edited because I don't even have plan or proper ending to work to. I have a idea that want expand. We see where it goes. 

I'm starting uni soon and it has stuck up upon me like most things in life that know are on its way. They are only two days left in August. The schools are back. The lease for my accommodation is only a week from starting.

I went to do a test for Autism yesterday. The person asked me how I would feel if I wasn't autistic. I don't think I answer honestly at the moment, because the truth is that be a tiny bit soul crushing after all this time not to own that label anymore, to have find another one to explain myself to the world. It's been almost three years since I finally stumbled on to Selective Mutism and then Autism, with the Aspergers linking so much to me. I would probably cry if a team of expects said I was not. I might cry either way. I like to cry with what ever emotions I'm feeling. Expect happiness, it would be relief I would feel. 

She asked me to explain happiness. The only thing I could think was a lack of physical impact. Stress takes me by my throat and chest. Sadness makes me numb and wanting to cry at lot for no reason. Though, I think it's good to cry sometimes, the stress it relief is brilliant when you've been saving it and something fictional burst it. It easier to cry over things that don't matter to the life you live and can't touch your space, no matter how relatable the characters or the story is, which I love it when Cat Clarke has a new book to stab me with, because I needed the cried over characters that feel real but I know will be fine because fictional characters will always exist in a state of being fine, because you can find the page where they are.

Humans are not books, so our pages get lost, which is why nostalgia is thing even when we know things were actually great as a whole. If humans were books, we would all be massive series. I think my current book is ending and that's terrifying.

I am going to uni. No matter where I am next year, in whatever state with different labels and emotions always bubbling, new things will happen to me. I have paid a deposit, I will pay rent, I will budget for my life  with failures I'm sure. I feel prepared. I know I will do one dumb thing, one thing I'll probably regret and I will have to live with strangers who hopefully will not all be that in a months time. I carry expectations of failures because I am human and I learn to add it as writing material. However, I also carry knowledge that this is a path I chosen for myself. I have stumbled along the path given to me for the majority of my life. I have chosen what I'm going to do, not be limited with what it local or what my parents thought was best.

I am going to study and learn how to make films. I think I might be good. I think that I'm secretly aggrato and confident about my ability to make things. I'm a decent writer, I know I can do it better than other people, on several topics and themes so that something. I accept the basery that I have something of value to add to films. If I do it, that be up to me to keep walking and see what in the woods.

 I'm currently reading a book that ends with a prologue and the characters are off to uni. It made me think about my own thing. I am getting ready and leave, to never come back to this position. That's scary no matter how bad I wanted, no matter how long I've been planning.

I don't write with a plan because most of my plans get thrown out the window, some stick to the glass or the flame in somewhere. This will time it gets stuck. I think I should go before I start spurting about more purple pose about my life and thoughts. I will find out the autistic thing in month time at the soonest, that pretty quick to compared to how long it took me to get here. If it is a no, that will just another long battle. I'm so stick of battles. I think I might have a illness (not life threatening) but at this moment the idea to even attempt to find out, just sounds exhausting after the Autistic wait that's not over yet and who knows if the soldiers will be home for Christmas in that war (I don't know who the soldiers are in this metaphor, I want to the use the reference that says it might not be over so soon (knock wood)). I can only wege so many wars and I preparing for another one.

Though, hopefully I will gain some allies for this one.

Luck to Know what I'm doing

The Bat signal is back and on. I have had my original laptop back and running. Turned out that it wasn't the harddrive that was fucked and it only cost me £20 to fix. I should have done that in June (Going off June link to British Book Challenge). The memory is almost full and should probably delete some old video footage. Probably all of it as I'm never going to use it. My mother is going to the insurance but turns out that parents changed to worst insurance company. It doesn't have accidental cover, so don't spill red wine on our non-white carpets.

Apparently, I'm the only one whose got any luck in my family. (If that's the case why can't find a well, paying summer job). Well, that's what my mother said because I passed my Theory Test (I conquered the Hazard Perception and actually did better on the Theory by 1 mark), my laptop was corrupt files (that I think might have been my fault) and I got unconditional for uni. Sort of first choice (it's my parents anyway because it's the closes to home and other family member). But is that luck?

I studied for Driving Theory test and I failed the first time, I passed it the second time after they changed it to CGI which should win a Oscar, as its really good quality and the videos they had before were terrible and grainy. I stressed over it, it wasn't like I just showed up with any pre preparation and passed first time around.

UCAS possibly has something to do with luck and chance, praying to the Gods of UCAS might actually do something. However, I still worked hard on it. I studied for my Highers and other exams to get the decentish grades. I panicked over my personal statement. I slaved over that thing, I applied so late (day before the deadline is when it went out) because it made me feel so terrible and full of self-doult I hated that thing, I stand by that it was terrible. Hopefully, not as terrible as everyone else's. I had the grades to get Unconditional to most of my choices. In fact the uni that got back to me, was late. It said they would get back to me within 28 days. They got back to me on Monday at 4.47pm, that's forty days. I guess it doesn't matter overall as I won't hear back from other unis till at least March (probably 31st knowing my luck with an rejection). Also I was pretty sure that I should get into that uni, because it's newish uni (in terms of Universities) with different campuses. Anyway, it's great to know that I have a place at uni studying and training for my dream career.

Maybe I just say that Track is down for like a week (25th Feb to 2 March). That seems like a nightmare waiting to happen. I feel for anyone who gets a Track Notification during this time.

My point is none of that was really luck. I mean I brought a mother's laptop. If anything that was bad luck.

I have started money making schemes, though that said it might not be worth it unless make only so much a week. I want a job, not really a money making scheme. Though, I have finally created a Patreon. Hopefully, people will like me enough to pledge some money. I would be really happy if I make enough before I start Uni to get that model skeleton. Still want it really badly.

Though, to be honest my Patreon Rewards are bit high for certain things, but they're that high because amount of time that would normally take me to get to them. Also it seems higher, because it's in dollars and not pounds. Also I have gag rewards and goals, that no one will ever paid or will be reached.

Not sure when I will launch the page, because I want to make videos for it before I make the page live. Though, when I do, it will be linked on here someway.

