Calling this thing a Career is probably going too far

Haló, so we are five days till Christmas. Isn't that distressing? I don't why as my family have agreed everyone getting late presents except for my parents because they still under the impression that people in their 20s still get visits from Santa. God, I've been in my 20s for a year and over half now, that another distressing thing.

I've only really got my youngest sister and little brother's. I'm petty sure she doesn't read my blog but who knows this might be the week checks out what I'm producing for the internet. My brother (the older one of course) suggested that I say I do this thing to improve my career on my personal statement. I don't why I find that so laughable. I mean I do technically make money off this blog, but the way google ads works I've not made enough to actually receive any of those earning. And that's not a clue for you start clicking randomly on ads. I've got to say though, if on YouTube if I actually like the person video I'm more likely to finally click or watch an ad to see what the hell the ad trying to pug me. Maybe find this as career laughable as I'm pretty sure that its not career smart to bad mouth your hopefully future peers' work but that again if the only people I've actually been somewhat mean to are people I would avoid even if I have publicly rated a 1 star. Also I don't think I would cut off writer completely if I gave them one star unless I really hate their basic writing style which you can't tell unless you've read at least two of their books (not from the same series) or they've been writing for a while so they probably not going to get majorly better or their themselves are morally objectionable to me in a way I can't get over (which is the main reason the hype of Ender's Game will never get me) or probably the most likely none of the plot summaries of their other books speak to me.

Back to the point, maybe it due with the amount of complaining I do on here. Though, if anyone would like to pay me to complain about things then you welcomed to give me a offer. My email information can be found somewhere on here.

I guess nothing that much happen this week. My personal statement is what could be called a finished state but I'm not sure it actually conveys my passion for film. I think I actually regret looking up the tips before I had a finished version as it limited me and made me paranoid. They say they want a personal statement from YOU, but then they give a list of words not use whilst saying not to use a thesaurus. I say, use a thesaurus but only use the words you already knew before you looked. It can reminded you of words that you already knew which would fit better.

The thing I'm confused about, is should I go in to depth about film and book theory. It so hard and limiting that even being told what they look for gives me so little. I feel fake when I gushed about classic films like Sunset Boulevard, which is incredibility annoying considering it the only film I can think about.

Is it bad that I've sort of been threatening not coming home for Christmas next year, before I'm even accept anywhere, because the dorms are open and fun could be had by myself. I'm going to fill my dorm with lights and tinsel, and then neglect to take any of it down until I leave that room so the cleaners will talk about girl whose been celebrated Christmas for six months especially if I always make sure to have Christmas music blaring when ever they come.

I'm going to miss my dog and having a cat to annoy when I go to uni. I wish my application was sent away but I feel like I have to wait to hear back from my tutor before I send it and anyway I think I have to wait for her to write my reference before I can send away because I'm doing as a individual.

I'm going now as I have a long list of things to do this holiday. I mean I would like to have passed my theory test before I go back to college and have a organised room before I leave for uni. Also As are a thing I would like.

Farewell, join me next week where we will be sticking to traditional and evaluating this year's goals.

Christmas Night In

You all be surprised to know that I did not go out on that Christmas Night Out with my siblings (or maybe you actually are, as this is the first you're hearing of as I have negated to actually check to see if I mention it in any of my previous blog and about not fancying going). Instead I slept the night away without spending any money. I had a list of reasons, varying on strength.

