20th Birthday *half-hearted whoop*

So today is my Birthday. Well, not actually. I'm really writing this from yesterday. Right now I'm still teen, but when you read this I shan't be anymore. Its sort of all Wibbly Wobbly Timey Wimey, isn't it?

I guess some of you might be wondering what I plan to do on my Birthday. Well, the answer is obvious. I'm going to be in two shows today. I've spent every night being in a Production of Beauty and the Beast the past week and week before rehearsing it everynight but Saturday that week. Tonight's performance will actually be the last. So seconded year in a row I've been doing something for the last time on my Bday.

I sort of realised, I mean I was sort of knew I would associate my Birthday with this, that I be able to count how many years since I left school by taking 19 out whatever age I am. So its a year since I left school, it doesn't feel a like a year. I missed the variety of school. College seems rather boring so far and I haven't learned much.

Two of my sibling are showing up today, mainly to see the show.My older brother was annoyed to find out that no one had invite him to see the show. Frankly, though it my birthday and he said nothing about that until the show came up. I should probably just unfriend the bugger.

I don't know if my sibling coming today to see it was such a smart idea. Just because the two shows and the stress of it all.

Its terrible Doctor Who is on, on my birthday and I won't be able to watch it till Sunday probably.

So I'm off to listen to songs about teenagers while I'm still in that age range.

Teenhood is going to leave me

So I only have a week left as a teenager.

Maybe that why's I've been down recently, I mean subconsciously. Its the whole not being where I thought I be. However, I didn't really know what I want to do.

I mean, I do. I want to be a writer. Writer is what I am. What I want to be is: A published writer, one that gets/or makes money off their writing. I have ads on here but have never made off here. I make like 50p month off my Booktube channel.

I broke right now by the way.

So nothing about my mysterious future, lets talk about my actual terrible time as a teenager.

Okay, it wasn't all that terrible. But it wasn't that happy and my strongest memories are the sort of terrible ones.

My school career offically became a pile of crap. I didn't get to do the choices I wanted, never doing chemistry has really always haunted me and majorly fucked up my (first) 6th year. I also had the depressing experinces of repeating 6th year. I shall forever be able to lie to Americans about going to Hogwarts. Get it, 7th year.

I had horrible house teachers, that should know they both suck at their jobs. The teachers who actually taught me were pity good. All my biology teachers were awesome. English always taught me something and I can write a good essay even if they did just ignore creative writing.

I ended being rather disillusion with the education systems as no one ever gave a fuck about individual stunet. You either do it now, or fuck off because they was no way they were going actually try and improve you. I guess as Dyslexic with obvious signs of possible being Austic/sectively mute (I'm not going near that mess at the moment) High school was never going to be totally happy experince.

Generally, I was never all that happy in my current location where I spent the whole of my teenage years. I made few friends and frankly any one with brain eventually leaves this place even if they ended up back here. I just think I really need to leave. Goal for the past four years.

Cool stuff I did as a teen:
I went to Florida two times in that time. I saw My Chemical Romance and Fall Out Boy, I went to T in the Park for the first time, I killed a guy, I got half way through a novel, I started 2 you tube channels that currently have roughly 50 subscribers after like 80 videos on each; I went on the run, I have managed to acquired a what could be called a library of books (over three hundred); it safe to say I've read over 240 books taking to count I only really start to count since 2011; I've change my mind about what I want to do with my life at least 5 times; I own two typewriters and have kept this blog going for over a year (even if I have lied about some the dates).

So some of that was a lie, guess which. That right I have yet to see Fall Out Boy in concert but you know that could happen now that appear to be back.

So that 7 years of my life is over, let just cry in corner about only being 10 years away from being 30.

Exams and No Longer Young (Carer)

So I got my exam results and I failed everything.

Okay, that's not true, but I wanted the opportunity to lie about my exam results since I was not able to do the fake in real life. Because my parents knew my results before me.  Thanks MySQA, though it is sort of my vault since I should have change the phone number. Basically, my father and I swapped sim cards therefore phone numbers. Having signed up for MySQA  last year and never changing the number. My dad (who never uses his phone) got a text message that contend my exam results. He open it, then went on to tell my mother and after I told them I don't want to know, they told me.