I do have a mystery to talk to you about before I leave you for the week, on Tuesday I got 226 hits on here. Like 30 is the most I've ever had in a day and that had expernation. This has no expernation, I never even posted anything on the day. Maybe someone just kept refreshing the page repeatedly. If any of you know, please tell me, now I'm off to try and get another unconditional.

P.S. Portfolios suck.

I make plans for rejects

After months of confusion, frustration and being idiot, I have finished my portfolio and if asked for a portfolio from any of my other universities then I have something to throw at them even if it's shit.

I think it's terrible. I fall out of love with my creative film once I haven't seen it for a while, and then I hate it because what I was thinking. It's not terrible, I'm just so panicked by this whole process and I don't feel like I've sent in things that I want to be judge by but I didn't think I could send in my best work. Not that its that good either.

Eight or ten people get in and it's Edinburgh. People claim it's the dream to go there for some reason. Their visit wasn't great. Besides sheer title, I don't get why? Edinburgh is so expensive to live in. Also I think I might secretly still want to go to Edinburgh but the logical side my brain has decided that I shouldn't, as the chances of getting in are so slim and I don't have a lot of detail about it. The course structure doesn't sound completely right for me. But it would be cool to TV in consideration when studying. My point is, that I really didn't want to go why did I get so stressed about it. It should have just been me throwing something together in case. Edinburgh just doesn't make a good backup.

God, I need make more but real life or the confinement of my room makes it hard. Got my first job reject of the year. Though, I never sent a proper C.V. which I should have thrown together considering I have like usefully job skills. I should update it and start throwing them at shops and cafes.

I would like some magical money right now just so I could run away to my mind. I am a dumb arse with money and shouldn't be trusted with access to booksellers when I'm in this sort of mental state.

I have this strange paranoia that my potential universities might Google me. I know they won't and also if they Google only my first & last name, I won't come up. Yes, I have of course googled myself. It's interesting to see what comes up. It disappointing that my blog is so down the list now when I search Rachel Verna.

I had power out on Wednesday night, just imagine the horror that would have been if it happened on a Monday night. I had brought candle holders and a candle recently so they came in handy. If you live in the country then candles and something to start a fire is something you need to have in your house. Because even after the did work on it due to most of the regional having no power for days and even weeks in some cases last year. We were trapped in the house on Thursday by the snow that had knocked out the power so I never I went to college this week which is bad since I have missed few classes to due to illness and being sleep deprived. I'm having a flaw up and my limbs have been falling asleep and feel numb.

By the way, the dream story is not dead. I haven't gave up on it. It just been on the back burner for obvious reasons. I'm not promising anything about when it will be up, as I have lot of other things to do (in fact it's a proper stressful list) but I will post another creative story next week.. On the plus side, I have had a review up so far every Wednesday of this year and the next two Wednesdays are accounted for. I just really felt like talking to about this uni thing, even if it's a rambled mess.

P.S. I still want a fake life-size Skeleton and not found a good one to dream after.

UCAS and the Lack of Skeletons in my Closets.

Haló peeps, I have been working on a story for today based off a dream I had but its not working out the way I want it to do so instead I'm just going to talk at you like I normally do. I'll definitely post a story next week as I have a scheme that definitely going happen.

I have sent my UCAS away. It gone and out there. Three University have sent me confirmation that they have got it and my favourite told me that I should hear in 28 days their decision. Yay and terrifying. I already have the grades to get in so it all on my personal statement and they might hate me. One implied that they don't start looking at people till the UCAS deadline (which was last Thursday). The other is probably going to want to see my face before they'll accept me.

Two have yet to acknowledge me in email which is worrying as I'm meant to be sending one a online Portfolio and they need to send me a link thing to do it. Is my portfolio done to upload to them? Why No. Not the set of questions or the 5 minute videos. I have nothing to give. Scary as their portfolio deadline is ten days away so I should work on that in a panicky maner.

College is important but hard to concentrate on right now, but I should be panicking about certain aspects of that. I am not enjoying these new higher things at all.

I've been spending too much time daydreaming about going to Uni instead of doing the actual work for it which is bad. Even if this procrastination has been somewhat productive as I now have list of what I'll need for Uni and I'm just going to give people that when they ask what I want for my birthday so no fun items for me except for the fact that 'Maybe' part of that list contains a Life size skeleton (and chapper board). You might be thinking "Why would I want a Life size human skeleton for Uni?"

Well, I think Stella (yes, I've name it in my head) and I could have a lot of fun together and it would give me a lot funny jokes. I could hide in closets and under the bed. My parents worry I'll be lonely, I can just I have Stella. Also she would probably be handy for films as well and I would definitely use her for my YouTube channels. I'm actually tempt to start funraising for her but not sure what the best method would be. I'm tempted to start a Patreon but that's more a monthly thing to support artists/content makers and while that would be cool I don't think anyone would want to support me monthly to gain my dream of a full life size skeleton and me not to having find a normal job.

I've actually wanted a skull for a while to sit on the mantle (I have a mantle piece in my room that mostly covered by the wardrobe that hides the old fireplace). I'm not going to lie, Sherlock put the idea into my head of actually going out and getting a skull. Also my high school had one sitting on the desk. By the way, I want a fake one. I'm not going to go out and dig up a dead body. Not about to do a Frankenstein here.

I'm not sure if I would call it Stella but I would probably name it a girl's name. Seriously I think I'm going to make a Patron because it will be fun and be way to get money together even if I just end up just being used to make a Video fund. I mean like I'll use the money I get from people to do video ideas that would cost me to do, like say buying a full Life Skeleton.

Not sure. Also can I just say that is really hard to find a Full size human Skeleton, most of them are at least half the size and that's no good for me. If I had it now, I would sit in the corner of my room or place in on my brother's bed and wait for him to find it.  I could also use it to become Tumblr Famous as they really like Skeletons over there.

I'm off to do something productive instead of daydreaming about a skeleton.

