Why studying English isn't for all book lovers

While I'm out of the country (once again, I'm actually in England which currently is technically not another country, but it is) and no guaranteed internet, I leave you with my reflection of the topic of doing a degree in English.

This was something I truly thought about doing, I actually got a conditional from University of Dundee to do Psychology/English, so why I am not at Dundee? (Mainly because it summer, really) Because I knew I won't get the grades to do it and was correct. Still felt horrible when I pressed the decline button on UCAS track. I failed all my subjects except for that lousy B in Art. This year I thought about applying to do English again, but realised Dundee was only place that would take me. It was only place I wanted to go anyway, but Art was also calling. Yeah and we know how that turned out.

I love books, I truly do, I love writing, I even love how complex the English Language can be, but there something about studying the art subjects that destroys them. This is also referring once again to my horrible art experience, by the time I was kicked out of Art I was ready to throw out all my pencils and burned all that remained of all the pieces I did for it. Part of me, still wants to burn that blue butterfly, even though it took me months and worked out petty good.


Back to English, I think tearing apart books can ruin them, I quite enjoyed reading 'How to kill a Mockingbird'. However, I remember after studying it I never wanted to see or hear about it again. Three years later, I don't feel the same. Still probably won't reread it. Three times was enough.

Loving books doesn't automatic make you good at understanding their deeper meanings. I mean, I have got better at this, when reading great work of literature. I'm probably far better than I was a year ago. Also sometimes they just don't have some great meaning, sometimes they just great reads. Though, most of my favourites do have that deep meaning.

Another big factor with Studying English, is that there no real path afterwards. Most need further training afterwards. I know, that I would probably do anything to avoid a proper office job. That's why science currently my favourite pathway.

My main issue with English is that I'm Dyslexic and I've only been reading for eight years and most Universities are not willing to cut you any slack for this. I probably couldn't get into any Uni in Scotland but Dundee (why do St. Andy want French?)  Its a great Uni so who really cares.

Its funny, in all the different course I thought about applying to I always end up at Uni of Dundee.

Okay, this wasn't that detailed, but mainly dealt with the reasons it wasn't right for me.

Dreams are my friends (But not Fate's)

Hi losers, due to parking and writing for Camp NaNoWriMo, Oh and sleeping, did a lot of random sleeping today: been too busy to write my blog (or any writing today). So based on my sleeping (three separate times did I fall asleep today), I'm choosing to share with you lot, the excepts of some of the dream scenes in my Camp novel. These are all from the point of my MC Fate (No, not that Fate). These are basically my favourites.

Dream One: 

 I stare across the bridge, fear fills me, a black mass of smoke is all I can see. It moves swiftly towards me, I want to run. I can’t. I can move, but I can’t leave them. Who are they? I turn to my right, I can see a figure next me. I can tell it female, but I can’t see any of the details of her face. She familiar, I know her well. It’s a new friendship, but strong. I turn to smoke; it getting closer. I step away from it. I feel something grasp my left hand. I instantly look to the hand; I see two figures in front of me. They are distorted, the smoke consuming them. Suddenly, a piercing blue light reaches from the smoke. I realise they’re his eyes. My heart swells as I look into them. I breathe in, the smoke finally finding me. 

Dream Two (I think): 

I stand in a forest unfamiliar to me, I can hear water running. I walk towards the sound. The ground is soft and my feet slip into the mud. They’re bare and I can feel the blown slush between my toes. I’m suddenly at the water; it’s a small lake, it’s really only the river expanding before narrowing again. I’m suddenly, waist deep in it. Its dark and I can’t even see any part of myself that is immerged. I duck under it, I keeping my eyes open. The water has become clear; the stones at the bottom of late appeared to sparkle. My eyes are drawn to speck of gold on a rock and I reach out for it. My hand finds it quickly. I realise it’s not a stone, it something coated in dirt. I begin to rub at it. Abruptly, the light disappears and darkness grips me, taking the breath away from me. It’s like a physical being is compressing my chest. I begin to panic I can’t get away, I try to move but can’t. All at once, I feel someone grab me, under my arms and I’m out of the water. I realise I’m naked, I don’t care. He turns me around; I catch his blue eyes as they fill with shock before he pulls me behind him. I look through his shoulders as the darkness leaps from the water. Its heading towards me, but it has to stop. Because of him.