So you're thinking this is where I'm going to tell you, but I'm not since I'm trying to build tension. Though, probably quite badly. So my results went like this.

Higher Biology- B
Higher English- B
Higher Maths- B

To see me opening the Result letter go here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZglF2qQb3iI&feature=plcp

Not that impressive and my mother persistence that it is, is just rather annoying. I have five Highers at B grade, but that's over 3 years which works out as being average of 1.6667 per year. Not at all impressive. No matter how good the sob story most universities will look at my grades and straight up reject me. Even if I had got five Bs in one year, that not good enough either. They want As. My mother doesn't understand that. They basically nothing I can with my Highers when it comes to Uni.

Glad I got a B in English since it was some what in doubt if I would get it.

Other big news of the week is that I'm no longer a Young Carer apparently. I knew you were old once you hit 19, mum lied to me. What I really mean is that I'm no longer part of the YC group. I went on day trip with them on Tuesday which I like to refer as Three Bs, Three bike falls day, since I got my results and fell of a mountain bike three times. I like the Lazer tag, though painballs would have made it more extreme. Rest of was just bah and pain.

I basically fell off a mountain bike at speed three times. Hurting myself the worse the last time. Yay for bruises. It does actually hurt to walk and I also think I might have done something to my knee that only coming out to play today. I did scape my arms a bite and I bruised my palms.

I've got to say I'm loving the patterns. I feel crazy art brewing.

On Thursday, had my last one to one meeting thing with my (former) link...support...something worker... Yeah, no longer young carer, so I take that means I can go around saying I'm auld.

So this week has just me feeling old and sore. The future looks so bright right now.

Camp NaNoWriMO FINAL DAY (Butlins Damn you)

Ticket Winnings:Its for my little brother

Today is the last Day of Camp NaNoWriMo, isn't it so sad? Especially if you still haven't finish your novel and have over two thousand words to go.
As I said I was on holiday last week, which was "FUN". Okay, it wasn't that bad, I had all right time and won all this cool stuff (That Youtube won't let me share with you) from the arcade . I'm not sure if I have that much to say about the holiday, it wasn't one of those full of adventure and experiences. I did get tipsy for the first time and realise that alcohol is boring. No interest in it at all. Though, I'm sure my siblings will have something to say about that.

This was murder to get(from a2p machine)

Notepads double as  photo/sibling shields

As for the writing, that was a challenge. I did write during the first few nights and in the car journey down. I actually wrote while we at this disco/show thing. So was kinda good considering, though I was still terribly behind when I got on home at 5 am last Monday. I'm not saying what my current word count is, but I will say its not finish and I don't think it will be until next week.

Other thing that happen to me this week is, that I officially left school yesterday. Really it was me signing out, because you need to or you're officially remain in High School forever which is a lot bullshit. I think they do it to mess with us.
I've actually been avoiding doing it for some time, after 5th June since it just sound so awkward and it really was.

It be the last night I'll get to wandered around CDHS, unless I become a teacher or a parent like my mum, Who tag along to my signing fun, which involved going to each of my teacher's this year and getting them to sign a bit of paper saying that I currently haven't stole, er borrowed anything without returning it. Jokes on them, I still have a textbook which I have no intentions of returning and the teacher already signed my form *evil laugh insert here*.

I chit chatted with most of my teachers when I saw them, I actually was part of a one sided conversation with my maths teacher from SG. Who was obsessed with the notion of taking over the world as being a career choice and money being the main motive. I should have told him I was going to be studying an art subject at college and I don't see much money in my near future.

All my teachers, except for my art teacher who signed the form and I just left straight after, have been left with the impression that I'm going to become a writer. This mostly due my mum saying I'm going to be a "Famous Author" to my Maths and Biology teacher. My English teacher praised my writing and asked if I had ever tried/thought about to get any my stories published, I say no since I had nothing in my opinion that is publishable yet. She said my writing was good (though to my knowledge she only read my one or two of my stories) and should try to get published. She said to tell her/the school if I ever I do.

Oh, I already I have that fantasy of going back to shove my achievement in the supports' faces. I would just like say this comes from a small, bitter place inside me who feels confident about my writing. Unlike the rest of me who finds fault in most of it. Though seriously, if I ever did get published, I would offer the school a copy of my book for the library. It such a small town, that if/when I get a book with my name it on a shelve it would probably spread like fire. Maybe not, but I don't think it be some secret.