1. I don't actually have any money as I'm in debt to various family members. (Once again not letting my parents pick me any form of technology without me there to comment on tech and price. I don't care if was white TV, it was actually Full HD and £40 cheaper).
2. I had finished my Personal Statement and had to put the finishing touches on a Assessment for Sociology that I need to pass to sit the exam (basically its a extremely annoying nab).
3. I just didn't want to go. It did not sound entertaining or fun. Going to restaurant with tons of family that I probably won't say anything to during the whole thing, tolerable. Going to the square to look at the Christmas lights in freezing weather, hell even shows showed up: cool in a movie, not in real life. Sore feet from the walking/standing and the cold is just painfully. Going to a pub after is just too much. Especially, after finding out we leaving at half three for a five clock reservation really put me off. I hate going out with my oldest sister as I want to go home whilst she still in party mood. I'm just not that sort of person and I hate overcrowded places unless we all there for a reason like a concert or Disney world. Pubs on a Friday nights, we are not here for any real reason. I don't drink nor do I like being out for the sake of it.
4. This reason actually cancels out reason 2, but was the point of no return as I stayed up all night finishing my Personal Statement that could was actually a proper first draft. Sure, still had my doubts about its content. It also over its lines but well within its characters, so maybe just one paragraph? I also put the finishing touches to my assessment (and totally watching The Chair). It was too late to go to sleep and actually get up for college because my brain will not get up after two hours of a sleep during the morning times. Sure, I can go to sleep at 6pm and wake at 8pm but not in their am equivalents no matter what time I woke up at. I take as proof I'm actually vampire that my body wants to sleep during the daylight.
5. I had not all got ready for it. Not packed or decided what I was going to wear.

 So I went to the Psychologist last Monday, I was right it was not really for the Autism. I went in with my parents which is helpfully as much as it is destortive. She asked about why I wanted to study film and dad went on about me not getting stage flight. I don't want to be in front of the camera, except maybe in joke cameo or unimportant part that needs to be filled and we have no one else to do. I don't do well in front of the camera, any acting ability I have goes out the window.

I did an Autism-Spectrum Quotient quiz thing which I've already did and guess what I came on the spectrum side for the result and again when I redid it to see if anything has changes. So hopefully I will actually get referred to right person next time, to get diagnosed. I'm not depressed right now, sure I'm unhappy but I can tell you why and I'm not going around feeling numb to the world so I don't think therapy is needed for me and someone else would do better with the time.

I know Psychologist are meant to ask you dumb questions because it might you stumble across a good/important revelation. However, "Why do you want friends?" is just petty dumb. I have no real friends right now, like no one to hang out with that I share a common interested with or someone to just chat aimless with and I'm lonely. Therefore, I would like the company of a friend. The only reason answers I could give to that is humans are pack animals and therefore programmed to want the company of others. Also I'm not Sociopath so I want company of someone I feel comfortable around.

If you've actually my other posts then you know I've explored my loneliness on here and hope that uni will help me out of this feeling with the meeting of new people who won't have the friends there either.

Also I have lost the card that has the time for my next appointment. I know the date, but not the actual time. I think I know the time but I can't be certain.

I have started watching The Chair you know that tv show that Shane Dawson won. I plan to watch the two films produced once I'm done as well. Got to say that Anna film does look like something I would normally not watch as it currently looks pretentious as hell. Also I know the Executive producers had no say on the winner but I thought it wasn't right that she had known them personally. I also so far its seems like she been getting more attention from them but that just might be the way it was cut. I'm on ep four. I hope another season gets made as I really like the concept but I hope there don't use the same Production House as Before the Door have just been generally dicky. I guess the real lesson is that Zachary Quinto is a pretentious arsehole. Frankly, you shouldn't be picking favourites especially if your favourite is your friend that worked with before the show started.

I mean if you read the finial scripts for both then you would have know what you getting into. Also it Shane Bloody Dawnson it not like he known for his Disney like comedy. I would expect a vomit gag when dealing with him.

I thinking of doing a review of both films where I will try to be as objective as Sociologist, which brings up changes that might be happen to this blog's Wednesday posts that I'm not going to discuss till it happens.

See ya next week where we panic about Christmas and father time.

I need a pause button for this thing.

My Personal Statement is yet to be finished. Not sure if I want to say more or not. It processing. I have edited stuff, there is parts that I am happy but there's not enough film stuff. Words are hard to make impressive when they're about yourself and not fictional characters that you destroy emotically.

I haven't wrote creatively in a while that is a issue. Also no successfully vlogging. I tried talking to the camera but it was late and I wasn't feeling it. Once Christmas holidays start maybe. Probably not. I still have a portfolio to edit. Why Brain? Why Brain?

I have a appointment for a Clinical Psychologist on Monday. Finally. I was referred over a year ago, they just discharged me without seeing me. I don't if that was them being confused from the time, my mum made me go in about sleeping all the time and they sent me questionnaires to fill out, let just I found the available answers lacking so I wrote in some better ones that I couldn't send in. They actually sent me appointment when I was in Holiday that happen when I was in another country so I obviously couldn't go nor could I tell them I couldn't go because I didn't know. 

