Saturday 4 March 2017

A Gay Villian in a Disney Film. How bold of you?

The Beauty and the Beast remake is officially bullshit. The set design and costumes look questionable in the trailer. The CGI looks better in the 25 year old film they remake. Also there's way too much of it, there are forest in real life, and if not why not just pirate the ones from the original. Hell, they original tigs that came out the first try might look better (some obscure B&B production reference). They is also no trace of the soundtrack in the trailer which makes me think one of the main cast can't actually sing, can they? If that thriller music bullshit in the film's actual score, then you gone fucked up. The one thing Beauty and the Beast did not needed mess with was it soundtrack.

Well, actually I think it would be nice to have the Beast's song 'If I Can't Love Her' in a film, that debuted in the musical. The Beast having his own song makes sense. The rest of the Beauty & Beast Broadway musical only songs can be left (this does not include Human Again as it can now be seen with the rest of the film. Also they will messed that up so badly). Besides that addition, the original scores and songs are masterpieces that stand legacy as the last music of the Great Howard Ashman (its his last complete work, he started work on Aladdin but sadly not much of anything made it into the final film, it just the way animated film process works at Disney).

Which is maybe why the gay thing should make you angrier than you already are. We're being promised a gay moment in the remake and its not Lumaire kissing Cogsworth's on lips instead of the checks like in the original scene after the Battle. I also love how almost everyone has been secretly shipping Lumaire and Cogsworth all this time (out of interest I tried to find Fanfiction, there's some but none of it looked good). Even if not a romantic couple, I like to imagine them still bickering past retirement by the sea.

No we getting a gay sidekick of the villain that was originally just for comic relief. Who ever came up with this idea is clearly not queer in anyway? You would think, but Bill Condon is gay man. Because even people who ship Le Fou and Gaston (these shippers exist because all ships exist on the internet because people are strange beautiful creatures) would not sing praises of someone making a villainous character. The Le Fou is sidekick but he does manage to do fuck-up shit by himself.  It's not creative. It almost every villain ever.

Disney is pack full of villain characters that read gay already, because they queer coded and Le Fou wasn't really one of them once you ignore the hero worshipping he does for Gaston (though, he is gay enough to start a musical number to cheer up Gaston, but that is stereotype). Ursula was model on a dragqueen (one of the reason she the best) and the male villains are majority queer-coded, even the ones that are sexually threatening to the main female character still sort of have this. (Jafar, why did you even care about Jasmine once you had the genie?) Disney is not the only one guilty of this, but guilty they are. There is tons of stuff about queer-coding online in general and with Disney in mind. They can probably explain it better than me.

The next thing is Le Fou is going to be in love with the straight Gaston (he could be autoromantic, but then that would leave everyone in the cold). They is no way that gonna be requited unless they have a complete overhaul of the characters and fuck that. Villains should have justifications for what they doing, but it doesn't need to be justifiable to the audience. I like having sociopathic villains who care about themselves. Maleficent was ruined by her film. She was the Mistress of Evil fighting some bad arse fairies, turned into a victim that faced up against idiots who couldn't look after a baby. Though, it would be amusing to see them fuck up Gaston by trying make him likable after having attempt to blackmail Belle into marrying him when he had no concern over where she had been the past few months. Even if you thought Belle's father was crazy, wouldn't you start to worry when no one had seen her over a month (I feel B&B has to happen over at least month, but no clear time line besides the seasons changing). She probably dead in the woods and Le Fou has died in the snow.

Le Fou blindly follows Gaston. That's just sad. Very sad. Why would anyone be happy about this? Having a gay villain in love with a straight person is not a watershed moment, it go fuck yourself  moment you queerbaiting arsehole, Bill Condon. The amount of self-gratitude in telling people about this before the movie has came out proves that it nothing but a marketing tool to get people who ain't going to see another CGI monster that Disney has thrown out. Even if actually Le Fou kisses another man, it means nothing because he a villain sidekick in a live-action remake. It's not a Disney animated film that I'm going to show my kids. It's not a main character. Its not a character we're meant to root for. It's the same bullshit that the queer community has been putting up for years. You don't get congratulate yourself till I see a Princess kiss another Princess. Not till the hero of the story is the one that out and proud. Disney specially is making coming of age stories, the stories of LGBTQA+ have these quality. You have to brave to be yourself, because even now people will torlant you, the way you were born, but they will still chip away at you with 'harmless' comments or do shit like this. This doesn't make me happy, it upsets me that you would do this and bring Howard Ashmen into this. A gay man who died of disease that was ignore until it was pandemic, until it start to effect straight people.

