Halloween is Always in Your Heart.

Hello, Hello, Hello. That the greeting my gut told me to do. Another week, another week shielding apparently. Shielding is meant to be ending on 1st August and there's a vaccine in the air. Hopefully. this does mean the end of Lockdowns in Scotland. Sadly, a lot of places are still high. Universal Horror Night has been cancelled at both parks this year. Jokes about Halloween being cancelled have been going around since this start. Don't let Halloween be cancelled. You can't cancel Halloween. Its just whether you can go d

In a few years time, we have pandemic theme haunted houses again. Yes, they already a thing. There are a lot of places that are meant to be haunted due to having been used as temporary hospitals for past pandemics but most of them were 50 years ago at least.

I haven't been doing much. Finally, finished editing a video that I've been working on a few weeks because I am me. I still need to finish the captions though. Released it without them because no one watchs my video anyway which was a mistake because I say something is so confusing like five times and a few of them definitely should have been edited out. I've captioned over half the books in the video, what a shame that's only 6 minutes of 20-minute video because I rant about the fourth book and I guess had more to say about the 5th one that the others.

I also have been adding triggers and tropes to https://booktriggerwarnings.com/ because I have been reading and reviewing books. My Netgalley feedback percentage is now 45%. Well, for a day and then I got approved for another book so its back to 44% but I'm reading. I was bagging that I have no books that came in August except a graphic novel and audiobook. Guess what though, I have four books that come in the 3 September so those need to be read in August so they can be reviewed before release. It's a very first world problem I know. They fixed the Audiobook issue and I've not listened to it much. Not a lot of Audiobook jobs to do. I got to catch on my BuJo so I'll listen to it then.

I almost wrote fiction but then I remember that I'm constantly behind on other things. I'm sitting on six videos I want out as soon as possible. The StrangeAthon starts Monday and I haven't edited my TBR video yet for it. It shouldn't take too long but never can tell with uploading speeds. Maybe I should also do a blog post for the StrangeAthon on Book Review blog.

There's not much else to say I'm currently doing five things right now (watching TV; captioning a video; writing this; reading a book; editing a video) and I have something in the oven right now so let's make one less.

2019 Goals in Reflection

It's now 2020, but we still have to wrap up 2019. One hell of a year. Literally, hell is a good word for that went down and sadly the new decade doesn't look it will change much.

1. Read a book a week: Technically no, but in the sprint, I did this. I finish a book for 48 weeks out of the 53 we covered this year. 
2. Finish 12 series: "Okay, I would be happy with five because that's more than last year." I did not manage this. I finished three. There was another one I caught up, that might never be a finished series. So another goal I'll carry. 
3. Read More of My Own Books: I read 37 books of my own books, but I only read 13 books that I brought this year. Though, percentage-wise that is better than last year. This is a win on technicality basically.
4. Stop with the Insane Book Buying:  I have brought 133 books this year. Though it has been 52 days since I brought any books and I brought 255 books last year. I could do better as I was hoping to get that number back under the hundreds. 
5. Write a Review a Week: I have finished this year with books unreviewed for the second time. I did not do this. I think I did do more reviews this year. 
6. Write a Post a Week: No.....
7. Write More in General: Noooooooooooo... Did almost managed to do NaNoWriMo. Okay, Maybe I kinda did this one. 
8. Published a Video a Week: No. 
9. Do More Complicated Videos: Nope.
10. Continue Bullet Journaling: I did this. Not to the most specific details, some months but all months were covered. 
11. Exercise Most Days: No. This started strong but went out of the window with Kidney swapping that happened in January. I stopped doing a lot of things after. Strong starts to nothing happened a lot last year. I did do some walking, but not a lot of cardio. 
12. Apply for things: I applied to one thing, did not get it. This is better in that I finally did make myself apply. But I still procrastination the application meaning it could have been better when I submitted it. There were other things I could have applied for as well. 

I read a lot this year I guess. Moving on.

