Wednesday 17 August 2016

Book Review: Harry Potter and the Crused Child by NOT J.K. Rowling

I think this might have been written by Bellatrix Lestrange.

It was always difficult being Harry Potter and it isn’t much easier now that he is an overworked employee of the Ministry of Magic, a husband and father of three school-age children.

While Harry grapples with a past that refuses to stay where it belongs, his youngest son Albus must struggle with the weight of a family legacy he never wanted. As past and present fuse ominously, both father and son learn the uncomfortable truth: sometimes, darkness comes from unexpected places.

At first when I was hearing all the bad things about this book. I thought it was from people not being used to reading plays and didn't understand the differences between them and a novel. I gave it the benefit of the doubt and read it when I finally got my hands on the copy I had pre-ordered months ago.  I wanted to form my own opinion and now I have.

This has to be some of the worst, laziest fanfiction I have ever read. EVER. and that is from someone who lived between Harry Potter books and has went through months of only reading fanfiction.You read (and create) a lot terrible stuff when you're fifteen; in the name of Fandom. This play even has some of the worst tropes.

This play based off a story by J.K.Rowling (e.g. fanfiction), written by

The characters are really out of character. There clearly wasn't a space for Ron in this play so they turned him into his dad and this awkward comic relief. Yep, we get the wrong the Wealsey in this book, which reminds of me fanfiction because for some reason there are people who really hate Ron and think he useless, like he is in this. Harry says stuff I could never imagine Harry saying, even with 20 something years later. Also none of the character have their own voice and use odd words. I now wonder late at night "Where did a Malfoy learn the word "mate" and why would he used it when he thinks hugging is weird?" It also comes straight after a much older character using is (or maybe the other way around) to emphasise how lack of thought went into the characters dialogue.

The house sorting is dumb. I've never came across two more truer Hufflepuffs in my life. We have Draco's and Harry's son being really gay with each other (fanfict).  But not, because the religious nuts already hate Harry Potter enough without having actual gays in one of them. Poor Hugo has been written out of this play but we know he exists because he's mention once. Albus also has no relationship with his siblings. They there but only because they have to be and emphasise what a "failure"Albus is. Scorpius is also infatuated with Rose (fanfict) and Albus has a love interest to prove he's straight and it is a level of fanfict I have never read by choice until this play made me. Its giant trope that I can't get into because spoilers. Creepy, creepy heteronormative spoilers. Why couldn't they just be gay and avoid the creepiness that we presented with at the end with both of them?

I have a hard time believing that these kids were raised by the same kids we got to know so well in Harry Potter or by the adults we glimpsed in the last book.

The book deals with time travel (look here's a timeturner, even though all of them were destroyed.What happens, it is a giant troupe in the Harry Potter Fandom). The big issue that's it really lazy take on the "Butterfly Effect". There's an obvious route that the plot could have took that would make a lot more sense, but they don't do that. Instead, they add unrealistic character development, that we don't see so of course that makes it incredibility unrealistic.

The plot makes very little sense and has giant gaping plot holes that took me out of the story so much. Time Travel is complicated and not enough thought was put into it for it work and then we have odd character motivation. Time Travel thing could have been used as technique to teach Albus a lesson about his father's actual childhood, but no just hm...actually I don't know we got with that time travel.

The ending was terrible, a fanfiction troupe and utterly pointless. The whole thing was just, here lets experience this for no real reason. It was just really lazy way to end the play with emotional bow, that  at least fails on paper.

But relax true HP fans, this play opens by going against canon. I mean its written as though Albus is the first to go Hogwarts, which is just dumb. Therefore, its not the actual eighth story. I don't know if there's actual story written or plot-outline by J.K.Rowling that the play was based on but even if it was, this was not a well done adaptation. I mean literally, a parody musical got the characters better than this book. If there's an actual short story, then they should have probably published it instead or along with the play.

Overall, I give this book 2 out of five stars for gay-baiting. There's another major fanfict troupe this play has, but I can't go into because major spoiler for this joke of a play. I have other issues with it but I'm already on the borderline of Spoiler land and those thoughts belong in video discussion. Seriously though, what was the point of this? Does J.K. Rowling have a secret gambling problem so she needed to make money quick or something? Why was this ever approved? I know this is very negative review, but there was nothing good or enjoyable about reading this play. It's possible that is better acted out, you know in its intended media, but going off how bad the dialogue I really doubt it.

If this play had actually been about about Harry Potter's adult life or the challenges of being the son of a War hero then it would have been interesting.  No we got timetravel and not even the Marauders
to make it fun at least. I think it ends being a two star and not one for me because there was something thing that could have been really good but everything they got right, they twisted till it wasn't. Now, I'm off to read decent fanfiction.