Christmas Time

Remember how I said we would be evaluating my goals for this year, this week: Well, that was a lie.
I'm instead going to write about Christmas because, Hey Christmas.

Christmas has came and went this year with barely flecker of thought of the actual day. It's been more fuck, I need buy gifts and I have no money. I didn't really buy anyone's gifts in time. I brought my mum a small thing but not much else.  Only my closest sister and little brother got their proper gifts.

The funny story of this year is my mum somehow managed to give my own gift to wrap amongst my sister. It was this notebook and soon as I saw it I knew it wasn't for my sister. Having her got me this I knew she had got me other stuff in the same line as it. Such as a 2015 Diary that she already told me about because I had been discussing buying one with her. Though, it is a weekly one instead of the daily one I buy every year to note down my thoughts of the day but that has never work in the three years I've tried so maybe I'll just start using a notebook as diary but write in it everyday instead.

My other siblings except the ones we never see are coming tomorrow which was one the main reason I didn't feel like going over my goals today. I've also decided to sort my bookcase and really should be sleeping but screw that.

See ya next week where I'll probably do what I promise to do. Till then I've put video up this on my Youtube channel, its weird time to come back.

Calling this thing a Career is probably going too far

Haló, so we are five days till Christmas. Isn't that distressing? I don't why as my family have agreed everyone getting late presents except for my parents because they still under the impression that people in their 20s still get visits from Santa. God, I've been in my 20s for a year and over half now, that another distressing thing.

I've only really got my youngest sister and little brother's. I'm petty sure she doesn't read my blog but who knows this might be the week checks out what I'm producing for the internet. My brother (the older one of course) suggested that I say I do this thing to improve my career on my personal statement. I don't why I find that so laughable. I mean I do technically make money off this blog, but the way google ads works I've not made enough to actually receive any of those earning. And that's not a clue for you start clicking randomly on ads. I've got to say though, if on YouTube if I actually like the person video I'm more likely to finally click or watch an ad to see what the hell the ad trying to pug me. Maybe find this as career laughable as I'm pretty sure that its not career smart to bad mouth your hopefully future peers' work but that again if the only people I've actually been somewhat mean to are people I would avoid even if I have publicly rated a 1 star. Also I don't think I would cut off writer completely if I gave them one star unless I really hate their basic writing style which you can't tell unless you've read at least two of their books (not from the same series) or they've been writing for a while so they probably not going to get majorly better or their themselves are morally objectionable to me in a way I can't get over (which is the main reason the hype of Ender's Game will never get me) or probably the most likely none of the plot summaries of their other books speak to me.

Back to the point, maybe it due with the amount of complaining I do on here. Though, if anyone would like to pay me to complain about things then you welcomed to give me a offer. My email information can be found somewhere on here.

I guess nothing that much happen this week. My personal statement is what could be called a finished state but I'm not sure it actually conveys my passion for film. I think I actually regret looking up the tips before I had a finished version as it limited me and made me paranoid. They say they want a personal statement from YOU, but then they give a list of words not use whilst saying not to use a thesaurus. I say, use a thesaurus but only use the words you already knew before you looked. It can reminded you of words that you already knew which would fit better.

The thing I'm confused about, is should I go in to depth about film and book theory. It so hard and limiting that even being told what they look for gives me so little. I feel fake when I gushed about classic films like Sunset Boulevard, which is incredibility annoying considering it the only film I can think about.

Is it bad that I've sort of been threatening not coming home for Christmas next year, before I'm even accept anywhere, because the dorms are open and fun could be had by myself. I'm going to fill my dorm with lights and tinsel, and then neglect to take any of it down until I leave that room so the cleaners will talk about girl whose been celebrated Christmas for six months especially if I always make sure to have Christmas music blaring when ever they come.

I'm going to miss my dog and having a cat to annoy when I go to uni. I wish my application was sent away but I feel like I have to wait to hear back from my tutor before I send it and anyway I think I have to wait for her to write my reference before I can send away because I'm doing as a individual.

I'm going now as I have a long list of things to do this holiday. I mean I would like to have passed my theory test before I go back to college and have a organised room before I leave for uni. Also As are a thing I would like.