Wordless NaNoWriMo

It's Saturday again and I have not mystery wrote a thousand and thousands of words for NaNoWriMo. I've not even hit the 10s, and I should definitely write 25,000 words if I'm to hit 50,000 this month. Writing 25,000 one day is not likely to happen.

I've been writing most days, I did fail on the 14th, which is life. Of course, so I need to fight this from being a trend. I lied to the NaNoWriMo website by saying I wrote one word when I didn't so I could keep my trend. It's fair because the NaNoWriMo has me down as writing no words on a day where I indeed did write words.

I'm still having ideas, but none that motivated me to write lots of words at a time. I know I have good story ideas, that I would read but I just need to unlock them, with the written word.

I wish there was a shut-in near me because I think that would really help my writing. I have done some Livestream sprints which did help, but I need someone do it at a decent time for me. Writing till 3am intently is not a good thing to do. I'm off to try and make myself write creatively. 

Writing Without Details.

It is now Day Nine of National Novel Writing Month, or NaNoWriMo as we all scream into the night. I have written every day but one, the 4th day was, in fact, a failure. Though, if you go my NaNoWriMo stats, it will try and say I didn't write on the 6th, this a filly lie as I did write on the 6th and I did tell them so. Their website does need work, it gives you the option to say when you wrote but it still counts it was words for whatever day you input that information.

I was more a Camp NaNoWriMo writer so I have no strong opinions on the new website, it seems similar to the Camp one without cabin buddies. I know everyone else seems to hate the new website, more and more. I'm been focusing more on writing. Lol.

I have sort of finished one of my stories, in that it has an ending and a middle and most it links up together but there's other stuff I should add to really concert the story. The thing about writing to a word count, especially with the few sprints, I have found myself writing nonsense to get the word count. I have been writing more descriptions to do the same. I'm not a big description, my first instinct is not to lay out what my characters look like unless it is relevant. Probably because I'm autistic and that also not how I look for my rep. I know I do have the luxury of looking like most people on TV and books even if our cultures are completely different. I do look out for cultures and disabled rep.

Location details don't really make sense unless the character is in a new place or there's something important. A house is a house. Maybe I'm actually a crap writer. Probably. Who isn't?

I've written 6991 words so far, not including today, I should have wrote13,336 words if I want to hit 50,000 words that your novel is meant to be for NaNoWriMo. I'm just writing every day, and who knows maybe I'll write 10,000 one day and all the words will burst from me. Or I write nonsense everyday that will slowly die, a creative death.

I brought notebooks from paperchase online and they sent me a journal with a cut in it. I dm them and they sent me a new one which came today, well, guess what they sent me one with a cut in it so who knows what is going on with them, but I won't be ordering online again from them. 10 percent discord doesn't cover damage products. I just accept half-priced for damaged goods, I just wanted to swapped it for a non-damaged ones. It will get banged up with use, but I don't think I was ever going to stab it. It's quite nice otherwise. I'll just put a sticker on it.

I suppose I should get back to the creative process and totally not play the Sims while I hype myself for an expansion I'll probably get bored of in a week.

NaNoWriMo Tales

Halloween is over and I have yet again not managed to get any stories out of my head. So this NaNoWriMo I'm just going to write Halloween inspired horror stories that are mostly from ideas that I at least started or wrote down with every intention of starting them.

Mostly this has involved half wrote down dreams, that I know were more elaborate at one point. NaNoWriMo has never worked for me. I don't know if doing short stories will work, especially as a lot of my short stories have turned into novels that never had their endings written out. I am a pantser by nature as outlining seems to kill stories for me. I like the process of figuring out what I'm doing. Though, not knowing that in the moment has killed stories before as well.

The whole Halloween puppy is going fine. He was briefly dressed up and didn't seem to mind which a good sign for when he needs to wear a harness or jacket. He still so cute and soft meaning I let him away with most of his misbehaviour. I still am getting starched arms and he's obsessed with paper of all kinds. Many a toilet roll ruined. He can sit and give a paw, not at all consistently but he sort of knows those words. My sibling refused to look after him today because of his obsession with her cat, but I have looked after her dog I don't know how many times. I find iconic as she trained Mysti to chase the cats into corners so she could catch them.

