Easter Procasination (with a side of Bible Bashing and Typewriter love)

Okay, nothing to really report. Been on Easter break ( if your American, SPRING BREAK!! WHOOP!) so no school to complain about. Been doing a lot of maths revision, should probably work on English or Biology considering I have a test for it after the holiday. I thought I might actually write a piece of fiction and post here instead. I know that what other people do with their blogs. Idea would be nice though; maybe I'll have one next week.

So tomorrow is Jesus' Deathday apparently. Fun. I don't really believe in Christianity (or any Abrahamic religion for that matter), but I will admit that the new testament is better than the old when it comes to my moral issues with the bible. I think its just a lot of prejudice humbug (I prefer Humbug to the modern bullshit).
However, Scotland is a Christian country so I have had the humbug shoved down my throat my whole life.  So I sometimes go to church and watch mocking videos on Youtube. Oh, and of course laugh at idiotic American Creationist. Anyone who tries to say Evolution is just a theory can go dance with our cousins the lions or any other sharp tooth animal.

Okay, kinda went of topic. I'm meant to be discussing Easter, not the modern idoits of this world. Basically, I have a lot of problems with the Easter Story and the way it portrayed in the Bible. Fun fact the New Testament's content was decided by some Roman Bastard (who was clearly Sexist), frankly he left out the most interesting Gospels. Fuck Mark and Luke; Mary Magdalene and Judas would seem more insightful than them. Some expects believe that Mary and Judas were made out to be sinners and villains out of envy, due their close relationship to Jesus, by the other Apostles such as Matthew. Yeah, I'm annoyed as much as curious of the lost of  Mary's and Judas' Gospels. I also think it makes more sense if Mary Magdalene was a Apostle. 12 guys seems rather unlikely, if you're going for peace among all mankind.

  Another Fun fact, Luke is not the Apostle, but just some random dude who was mates with Paul. Though, obviously none of the Apostles would have been alive when their gospels were wrote; I suppose its possible that their stories were past down.

To my main points, I don't get why Judas would commit the sin of killing himself when he did what Jesus asked him. I suppose it the similar as expecting someone to feel guilty about helping a dying relative leave the world faster. It also really annoys me when people say the Jews killed Jesus. It was quite clearly the Romans, the Catholic Church have some how managed to get people to forget this. As well as all those early Christians fed to lions. Its a shame that didn't put them off.

The main thing I get from Easter, is that Jesus died for our Chocolate.Actually, that some what comes from Christmas too.

Side-Note

I've been told that I'm now collecting Typewriters. My mother brought me a typewriter at £4 out of another charity shop today. Its a Hermes 301. So far have been able to find nothing about it on the Interweb, except that it from Switzerland. Its in working order, but I've not had a proper chance to type on it yet. I still like my Olympia better. I taken to calling it Gerard Arthur,  I feel that's a name a 40 year old would have. XD Maybe I call the new Benedict Cumberbatch, likely some Sherlock Holmes nonsense since that is currently my obsession. Oh, I'll call it Watson. My brain makes random leaps.

Is it sad that I'm naming my typewriters?

Last Parents' Evening. Also Braces go Bye Bye

On this previous Tuesday, at 4 past seven, I arrived at what will definitely be my last parents' evening, well until I become a parent or teacher (lol). Last year's was in November and at that point I had no real idea I would be repeating, that should have been my last. Don't remember much, just telling my English teacher at the time that I didn't like Shakespeare which she may not have directly said it, but she was appalled by this. Briefly went on how about how great he was, how so many experts love him and such nonsense. I still think he's an English Git who wrote the first Emo romance and is a history ignoring Bastard. I don't think my opinion of him is ever going to change. 
This year one was much more positive really and I'm in a much better place to pass. My mother and I arrived late for our first appointment. It was meant to be with my maths teacher, then English and Biology last. It of course didn't work out that way. Of all my parents' evenings, never once have we followed the appointment order. Frankly, no one really expects to. Making appointments just confirms that your parents will turn up at some point during the event, usually well after your appointment was meant to be.
 We first talk to my maths teacher at 7.10 slot instead of the intend 7.00. My maths teacher basically confirmed what I already knew. She said that I hold a better understanding of the course, though she also once said that you're don't to know why it works, just do (roughly along those lines). I told her I thought I had the potential for a B (leaving my A notion to myself) and she agreed with this estimation. She also said how my homework didn't always reflect my capable and I let myself down with this. My mother and I had brief discussion how my little brother had been playing up that week and that was my excuse for the last HW not being completely finished. I also shared with her my current revision plan of coping my notes; I personally I think this will help with the Objective Testing part of the exam. I mainly got from it that I have to ask for help. So the same as last year.
Shockingly, we actually saw my Biology teacher at the scheduled time of 7.20pm. As usual, it was the best out of them all. She said about how I got a B in my Prelim and how I could easily get an A. She said I had clearly been revising this year, I just smiled. Yes, I have revised more this year, but in honesty, Biology is kinda left at the side lines mostly.