15 Things to Strive for in 2015.

Haló guys, so I've went back to college. I have wasted a lot of time doing nothing and deciding to go on a unscheduled. reading spree which somewhats make up for the fact that I have brought so many books off the internet. You would think the fact that I own 453 books that I hadn't read at the beginning of the year would be enough to stop me buying books that I won't get around to reading for a while. While=years. I also went to the library on Thursday and got last book in two series so I can finished them so I can say I've finished three series this year which will understand why once we get to the real point of this blog. The fun part of this story that turns out that the Librarian never actually checked out to me so they have books unaccounted for and I'm not sure how to bring it up to them. My mum suggest I just keep them which I shan't be doing as it wrong to abuse the library even they make dumb mistakes and book buying choices are terrible.

this week we will be discussing my goals and hopes for this year.

1.  Read 60 books. I have in the past three years read at least hundred books but as I' going to uni (fingers-crossed) this year and have exams that I would like As in, I don't want to stress myself about reaching my book goal. This is more a estimation of what I'm realistically likely to read this year. If I go over that whilst my studies not suffering great.
2. To finally catch on my book reviews and stop requesting books that I don't time to read. I'm sitting on a lot of my books that I need to read and dumb amount that I've already read. I feel deep guilt about it. I still request books for the sake of it sometimes and that has to stop. It be great to have done this before the end of summer. I'm still going to request books, but I'm going to request books that I would choose to buy if I had limited funds for books as I have limit time for book reading.
3. I would like my To Be Read pile to go down as it now sits at 519 books. I counted them when I reorganised my bookcases. That's ridicules. For the books I do read this year, I want at least half of them to have been ones I owned at the start of the year. I tried the Mount TBR challenge last year but I didn't like that and none of the Mountains match up with my 30 book goal for this (though hopefully more).
4. In the same spirit I want to majorly cut back on the books I buy. I have slowed down a bit but I could, should do better. Maybe something along the lines of not a buying a book till I've took so many out my TBR or if there room for it on my TBR shelves but that's harder to quantify considering book sizes vary and might cause stupid behavour of buying the smallest books I own.
5. I would like finished reading/catch-up on 10 book series especially since I have 51 full series in my possession and I have only completed 18 series where I own at least one book in the series. I clearly have book buying problem. We should ignore how many of the series ain't been finished and are over five books long.
6. To save money. I waste a lot of money and with going to uni, it would be great to have some money put aside.
7. 6.To get a job this summer. Once I've taken my exams I would like to make as much money as possible because going to uni is going to be expensive. Also I would like to have had a job before I go to uni.
8. To pass my driving test as I now have a grant for it. I just have to pass my theory test to get it which is really annoy as its the hazard I failed and the best where to get better at that is to actually drive.
9. To write creatively more and post it on this blog. I would really like this blog to become heavy pre-written posts with me just going in slightly to give a quick life update or anecdote of the week if something interesting has happen. I want to pushed myself to be write short stories again with a ending.
10. To finished a first draft of The Stranger. This has became more of a life goal. I just want this finished, I want the middle to finally meet the end. I'm sick of knowing the ending without knowing how we get there. 
11. To As in the Highers I'm study or at least put my best effort into doing it. I don't want to regret not putting myself fully into it.
12. To stop procrastinating. I'm terrible for it and I'm so sick of wasting time. I want to do so much and I have to start doing it.
13. Exercise and eat less junk. Basically, I'm unfit and gained weight. I would like to lose said weight because I don't want to buy new clothes and carrying all my weight in my legs is annoying. Also got to be able to run once that Zombie Apocalypse hits.
14. This one is kinda sad but true. Talk to people, make friends and don't be in my shell so much. I've got better but I still don't really talk to people.
15. To put together a good portfolio together in less than month's time.

With that last goal, I'm out of here to watch the last part of the Hobbit Trilogy in a theater.

Calling this thing a Career is probably going too far

Haló, so we are five days till Christmas. Isn't that distressing? I don't why as my family have agreed everyone getting late presents except for my parents because they still under the impression that people in their 20s still get visits from Santa. God, I've been in my 20s for a year and over half now, that another distressing thing.

I've only really got my youngest sister and little brother's. I'm petty sure she doesn't read my blog but who knows this might be the week checks out what I'm producing for the internet. My brother (the older one of course) suggested that I say I do this thing to improve my career on my personal statement. I don't why I find that so laughable. I mean I do technically make money off this blog, but the way google ads works I've not made enough to actually receive any of those earning. And that's not a clue for you start clicking randomly on ads. I've got to say though, if on YouTube if I actually like the person video I'm more likely to finally click or watch an ad to see what the hell the ad trying to pug me. Maybe find this as career laughable as I'm pretty sure that its not career smart to bad mouth your hopefully future peers' work but that again if the only people I've actually been somewhat mean to are people I would avoid even if I have publicly rated a 1 star. Also I don't think I would cut off writer completely if I gave them one star unless I really hate their basic writing style which you can't tell unless you've read at least two of their books (not from the same series) or they've been writing for a while so they probably not going to get majorly better or their themselves are morally objectionable to me in a way I can't get over (which is the main reason the hype of Ender's Game will never get me) or probably the most likely none of the plot summaries of their other books speak to me.

Back to the point, maybe it due with the amount of complaining I do on here. Though, if anyone would like to pay me to complain about things then you welcomed to give me a offer. My email information can be found somewhere on here.

I guess nothing that much happen this week. My personal statement is what could be called a finished state but I'm not sure it actually conveys my passion for film. I think I actually regret looking up the tips before I had a finished version as it limited me and made me paranoid. They say they want a personal statement from YOU, but then they give a list of words not use whilst saying not to use a thesaurus. I say, use a thesaurus but only use the words you already knew before you looked. It can reminded you of words that you already knew which would fit better.

The thing I'm confused about, is should I go in to depth about film and book theory. It so hard and limiting that even being told what they look for gives me so little. I feel fake when I gushed about classic films like Sunset Boulevard, which is incredibility annoying considering it the only film I can think about.

Is it bad that I've sort of been threatening not coming home for Christmas next year, before I'm even accept anywhere, because the dorms are open and fun could be had by myself. I'm going to fill my dorm with lights and tinsel, and then neglect to take any of it down until I leave that room so the cleaners will talk about girl whose been celebrated Christmas for six months especially if I always make sure to have Christmas music blaring when ever they come.

I'm going to miss my dog and having a cat to annoy when I go to uni. I wish my application was sent away but I feel like I have to wait to hear back from my tutor before I send it and anyway I think I have to wait for her to write my reference before I can send away because I'm doing as a individual.