“Leave Now,” he shouts at me. I’m filled with the knowledge of how to. I close my eyes, turning the 

darkness into blackness.

Dream I lost count:

I’m walking in a field; the yellow glass reaches up my waist. The sky was white with a pale orange tone to it. The world seemed overly bright. I see him in the certain of the field; he stands dark against the light of the sky. I feel a smile spread across my face. I see one spread across his. I walk calmly towards him, but my heart is skipping.

I reach him where he greets with open arms. I go into them, allowing him to hold me. Both our chests are bare; his skin feels hot against mine. We pull apart, but remain touching. His hands remain on my waist. I looked to the warm blue of his eyes, filled with love.

I put my hand flat against his chest, feeling his heat beat steadily. I feel an odd rumble and the area round my hand shins gold.

I stick my hand into his chest and pulled out a gold heart. He smiles at me and leans into kiss me.

If you want to find out if I finish this thing here my Camper Profile: http://campnanowrimo.org/campers/phoenixangel 

Also here the Utube channel where I have been posting Vlogs about this camp Experience: http://www.youtube.com/user/RachelVerna

Writing is hard! (Camp NaNoWriMo Week 1)

I was aware of this before, obviously otherwise I would have written that damn novel by now. Even when I'm on a roll, I'm still uncertain about where I'm actually heading with my writing. At this point, the idea of just writing plotless nonsense is becoming very appealing. However, I realise that be rather against my intentions/reasons of doing NaNoWriMo.

Maybe I do better once I've actually got my antagonist introduce to the novel, with the current plan he should be reveal middle way threw the novel, so around the 25,000 words point (well, If I stop at 50,000 words). 

I've also noticed that during my writing, that on the days I actually do something I write more, where as on days I lay about with no other purpose than to write I struggle to reach my goals. I suppose it proves that you should be doing other things besides just sitting about your room typing. If that what I actually need to do write, I could always tidy my room, organise my draws or draw petty ponies.


Also keep reading, so far I've been good and kept my New year resolutions (except for chocolate, its remains very much beside me). I think I'm going to try and read two books a week. We're just see.

The Writer's Version of Camping

Yesterday was the start of June, the Scottish weather is back to normal with the sun hiding; the midges have awoken and once more have began to slowly eat the Scottish population; Oh and the sun burn remains. So basically itching all the time and still being woke up from being too hot still.

Most importantly though, yesterday also meant the start of the first session of Camp NaNoWriMo (of the year); I'm just one of the many attempting this challenge. I've been wanting to do NaNoWriMo since I heard about it, which was about this time last year. I read about it creeping about the late Inkpop's forms. I didn't know about the Camp that year and sadly I was too busy to do it last November because I was basically failing an important subject which will remain nameless and failed.

In case, you're unaware of the concept of NaNoWriMo (if not skipped to the next paragraph ;]); it basically where you try to write 50000 words in 30 days or a month as 30 days is sometimes known. NaNoWriMo is officially in November and Camp NaNoWriMo just means you do it in the summer during June or August 

(or if you're like me; both).

I debated what idea to use for my month novel for the past few months before finally centrally on using idea that had been playing on my mind for years, since I was 15 to be precise. I had actually started writing this idea, but looking over it, it an example of how bad my writing used to be. The whole thing need to be rewritten and I've reshaped some vital points as well so far, such as when one of the important characters is
introduced. I actually first got the idea from a English Stand Grade Personal writing past paper. The idea was to write a short story to go with the Title "The Stranger". This will play an important part in novel, my original idea might even be expanded. We just see how it goes.

As for August book, will be a completely undone idea. I might use one of my old plans that never actually got around to using or my most recent ideas of a sort of Queen (the band) inspired novel or finally let that horror theme park of my dreams have full ran of my conscious mind. Still have two months to decided. I'm semi worried about this one, as I'll be starting College at the end of August *Gulps*.

So far I'm doing well and have a clear idea where "The Stranger" is going. I obviously need to write at least to write 1667 words a day to keep the goal, but my personal goal is at least 2000 words a day. In the one day, I've kept this goal. Obviously, I can't just go and abandoned my other goals and commitments.

Speaking of which, I have to finish this week's book and take care of a family book case that badly needs organising (something I've decided to do unprovoked).