Leaving the worst for last: English

It’s the most frustrating, it mocks me. I want to be a writer and I read all the time, but it’s my worst subject. It’s also the only subject I really need to pursue Illustration, haven't decided yet. I need a B, all my other subjects I'm getting that. So after waiting for about twenty minutes to see my English teacher, she  somehow turned my incredible failure of a prelim into a C grade and leaves me feeling rather positive. She basically said how my Prelim didn't reflect my ability as I did much better in class/HW. She said maybe it was scribe (I'm Dyslexic and I get extra time and scribe in all my necessary exams); I told her it wasn't and that I wouldn't feel conformable doing it myself on the actual exam with my tenancy to miss out words and writing nonsense when stressed. I told her I had only been reading for roughly seven years, my mother and her preceded to go about it taking me longer isn't that surprising. She said I would probably have to retake English to get that B. Also how good my folio was and that she enjoyed my short story. When I said I did read a lot, she said she knew, she could tell by vocabulary.

To end the blog, just want to say that I'll be getting my braces off this Monday. Goodbye being a walking Grater and I'll be able to run my tongue over my teeth again. I only have my weak eyes to go with my geek chic.

Okay, lets talk books

In my opinion, which I'm sure is shared by many, books are brilliant. They have to be the best thing we've ever invented since basically everything comes from them or were at least helped along. The written word has increased potential of share knowledge greatly. With it, we can communicate to someone hundreds of years apart (we obviously can't have a conversation), we can spread knowledge at speed impossible by the spoken word.

Frankly, I love books. Whether fiction or factual, I can find enjoyment in them all. Books for me are the best thing in the world: emotional stories; a fantasy to escape to; wondrous plot; intriguing characters; millions of facts and information. All can be found in books, what's not to love?

There really is a book for anyone, even if you claim you're not much of a reader.  They cover such a variety of topics and issues. They're amazing.

Okay, maybe I'm a tad biased. I mean I do consider myself a storyteller/writer. However, take it from someone whose been deprived of books, they are something to be thought sacred. The damaging of a book is a sin; the mass burning is a sacrilege

All books have value, even if is it to beat someone with them (I refer to large hardbacks as whacking books for a reason) or as evidence of  idiocy.  I honestly don't think the written word will ever go out of style. You can't beat the human imagination. 

P.S. Okay, that was a petty pointless blog. Nothing else to write about this week.

My Best Laid Schemes : My Endeavour into the World of College

Well, I had my interview for college and I did finish my portfolio (I never did the font/typography page, but I do plan to still glue that stuff down at some point) in time. It went okay, my mum came with me partly, did my speaking for finding out where to go and such. They took my photo before I was interview for my ID if I get in, it’s probably horrid. Forced my mum to go after that; she offered to stay with me, but there was no way I could do that, I have to learn to speak/do stuff myself. Basically we got a small tour, given a general talk and then got interviewed. We waited in one of the class rooms (I think that what they called it) and sat in silence, despite the encouragement of the Interviewer to talk to each other. I felt awkward and want to break the silence, but not being the sort of person to do so, it remained. I started to regret wearing my batgirl t-shirt under my dress top, you could clearly see her sticking out instead of potential cleavage and using my standard Batbag. I also hated the fact my portfolio was in a plastic see-through folder, you could see my work at one side, while everyone else were black and fabric. I'm going to buy one of them.