Maybe I'll be the only notable student on the school Wikipedia someday, LOL. Also To celebrate leaving school officially, I bought Playdough (well, my mum actually paid for it). Yeah, I got a toy for toddlers. Its the artist in me that wanted it.

Well that all for this week, I'm going to T-in-The-Park next week for the first time (Exciting and scary), so it be another pre-written post next week. Not sure yet what it'll be about. I know Dinosaurs.
I'm off to jump in the dark now, thanks for reading.

Why studying English isn't for all book lovers

While I'm out of the country (once again, I'm actually in England which currently is technically not another country, but it is) and no guaranteed internet, I leave you with my reflection of the topic of doing a degree in English.

This was something I truly thought about doing, I actually got a conditional from University of Dundee to do Psychology/English, so why I am not at Dundee? (Mainly because it summer, really) Because I knew I won't get the grades to do it and was correct. Still felt horrible when I pressed the decline button on UCAS track. I failed all my subjects except for that lousy B in Art. This year I thought about applying to do English again, but realised Dundee was only place that would take me. It was only place I wanted to go anyway, but Art was also calling. Yeah and we know how that turned out.

I love books, I truly do, I love writing, I even love how complex the English Language can be, but there something about studying the art subjects that destroys them. This is also referring once again to my horrible art experience, by the time I was kicked out of Art I was ready to throw out all my pencils and burned all that remained of all the pieces I did for it. Part of me, still wants to burn that blue butterfly, even though it took me months and worked out petty good.


Back to English, I think tearing apart books can ruin them, I quite enjoyed reading 'How to kill a Mockingbird'. However, I remember after studying it I never wanted to see or hear about it again. Three years later, I don't feel the same. Still probably won't reread it. Three times was enough.

Loving books doesn't automatic make you good at understanding their deeper meanings. I mean, I have got better at this, when reading great work of literature. I'm probably far better than I was a year ago. Also sometimes they just don't have some great meaning, sometimes they just great reads. Though, most of my favourites do have that deep meaning.

Another big factor with Studying English, is that there no real path afterwards. Most need further training afterwards. I know, that I would probably do anything to avoid a proper office job. That's why science currently my favourite pathway.

My main issue with English is that I'm Dyslexic and I've only been reading for eight years and most Universities are not willing to cut you any slack for this. I probably couldn't get into any Uni in Scotland but Dundee (why do St. Andy want French?)  Its a great Uni so who really cares.

Its funny, in all the different course I thought about applying to I always end up at Uni of Dundee.

Okay, this wasn't that detailed, but mainly dealt with the reasons it wasn't right for me.

Summer Came early

Haló this fine morning, (okay it evening when I finally finished this). Scotland has been sunny and warm. Its too damn hot and I've got sunburn on random points on my body from yesterday which has been reinforced by today's actions. Went to the beach today, it was actually warm enough to swim.

My Epic Beach scene with my dog Shep

My exam are over, they went okay besides coming out my maths Higher paper crying and losing a mark in Bio for not being able to spell Hypothalamus. Though Maths Paper 1 objective was okay and I had a stoke of luck in Biology. Basically, I was going did Section A of 2001 paper the morning before my exam and it so happen that the SQA have been doing some recycling as question 3 appeared in my exam as question 2. It nice to know that it got promoted, though it did take 11 years to get 1 question up. I did get right the first time, anyway. No more talk of exams till August.

The tent I put all myself and slept in 25th May

So summer has basically started for me and as I've said above the weather has match that sentiment so far. I actually slept outside yesterday because of the heat. Though, I was still woke up today at 8am. I had woke at 7am the day before after finally getting asleep at 2.30 am. I suppose it was good for T in the Park which me and most of my sisters are going to this year. My older big sister has been few times, but it will be my other sister and my first time.Very exciting, I've actually got a busy summer this year. Going to England in three weeks time and doing Camp NaNoWriMo this June and August.