My actual Halloween with Halloween Puppies was mostly watching bad remakes of horror films and the classic that is Hocus Pocus. Child's Play is now about robots being dolls sized and programmed for violence. Also, the doll just looks creepy immediately and makes odd references to the original film e.g. a character saying "This is the End" and not even finished the quote "This is the end, my friend." I had planned to see it in the cinema but never managed to. I don't think I missed much.
We also watched Pet Sematary (2019), which was very slow and boring, with the knowledge of how it was roughly going to go. Knowing the plot of the film doesn't ruin it for me, but I wonder when a film is bad if the twist is all that could have saved it.

I also finally brought Sims 4 on Halloween night, I've owned the base game for months since EA gave it out for nothing, but not played it since I knew it was lacking from what I've seen online. Probably why EA gave it out for nothing, hoping to capture those simmers who still watch online content but decide never to invest the money. Sims 3 was the better game, Houseboats were the best. Just being able to pack your house in the middle of the ocean and it had unicorns in them.

With all this writing and Sims 4 playing, I've also decided to go back to knitting. I'm hoping to finally do more than a blanket or scarf. I did once attempt a bag but that was just a banket in disguise. I also still Bullet journalling. And book reviewing. And video making. And have a dog to train.

Maybe I'll somehow learn to do everything while life goes on. I can probably knit and play the sims at the same time.

Horror is...never ending,

We are now into October. My favourite month of the year. I was expecting to be complete broke this month but not the case. I still need to be better with my money than I am usually. I wish I was better with my money in general.

I've been having more story ideas. Hell, I even started writing one. That's not a finish. A finish has been eluding me for several years. Like dreams where you woke up before the big finish, which is almost always as dreams happen in the state of half wakefulness. I know I should probably just make myself write one till the end. But that's hard. It hard enough for me to make write ends to these blog posts which is why they always go up late.

Though I mostly write horror so I could just write that main character dies every time, for every short story but I think if someone invested in a novel they would be pissed if that's the way it went. Especially, if it was more than two novels.

On the plus, fun side I am getting a puppy. That was one of the money issues that would make me broke, but I was planning to get Leia a playmate. I will have this time next week. Thursday even. My parents want to share him, which means halfies. I bet it just be for the dog. Not the cost of buying it a cage, new toys and a bed. Well, they could share a bed. especially as Leia tends to jam herself where ever I'm sleeping and already has two dog beds.

So that's my life right now. Horror, Dogs and being bad with money.

Slowed Down Writing

My writing has slowly gone out of the window. I got out of the habit of writing every day due to not being home all day. I have been feeling bouts of inspiration so maybe that's a sign that I need to keep going.

The StrangeAthon is currently going and that has only been a mini-fail as I got the challenges up in a reasonable time. Not so much the videos or the Sprints I said I was going to do.

Hell this post in only three paragraphs.

The "A Haunting" ep with the hospital.

Writing has taken a backseat to hospital visits and generally fucking around. I'm not the one in Hospital. Life is strange when someone in your immediate family is in the Hospital. I'm spending a lot of time alone with a small army of cats and a dog who is both clingy and doesn't understand that if she wants me to play fetch, she has to actually bring me the ball, not put it at the end of the couch and stared at it.

Stressfully and feeling guilty because you did the wrong thing, but also knowing you didn't know the full picture.

I got a wifi camera to spy on the animals when I have to leave them to their nonsense and there's no one to send me pictures. Pictures of Spiderman. I mean pictures of my dog, knowing what she doing at any moment. Even if that usually sleeping in a window; barking her head off for no reason or chasing a cat. She staring at me where a ball is out of arms reach of me. I love her but sometimes she drives me up a wall with her weird ball notions.