I was third to be interviewed, I fucked up the talking bit, I'm just not meant for speaking one to one with someone. I also realise that I can't tell if someone is talking to me, unless they specifically address me. I think most people can tell, maybe its because I look past people (I'll add that to the Autistic list).

She (the interviewer/Course Tutor person, I have a horrible memory) first ask me why I want to do the course, so I mumbled about having an interest in Illustration and kept repeating the word "but". What I wanted to say was I have an interest in Illustration, but I think it would be better to have some experience with Graphic Design.  So she moved on to my actual portfolio and discussed that. It was a lot easier to comment and communicate. I said pointless nonsense and I talked myself down; I said how things hadn't went my way with my Higher Expression/Self-portrait Unit, frankly I hate all my pieces for that unit except my solution. She asked if I was doing English, which I told her I was re-sitting and she said how it be good to have if I want to go to Uni (I already knew this, didn't say) but it didn't matter for the course. She said that my work was good/fine, don't remember her exact words, and that I had an Unconditional place for the course.

Yep, so I left the room some what happy and got lost trying to find my way out. Once, I had escape from the clutches of the almost empty building. I called my mum to tell her my good news (and to come get me), she was shopping and told me to call my dad, who once called asked if I had called mum, whom I told that I had and that she had told me to call him and they both, of course, said congratulations in their own ways. I then message my Best Friend who give me a cyber hug and for once I didn't cyber slap her for it.

I waited for my mum for roughly half a hour, my sister who was with her had thought she had lost her bank card and they had searched for it at the shops. It was in her back pocket, of course it was. While I waited I post cryptic messages (e.g. "Well, I know what I'm doing next year") on Facebook/Twitter. I didn't really want to tell anyone I had got in, not sure why.  My mum let it slip on facebook and I selectively told people in real-life, but technically this is the web announcement.  I had intended not telling my art teacher that I knew I got in, but I did ended up telling her. Though, I told Mrs B (Annoying Support teacher who featured in last week's blog) that I wouldn't know for two weeks. I doubt she'll directly ask again, but if she does, I'll tell her the same lie.

I also went on my last school trip this week. I went to see "Of Mice & Men" at The Lyceum Theatre in Edinburgh. It was good, but I just don't think its suits being a play and works better as a book. I(’m petty sure) was the only six year on the trip, I read mostly there and back with my ipod to protected me from my younger peers. We left at half hour and got back at half past midnight. It was very fitting to be my last school trip as school was a drama, left me up at night and exhausted.

As I've said many a time, I didn't expect to be here. I thought I would have been finishing my first year at Uni by this point and not heading towards college. I even said I didn’t want to do art any more, but I think that was due my lack of support on the matter and thinking I'm a crap drawer besides the evidence and testimony of expects (well, as expect as I've came across).

So to sum up this blog (somewhat my life so far): I'll be doing Visual Communication HNC next year, mainly due to the fact

"The best laid schemes o' mice an' men 
 Gang aft agley" 
Robert Burns.

Prelim Succes & Failures/I'll never be finished in time for stupid College

The brain is a funny thing.
This week, having completed and got the results back from my Prelims; I felt three things: Distort, Acceptance and Delight.

I've completely failed my English Prelim, getting a measly 21% for the whole thing. I don't care what my English teacher says getting 7/50 is something to worry about even if the upper Higher class did the same thing. Even if it was really hard, I can't justify that. Its less than 10 weeks until the English Exam. As for my essays I knew I had fucked them up the moment I realise I was writing shit in my "Incident" (by Norman MacCaig) Essay and gave up on "The Crucible" one. I have no idea what possessed me to do that one. I went in thinking. I'm going to do "The Cone-Gathers" and poetry. I didn't know enough of the "The Crucible" and I pick the wrong question for it. They was a better question above the one I chosen that mocked me after I had wrote too much to change. So I got 9 and a 5. They had to be the worst essays I've ever written. I had been showing some improvement.  I never knew you could get a 5.