Farewell, join me next week where we will be sticking to traditional and evaluating this year's goals.

Book Review : Dead and Buried by Anne Cassidy

So the end is now.

It's been five years since Rose's mother Kathy went missing and, after recent events, all Rose wants to do is get on with her life. Which means taking a break from her complicated stepbrother, Joshua.

Then police officer Henry Thompson comes calling with bad news: a body has been found buried in the garden of Rose's old house. A body that has lain undiscovered for five years. The body of a missing teenage girl.

With Kathy and Brendan implicated in her death, Rose and Joshua have one last chance to clear their parents' names. But if they fail, the consequences will be deadly . . .

This is the first series where I should be able to say I review all the books but I never did get around to reviewing the first one. Here the reviews of the other two: Dead Rachel and Butterfly Grave. As always I only promise to be spoiler free for the book but there might be spoilers for the rest of the series so you should check out the reviews of them if you haven't read it.

I think the character were least likable state in this book. Joshua and Rose are just dicks to each other, Joshua peaks though due the danger he ignores. Due to the events of the last book you should feel all sorry for them but you know it would have been more interesting if Joshua had died. The romance part of this book is awkward and don't think it adds anything to the story except here a romance we always need a romance when the main character is girl. ALWAYS. Strong friendship or say SIBlING relationship would have been enough for the plot. Frankly, time is never given to the romance so doesn't feel like it belongs. If you delete the scenes that involved it then it would the story would read the same.

There is the magical wrap up where everything is peachy except for the emotional trauma. As for the rest of the plot, the mystery this time is cold case so it involves Rose getting away with interviewing adults and Joshua just randomly knocking on doors.

Overall, I gave this book 3 out of 5 stars for running from the mob. Whilst I enjoyed this story the characterisation was a bit lacking and not that satisfying considering its the last book in a four part series.

Christmas Night In

You all be surprised to know that I did not go out on that Christmas Night Out with my siblings (or maybe you actually are, as this is the first you're hearing of as I have negated to actually check to see if I mention it in any of my previous blog and about not fancying going). Instead I slept the night away without spending any money. I had a list of reasons, varying on strength.

1. I don't actually have any money as I'm in debt to various family members. (Once again not letting my parents pick me any form of technology without me there to comment on tech and price. I don't care if was white TV, it was actually Full HD and £40 cheaper).
2. I had finished my Personal Statement and had to put the finishing touches on a Assessment for Sociology that I need to pass to sit the exam (basically its a extremely annoying nab).
3. I just didn't want to go. It did not sound entertaining or fun. Going to restaurant with tons of family that I probably won't say anything to during the whole thing, tolerable. Going to the square to look at the Christmas lights in freezing weather, hell even shows showed up: cool in a movie, not in real life. Sore feet from the walking/standing and the cold is just painfully. Going to a pub after is just too much. Especially, after finding out we leaving at half three for a five clock reservation really put me off. I hate going out with my oldest sister as I want to go home whilst she still in party mood. I'm just not that sort of person and I hate overcrowded places unless we all there for a reason like a concert or Disney world. Pubs on a Friday nights, we are not here for any real reason. I don't drink nor do I like being out for the sake of it.
4. This reason actually cancels out reason 2, but was the point of no return as I stayed up all night finishing my Personal Statement that could was actually a proper first draft. Sure, still had my doubts about its content. It also over its lines but well within its characters, so maybe just one paragraph? I also put the finishing touches to my assessment (and totally watching The Chair). It was too late to go to sleep and actually get up for college because my brain will not get up after two hours of a sleep during the morning times. Sure, I can go to sleep at 6pm and wake at 8pm but not in their am equivalents no matter what time I woke up at. I take as proof I'm actually vampire that my body wants to sleep during the daylight.
5. I had not all got ready for it. Not packed or decided what I was going to wear.

 So I went to the Psychologist last Monday, I was right it was not really for the Autism. I went in with my parents which is helpfully as much as it is destortive. She asked about why I wanted to study film and dad went on about me not getting stage flight. I don't want to be in front of the camera, except maybe in joke cameo or unimportant part that needs to be filled and we have no one else to do. I don't do well in front of the camera, any acting ability I have goes out the window.