They sent me Core 10. Like is that normal when you going to seeing about possible Autism/Aspergers? I couldn't find out by the power of Google. Maybe they just send to everyone who has appointment, otherwise I'm worried Monday is going be awkward afair because I'm petty okay on the mental health at the moment. Petty sure my emotions are reacting to my environments and not a just steady level of despair.

Though got to stay it hard to judge ones levels of panic being abnormal when one is attempting the process of UCAS. 

I have new TV, I let my parents pick it, I should have went with them. I mean they went for the more expensive one, because the cheaper one was white. If that really was the only other difference, besides brand, then cheaper is generally better especially when you already own people money. It good TV, I like it. My parents did spend 30 quid on a HMDI cable I don't need for my Skybox.

And because I have spent too much time bonding with TVs, I should be going to work on that UCAS thing and catch on college. Type to you, when I type to you.

Film and Words

I wrote this before I left for Flordia and as I went on The Great Movie Ride at Disney this week, so topical, so you can have this while I procrastinate in the sun. I should always be writing or studying.

Films and Words

Why is it so hard to say why you want to do something? I want to study film and literature because I love both on different levels. They both forms of storytelling, but not the same at all.  Film is the visual with spoken dialogue, whilst books are all words (unless graphic) where the characters should speak for themselves. The things that work in TV and Film wouldn’t necessary work in written form as it wouldn’t be enough to just describe a visual gag and some book should never ever be even attempted into film, where they are most of the point is lost.

The spirit of the book should fly on to the scene. You hardly ever see that, instead you get mutilated characters that you don’t recognised until their name is spoken and you still dumbfound. The plot is scraped down too much and the executives have won because they trick into buying a ticket. So more films are “inspired” by books that probably should never been even attempted to be compressed into 90 minutes on the scene. Even an hour more isn’t enough and then the film is too long to comfortably sit.

As for a film being adapted into a book; whoever picks up the novelisation, knowing it based off the film without already having seen the film?

Sometimes the film does capture the book. It will catch people and bring new listener to the story that they would have walked pasted the book. That it actually does justice. While missing the detail of character thought and depth that film just doesn’t have the time to swim to, you leave filled that a story has been told and told well.

Both should leave you thinking and really great ones leave impacted that you stumbled on in years to come and still connect with that story. It formed you in a way.

I like criticising things.  I jump to the critical and maybe that’s why writing about my passion for these forms of storytelling has been so hard.  Because writing a personal statement is like adapting yourself for the screen; only you know that you have leave the bad parts out, trying to get approved for a G. Being told that you shouldn’t try and explain yourself. That for the marketing team to do, or in this case your reference.  But that’s not fair, as marketing weren’t there as that path was chosen so they don’t know what factors lead you down it. They only know what you are by surface level and don’t have time to dig. So you end having blind faith or you tell them and then what was point?

I want to make films because I want to tell stories that don’t get told, or if they do get told they get told wrong by those never learned to tell them right. When I was first started writing I was only interested in fantasy and horror but now I want to sneak those stories into my writing. Good characters are themselves stories.  

Personal Hell.

I've been attempting really hard to write my personal statement. However, I have found this difficult when all the obvious openings are clichés. Not use the words "passionate" or "fascinate", nor use thesaurus to get better words. As a dyslexic person I can't promised to do the last one as I often use a thesaurus to figure out to spell the word I actually want. Also it unfair to assume just because I'm a young person that I don't have a large vocabulary especially as I'm applying to English courses. I should be well read and therefore have a large vocabulary; to be able to use words like copse in a sentences. Though, not should how that would come up in a personal statement but who knows, maybe I I find trees really inspiring. 

I had a free book came today. Thanks Curious Fox for the cook book, what a same I only make pancakes and sometimes cupcakes from the same mix.

I been practicing my theory test and it not going well. Nothing is. Actually I can pass the theory part, its the hazard part I'm trying to get through. I have passed a practiced version of it once but not since so annoying as I don't want to fail this and I have to have passed it before they're give me my grant for my lessons. I have less than a week to study it. Best to study hard then.

