You all be surprised to know that I did not go out on that Christmas Night Out with my siblings (or maybe you actually are, as this is the first you're hearing of as I have negated to actually check to see if I mention it in any of my previous blog and about not fancying going). Instead I slept the night away without spending any money. I had a list of reasons, varying on strength.
1. I don't actually have any money as I'm in debt to various family members. (Once again not letting my parents pick me any form of technology without me there to comment on tech and price. I don't care if was white TV, it was actually Full HD and £40 cheaper).
2. I had finished my Personal Statement and had to put the finishing touches on a Assessment for Sociology that I need to pass to sit the exam (basically its a extremely annoying nab).
3. I just didn't want to go. It did not sound entertaining or fun. Going to restaurant with tons of family that I probably won't say anything to during the whole thing, tolerable. Going to the square to look at the Christmas lights in freezing weather, hell even shows showed up: cool in a movie, not in real life. Sore feet from the walking/standing and the cold is just painfully. Going to a pub after is just too much. Especially, after finding out we leaving at half three for a five clock reservation really put me off. I hate going out with my oldest sister as I want to go home whilst she still in party mood. I'm just not that sort of person and I hate overcrowded places unless we all there for a reason like a concert or Disney world. Pubs on a Friday nights, we are not here for any real reason. I don't drink nor do I like being out for the sake of it.
4. This reason actually cancels out reason 2, but was the point of no return as I stayed up all night finishing my Personal Statement that could was actually a proper first draft. Sure, still had my doubts about its content. It also over its lines but well within its characters, so maybe just one paragraph? I also put the finishing touches to my assessment (and totally watching The Chair). It was too late to go to sleep and actually get up for college because my brain will not get up after two hours of a sleep during the morning times. Sure, I can go to sleep at 6pm and wake at 8pm but not in their am equivalents no matter what time I woke up at. I take as proof I'm actually vampire that my body wants to sleep during the daylight.
5. I had not all got ready for it. Not packed or decided what I was going to wear.
So I went to the Psychologist last Monday, I was right it was not really for the Autism. I went in with my parents which is helpfully as much as it is destortive. She asked about why I wanted to study film and dad went on about me not getting stage flight. I don't want to be in front of the camera, except maybe in joke cameo or unimportant part that needs to be filled and we have no one else to do. I don't do well in front of the camera, any acting ability I have goes out the window.
I did an Autism-Spectrum Quotient quiz thing which I've already did and guess what I came on the spectrum side for the result and again when I redid it to see if anything has changes. So hopefully I will actually get referred to right person next time, to get diagnosed. I'm not depressed right now, sure I'm unhappy but I can tell you why and I'm not going around feeling numb to the world so I don't think therapy is needed for me and someone else would do better with the time.
I know Psychologist are meant to ask you dumb questions because it might you stumble across a good/important revelation. However, "Why do you want friends?" is just petty dumb. I have no real friends right now, like no one to hang out with that I share a common interested with or someone to just chat aimless with and I'm lonely. Therefore, I would like the company of a friend. The only reason answers I could give to that is humans are pack animals and therefore programmed to want the company of others. Also I'm not Sociopath so I want company of someone I feel comfortable around.
If you've actually my other posts then you know I've explored my loneliness on here and hope that uni will help me out of this feeling with the meeting of new people who won't have the friends there either.
Also I have lost the card that has the time for my next appointment. I know the date, but not the actual time. I think I know the time but I can't be certain.
I have started watching The Chair you know that tv show that Shane Dawson won. I plan to watch the two films produced once I'm done as well. Got to say that Anna film does look like something I would normally not watch as it currently looks pretentious as hell. Also I know the Executive producers had no say on the winner but I thought it wasn't right that she had known them personally. I also so far its seems like she been getting more attention from them but that just might be the way it was cut. I'm on ep four. I hope another season gets made as I really like the concept but I hope there don't use the same Production House as Before the Door have just been generally dicky. I guess the real lesson is that Zachary Quinto is a pretentious arsehole. Frankly, you shouldn't be picking favourites especially if your favourite is your friend that worked with before the show started.
I mean if you read the finial scripts for both then you would have know what you getting into. Also it Shane Bloody Dawnson it not like he known for his Disney like comedy. I would expect a vomit gag when dealing with him.
I thinking of doing a review of both films where I will try to be as objective as Sociologist, which brings up changes that might be happen to this blog's Wednesday posts that I'm not going to discuss till it happens.
See ya next week where we panic about Christmas and father time.
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