Saturday 31 January 2015

I make plans for rejects

After months of confusion, frustration and being idiot, I have finished my portfolio and if asked for a portfolio from any of my other universities then I have something to throw at them even if it's shit.

I think it's terrible. I fall out of love with my creative film once I haven't seen it for a while, and then I hate it because what I was thinking. It's not terrible, I'm just so panicked by this whole process and I don't feel like I've sent in things that I want to be judge by but I didn't think I could send in my best work. Not that its that good either.

Eight or ten people get in and it's Edinburgh. People claim it's the dream to go there for some reason. Their visit wasn't great. Besides sheer title, I don't get why? Edinburgh is so expensive to live in. Also I think I might secretly still want to go to Edinburgh but the logical side my brain has decided that I shouldn't, as the chances of getting in are so slim and I don't have a lot of detail about it. The course structure doesn't sound completely right for me. But it would be cool to TV in consideration when studying. My point is, that I really didn't want to go why did I get so stressed about it. It should have just been me throwing something together in case. Edinburgh just doesn't make a good backup.

God, I need make more but real life or the confinement of my room makes it hard. Got my first job reject of the year. Though, I never sent a proper C.V. which I should have thrown together considering I have like usefully job skills. I should update it and start throwing them at shops and cafes.

I would like some magical money right now just so I could run away to my mind. I am a dumb arse with money and shouldn't be trusted with access to booksellers when I'm in this sort of mental state.

I have this strange paranoia that my potential universities might Google me. I know they won't and also if they Google only my first & last name, I won't come up. Yes, I have of course googled myself. It's interesting to see what comes up. It disappointing that my blog is so down the list now when I search Rachel Verna.

I had power out on Wednesday night, just imagine the horror that would have been if it happened on a Monday night. I had brought candle holders and a candle recently so they came in handy. If you live in the country then candles and something to start a fire is something you need to have in your house. Because even after the did work on it due to most of the regional having no power for days and even weeks in some cases last year. We were trapped in the house on Thursday by the snow that had knocked out the power so I never I went to college this week which is bad since I have missed few classes to due to illness and being sleep deprived. I'm having a flaw up and my limbs have been falling asleep and feel numb.

By the way, the dream story is not dead. I haven't gave up on it. It just been on the back burner for obvious reasons. I'm not promising anything about when it will be up, as I have lot of other things to do (in fact it's a proper stressful list) but I will post another creative story next week.. On the plus side, I have had a review up so far every Wednesday of this year and the next two Wednesdays are accounted for. I just really felt like talking to about this uni thing, even if it's a rambled mess.

P.S. I still want a fake life-size Skeleton and not found a good one to dream after.

Wednesday 28 January 2015

Book Review: I was Here by Gayle Forman

I might of wrote this review whilst I still had tears in my eyes from reading this book.

This characteristically powerful novel follows eighteen-year-old Cody Reynolds in the months following her best friend's shocking suicide. 

As Cody numbly searches for answers as to why Meg took her own life, she begins a journey of self-discovery which takes her to a terrifying precipice, and forces her to question not only her relationship with the Meg she thought she knew, but her own understanding of life, love, death and forgiveness.

I always end up reading Forman's work in one sitting as I can't stop reading. I've ended up with sleepless nights because of her but luckily I started reading this book early in a day where I had nothing to tear me away from it. So it was only 1.50am by the time I finished.

Cory goes on this quest to figure out what pushed Meg to kill herself. There part was  mostly well done. However, I feel there are parts that were clearly misleading and slightly unbelievable that certain things didn't come up till the perfect point, especially after having actually read the whole book.

The characters and relationships were once again beautifully done. All the characters we come across have their purpose in the plot and Cory's journey but they're all feel real, like they have full back stories and their own lives going on.

This book is of course sad and I was crying my eyes out during the last chapters, but I actually felt kinda happy at the end. Maybe I just need a cry to relieve my stress levels. However, I find this book oddly life confirming. It deals with tragic topic as well as the grief that Meg's family and Cory go through so well.