Basically, this has caused things I was planning for this week/month to be out a wack but things could be worse. Life is constant of throwing things out wack, while it laughs at your plans. Somethings might recover but making videos is unlikely thing right now. Though, I am in an empty house except for animals and apparently ghosts.

That's right the first time I have an infrared red security camera, I capture two orbs at 3am something. This amuses me more than anything else. I am the person who falls asleep to A Haunting. They do look legit but one also came from my cat's stomach.

I don't have much to say today, so I shall bow out until I have words. Now enjoy this video.

Camping at NaNoWriMo Again.

I am attempting Camp NaNoWriMo for the I don't know time. I first did it in 2012, but I haven't done it every year. Maybe this is the fourth. But Camp NaNoWriMo happens a few times a year, so probably have had a few half-arsed attempts over the years. I was trying to do a short story a day thing, which didn't work out again.

My 2015 attempt turned into a novel that has an ending of sorts that was never written out and now I find myself writing a very odd duo point of view superhero nonsense. It's a lot of office Politics but 

I haven't written a ton, probably due to it having no plot. It was meant to be a day in the life, but then I had to give my protagonist a fuck-up background and an Angsty love interest whose literal name is Angst right now. I haven't given most of the characters actual names, just stand-ins until I can figure out what I want their names to actually be. 

For example, a character is currently called E-Mega. It's a superhero thing, but it really doesn't suit him, primarily as he's meant to be this Golden Era character. If his origins were the 80s, then it could work, but him to be this stuffy immortal, that's out of touch with the world and kinda done. Going for that whole immortal thing. A lot of comic book characters are immortal when you actually look into, but no one in comics actually ages, so it rarely comes up. 

 I have a few characters I'm gonna have immortal or at least Legacies anyway. Dealing with the idea of these superhero organisations actually be around for the time for the superhero comic books. But mostly it's teenage adults fucking things up, hence why they could use the pet name Angst for each other. 

I'm enjoying writing this nonsense, but it's still ruined by the fact that it could only be a character study in its current form. Maybe if I keep writing, I'll eventually figure out an actual storyline that could carry something longer than a page. I guess I could go back to Nails Polish or the Stranger, novels where I know how they end, just have to figure out the well.

I've also started making videos again, participating in a month-long readathon. I also didn't get that job, shockingly. Well, now I can get a puppy guilt-free and shit talk the Big Bang Theory in all the ways it deserves. I've never read today, but I watched four films, including The Brady Bunch film which I have been watching clips of off YouTube for the past two weeks for some reason. Also Beyond Brief so it's been very retro today. I'm off to sleep or some other nonsense. 

Weeks of writings.

I wrote something fictional. Does that make up for the dead space on the last two Saturday? I've decided against back tracking my post this year (Okay, I'll allow myself a space from Saturday to Saturday to fill that space). I did finally write a book review so that's something. I even felt the completation to write weird fiction. It's was only something about Death being my BFF and only a paragraph with no plot or real character development ideas.

The Oscars are out and Bradley Cooper is not nominated for Best Director so I'm semi-happy. He's apparently disappointed that just showing up does not get you nominated. A Star is Born is nominated for Best Adapted screenplay which is a joke. The dialogue in that film was terrible but maybe that's the directer's fault. The Oscars are the Oscars. Some times good films, some times the best campaign.

I've not been doing much. I'm in a month long readathon, with my own readathon for the end of this month still unplanned. I've caught up on my reading goal this month. The reading is the only thing I've been doing. I've been trying with the reviews. Not editing. No point filming without editing what I've got. I still want to make videos. I do.

My future is mystery. A thing I wanted to apply for this year, is not going to be in Scotland this year so that's great. Tried to apply for another course and there was an error so I think I might have to do the horrifying thing of calling them. Maybe I should actually just write things.

I spent today watching Disney films as form of a Marathon because teenagers are idiots. I choose Black Cauldron because it's a mess but I love parts of it. We're realised it has a forbidden forest, so now Harry Potter is clearly ripped of this and Trolls 2.

I'm going to just post this mess of a post. See you losters.

