Saturday 19 December 2020

Hannibal season 1, but both Will and I have a fever.

 Time is a concept that I refuse to believe in, but of course, like ghosts in every supernatural horror, time does not care about my personal experience with it and it will pass at whatever random speed. I am ill. I don't know how it happens as I've been isolating. I have theories but I feel crap so what's the point of getting into the theories.

Season 1 of Hannibal really hits different when you have a fever and watching it as you go in and out of consciousness. Makes Will all the more relatable and I too, now feel like someone has forced fed me an ear, but that's just what's ever going with my throat still. I'm been ill for a few days, kept having dreams I was better, then waking up very much not. 

I had a dream that Hannibal was serving soup, and my mouth was brunt from it. Then was a debate that whether Lector had done on purpose but it wasn't his m.o. I woke up with my tongue burning, so that was fun. I told my mum that at 6 something and she called the doctor in the morning while I was sleep so I got myself some very nice antibiotics without seeing or even talking to a doctor. I could barely talk at that point and nevermind mixing in Selective Mutism.  Okay, so my mum got me them but I was the one that picked them up. 

I also had a fever, my throat was so sore before I started antibiotics that I couldn't swore and was barely able to talk. Anytime I squeezed I wanted to punch god, it hurt so badly. I keep having to fight my gag reflex, as I was sure vomiting would have been nightmare. I never had cough until yesterday where it started to get better. It feels like there is fuzz in my throat. Still feels like there's something in my throat. 

Other symptoms include not being able to eat spricy chicken because I could feel the spice in my ears. I didn't want the chicken really anyway. It was just going out of date and felt like I had to eat as no one else was gonna eat it. 

Though with everything going on, I can't be sure when I got sick because I carry stress in my throat, so I blamed the sore throat on that. I wonder if that's why I got it worse than everyone else seems to have it so far. Everyone seems to have got it now. 

One of our cats died last weekend. She was only two. It's all very suspensions. She's my sibling who needs cat and who is definitely going to into hospital before the year is out most likely. Christmas is literal days aways and it's never felt further. Not sure what we have in terms of food at all. Some frozen stuff I guess.

Lockdown and Covid mutating is just the of course of the year. My siblings are taking turns being hospital so that's great. There won't be any Christmas lights up this year because no one can be boather. Only my tradition of keeping Halloween decoarations up over the Christmas period reminds.

Saturday 5 December 2020

Life is a Slow March (also I do nothing for a month)

 I've been thinking about my oldest brother lately which isn't surprising. A date has been set for when he goes into the ground. Good thing, we're not Jewish because it's taken several sunsets. Who knows what we actually use to believe. 

A Catholic service is about as comforting as slapping when you don't believe in any of that crap, especially when it's a funeral for someone on the younger side. I just felt angry listening to all the shit and the main reason for having a Catholic funeral cannot be there for medical reasons. 

All this crap about god being a shepherd. Well, if he has been shepherding my family, I would like a word about several things and that maybe he should invest in a sheepdog.  So my thoughts through all the prays was about what a dick he is, which is probably the wrong attitude to have during a funeral. What is the right one, anger is meant to be one of the stages of grief but maybe you shouldn't be cursing god in a church. 

I joke about not being able to say I'm Satanist because I'm not an atheist. I guess I believe in something, but I don't believe we will meet again in the same form. I definitely don't believe in Abrahamic faiths and their teachings at all. Mainly they mostly sexist and no one plays attention to the actual good ones. Got to have your super churches, while the poor starve. 

Having a school next to church is quite awkward when leaving a funeral. They put him in the ground before my family got to the gravesite which is kinda shitty, especially as we were running early. 

The priest seemed to rush through the service, which I guess a good thing because I was dreading the idea of giant service. There are no hymns during a covid funeral. Why do Catholics sit up and down so much? We do not appreciate it as disabled people.

I've not done much recently, barely read but I have finished watching Murder, She Wrote except for the films. I've watched all of Hannibal in the last week, would have been quicker than that but I wanted to read fanfiction. Reading early fanfiction before a series is finished, Now I'm wondering what if Jessica Fetcher was Hannibal? Maybe she secretly is. I've been thinking about the murder statics around Jessica as I watch all 12 seasons. I had thought about doing vlogmas. I have several videos that I want to see the light of sitting unedited. 

This post probably be very different if I had finished writing three week ago instead of now. 

Saturday 7 November 2020

Life is Short but also Insufferable Long.

 So something that should be devastating happened at the start of the month. It doesn't feel that way which makes me feel odd. 

It just made me feel odd about watching nothing but things that involve death. I don't watch or consume anything that involves plain happiness and it's too soon to start watching Hallmark films, even those are secretly dark with all the dead mothers they just have for the sake of it. 

So I watched Casper (1995), may as well hit on the head and I'm back to watching Murder, She Wrote. Maybe I'll start the Christmas films early, especially as I can't finish my project currently. 

It wasn't unexpected. It came at a shitty time because covid and other bad shit that's going on. 

Anyway, there's separate Transport police in the UK that are not connected to Police Scotland and they mostly deal with suicides going off the leafet they gave us. 

My biggest emotion right now is angry at people using modern technology to insensitively inform people of things they have no business commenting on. People have been informed now so I guess I can go back to using Social Media as a coping mechanism. 

Saturday 31 October 2020

Halloween still Happens

 I really should have planned for this special occasion. A Halloween Saturday with a full blue moon. Well, of course, I didn't. I don't write anymore and my life is always six stages of chaos all slowly happening at once. 

I do get to spend Halloween with my niece because of not good reasons because covid means they are no good reasons to see her. You can't just go visit for nothing. 

I went to a drive-in to see 28 Days Later on Friday. It was a burst and I won't be doing it again. It's just left me tired for today. It's wasn't that great of an experience and not worth the money for only two people having a decent view. Also, they showing Die Hard as Christmas film but actual Christmas film Gremlin as Halloween one. Terrible at that job and organising.

US Christians really need help as a whole. Halloween is the Christianflied version of a pagan holiday. All the shite they saying is just weird and wrong. Halloween is meant to chase evil spirits away and if you were a Good Christian you would celebrate it without being weird about. 

I suppose if you were actually a Christian, you would abandon the weird things the Romans did to Christianity.  Let's stop talking about those losers.

I'm off to stare into the distance and think about the giant pumpkin I'm gonna carve in November. 

Sunday 25 October 2020

Worst Sheriff of Cabot Cove

 Another week, another amount of time I never get back or being able to account for in a court of law. 

I did finish another season of Murder, She Wrote. I have now watched all the episodes that aired before my birth, which is 196 episodes. Probably all the good ones are in there. Definitely, the best seasons as whole have been, since we no longer have Sheriff Amos Tupper and the rest of the seasons have the worst Sheriff Cabot Cove has ever had and that includes the Sheriff that killed people and didn't last a week. 

The first seasons are the ones I have nostalgia for, despite them having to be ten years old by the time I saw them airing on BBC before the CBBC aired, or was it after... I'll never know but I'm also very nostalgic for Diagnosis Murder as well for the same reason. I suppose Murder, She Wrote was a Prime Time show rather a daytime so makes sense that they would use the re-runs for Daytime tv. Though, most of the murder shows are on TV here during the now, like Father Brown, which is on its ninth season.

Season 9 of Murder, She Wrote has JFK episode which proves its funk. A lot of shows will have a JFK episode when they are close to the end or running out of ideas. Murder, She Wrote has an lot of odd choices due blending to give Angela Lansbury a  manageable work load. I think now they would have just made less epsideos instead a full 22 US season. Probably a British 12 epsideos instead of having random characters we're now meant to care about. They were always men too, clearly not know why people were watching. 

Also Murder, She Wrote really relays on Angela Lansbury, there are definitely episodes that do not work with her. They are actors on her level but I don't think they would do a murder show for 12 seasons and four films.

I do think Jessica being a teacher makes a lot more sense, I think this was probably done to cut back on traveling to locations. Apparently, it took ages to get to Cabot Cove's location. It really annoys me when people talk about Cabot Cove's body count, because it's high but statistically speaking most of the murders happen when Jessica is traveling which is much more suspicious if we talking about her being a secret serial killer. I personally think she just a cryptid  that causes people to commit murder around her and trust her instantly. Also her dead husband had twenty sibings and that's why they had no kids of their own. 

There's also a random episode in season 8 where Jessica says she only been living Cabot Cove for ten years. Two years before the season started, instead of the decades implied when she talks about her attachment to her home. 

Cabot Cove murder rate is actually a lot lower next to most countryside based shows. I might do the stats once I finished watching all the episodes. I would do it now, but don't want to spoil myself. Though, you can't really spoil yourself for Murder, She Wrote.