I did an Autism-Spectrum Quotient quiz thing which I've already did and guess what I came on the spectrum side for the result and again when I redid it to see if anything has changes. So hopefully I will actually get referred to right person next time, to get diagnosed. I'm not depressed right now, sure I'm unhappy but I can tell you why and I'm not going around feeling numb to the world so I don't think therapy is needed for me and someone else would do better with the time.

I know Psychologist are meant to ask you dumb questions because it might you stumble across a good/important revelation. However, "Why do you want friends?" is just petty dumb. I have no real friends right now, like no one to hang out with that I share a common interested with or someone to just chat aimless with and I'm lonely. Therefore, I would like the company of a friend. The only reason answers I could give to that is humans are pack animals and therefore programmed to want the company of others. Also I'm not Sociopath so I want company of someone I feel comfortable around.

If you've actually my other posts then you know I've explored my loneliness on here and hope that uni will help me out of this feeling with the meeting of new people who won't have the friends there either.

Also I have lost the card that has the time for my next appointment. I know the date, but not the actual time. I think I know the time but I can't be certain.

I have started watching The Chair you know that tv show that Shane Dawson won. I plan to watch the two films produced once I'm done as well. Got to say that Anna film does look like something I would normally not watch as it currently looks pretentious as hell. Also I know the Executive producers had no say on the winner but I thought it wasn't right that she had known them personally. I also so far its seems like she been getting more attention from them but that just might be the way it was cut. I'm on ep four. I hope another season gets made as I really like the concept but I hope there don't use the same Production House as Before the Door have just been generally dicky. I guess the real lesson is that Zachary Quinto is a pretentious arsehole. Frankly, you shouldn't be picking favourites especially if your favourite is your friend that worked with before the show started.

I mean if you read the finial scripts for both then you would have know what you getting into. Also it Shane Bloody Dawnson it not like he known for his Disney like comedy. I would expect a vomit gag when dealing with him.

I thinking of doing a review of both films where I will try to be as objective as Sociologist, which brings up changes that might be happen to this blog's Wednesday posts that I'm not going to discuss till it happens.

See ya next week where we panic about Christmas and father time.

I need a pause button for this thing.

My Personal Statement is yet to be finished. Not sure if I want to say more or not. It processing. I have edited stuff, there is parts that I am happy but there's not enough film stuff. Words are hard to make impressive when they're about yourself and not fictional characters that you destroy emotically.

I haven't wrote creatively in a while that is a issue. Also no successfully vlogging. I tried talking to the camera but it was late and I wasn't feeling it. Once Christmas holidays start maybe. Probably not. I still have a portfolio to edit. Why Brain? Why Brain?

I have a appointment for a Clinical Psychologist on Monday. Finally. I was referred over a year ago, they just discharged me without seeing me. I don't if that was them being confused from the time, my mum made me go in about sleeping all the time and they sent me questionnaires to fill out, let just I found the available answers lacking so I wrote in some better ones that I couldn't send in. They actually sent me appointment when I was in Holiday that happen when I was in another country so I obviously couldn't go nor could I tell them I couldn't go because I didn't know. 

They sent me Core 10. Like is that normal when you going to seeing about possible Autism/Aspergers? I couldn't find out by the power of Google. Maybe they just send to everyone who has appointment, otherwise I'm worried Monday is going be awkward afair because I'm petty okay on the mental health at the moment. Petty sure my emotions are reacting to my environments and not a just steady level of despair.

Though got to stay it hard to judge ones levels of panic being abnormal when one is attempting the process of UCAS. 

I have new TV, I let my parents pick it, I should have went with them. I mean they went for the more expensive one, because the cheaper one was white. If that really was the only other difference, besides brand, then cheaper is generally better especially when you already own people money. It good TV, I like it. My parents did spend 30 quid on a HMDI cable I don't need for my Skybox.

And because I have spent too much time bonding with TVs, I should be going to work on that UCAS thing and catch on college. Type to you, when I type to you.