There is a lot stuff I have to do this week: finishf my personal statement; study for the theory test; write future posts and pack of course. I should also do some stuff for Sociology.

I went to editing session for the Horror film I help make during the summer. Didn't edit much, mostly it was just watching other mess with the sound. Saw the almost finished version of the film, a lot of stuff is been cut. Not completely sure what I think about it. There is lot of continuity errors. There is one scene that bugs because I'm sure we refilmed when that issue became apparent. Also I think one of the scares has sort of been ruined by the fact that it to be refilmed and doesn't have the same impact but that being said original filming was not great. Out of focus and had unbelievability facts.

I think with films there is something you have to let go off. Weird lighting is one of them. The guy got who organized got my name slightly wrong so it now a thing that going to be as many variation of my name as possible during the credits. I enjoy joke credits a lot. I had been tempted to suggest that the tripod get credit. I can't think of any others that I wouldn't be stealing from the Animaniacs' credit. My favourite is "Names: By Our parents".

I'm off to try and type my thoughts about films and books into something that will make someone want me on their course/university.

Mortal UKAS

Hello dear readers, this week has certainly been more interesting in the second half. Though, it usually is as I have no real reason to ever leave the house before Thursday and I usually don't. On Thursday I went to college where I felt terrible, I've been feeling Fibo at moment. You know numb limbs that go to sleep without me and I sure do feel tired at lot. I woke with my arms aching at the elbow and wanting to go back to sleep for a year.

I actually had two large cans of energy drinks (cherry) that day. I downed my first can before class. My arms stopped hurting but still tired during class. I then walked across town to catch the bus home which I wasn't that happy about. The reason being that I was meant to be going to an open day that started at 4pm and the bus didn't get to the nearest town to me till 3pm. I had my doubts about getting there on time and I was right to because we ended missing the talk I was going there for. We also went the wrong way but we late before that. *sighs* Parents. I always forget to lie about the time we need to get there.

I got a tour of the Uni Creative department that involves radio studio, music studio, TV studio and very impressive lighting in the performance area that's worth half million pound. I talk to the person in charge of the course about what they looking for in the personal statement and found out that delightfully I don't have to submit a portfolio for this one and the course has reasonable number of students. The person was trying to console me with that 300 people who apply end up going to apply. I wanted to laugh, I was relieved. Especially since I've already got the grades to get in there so I just need to sell myself in my personal statement.

I really don't get where Edinburgh gets off only accepting 8-10 people. It fucking nuts and it sort of put me off there. I'm still applying there, but its not my favourite anymore. We see how things develop.The opening day on Thursday made me excited and hopeful instead of crying in a corner. Also its in a cheaper place and closer to family and where I want to be. I really need to write my personal statement so that I can start my Track wait before my Holiday. The portfolio for Edinburgh will still have to be done.

Friday was Friday with college, UCAS talk and Marks and Spencer fun. Today was the day I could get the limited edition of 'Books are in my Bag' bag so I drove to nearest large town where I brought books from the nearest chains. No clue why I bother with WHSmith as they sell damaged books full price. Oh, yeah 2 for 3.

I also brought video games and pondered getting Murdered: Soul Suspect Limited Edition. I want the game but not sure if the Limited Edition is worth it. So far I've only found it for £7 more than the standard. I tried Game where I found a Metel case of Injustice but it turned out that they only had the metal case out to lure people which is why I like Games Centre better than Game which reminds me that I need to find my 3DS.

I have a lot of things to do before I disappear to the states. UCAS, Blog, review books to read, college work and messing around with my new camra. I brought one and it came today. I had thought about geting this waterproof one but decided just to stick with my first choice.

My little brother discovered Mortal Kombat the other day. Oh, childhood memories of virtually beating each other up and trying to figure how to kill each other. Still Game was good by the way.
Childhood.

I found out that Natural Theatre's Frankenstein is showing when I'm away. The real fun part is that its showing in Florida the day I arrive and the day I'm going to the Universal Horror Night. Damn the fates. I always missed out on something when I go to Florida. It's like I can't win. My parents kept saying just to get the DVD. Well, there isn't one because...they don't want there to be.

That's everything of interest that happen I think. We also got pizza and dominio stuff which I'm now going off to eat. See ya next week losers.