My sister is sick meaning I've had less opportunity to waste money on fast food. That and with her cat she not having the best luck. I do wonder if having a chrontically ill sibling growing up has effected my concern level, because my sister was briefly hospitalised and they don't know what's wrong with her. I feel like I should be more worried, but maybe I've accidently trained my brain not to actively worry about about anything health related till the worst happens. 

Saturday 17 October 2020

2 Weeks of Eventish Stuff.

Shocking to no one who has seen me repeating say that I have no concept of time, VEODO is not going well. I also had no idea that I didn't post anything last week despite actually having things happen to me that worth talking about rather I missed doing things without the fear of the consequences killing my whole family. 

Last weekend I was at my sister's to look after her cat, who keeps getting injured at night. She was away and her cat needed surgery the day she was leaving. He needed surgery on his eye and cut his neck. He's recovering okay but it's been revealed that he had a broken nose. So there is a lot of debate about how he got injured. The vet doesn't think it's another cat, so it could be a fence, a fox or a person. 

He's not a person cat so I doubt that one. We'll probably never know what he gets up to at night. I did manage to not buy too much takeaway, but I did ice cream and ribs delivered to me. 

The StrangeAthon is going okay. I've read two books for it the counts and reading another that currently doesn't match any of the challenges. 

I actually excised on my excise bike and took my dogs for a long walk. Leia was not happy as she could not go in the field across the bridge because there's sheep in it despite the field being part of a public path. I guess maybe you could walk avoid the sheep, but sheep can be evil and I definitely wouldn't walk with my dog. Leia definitely cannot run up and down the field until she is tired with sheep in it.

I am tired as always, and as always I have so much stuff to do. I'm behind on reviews again as well.

Sunday 4 October 2020


 So you haven't been editing for months,  You have 30 films to watch and you've got 16 books to read, so what do you do? That's right now is the time to do a video every other day on YouTube, hence VEODO is born. 

I've also fucked it up by deciding I rather have Chinese than finished editing the video in time for it to be actually uploaded today. It was worth it and I hate odd numbers anyway. I would rather publish on even days. 

We see how long that last. Not much has happened other my longing want to go to the cinema continues to not be a thing.

Saturday 26 September 2020

Time is Moving

 Life is something I should be living. 

I miss the cinema.  The cinemas are open but I am scared to go, especially since the rates are rising again. I'm really worried about not getting to see Wonder Women II. Maybe it's release will be delayed again and now having looked it up. It has been delayed for Christmas, 25th actual Christmas day which an odd choice for the sort of film that usually has a midnight release. That probably not gonna happen so Santa won't be missing out. It's actually boxing day which I doubt I'll be there for opening day. 

I never finished a post last week. Time is also getting away from me which doesn't help. I want to finish my film watching project this month, at least stage 1 of it. I have ten films left so it's not likely to happen but the project deadline is next year anyway. I've seen some good films doing this, but also a lot of shit films that make me question a whole gender.

I do love films and there's worth in them. But watching films from decades ago where the only diversity comes from a white woman and making the choice not to watch the film of a known groomer is not fun. Cis Men need help, especially the ones of the 80s. 

I'm off because I have sixty films to watch. 

Saturday 12 September 2020

Broken Glass Everywhere

 Sunday was a bad day. I started the day by being reminded that my car's MOT was due. The next day meaning I couldn't drive it for two days because I couldn't get an appointment till Wednesday to fix it. It did pass the first time but new tires are in my future. All four of them which is confusing considering I think I replaced all of them last year and your front tires are meant to go first. 

I opened my cupboard, for a glass to fall out and then shatter everywhere. I found bits a day later. I had already hoovered the kitchen. 

I then went out to clean my car, to find under a pile of napkins, mould. Great. I do clean the rubbish out of my car. I have no idea how long it has been there. I'm gonna try the carpet cleaner. Clean it out properly. I need seat covers for the back. Covered in dog hair because Skye kept barking at me as I was cleaning it. He's a wee rat. I had to let in the car while I did the front.

Skye is such a needy dog. Not sure what I did to make him that way. I also haven't read much this week, but I have caught up on six months of a book podcast, with more eps to go. I really only read on Monday this week and nothing else, so hella behind on all those reviews I should do. Have a few sitting to do as as well. 

I'm meant to be announcing StrangeAthon tomorrow but I'm having a real hard time drawing a tree. Also not filmed which is so me. I need to do better, so I will be off to try.

Saturday 5 September 2020

I am tired. Always.

 I just want a break. I haven't slept right for a few days. Maybe weeks. I just want to sleep and reading.

I have missed all my September arcs. I don't know because I've been reading them since mid-August so I had plenty of time to read them so I don't what happened.

I have finally finished painting my walls, having issues with the fireplace. I have wood paint and the last person has painted it with wall paint, so its not drying right. It'll need a few coats. I probably should have sanded it before.

I should have painted all the walls, but I think one wall and a half is for the best. If I ever move, it will be revealed that there's no paint behind the bookcase but that's future Rachel's problem when I move or decided to move it for some reason. It probably would have been quicker if I knew I was going to paint all the walls I did. I needed to paint part of the wall due to an incident with a candle.

I don't have much to say. Lots of reviews that I'm late with and should write. Also BuJo properly again so that's another thing I need to do. 

Saturday 29 August 2020

Jessica's Friends.

Hello, Hello, it is the end of the world once again. Nothing new has happened, I thought I would just remind you all we've been in crisis mode for months and we should definitely still be in crisis mode. 

I painted my walls this week. The whole downstairs is painted this ghastly cream colour. So I'm painting one and a bit walls because I can't be arsed to move the furniture I would need to paint it properly. I regret the white violet I brought. Its a much brighter pink than it looked on the label. It's still better than the cream and I can't take it back. d

Cream is a-okay colour to paint the walls, this cream just looks like its went off. 

I finished watching season 6 of Murder, She Wrote but I'm behind on everything. So I'll be off now. Next week post will told by Jessica Fletcher about some randoms she apparently friends with.

Saturday 22 August 2020

Neighbours are Inconvenient

 Apparently, my neighbours to impress themselves as existing the last week.

Last Saturday, I took my parents lawnmower to cut my grass, mine had broken and was not picking the grass up last week so I hadn't cut but not very well, to find my neighbour had cut the hedge in my garden. You know in theory that's a nice thing to do but they had filled my bin with tree branches. I'm not sure how all of it could have been from my side of the hedge. I don't know who owns the hedge, but I wouldn't have cut it till we were out of August. It didn't need desperately done, especially on such a hot day. So now instead of having tons of room to dump the grass in the bin, which is something that did need done. I ideally should have done it sooner but I just didn't have a free day to do it.  I have to squash it down and grass got everywhere when I was emptying the lawnmower bag. Also, it was too heavy to move up my garden. It really inconsiderate to fill someone else bin. 

I did curse arsehole out loud when I realise so I guess that summoned my neighbour while I was cutting this grass on Saturday. In hindsight,  I should have cut the grass on Sunday because it was cooler and still dry. I also probably should have said something to my neighbour instead of staring at them. I just didn't what he wanted me to say at that moment. I was annoyed at them filling my bin without saying anything to me. I know I don't spend every day at my house, but that's because my family is a disaster. In an ideal world, I wouldn't have had to move out but there's no room for me here. 

Also I still put my bin out. It's really fucking presumptive that a person who lives alone wouldn't have any rubbish in their house. Of course, I don't have any council bin bags. Lucky, I didn't have a stack of rubbish in my house or a project I was doing. I guess I should have just said thanks for cutting the hedge, but I had plans for that bin. I know I don't put it every week (mostly because I'm forgetting as hell) but it's still really inconsiderate of you to do that. But I also had been putting my bin out recently. 

I think you should ask your neighbours before you do that. Like I said I had cut my glass last week, badly, but that still proved I lived there. I don't really like when my neighbours do me favours. Like bring my bin in before I even have a chance to go out and get it. I think one must sit there and pounces as soon as they come. 

Now for the story of this week. So this my parents' neighbour but as I care for my parents I do stuff while I'm there. So my parents and sibling all went to the hospital so I was there watching my sister's dog because makes no sense for her to be left alone when I'm home and the dogs can go in the garden. I'm having a bad day. I filmed for an hour for one video and got nothing else filmed. I had already been interrupted during the second video by my parents coming home. So after putting everything away, I go to film again. But only a few seconds in I see the neighbour at the door. I can't ignore her, she probably heard me. 

This is 6pm, it's Dinner time/both my disabled parents are sleep. She comes to the door, the one day we're not all in the garden. We could have this conversation over a fence. 

She came to the door to complain about the dogs barking at them when they take their dogs into the field. She claimed we don't call them back went they bark at them which a lie. We call them, the only time I don't is when I'm at the toilet and they ignoring my shouting. They know barking is wrong, they still are chancers sometimes. They will stop if I go out there. 