I'm going now as I have a long list of things to do this holiday. I mean I would like to have passed my theory test before I go back to college and have a organised room before I leave for uni. Also As are a thing I would like.

Farewell, join me next week where we will be sticking to traditional and evaluating this year's goals.

Personal Hell.

I've been attempting really hard to write my personal statement. However, I have found this difficult when all the obvious openings are clichés. Not use the words "passionate" or "fascinate", nor use thesaurus to get better words. As a dyslexic person I can't promised to do the last one as I often use a thesaurus to figure out to spell the word I actually want. Also it unfair to assume just because I'm a young person that I don't have a large vocabulary especially as I'm applying to English courses. I should be well read and therefore have a large vocabulary; to be able to use words like copse in a sentences. Though, not should how that would come up in a personal statement but who knows, maybe I I find trees really inspiring. 

I had a free book came today. Thanks Curious Fox for the cook book, what a same I only make pancakes and sometimes cupcakes from the same mix.

I been practicing my theory test and it not going well. Nothing is. Actually I can pass the theory part, its the hazard part I'm trying to get through. I have passed a practiced version of it once but not since so annoying as I don't want to fail this and I have to have passed it before they're give me my grant for my lessons. I have less than a week to study it. Best to study hard then.

There is a lot stuff I have to do this week: finishf my personal statement; study for the theory test; write future posts and pack of course. I should also do some stuff for Sociology.

I went to editing session for the Horror film I help make during the summer. Didn't edit much, mostly it was just watching other mess with the sound. Saw the almost finished version of the film, a lot of stuff is been cut. Not completely sure what I think about it. There is lot of continuity errors. There is one scene that bugs because I'm sure we refilmed when that issue became apparent. Also I think one of the scares has sort of been ruined by the fact that it to be refilmed and doesn't have the same impact but that being said original filming was not great. Out of focus and had unbelievability facts.

I think with films there is something you have to let go off. Weird lighting is one of them. The guy got who organized got my name slightly wrong so it now a thing that going to be as many variation of my name as possible during the credits. I enjoy joke credits a lot. I had been tempted to suggest that the tripod get credit. I can't think of any others that I wouldn't be stealing from the Animaniacs' credit. My favourite is "Names: By Our parents".

I'm off to try and type my thoughts about films and books into something that will make someone want me on their course/university.

Mortal UKAS

Hello dear readers, this week has certainly been more interesting in the second half. Though, it usually is as I have no real reason to ever leave the house before Thursday and I usually don't. On Thursday I went to college where I felt terrible, I've been feeling Fibo at moment. You know numb limbs that go to sleep without me and I sure do feel tired at lot. I woke with my arms aching at the elbow and wanting to go back to sleep for a year.

I actually had two large cans of energy drinks (cherry) that day. I downed my first can before class. My arms stopped hurting but still tired during class. I then walked across town to catch the bus home which I wasn't that happy about. The reason being that I was meant to be going to an open day that started at 4pm and the bus didn't get to the nearest town to me till 3pm. I had my doubts about getting there on time and I was right to because we ended missing the talk I was going there for. We also went the wrong way but we late before that. *sighs* Parents. I always forget to lie about the time we need to get there.

I got a tour of the Uni Creative department that involves radio studio, music studio, TV studio and very impressive lighting in the performance area that's worth half million pound. I talk to the person in charge of the course about what they looking for in the personal statement and found out that delightfully I don't have to submit a portfolio for this one and the course has reasonable number of students. The person was trying to console me with that 300 people who apply end up going to apply. I wanted to laugh, I was relieved. Especially since I've already got the grades to get in there so I just need to sell myself in my personal statement.

I really don't get where Edinburgh gets off only accepting 8-10 people. It fucking nuts and it sort of put me off there. I'm still applying there, but its not my favourite anymore. We see how things develop.The opening day on Thursday made me excited and hopeful instead of crying in a corner. Also its in a cheaper place and closer to family and where I want to be. I really need to write my personal statement so that I can start my Track wait before my Holiday. The portfolio for Edinburgh will still have to be done.

Friday was Friday with college, UCAS talk and Marks and Spencer fun. Today was the day I could get the limited edition of 'Books are in my Bag' bag so I drove to nearest large town where I brought books from the nearest chains. No clue why I bother with WHSmith as they sell damaged books full price. Oh, yeah 2 for 3.

I also brought video games and pondered getting Murdered: Soul Suspect Limited Edition. I want the game but not sure if the Limited Edition is worth it. So far I've only found it for £7 more than the standard. I tried Game where I found a Metel case of Injustice but it turned out that they only had the metal case out to lure people which is why I like Games Centre better than Game which reminds me that I need to find my 3DS.

I have a lot of things to do before I disappear to the states. UCAS, Blog, review books to read, college work and messing around with my new camra. I brought one and it came today. I had thought about geting this waterproof one but decided just to stick with my first choice.

My little brother discovered Mortal Kombat the other day. Oh, childhood memories of virtually beating each other up and trying to figure how to kill each other. Still Game was good by the way.
Childhood.

I found out that Natural Theatre's Frankenstein is showing when I'm away. The real fun part is that its showing in Florida the day I arrive and the day I'm going to the Universal Horror Night. Damn the fates. I always missed out on something when I go to Florida. It's like I can't win. My parents kept saying just to get the DVD. Well, there isn't one because...they don't want there to be.

That's everything of interest that happen I think. We also got pizza and dominio stuff which I'm now going off to eat. See ya next week losers.

Tramatic Open days

I went to an Open day for one of the university I'm interesting in attending. It was a problematic process getting there. I had to get up at 3.40 to catch the bus to get there. However, I only fell asleep at 11pm something and somehow slept through my alarm. Actually, I think I turned it off in my sleep. I'm a person who does that.

So we missed the first bus, we just missed the seconded bus because I had confused its time with the first bus we had missed. So we chased the bus and finally caught up with it an hour later. Way to go us.

Once we finally got into the city, we had to find where we were going as we first came across the the uni library and thought it was where we were meant to be. It wasn't there probably should have signs to point you in the right direction, considering they knew people would be visiting from different places and not know the city at all. Frankly, I don't know the street name for the nearest town to where I live.

