Book Review: Harry Potter and the Crused Child by NOT J.K. Rowling

I think this might have been written by Bellatrix Lestrange.

It was always difficult being Harry Potter and it isn’t much easier now that he is an overworked employee of the Ministry of Magic, a husband and father of three school-age children.

While Harry grapples with a past that refuses to stay where it belongs, his youngest son Albus must struggle with the weight of a family legacy he never wanted. As past and present fuse ominously, both father and son learn the uncomfortable truth: sometimes, darkness comes from unexpected places.

At first when I was hearing all the bad things about this book. I thought it was from people not being used to reading plays and didn't understand the differences between them and a novel. I gave it the benefit of the doubt and read it when I finally got my hands on the copy I had pre-ordered months ago.  I wanted to form my own opinion and now I have.

This has to be some of the worst, laziest fanfiction I have ever read. EVER. and that is from someone who lived between Harry Potter books and has went through months of only reading fanfiction.You read (and create) a lot terrible stuff when you're fifteen; in the name of Fandom. This play even has some of the worst tropes.

This play based off a story by J.K.Rowling (e.g. fanfiction), written by John Tiffany and Jack Thorne. J.K. Rowling did not write this and it pretty obvious.

The characters are really out of character. There clearly wasn't a space for Ron in this play so they turned him into his dad and this awkward comic relief. Yep, we get the wrong the Wealsey in this book, which reminds of me fanfiction because for some reason there are people who really hate Ron and think he useless, like he is in this. Harry says stuff I could never imagine Harry saying, even with 20 something years later. Also none of the character have their own voice and use odd words. I now wonder late at night "Where did a Malfoy learn the word "mate" and why would he used it when he thinks hugging is weird?" It also comes straight after a much older character using is (or maybe the other way around) to emphasise how lack of thought went into the characters dialogue.

The house sorting is dumb. I've never came across two more truer Hufflepuffs in my life. We have Draco's and Harry's son being really gay with each other (fanfict).  But not, because the religious nuts already hate Harry Potter enough without having actual gays in one of them. Poor Hugo has been written out of this play but we know he exists because he's mention once. Albus also has no relationship with his siblings. They there but only because they have to be and emphasise what a "failure"Albus is. Scorpius is also infatuated with Rose (fanfict) and Albus has a love interest to prove he's straight and it is a level of fanfict I have never read by choice until this play made me. Its giant trope that I can't get into because spoilers. Creepy, creepy heteronormative spoilers. Why couldn't they just be gay and avoid the creepiness that we presented with at the end with both of them?

I have a hard time believing that these kids were raised by the same kids we got to know so well in Harry Potter or by the adults we glimpsed in the last book.

The book deals with time travel (look here's a timeturner, even though all of them were destroyed.What happens, it is a giant troupe in the Harry Potter Fandom). The big issue that's it really lazy take on the "Butterfly Effect". There's an obvious route that the plot could have took that would make a lot more sense, but they don't do that. Instead, they add unrealistic character development, that we don't see so of course that makes it incredibility unrealistic.

The plot makes very little sense and has giant gaping plot holes that took me out of the story so much. Time Travel is complicated and not enough thought was put into it for it work and then we have odd character motivation. Time Travel thing could have been used as technique to teach Albus a lesson about his father's actual childhood, but no just hm...actually I don't know we got with that time travel.

The ending was terrible, a fanfiction troupe and utterly pointless. The whole thing was just, here lets experience this for no real reason. It was just really lazy way to end the play with emotional bow, that  at least fails on paper.

But relax true HP fans, this play opens by going against canon. I mean its written as though Albus is the first to go Hogwarts, which is just dumb. Therefore, its not the actual eighth story. I don't know if there's actual story written or plot-outline by J.K.Rowling that the play was based on but even if it was, this was not a well done adaptation. I mean literally, a parody musical got the characters better than this book. If there's an actual short story, then they should have probably published it instead or along with the play.