She said they jump at the fences. They don't jump at the fences, they stand up on the fences because they are nosey. If they were kids, sure I would tell them to stop spying on the neighbours. But they are dogs, they have no concept of boundaries. The only one who jumps on the fence is Leia and she never goes outside by herself. She gets given into trouble when she does that. They can't get over the fence, so they nothing to actually complain about. 

So she keeps saying its' really annoying when her kid is trying to work their horse. What horse, the horse that is always in the field, or the ponies they must be too big for now. 

The thing that made me mad, is that she said we should give them treats after they do this behaviour. So I shut the door in her face, after saying that I'm not going to train my dogs to be bad. I also then shout at the window that her dogs bark constantly. 

Here's the thing, they keep their dogs in kennels and those dogs bark all the time. Actually the next day, they bark all day. I guess they weren't home. The horse also bangs on the gate all the time. 

Okay, so this neighbour infamously stole a horse and did not care for this horse properly. It doesn't really matter if that's true but I know that they left horse out all the time by itself. Only ever play attention to it once it the owner tried to get it back.  

Do my dogs bark at her dogs, sometimes yes. My dogs did bark for five minutes, ignoring me shouting them from inside so I went outside and they came in when they saw me, so this neighbour came to the door ten, twenty minutes after they had been called inside. My dogs were inside, staring at her from the window. Not barking. 

Also, this same neighbour came to the door after my mother had made the fence taller, to complain about the dog jumping into her field. Bitch, why are you complaining when the problem has been solved? Yes, this is bad behaviour and I don't want my dog giving me a heart attack by standing on the gate between the field and our garden. It's dangerous for all the animals involved when she decides to visit the sheep. 

My dogs aren't perfect, but I've tried them to not bark back at other dogs. If wanted complete control of your environment then you move to the middle of nowhere. Lots of empty houses that no one wants if you have land money. You have neighbours, they will be noises. I have a dog who talks by barking. He doesn't play growl, he very odd squeaky thing. 

Also apparently, she a nurse and she came to the door without a face mask. WTF. Someone has it locally too. People aren't taking this serious enough, but that's a rant for another day. 

Frankly, the only one I feel is justified in complaining is the postman. I don't know why Leia hates them so much but she does. Violently so. Not even the same one, different people. Same reaction. Even complained to other strangers, they are the ones who upset her the most. In an ideal world, I would lock her out the livingroom during this time of the day. 

Also, my prepayment metre that tried to get taken out when I moved in is broken, but they won't fix unless I run out of power when seems like a dangerous game. I don't have any medical equipment so that is fine, but I am listed as Disabled so that definitely could be dangerous. Hopefully, they would fix if that was the case. Was working on a short story that I thought I had ending for but turns out I just never finished writing it and therefore did not post anything last Saturday. Behind on reviews as always and I haven't edited this week so it all been great. 

I'm gonna go now, I have to find my field's neighbours door so I can complain about the chickens coming into the garden when we first moved in. Very important. 

Tuesday 11 August 2020

New, same Crap.

Blogger has changed and I don't like it. I meant its basically been the same in the ten years I've been using it but its an outrage. Not really because who has the energy to have emotions over a website. Maybe they've changed it for a reason. We see.

This week hasn't gone to plan. I'm currently writing in my parent's hallway because I've been banished from the living room as my mother paints the ceiling. I would help paint the ceiling but my mother has made it clear that she doesn't want my help painting. But she does want my help lifting things which I am useless at. 

All my strength is my legs and I have no spatial awareness. I walk into walls and I now I do it while carrying a sofa. Everyone in my immediate family is disabled, meaning that we all wiped out for days doing this sort of thing. I wanted to film this week, but all the spoons are gone.

I started going back to my house. Still don't have food in it, other a chest of frozen food which is does contain what I need for every meal. I guess I should just buy a loaf and milk and stay there. Its just can't be arsed doing that right now and I have to come back to my parents to do things for them.

Maybe once the livingroom is finally sorted, I can finally sort my livingroom. Its a livable space but does need proper organising so I can use the table that's in the corner rather its still being covered in boxes and books. 

There's not much to say right now, other than I'm tired and I have feelings. The world continues to burn slowly.

Sunday 2 August 2020

Short Story: Half Finished

I wrote something but I am too tired to finish. Maybe there's something worth finishing.

She woke to something heavy, wet on her chest. She wasn't conscious enough to figure out what it was. It rubbed itself against her duvet, up and down, before setting against her chest. She could feel something cold against her throat, which would have been discerning if also she had just gained enough consciousness to realise it was her wolf of a dog using her duvet as a towel. Her brain still confuse on how he had managed to get out.

She had fallen asleep to the backdoor wide open into her secure garden before but that night she had definitely locked due to the rain. She didn't want to wake to a flooded kitchen.

He had stop moving, she opened her eyes. He started to wag his tail, quite happy with his work. He didn't care that it was the middle of the night and he had brought his mother a mystery to solve. She shoved him off, sitting up in bed. She could have just shut the door and the wind had blown it open. She could hear the wind battering against the old walls. It wasn't the studiest of doors. She need to get up and lock it.

She got out of bed, full awake thanks to her wet monster. He was a big dog, solid and heavy. He was a squeaky thing when he barked though and the only protection he was brought was someone thinking his size made him a threat. No, he was a giant puppy. Not even a year old yet and since she got him she couldn't leave him without him crying as though he was being abandoned. He had come with attachment issues straight from the farmer she had brought him from. She wasn't sure what he would do if anyone actually did anything to her, but he just squeaked and wagged his tail at strangers.

She could still hear his tail, his whole body seemed to move as he whacked that thing, like he was about to lift off. It was solid and it hurt when it hit against your legs or face. He jumped off the bed with a thud. Shaking his way across the floor to the open bedroom door. She followed him. The carpet was wet under bare feet. Bram had dried himself on the way up to her. She would turn the heating on in an attempt to dry it.

It was summer and still warm enough to get away without heating most nights. With this rain, it was likely to cool down again. She walked slowly down the stairs, everyone else doors were shut. Safe for now from the domestic wolf that lived in her house. He was strong enough to barrel down the doors open. He already at the bottom of the stairs waiting for her. As soon as she got into the kitchen she felt the water on the titles, more than from a dog drying himself.

A thin level of water covered the whole floor. Maybe it was a burst pipe and Bram had attacked it like it was a hose. She could feel the wind coming from the door, it felt open. Bram ran towards it and she followed him. The door was fully open, the rain blowing right into the house. It must have been open for hours for the level of water.

She tapped her leg twice and Bram runs back to her. Greeting her again by jumping up her, dirting her grey pajamas top. She sighed and pushed him down, and he walks back into the house. Tail going. This had been a great adventure for a creature that only made messes and never cleans them. She shut the door, making sure to lock it this time. The winds whispered through the door.

This was when she finally went to turn the light on. She wasn't sure where the mop was lurking. The light didn't turn on. Of course, she had been woken, in the middle of the night by a soaking wet dog, during a power cut. She couldn't be bothered to find the mop, instead grabbing a dog towel next to the door and throwing it on the floor. She got on her knees and began to mop up the water. The bath towel immediately saturated. Impossible heavy, she dragged it to the sink. She tried rinsing it out, but gave up.

She still too tired for this. Bram sat himself on her feet, the constant trip harassed. She was tempted to grab another towel and go back to bed. Shut them both in her room, dry the drown rat and deny knowing anything about how the kitchen had turned into a swimming pool. She was surprised that so much water had gotten into the house for so long without anyone noticing.

She bent down to feel her still, very wet mutt. He was half border collie and something else. The farmer had been missed by not knowing what had bred with his sheepdog. If she didn't know better, she would have thought he was part wolf. He was white and grey like one, but he had gotten his colouring off his mum. His eyes were a yellow colour that must have came from his father. They had killed off all the wolves.

She got back up and deciding that fallout wouldn't be worth it the sleep. They were candles in the bathroom and matches above the fireplace. Walking back in the hall, the carpet felt soaded now. Maybe there was a pipe burst. Bram couldn't have gotten so much water into the carpet.

She went for matches first. The floor seemed to just keep getting wetter. The matches were shockingly where they should be for once.

She could see Bram's outline, but she had felt the brush of fur against bare legs. A cat, a giant dog-sized cat had scaled the fence.

Saturday 25 July 2020

Halloween is Always in Your Heart.

Hello, Hello, Hello. That the greeting my gut told me to do. Another week, another week shielding apparently. Shielding is meant to be ending on 1st August and there's a vaccine in the air. Hopefully. this does mean the end of Lockdowns in Scotland. Sadly, a lot of places are still high. Universal Horror Night has been cancelled at both parks this year. Jokes about Halloween being cancelled have been going around since this start. Don't let Halloween be cancelled. You can't cancel Halloween. Its just whether you can go d

In a few years time, we have pandemic theme haunted houses again. Yes, they already a thing. There are a lot of places that are meant to be haunted due to having been used as temporary hospitals for past pandemics but most of them were 50 years ago at least.