Sitting atop a waterfall (okay, a very small one)

 Probably got all my sun for the year, as I'm not that interested  in sun bathing and did my exploring of my farm and played in my "pool". So lots and lots of writing this summer, with tons of books being read. I've actually started my main book attempt of reading the Complete stories of Sherlock Holmes by ACD. I've already finished reading Study in Scarlet and don't worry I won't feel the need to re-enact "The Finial Problem"


P.S. Hope you've enjoyed Eurovision so far and enjoy what little remains.

Exams: The Epic Battle or They're here, They're here, Study for your lives.

Ar...so my exams have officially started and will officially end on this Wednesday (23rd). My first exam was the hellish English, that mocks me so with my many books. Being Dyslexic, I take my exams in the library/by myself because I get a scribe. So I arrived early and was the first person there besides the invigilator. It was ten minutes till the exam was meant to start. The only other candidate had arrived, but still no one from the support base. My English teacher went to find out what was going on.  Anyway, it turns out no one was assigned be to my scribe and the other person's reader. It was fine though, just got a scribe virgin (a person who never scribed before).

It all worked out, I guess. I mostly did the Close Reading myself, which was about the Olympics how very topic SQA. Way to go, staying in tune with the kids. I suppose at least one of the Passages wasn't written by Boris Johnson like last year. I wonder if was to test to see if the candidates actually read the wee info bit above the passages.

Well, I think the Close Reading went well. The Critical Essay part not so good. I finish both essays with decent points. I think one was far better that the other. I think I've past, I might have managed that B. However, I don't want to get my hopes up. I want to put it behind me until I get that Certificate in the mail or that email I don't fully trust, but is always right.

I'm glad to have my hardest exam over with. Maths and Biology next week, both which I been getting Bs in and hopefully I'll be able to produce that Mighty A in them.

The day of my maths exam will actually be the adversity of when I started this blog to complain about how I was probably going to fail. I feel haven't been repeating bad habits that much, except for that eerily similar post that appear on my LiveJournal this week.  Though, that was more to do about my panic over the exams, not that I had thought I had failed.

I thought my glare would be warning enough

My best friend brought me this necklace for my Birthday and it just arrived, I'm going to wear it to my remaining exams; because I'm definitely plan on kicking their butts.

I'm off to prepare for battle.

Goodbye High School (My Seven years of Hell)

So yesterday was my last day of Secondary school and my 19th birthday. It made me consider what the hell I'm doing with my life; in the normal mental melt down type of consider.

Okay, mental melt down is a bit of exaggeration, but it did make me think about what I'm planning to do and the limitation I'm facing. I don't think it normal to cry on your birthday typically (when you're still in your teens). As I've wrote before I've had many problems with school over the years and applying to uni: this is where most of my limitation come from.

My problem is I can't really decided what I want to do. There a lot of things I'm good at. Art, science and writing. What I really want to be is Leonardo Da Vinci, paint and do sciencey things. However, the structure of learning now a days is more strict. I suppose it always has been, but people wouldn't be that happy if you just showed up at the dissection of a human cadaver now.

Going to do Visual Communication after the summer, but the more I think about it I feel less confident about the idea of pursuing Art/Design. At this point I feel biology would the better route for me to take in some form. The only problem with that is the best course are looking for Higher Chemistry, which I never got to take due to the school's meddling. Its always haunt me that they never let me take it at SG level. I would have been so far better off if they had just left me at my own devices.

I think yesterday episode was built up from stress over exams and everyone asking where I was going after the summer. My answer wasn't the one I wanted to be giving. As my mum keeps telling me I'm only 19 and I still have time to do what I want hopefully. With all that said, All time low's "weightless" petty much describe how I'm feeling at the moment.

So I'm off to study so I can hopefully pull two As and B out of my brain on the days. Also trying not to worry about how unrealistic that might be, but then how I have the potential as well.

Last year as a teen (I'm getting old)

My two last posts have been utter nonsense, I blame the holidays. Well, I'm back at school now.

Through several things being illuminated this past week, a slap of morality has occur. It not really that I fear death, more of ageing and changing side of it.

I've will be experiencing my last day of school on my 19th Birthday in two weeks time yesterday. If you don't know what to do with that information, you're in the same boat as me. It won't be my official leaving date, but it will my last day of classes. I won't see most my year/anyone from my school after this. I'm not properly friends with any of them, so no reason to see them. That probably kinda sad to most people. It not that I never made any friends while at school, it just they left before I did and I never replaced them. It doesn't seem that sad I could say the same about my original year. Repeating 6th year didn't really change how it would end. It will end with the same awkwardness of everyone saying goodbye to each other and no one feeling the urge to do so to me. I'm fine with this, mainly since I have form no strong bonds with anyone. No one whose been fragment of my life will I be changing paths with. My best friend at school this year has been books.