This book's ending is great and that last sentences were the prefect way to end the story.

Overall, I gave this book 5 Stars of 5 for bus rides. I recommend this if you're doing a Read-a-Thon or if you need a purifying crying.

I got this off Netgalley for review. It being published by Simon and Schuster on 29th January 2015.

Saturday 24 January 2015

Slashing (Short story)

 Hi guys so I decided not to attempt to finished that other short story I told about you for this week. Main reason being that my portfolio is not fully finished for a uni and the deadline is this coming Tuesday. Panic Mode has been initiated.So I have instead decided to post one of my stories that were originally posted at other places ages ago but fix all their mistakes or stuff I think needs improving before posting it here. I will be doing this with other stories in the future as I would rather have been all here, in one place.

The following story is a dialogue experiment I did a like three years ago and I'm fairly happy with the way it is. Its features fanfiction and slash pairings. I think in a way, the characters from my short story 'I win' evolved from the ones in here. It also has character quoting a line that I came up with years ago that I liked and want to put on T-shirts and buttons but have not. I should have another character say it without it meaning to be a quote. Here it is:

The Watson to my Holmes
The Batman to my Joker

“Slash slash slash slash slash slash slash”

“What are you doing?”


“You're just writing slash over and over...why?”

“Writer's block”

“What are you trying to write?”

“A slash between Nick Clegg and Carmen.”


“Because its funny, and full of angst.”

“ you should write about something, someone else.”

“Like who?”

“Sherlock Holmes & Watson?”

“What? No, I couldn't do that to John. I like John too much, just imagine the angst. Oh, the angst. Actually, maybe I will. NO, I'll write about Batman and Joker. That's a lot more funny and you can't get more angst than Batman.”

“Okay, I think I'll leave you to it.”

“Wait, go get milk.”

“No, I won't. I know you're not drinking it, you're just keep making hot chocolate using water and pouring the milk in poor Mrs Jones' flower bed.”

“Poor, nothing. She's an old cow, no that's an insult to cows and whales. She's an old hag and scum.”

“Why? What's she ever done to you? Also what the hell do you hope to achieve by pouring milk into her flower beds?”




“Come on? You must have something to say about your course of actions”

“Speaker's block.”

“Ha ha, very funny. Seriously, what do you think the milk will do?”

“Em...She stares at me funny. She doesn't like me...because of my hair.”

“So? That's no reasons to attack poor harmless flowers. Your hair is very petty, she's probably jealous that she couldn't pull off rainbow.”

“Oh, thanks. Come here”

“AR! Stop biting me.”

“But you taste so good, so very good.”

“Somehow I don't buy that, you're just like inflicting pain on me.”

“Of course, and I hope to scar you one day.”

“Stop it, detract your nails now.”

“No, you need more angst.”

“Hur, why do you think that?”

“It would make you're a better boyfriend, also scars are sexy.”

“Sure they are. I just take your word for that. Though, I doubt very much you'd be happy if I just crawled into a corner and refused to leave the house. You would have to buy your own milk and chocolate.”

“Shut up, kiss me.”



“Why do you have to ruin everything? You're were almost being sweet.”

“I'm just a sweet just wouldn't see it that way.”

“Stop saying that quote. Why do you have to keep hurting me?”

“Because...Its how I show affection”

“I would have liked to known that before I fell in love with you.”

“I love you too”


“The milk just annoys her, it makes the flowers sticky.”

“Kay, I'll buy more if you promise to stop using it taught Mrs Jones.”


“Please, I'll buy you more chocolate.”

“Are you a chubby chaser?”

“WHAT? No, you're not fat, nor I am trying to make you that way. Oh, stop laughing.”

“Fine, I'll stop wasting my time with her. Though, only if you snog me every time we see her.”

“I don't want to know how this can be an act of torment. Hmm...fine I''ll do that. I'll also leave you to it,”

“Don't I get a kiss?”

“Yes, dear.”

“Shut up, you talk too much.”

“Look who's talking; at less what I say makes sense.”

“Take me to your penis”

“No, no time. How about my mouth?”