Still ill. Still Procasnating.

Every time I go to write my personal statement I end up writing a essay about what is film and story telling. I can't believe it not written yet. I don't even have a proper draft of it. How brain? How? WHY?

Sure, I have a lot of thoughts about it. I mean my joke personal statement is done. The one where I based my whole want to be film maker on The Great Movie Ride at Disney World (it will always be MGM to be). There just all this pressure to be perfect. Also how am I meant to talk about my passion for film without sounding like a cliché or a fake? Sure, I wasn't never going to say Steven Spielberg was my favourite director (he produced great cartoons though). But I feel like you can't mention anything. Like I should I say that I really like the framing of the Noir film Sunset Boulevard and how interesting the time period it takes place because it was the first of the hasbeens. If you like that film but would like a less murdery plot there a Twilight Zone episode that's similar in that it has once famous actress refusing to let go of her fame and youth: The Sixteen-Millimeter Shrine. I like it, it tragic.

I like books about books, films about films and vice versa. I actually I just generally like both mediums. Also TV shows that are done right as well. I could write several essay about these mediums having got me through the worst times in my life. I've had actually had the stupid thought (fleeting) if I killed myself or did something stupid leading to my death then I never find out how that story ends and sometimes the stupidness thing are worth living for. If school is shit (which it often was), then you just have to make through Thursday till your favourite shows on and then its Friday and the weekend begins. 

I guess the same with movies series but to the same extent. I looked forward to the end of the The Dark Knight trilogy but am officially done with the Superman Vs Batman film. I dreading it more than anything. I've actually given up hope that things will ever be sorted out enough for the Live Action films to be decent by the time they decide to join up big league characters. Also Sucide Squad could just be a disaster. Fackly, they should just jump into the deep end with a Justice League film. Actually, they should make a Wonder Woman film and then a justice league because she the only main leaguer who hasn't appeared in any live action things in donkeys. I mean most of the League showed up in Smallville and those who didn't have had films. I also wish they would try Birds of Prey again. I think it would work now as there already fanbase for Superheros desperate for more Superheroines in action.

I'm just not feeling any of the upcoming DC live-action films. Still not watched the Gotham or the Flash despite having them on series record. My excuse was not wanting to start them before the Holiday but they are now the only shows I haven't caught up on (except for the Walking Dead but I've not got access to all the episodes I need to catch up on it).

I had weird driving lesson experience where the instructor lost her voice just as I messed up a roundabout. I hate roundabouts.Got out of it sort of.

 I'm out of here now. Bye.

Film and Words

I wrote this before I left for Flordia and as I went on The Great Movie Ride at Disney this week, so topical, so you can have this while I procrastinate in the sun. I should always be writing or studying.

Films and Words

Why is it so hard to say why you want to do something? I want to study film and literature because I love both on different levels. They both forms of storytelling, but not the same at all.  Film is the visual with spoken dialogue, whilst books are all words (unless graphic) where the characters should speak for themselves. The things that work in TV and Film wouldn’t necessary work in written form as it wouldn’t be enough to just describe a visual gag and some book should never ever be even attempted into film, where they are most of the point is lost.

The spirit of the book should fly on to the scene. You hardly ever see that, instead you get mutilated characters that you don’t recognised until their name is spoken and you still dumbfound. The plot is scraped down too much and the executives have won because they trick into buying a ticket. So more films are “inspired” by books that probably should never been even attempted to be compressed into 90 minutes on the scene. Even an hour more isn’t enough and then the film is too long to comfortably sit.

As for a film being adapted into a book; whoever picks up the novelisation, knowing it based off the film without already having seen the film?

Sometimes the film does capture the book. It will catch people and bring new listener to the story that they would have walked pasted the book. That it actually does justice. While missing the detail of character thought and depth that film just doesn’t have the time to swim to, you leave filled that a story has been told and told well.

Both should leave you thinking and really great ones leave impacted that you stumbled on in years to come and still connect with that story. It formed you in a way.