They've been a good friend other years as well, I've never been bother by only being seen with a book. I gained the amusing story of my Deputy Head telling me that he was reading "Twilight" (Yes, the fairy Meyerpires) when he saw a book in my hands and thought it was Twilight, even if I normally talked I wouldn't have know how to responded to that. In his defence he is an English teacher.

My birthday isn't really a big change, by turning 19 I'll be gaining nothing or even a step closer to something. Even with being 18 I haven't really used that new gained freedom of buying liquor or going to r-rated movies. It just a sign that I'm a year older and that I should start to act like a mature adult. Okay, maybe just I should act more maturer. My eyesight getting worse on the plus side (sarcasm is also my friend).

Other stuff has happened, but I've decided not to shared that with the internet for time being since I haven't really decided how I feel about them yet.

Last Parents' Evening. Also Braces go Bye Bye

On this previous Tuesday, at 4 past seven, I arrived at what will definitely be my last parents' evening, well until I become a parent or teacher (lol). Last year's was in November and at that point I had no real idea I would be repeating, that should have been my last. Don't remember much, just telling my English teacher at the time that I didn't like Shakespeare which she may not have directly said it, but she was appalled by this. Briefly went on how about how great he was, how so many experts love him and such nonsense. I still think he's an English Git who wrote the first Emo romance and is a history ignoring Bastard. I don't think my opinion of him is ever going to change. 
This year one was much more positive really and I'm in a much better place to pass. My mother and I arrived late for our first appointment. It was meant to be with my maths teacher, then English and Biology last. It of course didn't work out that way. Of all my parents' evenings, never once have we followed the appointment order. Frankly, no one really expects to. Making appointments just confirms that your parents will turn up at some point during the event, usually well after your appointment was meant to be.
 We first talk to my maths teacher at 7.10 slot instead of the intend 7.00. My maths teacher basically confirmed what I already knew. She said that I hold a better understanding of the course, though she also once said that you're don't to know why it works, just do (roughly along those lines). I told her I thought I had the potential for a B (leaving my A notion to myself) and she agreed with this estimation. She also said how my homework didn't always reflect my capable and I let myself down with this. My mother and I had brief discussion how my little brother had been playing up that week and that was my excuse for the last HW not being completely finished. I also shared with her my current revision plan of coping my notes; I personally I think this will help with the Objective Testing part of the exam. I mainly got from it that I have to ask for help. So the same as last year.
Shockingly, we actually saw my Biology teacher at the scheduled time of 7.20pm. As usual, it was the best out of them all. She said about how I got a B in my Prelim and how I could easily get an A. She said I had clearly been revising this year, I just smiled. Yes, I have revised more this year, but in honesty, Biology is kinda left at the side lines mostly.

Leaving the worst for last: English

It’s the most frustrating, it mocks me. I want to be a writer and I read all the time, but it’s my worst subject. It’s also the only subject I really need to pursue Illustration, haven't decided yet. I need a B, all my other subjects I'm getting that. So after waiting for about twenty minutes to see my English teacher, she  somehow turned my incredible failure of a prelim into a C grade and leaves me feeling rather positive. She basically said how my Prelim didn't reflect my ability as I did much better in class/HW. She said maybe it was scribe (I'm Dyslexic and I get extra time and scribe in all my necessary exams); I told her it wasn't and that I wouldn't feel conformable doing it myself on the actual exam with my tenancy to miss out words and writing nonsense when stressed. I told her I had only been reading for roughly seven years, my mother and her preceded to go about it taking me longer isn't that surprising. She said I would probably have to retake English to get that B. Also how good my folio was and that she enjoyed my short story. When I said I did read a lot, she said she knew, she could tell by vocabulary.

To end the blog, just want to say that I'll be getting my braces off this Monday. Goodbye being a walking Grater and I'll be able to run my tongue over my teeth again. I only have my weak eyes to go with my geek chic.