Overall, I give this book 2 out of five stars for gay-baiting. There's another major fanfict troupe this play has, but I can't go into because major spoiler for this joke of a play. I have other issues with it but I'm already on the borderline of Spoiler land and those thoughts belong in video discussion. Seriously though, what was the point of this? Does J.K. Rowling have a secret gambling problem so she needed to make money quick or something? Why was this ever approved? I know this is very negative review, but there was nothing good or enjoyable about reading this play. It's possible that is better acted out, you know in its intended media, but going off how bad the dialogue I really doubt it.

If this play had actually been about about Harry Potter's adult life or the challenges of being the son of a War hero then it would have been interesting.  No we got timetravel and not even the Marauders
to make it fun at least. I think it ends being a two star and not one for me because there was something thing that could have been really good but everything they got right, they twisted till it wasn't. Now, I'm off to read decent fanfiction.

Pokemon Don't Move

Like the rest of the world I've been playing Pokemon Go. Mostly from my bed, you would be surprise how many Pokemon just stroll into my house. I caught my first two in my kitchen. I catch a Gastly while watching 'My Ghost Story', her name is My Gastly Story now. Also two crab Pokemon in my bed, also a Horsea. Maybe my bed is a ocean. Now I must fight the urge to write a poem-story with that concept at this exact moment.

Quite the balancing act.

There is are three Pokestops and a gym in walking distances of my house. I don't if that's good or not as I've not played in the game in a bigger town or city yet. One of the pokestop is technically in the middle of the the road, but that's not where the map registers it being and the other is the place I go to vote.

Whoever currently has the gym either did one of the tricks to get Pokemon Go in the UK or they're from another country, because their Pokemon are at a ridiculous level for game only been out two days. I've picked the red team and will make that gym red as blood.

What could have been?

My brother and I have been out during early morning hours trying to find pokemon. Its been a struggle with servers going down all the time and the game freezing just as a decent pokemon appears. The game also freezes after I've hit a pokemon when with a pokeball. I have lost so many because of this. Sometimes the pokemon is there and sometimes its gone from my world.

All this walking has started too hurt me. I keep having back spasms so fun. I know there's apparently cheats to make you look like your walking but I'm definitely not gonna try that cause I would probably mess up something.  I wonder how quickly eggs hatch on a plane.

That's all from me on the written form but I've tons of videos going on my YouTube as soon as I edit them. Filmed way too much today. Off to hunt for pokemon.

Book Review: Eight Rivers of Shadow by Leo Hunt

Teen Pregnancy is gonna happen one way or another in this series.

Luke Manchett used to be one of the most popular boys at school.

That was before his necromancer father died and left him a host of vengeful ghosts that wanted him dead.

Now everyone thinks he's a freak.

To make matters worse, the mysterious new girl at school is actually the daughter of his father's deadliest enemy...

And she's out for revenge

This is the sequel to 13 Days of Midnight, while I enjoyed the first book, I had issues with it that have carried on to the next book. Most of them have doubled.

The plot was still strong but was too reliant on the sheer stupidity of the protagonist. It could be augured it's is naivety but at this point he's straight up not learning from his mistakes.The world building while interesting, it didn't compensate for the characters this time.

Luke and Elza are giant clichés. A popular jock and a snobby goth are the most unlikable stereotypes that you can find in a Teen Medium without a immediate threat; it becomes clear how characterless they are. I had a problem with the romantic aspect of their relationship in the previous book and in this one it rings even more false for me. This is a big issue as a lot of the novel is their relationship being tested and I'm just in the corner thinking you should have broke up by now, like Big Brother contestants do when they come out the house. Their bonding is experience is over and has been for months at the start of this book. Friendships are valid and in high school you be friends with people if you have nothing really in common except being outsiders and lonely. You're less likely to question your differences in friendship than a romance. Their high tolerance for each is never explained which we just know how they annoy each other.

Also both Luke's mum and Elza's parents are completely fine with them staying over at each others' places over night without a discussion. There's at least an awkward sex talk in there. That's never discussed in the book and they are just teenagers who both lucked on parents that up for having grand kids in 9 months. All of the parents are involve and actually care about their locations. This is odd absence of responsibility is just weird extension of the absent parents trope in YA. A world without consequences.

The new characters in this book are bland and American meaning their actions have little emotional consequence to the story. But I like them more than Luke and Elza so problematic again for the plot.