I had a terrible hot chocolate and we eventually found the right building. We wait in line for a while, but due to it being "Over-subscribled" my mother couldn't go into the talk with me (I had to actually send her away.) I found out the horrifying fact that the course apparently only has 8-10 people on it. Small she said. Someone asked how many people apply and the tutor refused to answer. She said she didn't want to horrify us. Well, too late because there was more than ten people in the room and that talk had been given two times already (on another open day) and there was another that day. That probably 100-160 people who at at least showed up to the open day for the course. That information alone is horrifying. I really don't get why that would put people off applying or making that journey.

OMG, 10 people is tiny. Also they like having a lot of international students. HAHAHA *laughs manically whilst rocking self forward and backwards for hours*

Still applying because there isn't another good option anyway. Who knows I might be in that ten. *laughing and rocking begins again* I once won a contest for my drawing of my dream room and who knows how many probably didn't enter that.

 The worst part is I was already anxious about my portfolio. I have footage but nothing edited. I have a few ideas but not sure if any of them are good. I know what I want to do and I know its a competitive industrial but I didn't think the training would be that competitive. It was my favourite but I can't honestly plan to get in. It's contest and who knows what they will think of me.

I guess the worst part of creative careers is that any rejection is a rejection of your soul. * The laughing and rocking begins again but tears are clear to falling down checks*

I have the writer answer of saying it's all experience to draw on. *a single tear escapes this time, hints of past trauma*

I also got a grant for driving lessons and tests so YAY! Booked my theory test so that's happening. I brought things I shouldn't of have today. I've also decided not to make BookTube videos (the video even went up saying so) for a while, I just don't to have that self inflicted pressure to create when I have more important pressure to create something I could use as a portfolio.

Now I'm off to make a Big Tall Wish and try my best to believe in magic.

Univeristy Thoughts (I'm so lonely).

My parents have this concern if I go to uni I'll be rather lonely. I don't share this concern that much since there is always phones, skype, Facebook and other wonders of the internet. I mean there lots of ways that I can keep in touch with my family. Sure I might end up being lonely but I'm already lonely where I am.

Family is great and all however none of them really share the same interest with me. I have no real friends down here. Anyone I get friendly with, has this tendency of moving away. Most of my friendships have ended with a moving van (and no none of them were ran over by a van). I still friends with them on Facebook which I would still be able to do if I moved across the country.

I think my parents are so concern I do what my brother did. Sure, I do have a history of avoiding school but most of those times was caused by other factors. I'm applying for something I like, I'm not just settling for being offer to be. Sure, there is university that my parents would be prefer be to go to cause they're closer to home or other family members live near there but I'm not going let geography define what I do for the four years of uni (It might end up being 3 years of uni). Frankly I've already made that mistake.

My parents have this double standard of saying that worry about me if anything was to happen to them because they don't think I'm independent enough. I don't know if they're just lumping me in with young half of their children. One of the reasons I think going to uni would be good for me is that it would force me to be independent. I would have to learn to survive on my own, but in more of a safe environment than just randomly moving to another city.

I know there's not a lot stuff that I do for myself. I don't do the ironing because I suck at it and have no need to learn to be better. I don't do the general cleaning of the rest of the house. Yes, I hover but with 5 hairballs of pets that always going to be a losing battle. I don't how to use a washing machine, the one time I tempted it I dye some of my clothes and probably damaged the others. I also don't buy my own food. Though, I live in a house where food tends to become life for another organism before any humans get to it.

I just hate where I live, I guarantee that I won't be living down here as soon as I can afford to live by myself. Mainly, because there not a film industrial of any kind. Sure, films have been filmed around here but not regularly. Even in terms of writing, this place just makes me unhappy and there nothing here for me but depressing sites. I basically want to leave so I never run into someone from I know every time I go out.

I just hate it here and it feels like I'm always about to spill into depression around here. My parents bring up these points. Going uni is already a scary notion, it been 4 years that I've wanted to go to uni and I haven't backed down. I'm sick of uni seemly like a pipe dream. I know it going to be hard for me to get in because life hasn't been fair. However, I'm not going to stop that from stopping me for going for it.

I want to study Film and English. I don't care if those are hard jobs to get into afterwards. Someone does do them and maybe I'll be one of those people.

2014 Goals

This week has been book heavy as I've been partaking Bout of Books 9.0 Readathon. I've so far read 6 books which if you're counting is one more book than how many days there is. I'm hoping to have read 9 books by Monday Midnight. I also went to both of the libraries I frequent and plan to go again next week to big one.  Though, reading all these library books isn't very good for some of my challenges these years. 

1. To read a book a week. I like reading books at this rate and will need to if I'm to meet my other book goals. (so far I done this and more).
2. Read 100 books. I read 103 books last year but I'm doing stuff this year which I might be busy so I could have read more that easily last year so I'm just going to stick with that goal for next year.
3. I want to finish writing The Stranger a.k.a my June 2012 Camp NaNoWriMo novel a.k.a the novel I've been working on since I was 15. I would really like to have a finished first draft of this novel. Its an aim.
4. To continue with this weekly blog. Maybe even to have blog main topics pre-written and thought out more. I suppose my blog will becoming more like twice weekly. 
5. I think maybe focusing more on Creative Writing. I've got so many ideas that I want to do and I'm planning to something creative writey for a career.*fingers crossed* Also it could be part of the whole weekly post thing. 
6. On the other subject of writing, I want to start keeping a diary every day better than I did last year. I just really want to have a daily record of my life and you know writing everyday should make be a better writer (hell, maybe even a quicker one).  
7. To pass my driving tests. Need to do my theory and practical. I'm back on the insurance this year and I'm seeing about possible fund like I said in last week blog. It would be nice to get this done before May so I'll be able to drive before Open day season as both my parents can no longer cope with long journeys well and you know independence and that. 
8. To write Personal Statement and applied to UCAS (University). I want to get this done in petty of time so I don't have to have a mass panic around December 2014 to get in on time. Applying early is my goal. 
9. To do filming this summer so I have a good portfolio of stuff and not just use something because it all I've got.
10. To do well in my studies of all sort. I've applied to college starting in August, hopefully I'll be accept so I want to do well straight away. The finial exam will actually be next year but I still need to have good predicted grades. If I'm doing well they be less stress to when it comes closer to exam time.
11. To get a job. I'm meant to be going on Holiday this year and so I need spending money. Also saving some money for Uni would be good too. I've never had a job so getting real work experience before Uni would be brilliant as I am going to have to work to support myself realistically. 
12. To read 50 books by British Authors, this is part of the British Book Challenge which I'm doing for the second time this year. I did it last year and managed to 22 British Books in that year (I also won books from doing so you know fun). So I've decided to up myself on this front, also I was shocked by the number of books I read by Americans. I have to read a book and write a book almost every week if I'm to managed that. 
13. To read 60 books from existing book pile. This should be easy as I don't plan to really buy books this year as I own tons I haven't read yet and I have to save money this year. I'm taking part in Mount TBR Challegne which equals to be read piles with Mounts. Who knows I might manage to tackle a higher Mount than I think. We're see. 
14. To finish ten book series. I own/access to a lot of completed series so it would be good to get a lot of them done this year and ten seems like a good number. 