I haven't been doing much. Finally, finished editing a video that I've been working on a few weeks because I am me. I still need to finish the captions though. Released it without them because no one watchs my video anyway which was a mistake because I say something is so confusing like five times and a few of them definitely should have been edited out. I've captioned over half the books in the video, what a shame that's only 6 minutes of 20-minute video because I rant about the fourth book and I guess had more to say about the 5th one that the others.

I also have been adding triggers and tropes to because I have been reading and reviewing books. My Netgalley feedback percentage is now 45%. Well, for a day and then I got approved for another book so its back to 44% but I'm reading. I was bagging that I have no books that came in August except a graphic novel and audiobook. Guess what though, I have four books that come in the 3 September so those need to be read in August so they can be reviewed before release. It's a very first world problem I know. They fixed the Audiobook issue and I've not listened to it much. Not a lot of Audiobook jobs to do. I got to catch on my BuJo so I'll listen to it then.

I almost wrote fiction but then I remember that I'm constantly behind on other things. I'm sitting on six videos I want out as soon as possible. The StrangeAthon starts Monday and I haven't edited my TBR video yet for it. It shouldn't take too long but never can tell with uploading speeds. Maybe I should also do a blog post for the StrangeAthon on Book Review blog.

There's not much else to say I'm currently doing five things right now (watching TV; captioning a video; writing this; reading a book; editing a video) and I have something in the oven right now so let's make one less.

Wednesday 22 July 2020

Book Review: The Doll House by Phoebe Morgan

A great Doll House book is my white whale.

You never know who’s watching…

Corinne’s life might look perfect on the outside, but after three failed IVF attempts it’s her last chance to have a baby. And when she finds a tiny part of a doll house outside her flat, it feels as if it’s a sign.

But as more pieces begin to turn up, Corinne realises that they are far too familiar. Someone knows about the miniature rocking horse and the little doll with its red velvet dress. Someone has been inside her house…

How does the stranger know so much about her life? How long have they been watching? And what are they waiting for…?

So this book involves a doll house, was my mystery doll house need finally going to be fulfilled after the disappointment that was The Miniaturist. It did fulfil that need better, but not fully. Firstly, the summary fails to at all mention Corinne's sister Ashley who this book is almost equally about.

This book is told from the two sisters POV with a mystery Then Narrator, which happens to be a trend.

Corinne is desperately asinine for a lot of the book. The police are not called till after major incidents and then are not given all the information for plot reasons.

There's great build up and then falls to the ground, smashing into what the hell are you doing?

Overall, I give this book 3/5 stars for chairs. I'll never find a book that's about creepy doll house that I can fully enjoy. I wrote the majority of this review a year ago and going through books that I meant to write reviews for and deciding how realistically I am to review a book I read two years ago from the library. So not the best review I've ever written, but I did write thoughts so why now share them.

Crossed Posted to Strangeness Books

Read: 9/03/2019-14/03/2019
Reviewed: 14/03/2019-19/07/2020
Medium: Audiobook
Published Date: 4th October 2018
Publisher: HQ Digital
Source: Library
TW: I can't remember (breaking and entering; Stalking;)

Saturday 18 July 2020

Hot Wings

I was gone last week. Not for any percudiular reason. Just forgot it was Saturday so I didn't write, for a week.

Netgalley now has arcs for Audiobooks and my life is now complete. I think it will help be more consistent with my arcs on Netgalley but the 200 arcs I have not reviewed are still there. Waiting, patient for the day where I get my shit together. In my defense, I'm been Netgalley a good few years and I have had several flare-ups over that time. I've also reviewed 159 books during that whole time as well. I want to get back to 50% by the end of the year. That's 21 books I need to review. I have read some of those but realistically I need to re-read them to review them because my notes have disappeared from the universe for some reason. There are a few books where I'm sure I started reviews for them. I just can't find them anyway.

Audiobooks don't really get affected by flare-ups. Sometimes my brain won't process text but it not happened to audio completely yet.

I left the house today and went to a restaurant. In an ideal world, I would be able to get TGIFriday's hot wings delivered to my house, but I can't and have been craving them for actual months. Scotland is more under control and everyone was wearing masks so it's fine I guess. No milkshakes or Tacos anymore. The hot wings were heaven so I guess it was worth it. We got milkshakes from five guys. Expensive but nice.

My brother lives in an ideal world because he got mozzarella sticks instead of coming with us like he was meant to. It's not that ideal since this is still happening in it.

There's not a much happening. I brought masks and clothes since I will probably be leaving the house for more than five seconds now. So a lot of money, too much money. I need masks...and My Chemical Romance Merch. I never got to see them this year, I may as well have a cool shirt to wear.
I have a massive spot on my nose, so the masks are convenient. I went into Waterstones today and didn't buy any books so a win.

I'm tired after my big day out so I'll write to you later,

Wednesday 8 July 2020

Book Review: A Kind of Spark by Elle McNicoll

What species of Shark is the whale species of Dolphins?

A KIND OF SPARK tells the story of 11-year-old Addie as she campaigns for a memorial in memory of the witch trials that took place in her Scottish hometown. Addie knows there's more to the story of these 'witches', just like there is more to hers. Can Addie challenge how the people in her town see her, and her autism, and make her voice heard?

I found out about this book on Twitter by following a fellow Autistic book reviewer who had been sent a review copy. So I immediately ordered it once I found out it was Autistic own voices. Frankly, there are not enough own-voices Autistic books, especially as the biggest ones were written chapter by chapter or the idea of an Autistic protagonist is how the author realised she was autistic when she did more research for the book. This is a middle-grade book which I didn't know because I did no research. I actually didn't read the summary of this book, I knew masking was discussed but that was it. I figured it was children's somehow by the cover.

The main character Addie is Autistic and eleven-years-old. This book deals with Ableism that that Autistic kids face, often by the adults who are meant to support them the most. Teachers.  I wasn't diagnosed with Autism as a child but I did face ableism from my Dyslexia diagnosis and my Autistic traits made it so that teachers were terrible to me.

This book is a lot more sympathetic than I would ever be to those teachers (ableist teachers in my novels end up being possessed by demons and its hard to tell when the procession started).

This book does slightly deal with internal ableist, with Keedie, Addie's older sister. It's not in great detail but as this book deals with a lot of Ableism that Autistic people deal with, I think it was just the right touch with this book. Especially, as this Addie's story. I do want Keedie's story, but mostly because I just want more Autistic protagonists in general. I did relate to Keedie too, being an older sibling to a fellow Autistic person. I went through a ton of Ableism and then my sibling went to the same school. Somehow it's gotten worse.

There's a lot of little nods in the books to how Autism has been a thing all along and not just recognised till recently. Also multiple Autistic femme characters.

The plot of this book is Addie learning about Scotland's Witch Trials and how her home village inspires her to do something about it. This went really well with the themes of the book, while

Friendship is a touch on a lot in this book. At the start of the book, Addie is newly Friendless as she has been abandoned by her long time friend Jenna and gains a new friend Audrey whose just moved to the school from London. Friendships are complicated for Autistic people due to us missing out on social clues and not knowing the rules to the game.

This a kinda spoiler but not majorly since this isn't a plot book. It's definitely about the characters.  This book has a trope I really don't like and it's kinda Ableist if not treated right and I don't think this book does enough. I get the reasoning, however, I don't think it was dealt with enough. I talked about it in my Goodreads initials thoughts if you don't care about mild thoughts.

Addie is very relatable to me, I've done a few things she did at the same age.
The only unrelatable thing for me, is Addie doesn't know what is dangerous about the world and my special interest has been true crime a few times, even as a kid. Obviously, not actual criticism.

I really loved this book, I do take issue with one part of this book, which is why I probably rate this 4.5 really. Maybe 4.8 if we're going against the GoodReads system anyway. I think this is a really important book for anyone to read but especially for Autistic kids. This is a book I had wished I had as a kid (even if I don't think I would have looked past a certain trope then). Even if you're not diagnosed, your traits still get you treated badly. In a way. this was a hard book to review because I mostly want to just scream read it and then come discuss it with me.  I think this book proves just why Disabled Own-voices are important.

Read: 11/6/2020
Reviewed: 11/6/2020 –4/7/2020
Medium: Paperback
Published Date: 04/6/2020
Publisher: Knights Of
Source: I brought it.
TW: Ableism, Ableist slurs; Internal Ableism; discussion of being institutionalised, casual racism (challenged), mild discussion of torture;

Crossposted to my other website:

Saturday 4 July 2020

So I Finally Did it.