2019 Goals

Back again, once again, here we are again.

Okay, let's get into my hopes and dreams. I'm trying to be realistic with goals and I know January is not going to be a good starting month for anything due to family members going to have surgery and will have recovery times. It's going to be stressful, by the time you have read this the surgery will have happened. So let's get into the goals:

1. Read a book a week: This one is straight forward. 
2. Finish 12 series: Okay, I would be happy with five because that's more than last year. I keep buying full series and then I don't read them because go me. I need to actually finish series, though it's hard when authors often randomly bring more books later in the series.
3. Read More of My Own Books: So I read 34 of my own books this year, having read 120, I would like that number to be higher. I think ideally what I read should be from half my books. 
4. Stop with the Insane Book Buying: I feel like I should ban books until I finish editing the book hauls I have lol. It's not about book hauls, it's just I buy a lot and don't read a lot of them. I would like to more read books than unread books.
5. Write a Review a Week: Straight forward, share my thoughts on a book or film. Probably mostly books.
6. Write a Post a Week: Having a self imposed deadline I think would help me, it did in the past, but it's keep slipping away from me so easily. I guess I'm more self-conscious about writing.
7. Write More in General: I guess I want to actually work on a novel. I have ideas and it's still something I would like to do. 
8. Published a Video a Week: Not sure if I should put this as two weeks as that would be more realistic, but I want a better scheduled for myself. I just have to edit things through again. I also know that this will be a fail in the first two weeks of the year due to a session of family surgery, the family who go through surgery together stay together. I'm not having surgery, it's other two other family members this time but obvious stressful and have to do stuff in preparation and it won't be great environment to get anything filmed or edited probably. 
9. Do More Complicated Videos: I think part of the problem is that I'm bored just doing standard BookTube videos and should actually follow through with ideas. I'm sitting on two ideas with two series I still want to do. I just need do stuff.
10. Continue Bullet Journaling: I like the process and tracking how many pages of a book I've read that day and my process of actually doing stuff. 
11. Exercise Most Days: I'm going to try and exercise at least 20 minutes everyday, this is me trying to create new and healthy behaviour. Sometimes I might not time or have a major flare ups meaning I can't do much, so will have to save my energy for just moving around the house. I want to become fitter and honestly lose weight in the hope that make me feel better. It won't solve my issues, part of the reason I've struggled with exercise routines is because of fails up. Another big problem is not finding a exercise that works for me. I can't do jogging because the cold air makes me immediately out of breath (thanks asthma) and I feel awkward doing that. I don't like team supports and strict times don't work for me. I would join a gym if there was one than ten minutes away. I brought exercise bike, I know I need more methods of exercise than that, but it's a good start. 
12. Apply for things: I want to go to college or get in a training programme. I've had two years on the sidelines and it's getting me nowhere so I'm going to actually finish Application forms. The family thing has finally happened so time to do things. I'm still tore but let's me more involved in the universe.

If I actually do the last goal, I wouldn't mind letting other thing slide. Like I said, January is not the best month to start anything, there will be messed ups and that's okay. I think the important of goals is just keep going. I will hopefully see you next week, because life is busy.

2018 Goals in Reflection: What is happiness?

Another year ended, more goals to reflect on.