As for Biology, I got a B with 71% which would be an A in the exam, but because the Prelim only contend Unit 1 & 2 the A mark was 75% instead of 70%. I can turn it into a A with the Unit 3 Prelim we're sit as soon we finish that Unit and do the Nab. I probably could have done better if I had studied instead have Procrastinated the night before. In my offence, I did go for Biology support the night before the Prelim. Even if I did leave early out of boredom and went to the Library.

Now Maths, I'm rather chuffed with. I got a B! Though, I only just with getting 60% and in the exam it usually ends up being 65% for a B. I was hoping for/thought I had a C. From this I have gain the want, the will to get an A in my exam. Just the idea of getting A with getting an F (I found out that I must have got less than 49%) in the exam last year, fills with glee at the contrast it would be. I now know I'm capable of it. In reality, I'll be a aiming for in 70% range, but I could hit 80.

It strangle though, that I'm getting Bs in all my subjects except for the one I need it in. If I do to pursue Illustration after this year out, then I'll need a B in it at least. I'm going to start studying like bad for all my subjects, instead of just thinking about it, I won't bother with Timetables, I'm just going to go for it.

Speaking of Illustration, my interview for college is this Tuesday. And my portfolio is not done. I have to mount everything for my Development and need to do something about this Solution. I also have to finish a Bat this weekend. I think my Art teacher has had enough of me, if her side re-marks about my lack of smiling are anything to go by.

But still the thing I'm most nervous about is the fact I have to Talk.  I DO NOT DO TALKING. I still don't really care if I get in and I know its not hard to do, get into college I mean, its just I get so worked up when I have to verbally communicate. I hate the thought of it.

Still the sooner I leave school the better. The sooner I don't have to deal with the heartless cows (C*nts really) of  my school house the better. They're meant to be support teachers, but they've done nothing but undermine me. As said to Mrs Bitch (as I like to call her) "Its not like you give a shit" which goes for both of them. I really wish I had called her a Heartless cow, instead of just thinking it. I know it bad to swear at teacher, especially when she threatening your EMA, it have would felt so good. Maybe, on my proper last day, I will go say to her and fulfil the fantasy of hundreds and tell her exactly what I think of her.

What she gonna do? Withdraw her non-existent Reference?

I'll blame the (suspected) Autism and my "strong sense of Justice".

P.S. Wow, thats a long post and a "strong sense of Justice" is a symptom of Dyslexia.

I'm a bloody mess- Learned First Aid

I officially know how to do CPR and put someone in the recovery position. In about 2 weeks time I'll have a card that says as much from the British Red Cross. We did learn other things such as what to do when we find someone unconscious, how to treat broken arms and other wounds, as while talk through other emergencies. I also now know how to use a public defibrillators, they actually have voice recording that speaks out the inslutants to you. They also recording you though.

The course was meant to last five hours, but we only had time for four and we did over five weeks in our free periods at school. We basically did all of it in two and bit. The fourth was just us covering each other in fake injuries. Favourites were black eyes and cuts on the top of the left hand (completely unrealistic). There were quite impressive and even fooled a few people. Here are my injuries, they weren't as impressive as everyone else.

Here are some fun facts,

•  CPR only save 1 in 100
• Defibrillating someone saves 1 in 25
• Heartattack victims are basically already dead if they're unconscious.
• You can drown from a teaspoon of water, because thats all it takes for your body to go into shock.
• Its very hard to get water out of someone lungs

  So I now know how to potentially save someone's life, though I doubt have to use it.

Bonus Blog (BB); Inkpop went Pop! (My heart break over a website)

On Monday, 27^th Feburay I came home from school tired from not finding sleep the previous night due to one of my random periods of insomnia. I had intended to go straight to sleep, but my body decided it no longer demanded rest now my bed was there to occupy. So I was checking my Twitter (hm...@RachelVerna) to see if anything remotely interesting had happen. I saw one of Inkpop's rare important twits. So I click on it and its link. Then my heart broke a little bit.

My favourite writing site was going to disappear in 3 days time, on the same day I was most likely going to be failing my Higher English Prelim, 5 days before I would be getting my new laptop which I promised to write on. Crap!