“I'll settle for the ambassador.”

“I presume that's a yes”



“I do love you, you're know that, right?”

“Of course I do. You drive me insane, but I love you too.”

“We also need Irn Bru.”

“Kay, I be back soon. Just...Just behaviour, keep writing, writing is safe.”

“I need smut, smut smut smut smut smut. Smut and angst.”

“You've got plenty of smut.”


“Nothing, bye.”

“Bye Batsy.”


“I wonder if he'll realise that I got him to do the shopping again?”

Wednesday 21 January 2015

Book Review: The Mime Order by Samantha Shannon

You know this is a sequel because there is a number 2 on the cover.

In the internationally bestselling The Bone Season, Paige Mahoney escaped the brutal penal colony of Sheol I, but now her problems have only just begun: many of the fugitives are still missing and she is the most wanted person in London.

As Scion turns its all-seeing eye on Paige, the mime-lords and mime-queens of the city’s gangs are invited to a rare meeting of the Unnatural Assembly. Jaxon Hall and his Seven Seals prepare to take centre stage, but there are bitter fault lines running through the clairvoyant community and dark secrets around every corner.

Then the Rephaim begin crawling out from the shadows. But where is Warden? Paige must keep moving, from Seven Dials to Grub Street to the secret catacombs of Camden, until the fate of the underworld can be decided. Will Paige know who to trust? The hunt for the dreamwalker is on.

This the sequel to The Bone Season, so expect spoilers for that book in here. If you've not read the first, why not check out my review of it instead.

I'm just going to say it. This book is not as good as Bone Seasons. The thing is that book was so good; its a hard act to follow, especially with it ending on cliffhang and you're just dump back into this world which would be fine if you had read the books back to back but I didn't.

I don't think there is good job re-establishing characters and events from past novel. Frankly, in a series that's going to be so long it's important that you don't have to read the last book before the reading the next. Things and characters are mention in pasting without proper explanation. It's hard to remember everything when its been over a year since you've read the first book and I just don't have the time to reread every book before I read it's sequel (I'm not a big rereader to begin with) and I bet others are that way too. A lot of stuff went down in the end of the last book and just hard to catch up.

I think the big problem is the plot drags a little and I pushed myself through this book mainly because I was eager to read another book. That might just be my problem, but I never felt that way with the last book. Also while there is more world building, we pretty familiar with it now and finding about this world was one of my favourite things in the last novel.

I still love the characters, Paige is still awesome.  Still very interested in for going on with these characters.

Overall, I gave this book four out of five books for Mimes. Second Book Syndrome is horrible thing, while I'm wondering how this story going on for five more book. Hey, that might be good thing and I'm keen find out what's going to happen next.

I got this for review off Netgalley. It being published by Bloomsbury on the 27th January 2015.

Saturday 17 January 2015

UCAS and the Lack of Skeletons in my Closets.

Haló peeps, I have been working on a story for today based off a dream I had but its not working out the way I want it to do so instead I'm just going to talk at you like I normally do. I'll definitely post a story next week as I have a scheme that definitely going happen.

I have sent my UCAS away. It gone and out there. Three University have sent me confirmation that they have got it and my favourite told me that I should hear in 28 days their decision. Yay and terrifying. I already have the grades to get in so it all on my personal statement and they might hate me. One implied that they don't start looking at people till the UCAS deadline (which was last Thursday). The other is probably going to want to see my face before they'll accept me.

Two have yet to acknowledge me in email which is worrying as I'm meant to be sending one a online Portfolio and they need to send me a link thing to do it. Is my portfolio done to upload to them? Why No. Not the set of questions or the 5 minute videos. I have nothing to give. Scary as their portfolio deadline is ten days away so I should work on that in a panicky maner.

College is important but hard to concentrate on right now, but I should be panicking about certain aspects of that. I am not enjoying these new higher things at all.