So that basically my plan of action for 2014. Wish me luck. Now I'm off to read and go see The Desolation of Smaug (wish me luck again).

A Day and Half without Power

I am now a graduate, no not the type with a degree or diploma. But I have so many certificates. Most of them useless, but hey I have them god damn it. Basically, this my complicated way of saying that I finished that Prince's Trust Course with a Presentation night that they like to call Graduation. It felt as meaningfully and as important as Nursery school Graduation was. Though, now I can no longer say that everything went down hill after Graduation (I have specifies it now). We all got Alphabet books which they no longer use to teach the Alphabet. I'm such a positive person, that must really show on this blog, doesn't it?

You can tell that I'm really inspired by this course to do great things with my life. Frankly, I'm not. Though, I now know what I'm hopefully doing next year if I get into the course, of course. I still have to write a Personal Statement thing and it's in high demand. So you know worrisome. I also might be a little over qualified for it. It basically to do more Highers so I can finally get an A. I plan to do 3 more next year. Should be hilarious next to the other five.

The presentation thing went fine we took pictures, people cried for some reason. We got terrible take-way. I order a large doner kebab, however, I received a tray of meat with a single, tiny pita bread, which I work out that pita bread cost a pound. So in summary, Fuck you Dante's in Dumfries, even if I lived in Dumfries I would never fucking go to you again. I get very worked out about my food. I mean the Kebab meat was still nice, but still I didn't order a tray of it. I knew I should have just order Pizza. I didn't understand why we didn't get Chinese or Indian, anyway.

We also had the opportunity to get our Hair and Make-up done by Students studying such thing. I took this opportunity by having my hair curled and make-up applied. I did now however touch my make-up with more colour.

We had went shopping on Thursday where we had got £50 off this other Trust to buy clothes for our Graduation/Interview wear. The boys all brought suits, the other girls brought party dresses/cat suits that there's no way you would go to a interview in. Though, in truth none of the stores in town really had anything at all. I mean if I had wanted to go down the party dress line, I saw nothing. I did get lucky with buying real leather brogue shoes for £6. There said were half price at £12. My family have it in their head that I have incredibly lucky just because I cleared out a School charity raffle thing one year. I think it more if you put yourself out there, you bound to eventually win.

Look at me Speaking.

I also won books (and minty biscuits) on Tuesday. I've been doing the British Book Challenge this year and there is a monthly draw of reviews entered which is of course a book prizes. I won November's which I was quite chuffed with considering that I didn't enter at all in October. Tuesday hadn't really been a good day, just little stuff that did it, though winning books turn it around some what. I was actually so depressed that I had actually already purchased four books before I had found out my winnings. I'm not really excited about the books I won, but that mainly to do with the fact that I never check out them out and I figure I just leave them till they arrived to see what they're about. However, any books make me happily, especially when they free to keep.

It strange I won this month as I've decided that December will be the month of reviews. I mean I'm planning to catch up on the books that I need to read/write reviews on. You know just getting all unfinished business over before the end of the year. These upcoming Wednesdays will have several books and you should enjoy that. I'm working on two right now and know what the one after them will be. also need to finish tidying my room.

The other major event of this week, was the fact that my house was without power for two days. Though, I only experienced a day and half of it as I had just left when power disappeared. I mean we had power issues before then. The power had cut out in the midnight of the night, I know this because I woke at 5.40ish to darkness. My TV was off and my alarm had reset so it was good thing I woke up when I did or I would have ended up missing the bus. Well, I would have been lucky if the bus had show up at 7.15am like it was meant to. However, it never showed due to the same reason we lost power and now have a fallen tree in a garden. I'm sort of going to miss that tree but it's a lost cause. You probably know that the wind was windy as hell and took down several trees/branches causing hazards on and blocking the roads in South of Scotland/something about the North of England. The power also briefly went off right before I left at house at 8.30am and apparently went off straight after I finally left for College. It then didn't come on till Midnight on Saturday. We had been told it would come on at 10pm on Thursday, then 6pm on Friday, then 11pm.

In the meantime, we had a lot of fun with fire and takeaways. We had MacDonalds, KFC and chip shop. We try to warm up the left over KFC by the Gas-fire (which was the only heating we had, really miss the Rayburn at times like that). I read Batman comics by Candle light and attempt to write a review by candle light before losing patience with the idea of work. BATMAN SPOILERALERT!(Though, I'm sure most Batman fans have heard about this already), I read the Death of Damian Wayne by Candle light, I'm just hating (not in the crap sense, more emotional pain of it) the whole of arc of Bruce grieving. It just so terrible. I mean Damian had start to grow on me but its the Bruce's suffering that really getting to me. It just so sad. I don't like and it the tiny stuff as well. Like cat Alfred sitting on his grave and stuff. SPOILERALERT! OVER!

I've made quite leeway with my pile of comics. I've Batman:The Dark Knight (which turns out is being rebooted as Asylum next year). I've got four comics left to read in Batman ones and then it Justice League and Superman action left. Well, before this month actual comic arrive. Though, I'm sort of annoyed with Titan as last month Superman has yet to arrived. I'm going to contract them about it because it sort of ridiculous how late some of the comics come. The last Dark Knight comic came a day early but that doesn't make up a Superman and Justice league one was sort of late too.