I am typing this from a new keyboard. My laptop charger broke again. I wasn't sure if it was the charger or I had been betrayed by technology again. My laptop did die without warning. which is shitty of it and something it had been doing often.

So I went to and brought the best laptop that I could reasonably get away with not paying for till next year (or a few months anyway). I had just paid off my Switch which I have not played for a week because I missed a few days and I'm now too scared to go back to my village. I could just time travel and give gifts and get fossils and caught up to the real date.

Point is that I have a new laptop that doesn't have a CD drive which sure is something I only ever use in once a while like when I get an audiobook from the library. You can still buy plugged into CD drive.

I also went to Amazon and brought £20 charger so in case my information could be saved off my laptop. I would mostly be losing Audiobooks that I have negated to put on my phone and where I left off on my e-arcs. My university laptop still lives. I'm probably going to keep using it for other things.

My mother thinks my new laptop is small, but my other laptop was too big. It was actually a pain in the butt to take anyway.

My laptop had been dying for a while and I knew I should replace it sooner or later. Hell, I even went into a shop years before about getting a better one. It's not that it's just old. It was kinda always shitty and ill-fitting for purpose. Frankly, it was never a laptop I would have brought.

I wish my new one had more built-in memory but the ram 16 GBs and I can always plug into an external hard drive into it. I mean from past experience that not always that easy. Steam is definitely confused bu that myth. It should work for editing which I should definitely do more of.

I should always be doing a lot. The speaker is really loud. My old one was useless and couldn't stand to most background noise. Speakers do tend to get weaker the older and more they used.

I've let my reviews go but at least I have an excuse. I was without a computer for a day and a half. I should read and finish my knitting. I'm gonna go because I have a very boring life and who wants to talk about the giant elephant in the corner anyway.


Wednesday 1 July 2020

Book Review: More Bloody Horowitz/Scared to Death by Anthony Horowitz

Oh, Horowitz we meet again...Yeah, we're gonna need to have a talk.

Stories of ultimate revenge, from freshly sold human meat and uncontrollable robots, to life-sucking MP3 players and reality TV where death is the penalty – all told with dark humour and gruesome relish, and made even more fiendish by retro illustrations, chilling facts and a puckish message from the author. This is Anthony Horowitz at his most wicked.

Scared to Death: Ten Sinister Stories by the Master of the Macabre

This chilling collection of ten nightmarish and fiendishly funny short stories is a perfect read for fearless children. From a train journey straight to hell, out of control robots with a murderous streak and even a television show where death is the penalty – these terrifying tales display the dazzling wit and wicked humour of master storyteller Anthony Horowitz, and are guaranteed to make your blood curdle and your spine tingle.

If you've been following my reviews for a while, you know that I'm a big of Horror and read Horrorwitz first horror stories when I teenager. I have since re-read and reviewed those stories. I thought they held up, so I brought this book from a library sale a while ago but ended up reading the ebook from the library because of Lockdown. I had been looking at the graphic novels and saw an adaption of the Hitckhiker, a story in Horowitz Horror collection. It was fine, I think it works better as a story but not worth a writing a full review but it left me curious if they had Horowitz other works. I saw these two story collections, More Bloody Horror and Scared to Death. Thinking they were completely different works, I check both them out.

These are the same books, but with changes to update them. Technically, Scared to Death ends up with less content, which is probably for the best. The first story and Intermission is left out. Probably should have left the terrible poem in as the whole intermission in the re-released. 'Scared to Death' does have its one unique story.

This has the layout out of a newspaper article, which I'm sure is very charming in a physical book but a pain in the butt for me reading it digitally from pdf. Each story has an illustration before it and sometimes a minor one after. The illustrations are well done, if not sometimes spoilerly for what ends up happening to the characters.

I wrote reviews for each story as I went so half of the review was written before I knew that Scared to Death was a re-released with some of the problematic things changed.

The Man Who Killed Darren Shan: I'm sure Horowitz got permission to plot the murder of real children's writer Darren Shan. Though, imagine if he didn't and the first you hear of it is during book festival season. How awkward.  This book was about a failed horror writer deciding that the similarity between his and Shan work being too much for coincidence. 3/5 stars for taking out the competition.

Bet Your Life: So this a game show with an obvious twist, the story takes place on the finale eve which has five finalists so it's perfectly pre-dates Drag Race, including the transphobia (okay, I thought it was four when I made this joke, but it's only a matter of time with Ru). All the finalists are men, because of course, but one of the contestants is a Trans man who they call a 'woman' and use she/her pronouns for him. The exact quote describing him is 'She gave away very little about herself - although, she had let me known if she won, she wanted to become a man.' I could let this go as it being dated, but this book is also sold as comedy apparently. Also know that a Trans woman has won Big Brother, a show referenced in the opening so definitely leaves me on the alert. And I was right because we get a bit of ableist common to reality shows "Clive in his wheelchair, hoping to claw something back in a life that had been wrecked by a car accident". I guess this could count as commentary.

A prefer named is given as Melvyn, so that's what I'll use. He is referred to as 'pitless' and is made out to be the villain in this, like he's a terrible person for competition against a 16-year-old, but not that feeling towards anyone else involved.

Why would the prime minister be the final question giver? How well does pig feel compared to humans? What does this Latin quote mean? How many people am I directly responsible for killing?
Horowitz is a TV writer and there was a very negative feeling towards reality TV at the time. This does and says nothing. It somehow manages to be Cliché almost immediately. The most noticeable is the transphobia for no reason.

Replacing the transphobia is a knowledging you did something wrong but its not enough to take it out. If they had just changed the character to being an openly trans man using the correct name and pronouns, who wants the money for top surgery. That's commentary. I mean the way the character is written is terrible so you would have to actually completely re-write or make another character trans for it to be forgivable. They are no quick fix for transphobia. What I've read of Horowitz work, his books have never been diverse. He rarely writes outside his middle-class white man bubble, so perhaps its best he didn't attempt it. Realistically I'm not sure what the fix is. Maybe this story should have also been taken out of the re-release.
0/5 stars for Transphobia.

You Have Arrived: Steal a car and so it goes badly obviously. This story's illustration tells you the twist before you've read it. It's whatever.  2.5/5 stars for Dionaea Muscipula.

The Cobra: Kid is a brat in a foreign country. Gets his comeuppance. 2.5 for Anti-venom.

Robo-Nanny: Robots kidding on to be 'Mexican to get a job at McDonalds'. The twist at the end ruined it. Why would that be horrorfic for kids? 2/5 stars for Spare Parts.

Transmission: Not really, just excuse for poems.

Bad Dream: A poem about the mud coming for revenge for the father's sins. 2/5 stars.

'Why Horror has No Place in Children's Place by Wendy Grooling'- If we taking notes, besides mothers, the only femme characters have been a Trans man being misgendered, killer robot, and now this fake writer hating on horror. Here's a quote about J.K. Rowling 'It's all too often forgot that she has single-handly taught an entire generation the value of reading,' This is meant to be a joke (I think), but I wouldn't be surprised if that's the Koolaid that Just Kidding is drinking now.
Also Alice in Wonderland has horror elements, which I mean the baby that gets turned into a pig and probably eaten. Maybe that add realism as the people who write long essay about hating on a thing, never know what they talking about.

Oh, no Horowitz you really got me. The 16-year-old who would read and review this book 10 years after publication who gonna point out the transphobia and the lack of girls. Don't worry, I rate you somehow more dated than the 90s Point Horror I also read for kicks. Don't worry, you're a better adult writer than Stine but children? IDK, I haven't played enough attention to which ones weren't ghostwritten. Also definitely not the week for J.K. Rowling to be getting any praise.

Also this references the Hitchkiter whose graphic novel adaption I recently read. The adaption was fine. This is my favourite story because it's not newspaper formatted and meant I didn't have to backtrack while reading it.

There is a crossword, something as a Dyslexic I have always hated. The clues sure are something. Anyway, calls Black Panther terrorist group which is very 60s America. I mean I've not managed to find them a case of them being linked to a terrorist act. Did they go into a building armed? Sure, white people are allowed to that shit. It's fucking questionable to have in a kids book, without a conversation.

My Bloody French Exchange: This another obvious one. These stories are for kids, but definitely feel too young for the character age group. This is just a revamp of the Hitchkiter story so not for fans of the first book. 3/5 stars for the same twist and I'm gonna straight-up reference it.

SheBay: Finally the first girl protagonist, and she immediately human trafficked. Guess what it the same Twist as 'Harriet's Horrible Dream' and even references it. It's slightly different but worse.
1/5 stars because Human trafficking online is definitely real and horrifying.