I've been spending too much time daydreaming about going to Uni instead of doing the actual work for it which is bad. Even if this procrastination has been somewhat productive as I now have list of what I'll need for Uni and I'm just going to give people that when they ask what I want for my birthday so no fun items for me except for the fact that 'Maybe' part of that list contains a Life size skeleton (and chapper board). You might be thinking "Why would I want a Life size human skeleton for Uni?"

Well, I think Stella (yes, I've name it in my head) and I could have a lot of fun together and it would give me a lot funny jokes. I could hide in closets and under the bed. My parents worry I'll be lonely, I can just I have Stella. Also she would probably be handy for films as well and I would definitely use her for my YouTube channels. I'm actually tempt to start funraising for her but not sure what the best method would be. I'm tempted to start a Patreon but that's more a monthly thing to support artists/content makers and while that would be cool I don't think anyone would want to support me monthly to gain my dream of a full life size skeleton and me not to having find a normal job.

I've actually wanted a skull for a while to sit on the mantle (I have a mantle piece in my room that mostly covered by the wardrobe that hides the old fireplace). I'm not going to lie, Sherlock put the idea into my head of actually going out and getting a skull. Also my high school had one sitting on the desk. By the way, I want a fake one. I'm not going to go out and dig up a dead body. Not about to do a Frankenstein here.

I'm not sure if I would call it Stella but I would probably name it a girl's name. Seriously I think I'm going to make a Patron because it will be fun and be way to get money together even if I just end up just being used to make a Video fund. I mean like I'll use the money I get from people to do video ideas that would cost me to do, like say buying a full Life Skeleton.

Not sure. Also can I just say that is really hard to find a Full size human Skeleton, most of them are at least half the size and that's no good for me. If I had it now, I would sit in the corner of my room or place in on my brother's bed and wait for him to find it.  I could also use it to become Tumblr Famous as they really like Skeletons over there.

I'm off to do something productive instead of daydreaming about a skeleton.

Wednesday 14 January 2015

Book Review: Allies & Assassins by Justin Stomper

The following summary has a error in that its a Princedom, not a Kingdom.

Prince is Dead. 
Long Live the Prince.

As the second-in-line to the throne of Archenfield, Jared never expected to rule. But behind the walls of the castle is a dark and dangerous court where murder and intrigue are never far below the surface. 

Now his older brother is dead. the Kingdom is his. And the target is on his back. Can he find the assassin before the assassin?

This might be awkward review as I took four month break between one half of the book and the other.

The Princedom is interesting as it has a council of Twelve people, though I've got to say some them are kinda random like the head Beekeeper gets a say and there's the Prince's bodyguard as well as the head of the Guards. The Twelve are basically the times of the day and the council remembers seem to have been stretched to fit that idea. Also the heir is picked by the ruling prince. The world building was mostly small, I mean there nothing overly unique about it. I think it meant to be based on Wales but I have no real knowledge of Medieval Wales but this book is weird whilst not a fantasy, it seems a tad off to call it a Historical book. Also women have roles of leadships which I'm sure was not a thing in Europe during the sort of time it takes place.

The mystery of who did it was well built but the misleads seem a bit obvious there were not real leads to the Assassin. This book does end with a cliff-hanger but the actual plot of the book is wrapped up nicely.

The characters were alright except sometimes they seem intentionally dumb. Also certain characters seem to slightly switch personality at times in order to fit the plot.  I liked Asta. The relationships were okays, they are some that I would like to see how they develop.

Overall, I gave this book 3 out of 5 stars for bells. I would definitely read the next book if the library got it in or I found it really cheap. I am interesting in what happens with these characters and this Princedom especially with the cliff-hanger we left with at the end.