I like criticising things.  I jump to the critical and maybe that’s why writing about my passion for these forms of storytelling has been so hard.  Because writing a personal statement is like adapting yourself for the screen; only you know that you have leave the bad parts out, trying to get approved for a G. Being told that you shouldn’t try and explain yourself. That for the marketing team to do, or in this case your reference.  But that’s not fair, as marketing weren’t there as that path was chosen so they don’t know what factors lead you down it. They only know what you are by surface level and don’t have time to dig. So you end having blind faith or you tell them and then what was point?

I want to make films because I want to tell stories that don’t get told, or if they do get told they get told wrong by those never learned to tell them right. When I was first started writing I was only interested in fantasy and horror but now I want to sneak those stories into my writing. Good characters are themselves stories.  

Book Review: Spiders by Tom Hoyle

 The cover of these books are great but the content is...well...em.


 Adam may have survived once, but a cult still has him in its sights. And this time he may not escape with his life...
Abbie's dad is an undercover agent, tasked with exposing dangerous cults. He's normally able to maintain his distance, but this time Abbie's worried he's in too deep. Megan was sure she and Adam were safe, but now he's gone missing on a school ski trip in Scotland and she's the only one who can help him . . . The web is closing in around them . . .

 I can't remember why I requested to review this book (maybe because it had Scotland in the blub). It actually seems petty dumb of me to have dumb considering as I didn't much care for the first book (reviewed here) in the series and it didn't seem like the sort of series that would improve book by book. I was right.

Also not sure why there went with "From the Author of" instead of just saying this was sequel to Thirteen as this book doesn't make full sense without having read thirteen. References are made to Coron without proper explanation as who he is.

Certain things were better done, such as the horror film cops make more sense in this book as there is explainable reason for them not be listening to the Adam and that. However, the cults from this book and the last are meant have once been the the same but there honestly don't seemed linked in their beliefs. Also Coron was better antagonist.

So this might be a tad spoilerlie since I'm not sure where this first explain in the book, but it vital plot point that I want to discuss so just skip this paragraph to the next. This cult drugs people to join but whilst people see different things, there somehow hear the same thing. There is no explanation to why this is, is there speaker somewhere playing this line? Other parts of the drugs have been thought about like effects of the dosages.

This style of this book has not matured at all with the characters, not that characters feel any older. This is meant to be year after the events of the first book, not that makes much difference. This book series is still too young for the intended audience of Teen/YA. Some lines are really weird in this book as well: "Mimicking the Terminator: I'll be back" that's a hip and happening pop reference there.

"You're love Scotland. Its a place you're remember for the rest of your life." Mr Grant (Adam's dad) said in poor attempt of foreshadowing. This is dumb as it been established that where the cult is set up and Scotland is a disappointing Ski trip destination. I mean France is just next door and Italy is bus ride away. Also granted snow and 14 years can drink (so I'm told). Going to what is technically the top of the country is boring. Going to the bottom is also boring. That's right London is boring and over-hyped.

 I actually disliked the characters from the last book in this one. They feel cliché and sexist at times. One of my favourite quotes has to be: "She was as tough as any boy Adam knew." Adam a girl almost killed you last year and Megan saved your hide. You think that would teach you and the narrator not to make sexist observation especially since some of the boys you know are petty weak on all accounts. He then goes on to say all girls are the same as Megan but Abbie "was hundred-per-cent Abbie". You're find most people are hundred per cent themselves unless you know in a cult or something. I did like Abbie though, I cared about her but not Adam or Megan. There is a weird thing of characters being repeated being addressed by their relationship to other character even though we have been given their names. It made the writing a bit clunky, though I do kinda get why Hoyle did that.

Overall, I gave this book 2 out of 5 stars for cave swimming. The plot is predictable and I honestly think that Thirteen would have worked better as just a stand-alone. The epilogue was weird and made little sense. Going off the last lines of this book, there's going to be another sequel and I probably would read that if it doesn't cost me anything to do so but I'm just not sure there is much to do with these characters. Maybe I'm wrong.

I got this off Netgalley for a review. It’s being published by Macmillan Children's Books on 6th November 2014 (Tomorrow).