Fuck, some terrible news. This is where I found out this was re-released as Scared to Death, which my library has as a decent ebook of and would have been a lot easy to read from than this nightmare one. I had already rechecked it out. The transpobia has been removed. The lone AFAB contest now wants to give all her money to donkeys. "She gave away very little about herself - although, she had let me known if she won, she would give all her money away to charity. She particularly wanted to help look after donkeys in Spain." Don't worry Clive is still there but it now references Love Island. Did I change copies when I discovered? No, because of transphobia.

Are you sitting Comfortably?: This told in first POV by our second girl main character, compared to most being in the third person. And I was right to because this book has some casual racism. "At first sight, I thought he might not be British. He was dark-skinned'.  He's still described as dark-skinned in Scared to Death, but his Britishness is not questioned. This probably one of the better stories, especially as it not just a re-harsh of one of his past works. It probably shares themes with Cottage one though. 3.4 stars for life insurance.

Plugged In: "Jeremy Browne is Gay" is graffitied on a bus shelter, this is changed to him being a weirdo in StD. I get the choice and it is probably best not to use the word gay unless you're going to have a conversation about homophobia. That being said what teenager liked Take That enough in 00s to keep up with their single release schedule. That was such a mum band then. They're replaced by Ed Sheeran in 2018. None of the other bands are updated, but a line about Solar-powered MP3 players not existing is taking out. Well, they still don't and probably never will because no one owns mp3s anymore. We all have phones. I guess maybe a few joggers might have them. I guess this was taken because solar power travel banks exist.
4/5 stars for Not Trusting Your Neighbours.

Power: This is a story written by someone who doesn't know a thing about the care system. You can give up a child at any time. They will try and convince you not to. You can put a child in care at any time. The main character ending up naked which is horrifying due to the likely damage to an uncovered body. I think it didn't need to be so obvious, he says "even his boxers". This is another spoiled kid meets a terrible fate. Mixed message with the last story. I guess the moral is be a hermit and never talk to anyone. 2/5 stars for extreme sports.

The J Train: This is the new story in Scared to Death, I suppose to replace Darren Shan Murder one. This book is also dated for its Time of 2018. It mentions 're-reading those Vampire books' and Stranger Things. Really shows that Horowitz does not keep up with the business he's in. Also Hamilton tickets, but who would guess where we ended up two years later. The mother sounds like a goth with killer nails. Two or three hours doing nails isn't really that long if you're doing designs. The most horrifying thing about this story is that Horowitz felt the need to point out that Donald Trump is president and they have a photo of him for some reason. Donald Trump was a Slumlord and New Yorker really don't like him. Why not just have vague a picture of the president. It was just a weird detail. This story is told in the third person and while having a teenager daughter, the main one it follows is the dad, so maybe an effect to balance the gender split but not really.

Seven Cuts: This is a note from the publisher, in this Horowitz is a murder who doesn't take notes. I just don't any of this meta stuff really works. 1/5 stars for not respecting women.

Overall, I gave this book 1/5 stars for Transphobic Donkeys. This is definitely weaker than Horowitz Horror books. There is a reason this was weeded from a library and I'm definitely glad it was when it does have such obvious problematic things in it.
There are no girls in this book. This is a problem with "Boy books" in general, boys are not exposed to girls they own age, just being people in fiction. Girls are so often forced to be the token, even in their own fiction. Basically, we have trick parents into buying their boys books with girl main characters. So that's just a general problem, and girls do like horror as well. His first collection felt more balanced. Maybe it's just because the girl main character stories were the better ones and more spread out instead of just being in the second half of the book.

This book does raise the question, do I have to go back and re-read Horrowitz Horror in the original form I read it to see if it been problematic all along. It has definitely put me off reading any more of Horowitz's work. I've not loved what I've read since that first collection, either been okay or this. They are so many other books in the world, so why waste my time with white man nonsense?

Crossed posted to Strangeness Books. I do post reviews earlier on Strangeness Books, basically, as soon as I finished them.

Read: 8/6/2020 to 11/6/2020
Reviewed: 8/6/2020 - 26/6/2020
Medium: PDF/Ebook
Published Date: September 1st 2010 (re-released October 4th 2018)
Publisher: Walker & Company (Walker Books)
Source: Library
CW: Casual Transphobia; Causal Ableism; fatphobic; Causal Racism; Causal Homophobia;

Saturday 27 June 2020

Tweeting Shame.

When you're a teenager, you do and say clingy things.

Been going through old tweets, deleted some of the worst ones. As a general rule, I don't delete tweets but a lot of them look worse due to having no context. Running jokes between teenagers who didn't know better. None of its terrible. Haven't found any slurs yet. The only one is a quote from Steven King when I doing a live read of Carrie. I probably should have censored.

I know I was ignorant about things as a teenager, like what are healthy relationships and I know I had racism and prejudice believes. Edge Humour was such a big thing online in the 00s and the early 10s so I know I was desensitised. I know I always knew that the N-word was bad, but there are other race-based slurs that were so commonplace that I would never have known there were slurs and hurtful. That's definitely a good thing about the internet is learning from different POVs than the ones you're surrounded by in life.

I'm only through 2011, maybe there's something worse lurking on it that will make want to go back and slap myself. So far there's nothing that I couldn't explain as an asinine joke. Trying to be funny isn't always excuse. There is some stuff you can explain but its never be excused and should just apologise and move on.

I don't believe in cancelling people over one mistake or ignorance. Especially if they immediately apologised when it's pointed out. Also, people never fact check and even seem proud of it. Like people are saying that Jenna Marbles intentionally did Blackface, when she was just covered in fake tan which she wore normally then. It would be different if she had darkened her skin just for that one video.  She should privatise the video. The thing is she was racist towards Chinese people and put it in a video it was racist. I think the big problem is that these were all years ago and Jenna Marbles is actually very apologetic. I think she should take a break, but I hope this isn't her exit from the internet.

People being intentionally or constantly problematic are the ones who need to be deplatformed. The problem is that a lot of them are doing for attention and don't care. I do think who you're okay being associate with is an issue. I mean why would have to be friends with someone whose constantly racist, ableist and queerphobic. I use to watch Shane Dawson and even listen to his podcast until it went private video and stopped making sense audioly. It does make me amazed the stuff that Shane use to say and I just it go because shock humour was such a big deal. Frankly, Shane should be ashamed of the things he did and said online. I know he's made an apology video but not sure I want to waste my time if he's not actually going to go deep with it.

We can take joy in one transphobe being deplatformed.

I left my hate of Justin Bieber up because it's not worded great but the emotion is the fame. Surpirsly, no weird dyslexic mistakes. Pretty coherent.

I keep going to say "Overall" when I finished these. Maybe because I've been writing a lot of reviews lately since I've not scheduling them and just trying to get reviews of books I read as them, so books I've read this year is actually accurate. I need to read and review 'Mexican Gothic' before I can catch up on the mess of before I started doing it this way.

Anyway, forgive people who change and throw out the ones who won't and continue to be harmful with their full chests.

Wednesday 24 June 2020

Book Review: The Family Upstairs by Lisa Jewell

There are so many summaries of this newly released book, some of them are hella misleading.

In a large house in London's fashionable Chelsea, a baby is awake in her cot. Well-fed and cared for, she is happily waiting for someone to pick her up.

In the kitchen lie three decomposing corpses. Close to them is a hastily scrawled note.

They've been dead for several days.

Who has been looking after the baby?

And where did they go?

Two entangled families.
A house with the darkest of secrets.

This book follows Lisa Jewell's usual staple of the kids being the centre of what of the mystery but this time we have the kids as adults as well.

I'm not saying that all Lisa Jewell books are all the same, she definitely has a bag of tropes and themes that she goes back to. Incompetent adults are a common one and I guess this is similar to Then She Was Gone in some ways. Well, it shares the same trigger warnings.

Okay, one of the characters is gay. I can't actually remember Jewell having a Queer character before this book but I haven't read all of her works. It just raises the question can we have gay grey-characters when they are no other Queer characters in this book. Him being gay isn't a big deal and there are a lot of grey characters in this book. Except he is a POV character and he's the one we get the past events from through the book. He's probably messed up from the way he was raised, but a lot of his later actions don't have an excuse.

The mystery was okay. Things become obvious quickly and you know what's gonna happen as each piece is laid. It's not a bad thing. The cops do a very bad job of investigating, they missed some big evidence. I get the point was they didn't care but odd. They probably should have been more odd theories out on the internet about this case. At least a YouTube video.  Like things that were public knowledge were never connected.

Overall, I give this book 3.5 stars for Unsold Bags. I have read a lot of Lisa Jewell's books now and have reviewed them (to different acceptable levels). I enjoy her books but I guess they will just never be favourite of mine. The family nor the house was that interesting. There were a lot of interesting tangents but are not what the book is about.