Saturday 10 January 2015

15 Things to Strive for in 2015.

Haló guys, so I've went back to college. I have wasted a lot of time doing nothing and deciding to go on a unscheduled. reading spree which somewhats make up for the fact that I have brought so many books off the internet. You would think the fact that I own 453 books that I hadn't read at the beginning of the year would be enough to stop me buying books that I won't get around to reading for a while. While=years. I also went to the library on Thursday and got last book in two series so I can finished them so I can say I've finished three series this year which will understand why once we get to the real point of this blog. The fun part of this story that turns out that the Librarian never actually checked out to me so they have books unaccounted for and I'm not sure how to bring it up to them. My mum suggest I just keep them which I shan't be doing as it wrong to abuse the library even they make dumb mistakes and book buying choices are terrible.

this week we will be discussing my goals and hopes for this year.
  1.  Read 60 books. I have in the past three years read at least hundred books but as I' going to uni (fingers-crossed) this year and have exams that I would like As in, I don't want to stress myself about reaching my book goal. This is more a estimation of what I'm realistically likely to read this year. If I go over that whilst my studies not suffering great.
  2. To finally catch on my book reviews and stop requesting books that I don't time to read. I'm sitting on a lot of my books that I need to read and dumb amount that I've already read. I feel deep guilt about it. I still request books for the sake of it sometimes and that has to stop. It be great to have done this before the end of summer. I'm still going to request books, but I'm going to request books that I would choose to buy if I had limited funds for books as I have limit time for book reading.
  3. I would like my To Be Read pile to go down as it now sits at 519 books. I counted them when I reorganised my bookcases. That's ridicules. For the books I do read this year, I want at least half of them to have been ones I owned at the start of the year. I tried the Mount TBR challenge last year but I didn't like that and none of the Mountains match up with my 30 book goal for this (though hopefully more).
  4. In the same spirit I want to majorly cut back on the books I buy. I have slowed down a bit but I could, should do better. Maybe something along the lines of not a buying a book till I've took so many out my TBR or if there room for it on my TBR shelves but that's harder to quantify considering book sizes vary and might cause stupid behavour of buying the smallest books I own.
  5. I would like finished reading/catch-up on 10 book series especially since I have 51 full series in my possession and I have only completed 18 series where I own at least one book in the series. I clearly have book buying problem. We should ignore how many of the series ain't been finished and are over five books long.
  6. To save money. I waste a lot of money and with going to uni, it would be great to have some money put aside.
  7. 6.To get a job this summer. Once I've taken my exams I would like to make as much money as possible because going to uni is going to be expensive. Also I would like to have had a job before I go to uni.
  8. To pass my driving test as I now have a grant for it. I just have to pass my theory test to get it which is really annoy as its the hazard I failed and the best where to get better at that is to actually drive.
  9. To write creatively more and post it on this blog. I would really like this blog to become heavy pre-written posts with me just going in slightly to give a quick life update or anecdote of the week if something interesting has happen. I want to pushed myself to be write short stories again with a ending.
  10. To finished a first draft of The Stranger. This has became more of a life goal. I just want this finished, I want the middle to finally meet the end. I'm sick of knowing the ending without knowing how we get there. 
  11. To As in the Highers I'm study or at least put my best effort into doing it. I don't want to regret not putting myself fully into it.
  12. To stop procrastinating. I'm terrible for it and I'm so sick of wasting time. I want to do so much and I have to start doing it.
  13. Exercise and eat less junk. Basically, I'm unfit and gained weight. I would like to lose said weight because I don't want to buy new clothes and carrying all my weight in my legs is annoying. Also got to be able to run once that Zombie Apocalypse hits.
  14. This one is kinda sad but true. Talk to people, make friends and don't be in my shell so much. I've got better but I still don't really talk to people.
  15. To put together a good portfolio together in less than month's time.

With that last goal, I'm out of here to watch the last part of the Hobbit Trilogy in a theater.

Wednesday 7 January 2015

Book Review: Marly's Ghost by David Levithan

Tiny and Tim, really?

A remix of Charles Dickens’ A Christmas Carol with a Valentine’s twist

When Ben’s girlfriend, Marly, dies, he feels his life is over and the prospect of Valentine’s day without her fills him with bitterness. But then Marly arrives – or at least, her ghost does – along with three other spirits. Now Ben must take a journey through Valentines past, present and future – and what he learns will change him forever.

I thought this was new released, turns out it was first published 10 years ago. It's new to me and probably you too if your reading this review. There's nothing to age it anyway, well until holographic photos become the standard.