Random Fact: Luke has disdain towards having his Dad's last name, but he's 16 years he can change his name to his mum's (or anything) if he wants. Its the 21st century and lots of people decided to do that. If it's to show disdain towards his father, I think the back story does this pretty clearly and if to explain his mum different last name, why bring her last name up? No one actively calls her by it and the story is told completely by Luke. If meant to show Luke still wants a connection with his dad, how many people would question one line at the the start of the book this much.

I give this 2.5 stars for Ghost Fights. I like the world of this book, but the characters really let the book down. I'm not all invested in them at all after two books. Last time I said I didn't think of I would read the sequel but who knows, probably wouldn't buy it. I think I would definitely read a spin off or future work from Leo Hunt. If you a more plot person than a character person then I would recommend it to you.

I got this off NetGalley for review and is being published by Orchard Books on 14 July 2016.

Book Review: Urban Legend by Helen Grant

Surprisingly reading a whole series based off the title of last book paid off.

A GROUP OF STORY-TELLERS DISAPPEARING ONE BY ONE.

A YOUNG WOMAN HAUNTED BY HER PAST.

A SERIAL KILLER WITH ONE TARGET HE IS DESPERATE TO HUNT DOWN.

 Veerle is trying to lie low, to live as 'normal' a life as she possibly can.

But when you've thwarted a serial killer, it's hard to do this.

ESPECIALLY WHEN HE WANTS REVENGE...

This is the final book in the Forbidden Space trilogy by Helen Grant. I have reviews of the other two books, Silent Saturday and Demons of Ghent if you're not familiar with the series.

This book is called Urban Legends and surprisingly has Urban Legends. The main reason I read this series is because I love Legends and ghost stories I picked up this book solely on this when I saw in the library and then I read the whole series. I really like the way these stories were incorporated into the novel and think think it worked really well. Urban legends are sprinkled through the main story, (my favourite is Angel Smile as its own thing while being based on a popular Legend. Also such a cute renaming).

The plot is involves abandoned buildings and more urban exploring. We have more interesting murders (be honest and admit that you rate fictional murders). I like the climax and the build up to it.

This book continues the romances from the two previous, but its quickly resolves if you're not about pointless love triangles (while on the real side of those situations, I'm just not about romances in general).

Overall, I give it 4/5 stars for lost flashlights. This was a good strong ending to the series and I'm glad that I read the whole series, just based on this book's title. I wish had written this review sooner after I finished reading the book, but Oh well. Time is fleeting thing that gets away from us all. Would had of have a better review though.

P.S. Nice final sentence. "They stood together and watched the coin rise and fall in the air, golden and glittering as it turned over and over in the light from the street lamps, and waited to see which way it would fall."

Dance Hall: Chapter 4, Vague Threats

Hello, Weirdos. It's been a while, but in honour of the first Saturday of Camp I have a new Chapter in the Dance Hall. Yeah, still need a better title. I don't even like as a working title. I will accept suggestions. I've worked on this chapter for a while, hopefully the next one will be wrote a lot quickly. This chapter does end with lots of direction for the next one. I'm still finding the characters. I don't know I've made the right direction for this story, my early starts might have been better. However, we here now so I'm just going to keep pushing myself to get through this. This story has been worth so far just with the different world building I've done and I do like ideas I've came up with. The Execution does need work. I'm going to stop review this chapter and just let you read.

Do tell me what you think and if you are also taking part in Camp NaNoWriMo this session as well.

Start & Last Chapter

Chapter 4, Vague Warnings

I’m woken by someone slamming on my door. I finally got to sleep last night at around 4am. I feel goggy. What the point of sleeping when you feel worse when you wake up? I answer the door to my mother.

“Good, you’re dress,” I hadn’t bothered to get changed before getting into bed. “You’ve missed breakfast and we have to get going. Get your stuff together.”

This is my mother typical morning greeting. She is morning person where I favour the night, sticking to the stereotype. I grab my phone and bag without saying anything. I didn’t even get my phone charger out last night, meaning my phone is likely dead and Necromancy doesn’t work on electronics, that was different type of magic. Though, I can do Frankenstein thing with corpses.