 Wish me luck.
P.S. Heres my profile encase you're interested:  http://campnanowrimo.org/campers/phoenixangel

Summer Came early

Haló this fine morning, (okay it evening when I finally finished this). Scotland has been sunny and warm. Its too damn hot and I've got sunburn on random points on my body from yesterday which has been reinforced by today's actions. Went to the beach today, it was actually warm enough to swim.

My Epic Beach scene with my dog Shep

My exam are over, they went okay besides coming out my maths Higher paper crying and losing a mark in Bio for not being able to spell Hypothalamus. Though Maths Paper 1 objective was okay and I had a stoke of luck in Biology. Basically, I was going did Section A of 2001 paper the morning before my exam and it so happen that the SQA have been doing some recycling as question 3 appeared in my exam as question 2. It nice to know that it got promoted, though it did take 11 years to get 1 question up. I did get right the first time, anyway. No more talk of exams till August.

The tent I put all myself and slept in 25th May

So summer has basically started for me and as I've said above the weather has match that sentiment so far. I actually slept outside yesterday because of the heat. Though, I was still woke up today at 8am. I had woke at 7am the day before after finally getting asleep at 2.30 am. I suppose it was good for T in the Park which me and most of my sisters are going to this year. My older big sister has been few times, but it will be my other sister and my first time.Very exciting, I've actually got a busy summer this year. Going to England in three weeks time and doing Camp NaNoWriMo this June and August.

Sitting atop a waterfall (okay, a very small one)

 Probably got all my sun for the year, as I'm not that interested  in sun bathing and did my exploring of my farm and played in my "pool". So lots and lots of writing this summer, with tons of books being read. I've actually started my main book attempt of reading the Complete stories of Sherlock Holmes by ACD. I've already finished reading Study in Scarlet and don't worry I won't feel the need to re-enact "The Finial Problem"


P.S. Hope you've enjoyed Eurovision so far and enjoy what little remains.

Exams: The Epic Battle or They're here, They're here, Study for your lives.

Ar...so my exams have officially started and will officially end on this Wednesday (23rd). My first exam was the hellish English, that mocks me so with my many books. Being Dyslexic, I take my exams in the library/by myself because I get a scribe. So I arrived early and was the first person there besides the invigilator. It was ten minutes till the exam was meant to start. The only other candidate had arrived, but still no one from the support base. My English teacher went to find out what was going on.  Anyway, it turns out no one was assigned be to my scribe and the other person's reader. It was fine though, just got a scribe virgin (a person who never scribed before).

It all worked out, I guess. I mostly did the Close Reading myself, which was about the Olympics how very topic SQA. Way to go, staying in tune with the kids. I suppose at least one of the Passages wasn't written by Boris Johnson like last year. I wonder if was to test to see if the candidates actually read the wee info bit above the passages.

Well, I think the Close Reading went well. The Critical Essay part not so good. I finish both essays with decent points. I think one was far better that the other. I think I've past, I might have managed that B. However, I don't want to get my hopes up. I want to put it behind me until I get that Certificate in the mail or that email I don't fully trust, but is always right.

I'm glad to have my hardest exam over with. Maths and Biology next week, both which I been getting Bs in and hopefully I'll be able to produce that Mighty A in them.

The day of my maths exam will actually be the adversity of when I started this blog to complain about how I was probably going to fail. I feel haven't been repeating bad habits that much, except for that eerily similar post that appear on my LiveJournal this week.  Though, that was more to do about my panic over the exams, not that I had thought I had failed.

I thought my glare would be warning enough

My best friend brought me this necklace for my Birthday and it just arrived, I'm going to wear it to my remaining exams; because I'm definitely plan on kicking their butts.

I'm off to prepare for battle.

Point Horror Hunting (It was that guy who hit on me)

Now some of you might be thinking what the hell is a 19 year old doing blogging about Point Horrors, they literally pre-date said 19 year old (the first Point Horror was released in 1986 and last 2005, according to wiki) with their hay day being the 90s while she was still drooling (Hey, I was 7 when the 90s ended) and confirmed couldn't read at all then(I sort of could when I was 4, then forgot). Also shouldn't you're be studying so you get your childhood dream job of studying dead bodies?