Read: 18/5/2020 to 24/5/2020
Reviewed: 29/5/2020 - /05/2020
Medium: Audiobook
Narrator/s: Tamaryn Payne, Bea Holland, Dominic Thorburn
Published Date: 8th August 2019
Publisher: Random House Audiobooks
Source: Library
CW: Child Abuse; Grooming; pregnancy from abuse; sexual manipulation; Domestic Abuse; forced abortion; Miscarriage; stillbirth; animal abuse; murdered cat; cult; poisoning; violence; forced imprisonment;

Saturday 20 June 2020

Primary Souce

I should have been seeing My Chemical Romance tonight. I should probably be sad or something but I guess I'm too drained for that now. I've had my grief over all the things I should have done this summer and haven't.

I've so far not got to hold my nibling yet.

At least I didn't drive for six hours yesterday. I haven't driven much in months, its been great. Still miss TGIF for some reason. Their hot wings and blue cheese sauce are not something I can capture so if anyone knows the receipt please feel free to DM me it.

Isn't it odd that this technically counts as a primary source of what the pandemic was like to live through? The answer is boring and frustrating. Now I sound like something they give to Primary school kids studying World War II. May as well go for it then

Hello, I'm Rachel Verna and I'm someone whose a carer for a family member who's not allowed to live the house. The government sent us Shielding Boxes till we begged them to stop because we never ate anything from them. The bread was weird and frozen. The food was clearly was taken from Hotels and Cafes.

Well, I'm done for now. Maybe I'll be sad when it was time for Green Day and Fall Out Boy. I'll never have my ultimate Emo week.

Wednesday 17 June 2020

Book Review: Something to Talk About by Meryl Wilsner

Not much to talk about.

A show runner and her assistant give the world something to talk about when they accidentally fuel a ridiculous rumour.

Hollywood powerhouse Jo is photographed making her assistant Emma laugh on the red carpet, and just like that, the tabloids declare them a couple. The so-called scandal couldn’t come at a worse time – threatening Emma’s promotion and Jo’s new movie.

As the gossip spreads, it starts to affect all areas of their lives. Paparazzi are following them outside the office, coworkers are treating them differently, and a ‘source’ is feeding information to the media. But their only comment is ‘no comment’

With the launch of Jo’s film project fast approaching, the two women begin to spend even more time together, getting along famously. Emma seems to have a sixth sense for knowing what Jo needs. And Jo, known for being aloof and outwardly cold, opens up to Emma in a way neither of them expects. They begin to realise the rumour might not be so off base after all . . . but is acting on the spark between them worth fanning the gossip flames?

After I requested this book, I started hearing bad things about it and sadly when I started reading it that was true. I found Emma annoying at the start, the way she freaked out about a dress she needed for a work event. I think the picture part was clumsily done especially when Jo's media persona is being an ice queen. This book is third-person but we have chapters that follow one character more than the other, which I think was a mistake. At least where and when we followed each character, there's no set pattern.
It does get better as it goes on. Emma gets less annoying and then annoying in the third act again due to an unnecessary trope.

I don't like power imbalance romances, but I'm a sucker for media about behind the scene talent and Queer things so I thought I would give it a chance and hope the imbalance isn't too much. There is a lot of justification to why their relationship is okay and involves the usual tropes around that. This book does involve a sapphic romance between a 27-year-old Bi Jewish Women, Emma and 41-year-old Chinese Lesbian, Jo. They the only out to the reader queer characters. They are both full adults when they met but it is established that Emma did admire Jo's work before she started working for her. This a slow burn romance mainly because both characters spend most of the book denying their feelings. So while I wonder their stance on Pop Culture references, I could get over it for the sack of Sapphic romance.

This book has a ton of tropes, they are obvious as soon as introduced. Honestly, if this wasn't a Queer romance I would probably have stopped reading (arc or not). One did feel very unnecessary and add nothing but did make me like Emma less and we were so near the end by that point. It's generally a trope I hate so doesn't help matters. All books have tropes in them. This one just needs to fine-tune its trope game.

The characters are alright. If you want sibling/sibling-like relationships where they pick on the protagonists until they admit their feelings then this is the book for you. They all very nice but that's about it. No one is that deep, you know this a romance book first so every character is they to serve that purpose in one way or not. A two-line introduction told me exactly what this character was gonna do and then he did it. My favourite character was a side-character and we don't learn much about the protagonists. Like what is Emma favourite film genre? Neither of them seem that passionate about film or each other. A lot of telling, not a lot of tension. It's odd that I would have been fine with them just being Gal Pals by the end. Sisters in arms against Hollywood's prejudices.
The book takes place over a year, so they are some plot points. The ending felt a bit rushed (though I was also reading it fast as possible because I wanted to finish it before I had to do something at a specific time). I guess the conclusion was fine, just lacking in satisfaction for me while I was reading it.

Overall, I give this book 3/5 stars for Matching Bracelet. This turn out not to be a book for me, the TV production element wasn't that engaging. It's what I consider a light read, with enough realism to care about the ending. I'm not sure who to recommend it to since most people don't seem to be clicking with it. A lot of is 3 stars. This a debut so improvement is possible and likely. I read it in a day so maybe it's perfect for a quick read.

Read: 16/06/2020 - 17/06/2020
Reviewed: 17/06/2020 - 18/06/2020
Medium: E-Arc
Published Date: 18/06/2020
Publisher: Piatkus
Source: NetGalley
CW: Sexual Harassment; Homophobic Parents;

Crossposted to Strangeness Books.

Saturday 13 June 2020

Book Review Moving (and the world still burns)

Haló Strangeos, this week has been a lot but let's start with the fun and important blog announcement. If you follow this blog for my reviews, then you probably would like to know that I'm going to stop posting Book Reviews on this blog. I will be cross-post the next few posts but if I like having the two different blogs then I'll be sticking to having this being my writing blog and having a separate book blog.

I won't delete my reviews off this blog. I have transferred my book reviews to my new blog so they are all in one place. I had thought about whether it was right to have a blog with my creative writing and book reviews in the one place. The final decision came to me wanting to review books as I read them, instead of always Wednesday. This might be weird to other people but I didn't want to mess up the schedule on here of always only posting on a Wednesday and Saturday. 

There is a few odd posts where I have posted on other days, however, I didn't want it to be a common thing. Basically, if you want more you now have to go to StrangenessBooks. I thought I would try Wordpress and honestly not loving it so far. Definitely feel that paywall and I hate white aesthetic of modern internet. I transferred all my book reviews over there so they are in one place and they will stay here. I don't know. I might continue to cross-post for the year. We'll see.

Now for my usual Saturday thing.
So this week has been a lot. Just Kidding is a real piece of work.

Harry Potter was such a chunk of my teen years and the fan community is what I'm actually attached to.

Just why during a global pandemic and protest against Police Brutality, do you decided now is the time that you declare loudly that you hate Trans people, some of those people are victims of police brutality and violent crimes all the time, whose murders and disappears sit unsolved for years.

Trauma is not an excuse to be hateful to other people, people who are more vulnerable than you. Especially, when none of those people have hurt you. Rowling has just spurted lies and prejudice without proof any kind of what she saying. She made it clear that she hates or is scared of Trans people.

People do not transition because they hate their birth gender. They do it because it doesn't fit. Autistic people are more likely to question society normals because we don't fit it.

This public toilet myth is so infuriating because public toilets have always been on good faith and anyone can just walk into them. There's not a magical staircase. I suppose that staircase tells you everything you need to know what Rowling thinks of XY owners. Trauma is an explanation, not an excuse.

Her opinion of Trans men is no better. Apparently,

I also just assume she has no idea that non-binary people exist in the field of being Trans. I don't hate being a woman, it just doesn't fit me. Well, not all the time. I'm definitely under the non-binary umbrella. Sometimes I think I'm genderfluid because I switch between femme and genderless sometimes. However, I just like dresses and related to the depression of women. Isn't that more fuck-up than anything else. I know I will always be treated like a woman because I feel comfortable in this body (for the most part) and I'm not gonna change it.

The facts now are that J.K. Rowling 1.Transpobic. 2.Ableist and 3.Queerphobic. If you think you're being an Ally by claiming a character is gay and then refusing to put it in a canon.
She also doesn't care about Scotland so I wish she would stop living here. So maybe bookshops have whole sections to Harry Potter and I doubt a chain is going to care she a piece of work.

I can feel sympathy for Rowling but mostly I'm angry at her for turning her trauma against other people. She hurting people. With all that money and all the injustices in the world, why does she feel the need to make stuff up?

She talks about her fear of sexual assault and invasion of women-only spaces, but those spaces aren't invaded by men playing dress-up. They can just walk-in. I don't even know what women-only means. Bathroom and locker rooms should have stalls. Is this secret women society women club that I missed invite for and all women are sore secrecy so of course, they don't tell me.