“Ready,” I tell the hallway. My hair is probably a mess but I’m spending the next three hours in the car anyway. She not there, I lock the door and make my way down the stairs. We’ll run into each other eventually.

No one was in the reception bit. Disappointingly, there’s not even a feeling of eeriness in the empty hallway. People are easy to find, when they are ghost to ask. I go outside to see if she at the car. I immediately spot that she not in the parking lot. The only one presence is a ghost. It’s standing at the gate looking out into the road. A girl in Victorian style white dress, how cliché.

The dress is a clue to her state of living but I can just tell with the dead. I couldn’t explain the difference between the living and the dead. There’s just a clear distinction.

I wander over to her. She must be one of the house’s actual sprits. They don’t tend to leave their objects. Though, maybe the gate was from another place originally. It wouldn’t surprise me if even the wall paper was haunted, stolen from a derelict mansion.

“Why are clinging to the gate?” Conventional conversation with ghosts usually go no way even with the most aware spirts, so it’s best to be direct with what you wanted.

“He’ll be back.”

“Who will…” I stop at a crunch in the gravel. It’s Mr Creepy. Camp NANo The ghost is faded away when I turn back. Our discussion was over with the intruder. I ignore him and walked to the car. I try the door for kicks, my mother often leaves the door open. Its locked.

“Hello, Nova,” Mr Creeps says rattling the gates. “How did you sleep? Have any disturbances?” I roll my eyes.

“Yeah, the mattress was so lumpy that my sleep was so light that woke from the sound of the pipes ratting. Maybe you should get those replace.” I fake smile as his disappears.

“I just came out to make sure the gates were unlocked,” he pauses. “They sometimes lock and unlock themselves.” He tells me this as though it’s a secret and not something he’s tells all his guests. If true, it sounded like too rivalling spirts.

“Maybe you should get a new a lock,” I reply to his disappointment. I know I’m being bitchy, but these places give me the creeps and I can’t believe my mum wants to run one. He goes on to opening the gate, pulling them wide and use a rope try them to the fence.

A minivan pulls in as if on que, it beat up Junker that’s all scraped up on the side of it. It’s also crammed with kids. Is a spook hotel, a family hotel?

The woman behind the wheel gets out the car, abandoning just at the gate. She is dressed in bright patterns long shirt and ankle length skirt that crash with each other and just the colours on them alone.

“Is Aytia ready to go?” are the words she says to Creep. My mother’s car is sadly lock. I can’t be bother to wait with Creeps’ family. My mother must be inside.

“You’re Tella Stern’s daughter aren’t you?”

The creeps all know us then. I awkwardly nod. I saved up from follow up questions with the appearance of Junior Creeps.

“Hello Aunt Mum,” the women turns disgruntled.  I didn’t know that witches doubled as Hill billies. I guess they must exist somewhere. It probably witches just have the habit calling the unofficial head of the family a version of mother and I haven’t met one who appreciates being the one with this honour.

Aytia stuffs her bag in a boot and then throws herself in with it. Witches are not safety or law abiding butch.  The woman gets back in the car and drives off with only a wave to Creeps.

“I’ll be seeing you all round Nova,” Aytia shouts waving as me as the van flees from her father.

My mother finally came out and meets me at our car. Its doors are finally opened. We dump our bags in the boot.

“Did you return your key?”

“The ghosts did it for me,” I say with smile.

“Go and do it so we can leave. Mav would probably demand we come back as the key itself is haunted.” I’m not sure she joking or not. I would rather never come back here. It’s a threat I’m not willing to risk.

Mr Creeps is back in the hotel, so I’m forced back into the building. The hall is strikingly colder than the spring weather outside now. Empty but for the ghost manning the desk, flicking through files.

I guess Aytia did keep the ghosts at bay. I slam the keys on the desk. He doesn’t look up at the noise. Well, he’s clearly not being paid enough to deal with guests. I probably should actually give Mr Creeps the keys, so they not carried off by the sprits, but if this is really the quiet season then he would have plenty of time to find the key again. Also he really should have spares in different places with the amount of ghosts this place has.