I also had to sleep downstairs on the couch due to the power cut as my mum has a thing about candles being upstairs. I suppose my mum has point considering how many books I have in my room that I would hate to see burn. Also all my other stuff is important I guess.

This week has actually been that eventfully. Next week probably won't be, but it certainly will be busy as I have Panto rehearse every night week and then the actual thing so I shall be rather tired by Saturday(a.k.a Opening night). Type to you then.

Monster Uni. (that reminds me...)

Hello negated readers (if you were more vocal you might not be so negated), you might have notice post appearing/ed randomly. Is there a reason? Sort of. Is it a good one? Not really, but I honestly though it was Friday till I checked two weekdaily online comics and realise that they both hadn't uploaded. I lost a day, not sure where, if found please return to me. I think it was Thursday, not sure, but I have no memories of Thursday, or maybe I have memory of Friday.

So I saw Monster Univeristy today, it really puts you in the mood for starting uni and getting kicked out before the end of the year. What a shame I'm not starting Uni this year. Oh, well there always next year.
Seriously, though August has gotten a bit away from me and I need to start applying to UCAS and decided what courses I'm applying to. English, but tempted by film things such as script writing. I'll keep you sort of posted.

So back to film. Has anyone else noticed that Pixar have released two sequals that go with the current age of the group of the kids who first saw them. I mean Toy Story 3 was about leaving childhood and change with Andy going off to college (Though, I really don't understand why he had to clear out his room, is he now banned from the house all together now or something?). And now we have Monster Univeristy which is set in a Univeristy, amazingly. I mean I know people my actually age tend to be in their third or seconded year of Uni but still.

Have Pixar just decided to go with it. Should I expect a Toy Story 4 when I'm in my 30s about Andy's kids' toys or Monster Nursing Home when I'm 80. God, those would be terrible movies if they made them.

Monster Univesty was alright. It was watchable, like I'm not dying to see again but it not the worst pixar sequel I ever seen (that honour goes to Cars 2).

So I got thinking about some of the terrible Sequels that Disney have produce saddly in my life span. Not saying all Disney sequels are bad, but for God Sake there is a sequel to FUCKING BAMI. Just honesty, don't know why anyone would think that it would be a good idea to make sequels to classic Disney films. It like Disney built my childhood to then go on to destroy it, sequel by sequel. They've gotten slightly better, but there was a time where I wouldn't have been susprized if they made a sequel to the Swode and the Stone, I mean no one likes that movie but they just might have tried it. Here a list of Sequels that they had no right to attempt but did: Peter Pan (those Fucking terrible TinkerBell movies which in she can talk and voiced by Barbie, she completely out character, Tinkerbell is meant to be hot tempted and vain (also should have been dead by Peter Pan 2)), Junge Book, Clinderella (there's two by the way), Bami (just why?) and I'm sure there's more that I can't think of (thankfully). There are few sequels that are terrible but can be justified by the fact that it was the same people who made the Original that made them but they were still petty terrible, such as the Fox and the Hound 2.

To be honest they is some sequels I liked, such as the Beauty and the Beast ones. However, those films where made within a decade of the original film (I first watched them as a kid). I also liked the TV series such as Hercules,  Aladdin, and Little Mermaid. I even like the 101 Dalmatians one, but that was more a spin off the original film with four of the puppies being the stars.

If day comes that there ever a proper Snow White film(I think there was some terrible Disney Princess thing but we're just ignore that now or better yet Forever), just remember that Walt Disney did not think that was a good idea. The same man who annoyed the hell out of 101 Dalmatians' writer for a sequel to the original book she intentionally wrote a bad one so he would leave her alone. Which probably is a better (never read either books) sequel that most of the Disney film ones. I would just like Forever After to actually mean something again.

Whilst we talking about damaged childhood, I finished watching all 99 episodes of The Animaniacs as today, now I only need to watch the watch the movie for this return to my childhood to be complete. Though, if Warner Bros. would actually release The Animaniacs dvds over here (also finish Batman: The Animated series). I would be a happy girl and they would have my money. Till then I'm a Pirate (wrong yes, but its the only way I could re-watch them as they not on TV in the UK nor can I buy them dvd forms). I remember parts of it, not all. Maybe I'll finish re-visiting Batman: the Animated series. Probably catch up on my negated books. See ya next week (I promise).

Freedom to be Busy with things of my choising (Summer plans)

I'm rather tired at the moment, I went into Dumf (Home of Escaping) on the purpose of getting food out of Marks & Spencer to last me while my parents away next week. Very excitingly my sister and I will have the house to ourselves for a full week and since neither of us know how to drive we will basically won't be able to leave the house.

I also got a dress that's slightly too big and went to the Indian which was good. I'm almost tempted to end this post here instead of writing my tended stuff such as being finally done with college (at least for the summer) and now I can do all that stuff I've been despeaate to do but I have been putting off due to my college and feeling terrible. First plans are to tidy my room, reorganise my clothes and then my books. My room always needs tidying, I currently have limited access to my clothes and my bookcase have been buging for months due to read series not being together and them generally lukering about.

I'm also planning to catch up with my comic books as well as put a dent in my owned to be read list and do some creative stuff. Just basically all the stuff I've been wanting to do but have had to put off in favour of college.

I also have some big video plans that I'll discuss on my vlog/booktube channel tomorrow. I've recenty brought a memory card that allows me to film for over 160 minutes on it which is awesome and  bought a tripod this week. A big one thats taller than me, unlike the tiny one my mum brought off ebay.

Its not the fact it was off ebay that makes it bad, it just that literally too small have any practical use in filming videos. However, I think it makes a good stress relief toy so it might be good for editing.

With that note I leave you for bed where I'll have sweet dreams of book ideas.

College and Illness

I'm ill, but I'm not really ill. Like I'm overly tired,  I just want to sleep everywhere. I've had this weird deep cough, it sounds worse than just normal slightly chocking cough but its not constant. I have had head aches. My body been achy again, like my arms have been playing up. It sometimes feel like the bone went numb.