HarperColin had sold Inkpop's community to Figment.com (or in their words: http://harpercollins.com/footer/release.aspx?id=990&b=&year=2012 ) All of the Inkpop accounts would be getting transferred to Figment on 1^st of March. Of learning of its doomed my first emotions were of shock and angry. Frankly, I told Inkpop to Fuck themselves on Twiter. Not my proudest moment.

I couldn't believe their would throw away Inkpop like that. The website had only been completely re-hauled less than a year ago. It had taken them a great deal of effect and time to do since they had encountered several problems with the update. This all equal money that HarperColins had spent on the website. While I could understand that HC didn't want to continue with the concept of Inkpop, it did seems as though they had wasted a lot.

The rough just of Inkpop that it is a writing site for teen writers and writers that write for them, but with the actual chance to have ones work read and critique by an Actual Editor of HarperColins. They could decided to publish it. Though, only those who reach the Top 5 rank, being picked by their fellow Inkpopers, get this reward. It is likely that HC have realise the benefit of reviewing hundreds(Well, 5 novels, 5 short-stories, and 5 poems) is not giving that many potential publishable projects as their hoped, only one book had been published from being discovered on Inkpop: Carrier of the Mark, by Leigh Fallon. Also the time scale which the Top Fiction authors were getting their Critiques, could be used as evidence they simply don't have the time to do them.

My angry mainly stemmed from my sleep deprivation and lack of warning. It takes time to organised the merger of two sites, they must have knew this was coming for a awhile. Less than a week, 3 days of warning was that all Inkpop was worth. A site that many had found a online home and made connections. I guess in a way lifeline. It was home of escapists, but now its escaping from them. Gone would be swap forms, random societies. .PiXiE. would be the last Inkpopper of the Week. How can there be a Inkpop sisterhood without an Inkpop. While I was never a member of any of these societies, I couldn't but notice their lovely banners on their members pages. These societies will most likely rebuild on Figment.com, doubt it will be the same strength. A lot of Inkpoppers will not be moving. So like the forced moves of the Council housing in the 70s (and before that), communities that have been made will not remained in track.

Okay, maybe I'm being a bit silly comparing the Inkpop-Figment merger to people being forced to move their homes, but I'm a writer and actress (amateur obviously); I have a knack for dramatising things. And I am truly going to miss Inkpop.

On the 28^th I couldn't get on Inkpop for one last look, I thought I would have had the chance two days before its destruction. Even if it came back on (which it did), I wouldn't have had time to do it again as I needed, still need to revise for my Prelims that had been declare months before for this week.

I was PhoenixAngel, I never in the Top 5 Picks, or a Trendsetter, but briefly I was in the top 10 short story critics and you will find me on Figment.com because I have no where better to go.

Farewell, Inkpop and her Inkpoppers.

I'm so very different from them More like Walking Cliché

This may be a weird notion, but the thought came to me this week, while I was laying about. Am I cliché? I strive so much to be different, be weird and consider odd by the outside world. Does this in fact make me a cliché?

I'm a "Torment Soul" (according to most people I must think my parents don't love as much as my sick siblings or give me enough attention. They love me fine, thank you very much and I don't want them playing enough attention to notice the bodies) with a difficult and complex background who escapes into the world of art, music and books. I want, have wanted to be a writer from a young age and always associated myself as being a goth with my love of horror and the macabre. I have few, almost seemly non-existent at school friends. Frankly, I can be quite the loner and go happy for days without any proper human contract.  Black is my main colour choice in most style choices with the usual splash of red or purple. I consider Midnight blue to be one of my favourite colours.

But does this all not make me the cliché odd girl sitting in the corner with a book? Sure, I'm only person in my school that matches all the above description, however, my school, my town, my contract with the world outside -unreachable from- my room is very, very small. Within the context of my family, six siblings and all; including my extended family I'm the weird one with my ever-changing-multicolour hair that goes well past my shoulders (actually it slightly goes past my bellybutton). Does that really make special, unique?

 Am I just a big hypocrite?

I do just want to be me, I don't try to be different from everyone. I've just always accept my own weirdness, I've basically been like since I was four years old, before I even known social norms. I don't believe in, refuse to change for anyone. Its just been bugging me recently. Does it really matter anyway?

What's normal anyho?