Eh, I need to get out this house before more show up. The room suddenly darkens and file ghost disappears. I sigh and turn to leave. The Victorian ghost stands before the door blocking the way. Well, she had her chance for conversation and I don’t time for her menacing act.

I walk towards her in game of chicken. Walking through ghost feels weird, but it just in your head. You see something that should stop you moving forward, except it just the same as a rainbow or light beam. Ghosts are just light, but not. Like I said they’ll been almost no research done by anyone with any real knowledge of the sprit world. The few non-cigma scientist are more interested in the biology of magic than anything else. How powers manifest is the only nut they are trying to crack.

She doesn’t move as I get to her. I brace myself to go past her, closing my eyes. I bang against something hard. I fall back on my arse. I open my eyes, to the girl still blocking my way. I scan to see what knocked me over. She can’t be solid. It takes a lot of energy for ghost to interact with the “physical” world and it more touching things long enough to hurt someone. Maybe she pushed me for ignoring her now.

“He will be back for you,” her voice echoes, through the hall. Irrational fear fills me. She talking about herself. Ghosts like to be dramatic and corner people who can see her. She starts to move but then fades away again.

“What are you doing on the floor?” I hear Mr Creeps behind me. Ghost must be repelled by the Creeps. I get up from the floor and go out the door.

“The keys are on the desk,” I shout back glad to be out of the company of the house.

Next Chapter: Temporary Homes

Old People continue to Suck.

We are almost half way through the year and it probably has to be the collective worst. The UK is officially out of the EU (in two years). If Donald Trump thinks its a good idea, then you know your country has made a critical mistake.

Scotland's votes once again don't matter, because England over rules. We voted to stay and they voted to leave. Its all rather unsatisfactory.

Scotland will have to leave. Both Referendums have been filled with major lies and old people fucking young people over. Of course, they were young people who voted No and Leave, but those people are giant fucking hypocrites. How can you say its good to leave EU but Scotland and England should stay in the same union despite having variously different politic views, such as whether or not to leave the EU. The fact that EU Referendum even happened was a fuck you to Scotland. One of the No campaign's biggest thing was the guarantee of the EU. Scotland gains very little from being in the UK, especially a UK that isn't in the EU.


My dad is sick of Referendums, but that's England's fault. David Cameron seemed to be adamant to see the UK to be in shambles and for him having to resign in shame. He almost lost Scotland, and then he agree (his government which he is the face of anyway) to a second referendum that went against one of the promises/arguments for Scotland to remain with the UK.

I don't want to leave the EU and I want the votes of Scotland to matter. They didn't this time and I have never voted in a general election where they did matter. Nor have my parents. Scotland basically voted in an entire party (One Tory voted in by old Farmers a.k.a old white rich people who fuck everyone else over (I know this from the roads I've seem them destroy).

I've been joking about the apocalypse but who knows with the current politics? It just very easy to visualise Dystopias. This whole Brexit has ruined being British for me. Even if anyone has the sense to ignore the vote result, considering how close it was and the amount of Leaver votes now saying they regret what they've done. A referendum is technically a suggest to the government. A government that neither side saw coming.

Whatever happens moving forward, my British identity is currently dead. Being on the same island bounds us all, but forcing out other people, I've had enough of you. Being angry at old people is the real millennials trend. For those who think they Won back their country. You've ready killed it. Any doubts I had about whether Scotland and England could still be comparable is dead. Great Britain is dead. The UK is dead. Long live the Recession.

Book Review: London Belongs to Us by Sarra Manning

Trust me, Edinburgh is the UK capital you want to accidentally to strand yourself.

Twelve hours, two boys, one girl . . . and a whole lot of hairspray. Seventeen-year-old Sunny's always been a little bit of a pushover. But when she's sent a picture of her boyfriend kissing another girl, she knows she's got to act. What follows is a mad, twelve-hour dash around London - starting at 8pm in Crystal Palace (so far away from civilisation you can't even get the Tube there) then sweeping through Camden, Shoreditch, Soho, Kensington, Notting Hill . . . and ending up at 8am in Alexandra Palace. Along the way Sunny meets a whole host of characters she never dreamed she'd have anything in common with - least of all the devilishly handsome (and somewhat vain) French 'twins' (they're really cousins) Jean Luc and Vic. But as this love-letter to London shows, a city is only a sum of its parts, and really it's the people living there who make up its life and soul. And, as Sunny discovers, everyone - from friends, apparent-enemies, famous bands and even rickshaw drivers - is willing to help a girl on a mission to get her romantic retribution. A fast-paced, darkly funny love letter to London, boys with big hair and the joys of staying up all night. 