This book is literally a remix of A Christmas Carol while that's interesting, there are moments when the language used does not sound anything like how a teenager would speak now or the 00s so its odd and almost pulls you out the story because of how noticeable it is. For example, the structure of the sentences and use of exclamation  marks are just not the way people talk or write now (you know that I mention it, its odd that exclamation  points have became so underused now). This becomes really bad half way through the book. Ben basically becomes regretfully old man from the early Victorian era. I've never actually read A Christmas Carol but I can tell when the lines have came from the original text.

Also I just can't over that Tiny and Tim existed as characters. When ever these two show up, I'm just completely taken out of the story due to the ridiculous of everyone calling Tiny, Tiny. I know they called that so you know that they the Tiny Tim of this version but still. I can't get over it, I can't move on. It ruined all the scenes these characters are mentioned or seen for me because in the back of my head I was going "WHY? Really?"

There is also illustrations in this book by

This book deals with things such as grief and did I did like the relationships between the main characters and you get feeling the lost with them. Though, I found as the language the more disconnected I felt with Ben.

Overall, I gave this book 3 out of 5 stars for carnations. It nice quick read and if you want to read A Valentine's Carol then this is the book for you. Also if haven't read anything by David Levithan yet then I wouldn't suggest starting here as I don't feel like this is a true glimpse of him. I should probably get over my hang up of Tiny.

I got this book for review off netgalley. It being published by Electric Monkey on 8th January 2015.

Saturday 3 January 2015

How 2014 went?

 So we have started a new year and BBC Hogmanay was as terrible as always even with having Twin Atlantic being a main feature. My siblings gave me money and nail polish set. The nail polish while cool was a surprise because I complain about polish more I than wear nail polish that isn't chiped black. My sister once again drank a bottle of Captain Jack Strawberry & Cream.

So lets go over last year goals in all it glory. So there were:
  1. Read 100 books.
  2. I want to finish writing The Stranger.
  3. To continue with this weekly blog. Maybe even to have blog main topics pre-written and thought out more.
  4. I think maybe focusing more on Creative Writing.
  5. Start keeping a diary every day better than I did last year.
  6. To pass my driving tests.
  7. To write Personal Statement and applied to UCAS (University).
  8. To do filming this summer so I have a good portfolio of stuff and not just use something because it all I've got.
  9. To do well in my studies of all sort.
  10. To get a job.
  11. To read 50 books by British Authors
  12. To read 60 books from existing book pile. 
  13. To finish ten book series. 
I accomplished my first goal by reading 113 books this year. So that was easily.
I have not finished The Stranger but I do know where it going. I'm wondering if I give it a rest for while because I'm just not happy with it in current form. It needs edited badly but I also would really like a finished draft before I tear apart what's there. So once again, not finished.
Thirdly, this blog is still a live but I backtracked a lot of posts and I don't want to do. I've actually felt rather overwhelm with this blog a little bit. But then again that mostly the book reviews that stress me out since I blank on my opinion a lot because I don't take notes and sometimes take months after reading a book to actually get around to writing the review. There was no pre-written despite my many plans.

My creative writing while worked on, nothing was finish so I have nothing to show which sucks and my diary keeping was no better.

I have failed a theory test, my UCAS is yet to be sent and my portfolio is about to be edited in a panic. But hey I did do a lot of filming. I'm behind in studios and I have yet to pass a nab. Fun.

I decided not to get job, till this summer as I felt I would rather focus on my study and it was awkward with me disappearing for three weeks and starting college.

My more general books were mostly not done officially. I read 41 books by British Authors which probably means that the Americans still out rank the Brits. I still did pretty well as for the Mount TBR Challenge that was a complete fail with me only reading 19 books that I owned before 2014 occurred. Though, I did read a few of the books I brought this year. I finished 8 series this year so while not great is still pretty good. I'll do better next year. I mean I have already started and finished a whole series this year.

So mostly fail when it came to my goals, but I never gave up up on any of them and that's the important part. Important to keep pushing yourself till you get the goals you miss. I shall see you next week with a pre-written post about this year's goals.