Director Bill Condon on Howard Ashman: 'Specifically for him it was a metaphor for AIDS. He was cursed and this curse had brought sorrow on all those people who loved him and maybe there was a chance for a miracle and a way for the curse to be lifted. It was a very very concrete thing that he was doing.’ Where did you get this info from? Even if you read this in the film, why would you make the character called the Fool, gay as means of honouring him? Why would you do that to him? He wrote lyrics (apparently, dad was an inventor because he wanted to write an inventing song for him and that does sound cool), he did have massive effect on how the film turn out, he's key figure in the Disney Renaissance but that story was there. Several people mounded it. He was actually honoured in the 10th Adversary by the inclusion of Human Again, a song cut for the pacing of the song. His actual passion project was Aladdin which he never got to finish.

Also if the Beast is called Adam in the film then I going to find you and hit you over the head with creepy Mrs Potts and her monstrous offspring. Serious, what the fuck is up with the art direction in this film? Don't worry, Stephen Chbosky, I'm just going to make you eat copies of your slightly ablelist book instead. I know in studio films no one person is responsible, but I'm blaming you two for now because even if wasn't your idea, I have enough issue with yous not to feel guilty about it. Serious, director Bill Condon you should have stayed quiet till the film was out, then responded to people's criticism. Frankly, I think the only reason you brought Ashman into this is so people can't critize you for this. But your wrong but because I will criticize more now.

"And that’s what has its pay-off at the end, which I don’t want to give away. But it is a nice, exclusively gay moment in a Disney movie."
Gay for Disney or actually gay. Because here's the thing no gives a fuck about Le Fou at the end of Beauty and the Beast. What happened to him? Who cases after he had a pair of scissors in his arse...for FUCK SAKE, Condon you're gay how do you think this a good idea? I don't know what I expected of someone who directed two Twilight Films. Is it drugs? Is it mental health? Do gays past a certain time in media, forget what actual representation looks like? Do you know what Queerbaiting even is? Is still Queerbaiting when there's actual Gay on screen (apparently)? Why do middle-aged gay men kept doing stupid shit like this to us? Would Disney only agree if was Le Fou in a scene that could be easily cut for homophobic countries without issue? Is it between him and the guy who got arse lit on fire? Why makes this film even more unwatchable?
In summary, I don't think the film looks good and I have a long arse list as to why. The casting: Emma Watson is typecasting herself; the beast is 21 years old, not forty old looking 34 yr old; Josh Glad is not likable; Gaston has not been eating a dozen eggs since he was a lad and Mrs Potts face is at the side of teapot. One of those is a joke, guess which one. Maybe this Lumaire and Cogsworth will be good if I shut my eyes.

I will be probably dragged to this film, and I will hate watch it so I can I send a list of improvement Disney has to make for it to be a 'watershed moment'. (Condon, are aware of the phrase "past  the Watershed" as in the time children are expected not be watching tv so lets show the adult stuff now as in not appropriate for kids. If either way, bad use of words). Though, literally just give us a kiss between two good characters to start with. Doesn't have to be the protagonist. Like if you had Lumaire and Cogworths be a romantic couple, we would have been cool. Not the person whose name translated to the fool.

To be honest, I use to have fantasy about how I would do live-action version of B&B, but mostly mine would have been live action, not CGI to death. There are forests Disney. I know what European Forests look like. Built sets look cooler than computer ones. I can tell the difference and you have the money for both the cost of renting the space and the building of the an actual set. I know cause I've seen Pirates of the Caribbean. You built a dock twice. The cave with the treasure was a massive set. They could be hiding the cool sets, but those woods definitely are fake and terrible looking.

Okay, I need to stop before I point out that making main characters look horrifying is not a good way to make them likable. Throw Chip out the window, Emma Watson, before he steals your soul. Oh, wait I just did. Oops.

Farewell, I will write again next week where I discuss the Scottish notion to threaten violence with no real plan to do it even if given the opportunity. If think I swear a lot this post, remember that Howard Ashman wrote a song with lyric: "I'm a green mean mother from outer-space". Maybe that metaphour for AIDs too Condon and I mean just that song. The rest of the musical is clearly "Not to feed the plants". Ashman was very clear on that.  Now I'm going to Listen to a "A Friend like Me" and cry.