This is an alright contemporary, I liked the main character Sunny better than the protagasist from the previous books I've read by Sarra Manning. That being said the main characters from Adorkable made appearances in this book, but Sunny hates them so that makes her relatable straight away. I found her to be a lot less cliché and didn't belong some fashion moment.

 Things do seem to be include just because they are cool and hip other than fitting in with the story. Example, being drag queens because RuPaul Drag Race is the big thing right now, as well as the the side-characters being a roller derby team. They are stereotypes of Roller Derby girls, this could just be lazy short hand. This more obvious from previous books of Manning's and I think it why I pick up on it.

Every chapter takes place in a different part of London and we get info about each part of London. These were nice to start with but I did find myself skimming them as they got to be bit long and I was more interested in the story than two paragraphs factoids about London. The chapters were also separated by documents from Sunny, e.g. pie chart of her mind and lists she made, sometimes with other characters from the book. I liked this, but don't think it really added anything.

The main plot of this novel is Sunny chasing her lying boyfriend which gets to unrealistic level quickly and the character justification fizzed out quickly. Its fine if you don't think about how you would be carrying a boom around the city, standing for that length of time. They also a slight side-romance; it was treated in a nice realistic way. The characters are realistic for the most part, they just live in a fantasy version of London (with the same public transport).

Overall, I give this book 3/5 stars for hot wings. After starting with Adorkable, I don't think I'm ever going to love Manning's books, but for the most part they are enjoyable quick reads.

I received this book for review off NetGalley and it was published by Hot Key Books on 2rd June 2016.  

Eurovision 2016

Eurovision. The most entertaining contest that broadcasts live. Because I am a mess, here are my tweets of the night with slight explanation.

~ Eurovision the bitching begins with a weird flag ceremony. Yeah, I didn't think that really worked that well. Props for trying.
~No red button on BBC for Eurovision. Outrageous. Really annoying, especially as it was the only reason I came home and I liked having a translation of the lyrics so I can judge how ridiculous the song is with the performance.
~ Eurovision: Always one step away from a political statement. They technically banned but someone always singing about peace and stuff. 
~Germany outfit doesn't match the background or the song is weird. She was dressed like a cartoon/disney star with creepy tree behind her. It didn't match at all.
~OMG, France is singing in English. I can't remember the last time they did that. Nice song too. France always sings in Frence. I guess they finally cared about the Eurovision sigticas of an song with English in it winning. 
~I bet Poland does well in Eurovision. I was completely wrong but I liked them.
~I like how Australian has went for classy weird.
~There should be Eurovision drinking game just based on the common words that appear in the lyrics. Got fairytale, light, night and time. ~life is a miracle could be one. ~I am now drunk thanks to Cyprus. This would kill people so it probably shouldn't exist.
~#CRO The Eurovision staple of striping but without the nudity.
~If you don't win a singing contest, enter #Eurovision for #GBR. There is a history of Britain sending the losers of singing contest to Eurovision. We have only sent a winner once and the sole purpose was to find a singer for Eurovision. Their performances usually make you wonder how they made into a singing contest at all. I found them really boring. Though, I never watched the voice to comment.
~About time show up with a cape and a smoke machine. These are the best clichés of Eurovision.
- I love how Eurovision both kisses up to Russian and tells it to go fuck itself. Russia like usual got a lot of points it didn't deserve and a song about Russian invading/being a dick won. This comes from the majority of Europe not agreeing with Russian politic views or actions but also not wanting to be invaded by them. I honestly don't know if Eurovision prevent Wars but people act as though it does.

That was Eurovision 2016, if I could change anything, I wouldn't have bother going home for it and just watched it in the common room. Waste of time making that Journey, don't tell my mother that though.