If we want to get into, she not saying Sex is real because she doesn't understand how sex. Intersex people are real and no transperson is saying it's not real. It's painfully real for them. We still in the early staging of understanding how sex works. It's not the same for every person.

What it really comes down to is sexual assault is a serious issue and that for all women. Trans and Cis all have stories, some worse than others.

The whole way this has been reported on is troubling. All these years we've gone without a peep from her first husband but now is when he comes out the woodwork. The Sun is garbage but this feels so much like propaganda and the perfect way to try and silence people who are critical of her. They are lot but that doesn't feel like much with whose in power.

LBGTQ+ rights are going backwards which is something we've seen in other countries. Basically, J.K. is getting what she wants by the UK parliament and hope she feels proud that she tory scrum. Yeah, labour ain't the bee all but it's very tory to pay your way into fucking people over.

This is a mess of thoughts, so in summary J.K. Rowling can continue to fuck herself. Remus and Sirius were totalling in love and she hates Queer people. She right that she not a TERF because a feminist wouldn't try and define someone for what's between their legs.

Wednesday 10 June 2020

Book Review: The Confessions of Frannie Langton by Sara Collins

Why I am a Reviewer?

They say I must be put to death for what happened to Madame, and they want me to confess. But how can I confess what I don't believe I've done?

1826, and all of London is in a frenzy. Crowds gather at the gates of the Old Bailey to watch as Frannie Langton, maid to Mr and Mrs Benham, goes on trial for their murder. The testimonies against her are damning - slave, whore, seductress. And they may be the truth. But they are not the whole truth.

For the first time Frannie must tell her story. It begins with a girl learning to read on a plantation in Jamaica, and it ends in a grand house in London, where a beautiful woman waits to be freed.

But through her fevered confessions, one burning question haunts Frannie Langton: could she have murdered the only person she ever loved?

This book has took me a while to review. There are things in this book that would like to read reviews and discussion about, because I'm not informed enough to comment on. I don't read a lot of Historica Fiction but the premise was intriguing and something I do read about in Contemporary books. Also, the cover has a skull on it which I love.

This book is told in first person reflectively, its meant to be Frannie Langton writing an account of her life as she waits for trial and eventually catches up. It's directed straight to the reader as if you are the lawyer defending her. There are also a few readings straight from the trial. The audiobook has two narrators, a man narrator for the trial parts and the author does the rest of the book. Both do a good job.

I listened to this on audiobook and some parts were kinda confusing, so I'm not sure if it was the text or if I had somehow missed something. I did go back but couldn't work what was meant to be happening. A lot of bad things, mysterious things are a reference and we never get clear answers about. So maybe this wasn't the best book for me to listen to and think that has made reviewing harder for me. I do consider the audiobook to be good. Maybe a duel read.

Fannie is definitely an unreliable narrator, in parts she doesn't remember and things she unwilling to disclose to us yet. This narrative is especially interesting as we have court testament going against her but these testaments are themself unreliable for the most part.

Overall, I give this 4/5 stars for Missing Scissors. There were things that would have liked a better answer on. This is a book that deals with the unvoiced generations of black women and the dominance of White men getting to have the final word on the major history which I appreciate. Part of this book is definitely that the writing is beautiful and deals with a lot of complex things. I guess my actual review, go read other reviews. I've been trying to write this for months.

Read: 24/3/2020 to 5/4/2020
Reviewed: 5/4/2020 – 13/06/2020
Medium: Audiobook
Published Date: 4/04/2020
Publisher: Penguin
Source: Library
CW: Racism; Slavery; Incest; Abuse; Sexual Exploitation; Death; murder; lynching; Abortion; unethical human experimentation; Drug Use;

Saturday 6 June 2020

Titles are Titles.

I am an Aunt again whoop and COVID is terrible because I don't get to hold the newborn baby.

I've been Aunt since before I was an 11 (I don't want to do maths) but this the first time there hasn't been something going on to taint the experience. Also this a miracle baby that my sister never thought she would get to have. So this should be a great time but COVID. It's an okay time for my family.

My dad broke his bed in a way that's probably not fixable. Also, he really overestimates how strong modern books are. My mother is upset because she wants a new fridge because it keeps freezing everything in it and all the shelves are broken. Did you know its impossible to buy fridge replacement shelves?

There's a lot of bigger things going on in the world.

Black Lives Still Matter. I am worried about COVID and wouldn't be able to go protests if I lived near one. I'm trying to be a good ally. Signing petitions but I feel like there's not much I can do. I did use up my audible credits on Black writers and finally cancelled Audible. I wish I was better with money so I could donate to things, but I am but a fool.

Saturday 30 May 2020

World is World

Black Lives Matter.

Even in a pandemic police brutality is still blatantly happening. I'm so awe of people who are risking their lives to go out and protest. It's amazing how willing the police are do bad things on live tv. 

This week has also been a lot for Autistic people as well. With a video of someone murdering their Autistic child floating around and a YouTubr "rehomed" her adopted son from China. People are defending the last one, but she knew he was brain-damaged and delayed, meaning that he was always going to need more support. She knew what she was taking on, even if she didn't, nothing is granted when you choose to have a child. 

I was thinking of doing Pride videos but doesn't feel right with everything going on. I think its fine still to be making fun content as people should also be taking breaks during this time, because you don't get mental exhaustion. 

On the brighter side, I should definitely be an Aunt again, by this time next week. 

Wednesday 27 May 2020

Book Review: Camp by L. C. Rosen

I feel bad because Camp is cancelled.

Sixteen-year-old Randy Kapplehoff loves spending the summer at Camp Outland, a camp for queer teens. It's where he met his best friends. It's where he takes to the stage in the big musical. And it's where he fell for Hudson Aaronson-Lim - who's only into straight-acting guys and barely knows not-at-all-straight-acting Randy even exists.

This year, though, it's going to be different. Randy has reinvented himself as 'Del' - buff, masculine and on the market. Even if it means giving up show tunes, nail polish and his unicorn bedsheets, he's determined to get Hudson to fall for him.

But as he and Hudson grow closer, Randy has to ask himself how much is he willing to change for love. And is it really love anyway, if Hudson doesn't know who he truly is?

I didn't read the summary of this book before reading it. I requested it solely on it being Gay and set at summer camp. A Queer Summer camp. So I was immediately turned off by Randy having changed himself completely for a guy. Queer people do have to change ourself around people for safety reasons, but doing it at the ultimate safe place was painful. It's handled well, and everyone around Randy tells him that this is a terrible idea. Its definitely a teenager's plan of rom-com.

The book is told in first person pov of view of Randy, during the current and past summers so we do get a glimpse to what made Randy decide to go to this extreme to impress a boy.

I love all the characters and how Queer they all are. We have gay, demisexual, Asexual, Trans binary and non-binary characters. It's really nice and great. As demisexual person, I would say the rep for demi and ace was good. It was minor because they not the main character but what was said was accurate and also two Ace people living their lives, who do contribute to the story. The supporting characters are well developed outside of their gender and sexuality as well. I can't actually decide who my favourite one is.

I'm also very jealous of a musical that doesn't care about casting for gender. I've read a few YA books lately that heavy feature musicals, this was the one that felt the most genuine. It also really captures the chaos of musical productions

This novel also deals with internal homophobia and toxic masculinity. This something I've never dealt with (I just didn't have the words for my deal was), but I sure did cry a lot through those scenes. There's a lot of love and fun in this book, but there's is also a lot of serious talks because being a Queer person even in 2020s western society is not easy.

This is on the older side of YA because does have sexual scenes, but it does demonstrate safe sex. Ideally, teenagers should wait till they're 25 and their brains have stopped developing but highly unrealistic even to wait till they're 18 so I do appreciate a YA book that has safe and healthy sex scenes.

Overall, I give this book 5/5 stars for Unicorn Nails. This works as a standalone but I do think a Camp Outland series following different campers would be great. It's really left me in a mood for queer camp stories. I'll definitely read more Rosen (I owe one of his other books already). This the sort of book I wish I could give to my teen-self. Yeah, it would taught me the word Demisexual which would have been usefully but mainly because of all different queer characters. You have no rep, here's all the rep. My main point is that I love this book. Its does cover serious issues, so that's something to be aware of that going in. It's not all fun, true to life that way. This is my favourite book of this year so far, so of course, I think you should read it.

Read: 16/5/2020 to 21/5/2020
Reviewed: 21/5/2020 - 26/05/2020
Medium: E-Arc
Published Date: 28/05/2020
Publisher: Penguin
Source: NetGalley
CW: Homophobia (Challenged, Discussed); Queerphobia (challenged, Discussed); Homophobic Slur used; Internal Homophobia; Death of Grandparent; Death Ally family member;