This week I went to college two days straight: Monday, Tuesday. Now, I don't actually have any classes on Tuesday but I do on Wednesday. I was really going to go to college on Wednesday, but I slept through my alarm and couldn't move out of bed. Having missed my bus I had no way to get into college. Did the same on Thursday and finally making out of bed on Friday to go to the dentist (Fun Times, though my teeth are fine).

I have a chance not to fail this year and body like thats not happening. Here be sick, have random pain, don't be able to move in the morning. Sometimes I wake up quite early naturly but my body is like nope and then I wake up 3 clock like I did today.

My upper arms are aching so I find myself typing then stopping studdenly, but I'm commited to finished this post now even if its petty much filler. It just college stuff and being ill. Like I got something in the mail that counts as illness but I'm not sure whether to share it or not.

I'm going to the Doctor's on Tuesday to see about my whole Austisic muteness thing, to see about opinions or something. Also I'm to be seeing carer person so that something that happening.

I'm having such a hard times staying still to write this and my arms are being bad and so is my leg. Ar Fuck, seriously at lot out loud. Okay, that's all for this week, maybe I won't be in so much pain and have something more interesting to say next week as I will be done with college by then. Yay, Summer of nothingness! Bye.

America Taking Over: Book Edition

On Tuesday Night, I realise I had only read 12 fictional books written by British Authors. 

61.36% of the books I've read this year so far were by Americans which is slightly depressing. Only 31.81% were by British Writer. Though, the non-fictional I read this read so far were 100% by British writers, all two of them.

The reason I realise this was because I'm doing the British Book Challenge this year. I counted the book reviews I had done and realise it was rather low number considering I've read 44 books this year so far.

I guess kinda weird how dominant another culture can be in your reading habits and guess TV as well. I mean I know in a lot of ways I come from a culture that often undermined with the fault that as part of the UK a lot of people forget that Scotland is a country on its own. I mean I have never read YA books that showcase that proudly states the Scottish School system. The closest is literally Harry Potter since Hogwarts has same titles for the year groups. Once upon of time I read about Harry's third year while I, myself was in my Third year too. To be honest as writer myself, I think it might be a risk.

In many ways, we're writing for a English reading market which includes competition from Australia, Canada and America will always be shadow. So as Scot I know the American school system and the English one, but neither an American or English person is likely to have any clue about the Scottish one. I know the school systems don't play a major role, it just one of those minor detains.

I remember finding an YA novel by an English writer and feeling instant annoyed when I found out it wasn't set in Britain because at that time it was rare  for me to find any books that shared any parts of my culture. I found some good YA books where it is mum, and not mom and the "u" isn't missing from words since then. Though, its also difficult to find when you like a certain Genre, even when you arguably come from the home of that Genre. I mean Fantasy. I guess its called Urban fantasy, but I don't really like that term. I prefer Hardcore Fantasy where you got characters in complete Fantasy world or Fantastical l where your character stumbles across a witch in the street.

I'm Scottish, but I share a hell lot culturally with English person or I guess Welsh (though I don't think I've ever had a proper conversation with Welsh person), that's why I also think of myself of as being British. Still its so lovely when I find decent tv or film where I hear a Scottish accent. Especially since I moved down to the Borders. While still in Scotland, it feels rather English. I guess it probably all those English people who moved here. I mean honestly, I'm not even sure what the native accent is down here. Generally, I miss Central Scotland so much.

With sharing a langagure with America, it often forgot how different Britain is from them. I personally think they are probably the most different than all the other English speaking countries. Sometimes I feel like we get America's culture forced on us. It not the same bond we share with say our other Commonwealth countries (not just the shared version of English spelling). I mean for example, Australia and Britain swap TV or you find joint projects. Its actually British viewers that kept some of the Australian soaps going.

Maybe I'm getting off track, my real point is that I never actually notice how most of what I read was American. It kinda obvious in reflection. I guess kinda realised why the British Book Challenge is actually exists.

P.S. If thinking I forgot about Ireland, New Zealand and others, I didn't they just didn't fit in my arguments. In fact I read two books by an Irish Author, though they were set in Britain.

Thoughts of Summer and current Reading Slump

Without Doctor Who, Saturday has turned into just another day. If I was still at school then it wouldn't be so. Instead of just college which I unsuccessfully managed to get out of bed for. Speaking of depressing places of education, I rather looking forward to summer break. Expect this year I won't actually have a summer break because I'm not going to any form of education after summer.

I'm definitely not going to college next year as this course decision was mistake. Lesson don't do something just because it means you don't have to change location. Especially, if you've already had problems with similar subjects. Damn moodborads. 

 The main reason I want a summer break is that I want to reorganise my room: my bookshelves, my clothes location, my life.

I think the mess of my room as I keep thinking about how I wish I could just take care of it and still remains to be in this state no matter how many times I say I'll tidy it part of it tomorrow when I have time. I know I will eventually actually do it one of these "tomorrow"s but till then I procrastinate about whilst thinking. I know I'm actually more likely to do during a no set schedule time as I'll be able to do it in the middle of the night with the knowledge I can sleep the day away. The pain of being a night owl in world ran by people that like the sun.

I'm still having a hard time actually reading, I think might be that I'm not spending as much time on buses which I've got in the habit of doing most of my reading. I mean I was reading three books a week before I started college. Maybe it because I'm just not able to wander my books as easily anymore or I've just got to fond of lying in my bed whist pondering how "Remus Lupin and Sirius Black first started to have sexual encounters with each other" and many other such important matters.

I did actually only start reading on Thursday, the day that usually means no more college for that week. I suppose on Monday I randomly grabbed 'Cinder' by Marissa Meyer, a book I wasn't really in the mood for reading. I had thoughts of reading 'Warm Bodies' by Isaac Marion but I thought I was sick of end of the world/society stuff. Maybe I am just in the mood for Zombies and Horror *Insert evil laughter here*.

Even if I am in a proper slump I'll just let myself develop out and reread Horowitz Horror, a blast from my once hopeful teens. I'm also going to start posting reviews every Wednesday (If you read my post from the start, you know I've been talking about doing some sort of post on Wednesdays for a while).

Happy First Day of Summer, may the rain be kind to you this year.