My whole life is just a "However"

Its gonna be one of those depressy ranty I hate life sort of blog post this week. I'm sorry, I had this whole other thing plan, but that didn't work out all. I just couldn't writing anything creative.

I also don't feel perpendicular like reading. I've only been doing it since I'm that bored and its a form of procrastination.

I've been having odd notions (truths) lately again, such as that I'm that anti-social I don't even have friends online.

Though, seriously there only one person I'm remotely close to and I met her in real life but I haven't seen her over a year (and 4 days). I don't think we really talk online any more. Or maybe I'm just actually craving proper human contract. Who needs real friends when I have books?

God, I'm actually like Sherlock with the whole only one real friend thing. Fuck that depressing.

I'm not saying I want whole lot friends. I just want someone to hang out with and someone to bug into going to town. I have my family but thats not really the same thing. I just don't talk. People give me openings and I walk away from them. Partly because after six years of not really speaking I've got use to it and just don't understand how talking works. In theory I do, but even online I don't. Thats why I feel stupid commenting on things.

I've been stupidly buying again. I've decided that I'm going to act like I'm completely broke next month. That I don't have a penny to my name, because honestly I don't really. No more spending money on things that I don't need nor really want.  Sure, I like the sound of these books I've been buying

My life is such a tip and I'm one that whose made that way. I could blame my whole dyslexic/selective mutism/austism/whydon'tyoujuststoplyingtoeveryone but thats not going to help the situation.

I'm just a mess at the moment and I need someone to slap me or hug me who the fuck knows what actually going in my head. I know I'm just ignoring the things that need to be done.

Though, its not like this is a cry for help, because god knows if I thought if anyone (I know) would see this I wouldn't be posting it with something that clearly states my name.