Yes to all the above, so the story of my beloved Point Horror books begins with the lovely fact that I come from a family of book thieves apparently (which in my younger days I did partake). I own (well acquired from the family book case with the intent of not returning) several Point Horror books that once resided in a school library. It is possible that they were bought from a library book sale, but I find that unlikely as all the suspects, I mean my siblings were still in high school during the 90s and I know for a fact (petty certain my memory is right) this is the decade these books appeared in my home.

I can clearly remember "Funhouse" by Diane Hoh being present in my bedroom/playroom (it so big, should have doubled as two rooms). It was never read to me; I was left to my own devices when it came my thirst for fake blood and mayhem. I was such a sweet, innocent child who had to settled for Freddy Krueger.

Now having read "Funhouse" I realised I like the spooky cover better. Oh, well it probably for best that it no ways resembles my short story I wrote based on the cover before I read it, "Deathhouse" in which a funhouse that puts the fun back in Funeral. I put it up after my exams most likely (or never).

Anyway, these little gems of 90s teen horror have found they're way into my heart, but once I had read all the ones I had found at home and my school library; I some what forgot about them. Sure, I did look for books similar to them. However, I got caught up in my failing education and my thirst was never fulfilled.

Till one day (last Tuesday), I went to visit the bank. As most banks do, they sold books (well, my one does) where I spotted six Midnight Library books. Wait a second those ain't Point Horror books. Shh, I'm getting there. Midnight Library is a series of books containing three horror short stories which is one of the books that almost quench my ever growing thirst for terror (at a teen level). Anyhow, I brought these books at the small price of 3 quid and put £30 in my account.

When I got home, I started thinking about the other 6 books in the series. So I decided to hunt them down and buy them off the interweb. The Amason's book fruit was not ripe, so I ended up on ebay where I manage to catch my book prey. One of the sellers was meant to have a deal on the if bought three books, but they had no other Midnight Library books so I thought maybe they have some Point Horrors. And they did, exactly two. It was fate, or more likely coincidence.

So basically I went on a book buying frenzy and ended up with 24 books at the small sum of £40.93. I've decided to join Book Addict Anonymous (BAA) to battle my problem. Frankly, I don't need any more books. I currently, roughly own 221 books and 124 of them are waiting to be read. I'm really need to keep to my promise not to buy any more unless I come across Point Horrors  in a charity shop or something.

This is likely a broken promise, but the first step is admitting you have a problem. Proof that I'm not a total lost: this week will be the first and hopefully next week the last that I miss my goal of reading a book a week due my exams. 

Also thinking since I have all these Point Horrors now, I start doing reviews on them. I might even start Point Horror Wednesday. It depends on my busy, busy schedule this summer. You're know how it is when you have no job or major commitments to meet. Seriously, I am meant to be writing a novel this summer and other such things. So we're see.

Goodbye High School (My Seven years of Hell)

So yesterday was my last day of Secondary school and my 19th birthday. It made me consider what the hell I'm doing with my life; in the normal mental melt down type of consider.

Okay, mental melt down is a bit of exaggeration, but it did make me think about what I'm planning to do and the limitation I'm facing. I don't think it normal to cry on your birthday typically (when you're still in your teens). As I've wrote before I've had many problems with school over the years and applying to uni: this is where most of my limitation come from.

My problem is I can't really decided what I want to do. There a lot of things I'm good at. Art, science and writing. What I really want to be is Leonardo Da Vinci, paint and do sciencey things. However, the structure of learning now a days is more strict. I suppose it always has been, but people wouldn't be that happy if you just showed up at the dissection of a human cadaver now.

Going to do Visual Communication after the summer, but the more I think about it I feel less confident about the idea of pursuing Art/Design. At this point I feel biology would the better route for me to take in some form. The only problem with that is the best course are looking for Higher Chemistry, which I never got to take due to the school's meddling. Its always haunt me that they never let me take it at SG level. I would have been so far better off if they had just left me at my own devices.

I think yesterday episode was built up from stress over exams and everyone asking where I was going after the summer. My answer wasn't the one I wanted to be giving. As my mum keeps telling me I'm only 19 and I still have time to do what I want hopefully. With all that said, All time low's "weightless" petty much describe how I'm feeling at the moment.

So I'm off to study so I can hopefully pull two As and B out of my brain on the days. Also trying not to worry about how unrealistic that might be, but then how I have the potential as well.