1. Actually read a book a week. Okay, I read 120 books in total but out of the 53 weeks of that 2018 overlaped I managed to do it for 46 weeks, with missing three weeks in October. I don't see this as failure, because life happens and continued to do after failing.
2. Finish 12 series. Okay, I don't why series goals are so hard, even when I have a list to follow. I finished four and two of those were series started before this year so that's something. 
3. Buy less, read more of my own books. Okay, I definitely failed in the buy less side but I did read 14 books that I brought this year next to the seven last year and I read 34 of my own books next to the 15 of 2017, so it's an improvement but still not great. 
4. Sort of that Netgalley situation. Okay, I still find myself requesting more books than I'm reviewing but we are going to fix this probably this year, especially as I lose access to the good library. What if I move, just so I have access to a decent library. My stat went from 51% to 49% so not great. 
5. Published a Video a Week (actually aiming for two). Okay, this was fail for the most part. I've tried several times to do this but life and energy levels got in the way. 
6. Keep going with the Silent Protagonist and Before & After series. I did this but not to success, I did one Before & After, I filmed more Silent Protagonist than I filmed.
7. Film seconds of my day. No, this stopped happening after January and I never edited any of the clips together. 
8. Write. God damn it write. Ha. Nope. I've started stuff but all I have are failed attempts at NaNoWriMo.
9. Write a Review a Week. I had more success than the other writing but not great or consistent. 
10. Start Writing my blog constantly. Ha. Nope. I've started writing a lot of posts, with not enough time for that week and then never go back to finish them even when it was half decent idea. I would like to forced myself to just finish stuff, no matter how bad I think it is. 
11. Bullet Journal. Okay, so this is fail and successish. I did this half way into February, stopped and took it up again in August and I'm still doing it. Bullet Journaling is very try and error, find the right spreads for me. My First attempt was too much effect and didn't work. So I did it for seven months of this year and have continued into this year. I like tracking things. 
12. Pain. Why? Yeah, I tried but I have no answers still. I am on medication for other older medical issues so that something. Also I should take my medicine. 
13. Be happy. Somehow. Can I just say no and move on? No, okay, well I wasn't necessary unhappy but not the best year of my life or anything. The world still sucks and I don't know what the hell I'm doing. 

So not a great year of goals, but I never plan to actually finish all my goals. I just try to do better than the year before. I'll be back next week for my goals for this. Taking bets now for what is just a repeat of last year, I do have addiction and things won't be back.

Cursed and naming cats after the Devil.

My family is perhaps cursed. Good thing our cats are all meant to be lucky. My dad got a phone call on Thursday evening to say there was a crack in his leg, from falling last week in the garden, and they wanted to give him a CT scan. His knee is broken and now they debate whether he should get surgery to get pins in his legs. If they do so that will bring the number of family members having surgery this year to three. Though, who knows when they're actually have the surgery. We're in the seven month of the year, and we thought it would definitely have happened by now. But probably September because sibling needs to have something checked out and the appointment they gave her was for August. 

Leia has taken to wanting to sit on my head while I'm sleeping. Waking me because it bloody hurts. Leia now almost two years, finds new ways to hurt me every day. The kitten also likes to attack people in their sleep. Also feet and hands. His name started as Shadow and now it's Lucifer, One is loyal dog from a classic live action Disney film, the other is the evil cat from Cinderella. It's also a name of a character that appears in some Disney shorts :). It also means Rising star, how pretty.

With everything going on I have yet to edit a video for this week, I also haven't filmed properly in two weeks. There is stuff to edit including my July Wrap Up and the Vlog for the Strangeathon. I had laid out an hour to edit on Friday, but I was force to leave my house due to the broken knee and someone being stranded in a strange town. Camp NaNoWriMo is fail since I haven't properly wrote anything since the second day of this month. My life is constantly busy, even with nothing going on.

Well, I'm having an Indian takeaway, so hopeful that goes well. It's a good thing I decided not to go to college or something, because life is going to be something in the next three months. God, life.

It's Too God Damn Hot.

I have several things I need to do. I am slowly doing one of them. Finally moving out of my parent's house. Only took eight months to get most of my junk of here. Getting insulation in my house is slowly turning into the worst thing ever. It should be finished. Apparently, the electrics might not be safe. Great. I guess I just won't use that light.

I'm sitting on two thing videos that were Pride related. One properly, the other a book review. The proper one has always been a mess that I need to just edit. I need just to get time.

Then Camp NaNoWriMo is tomorrow which I am doing. I need to do Bullet Journal for it and other stuff. I need to film videos for StrangeAThon which is next week, going from the 9th to 15th July 2018 (we have a twitter).

We have this deadline without a date. I just want this done and for my mother stop freaking out over everything and nothing. My dog is also a little weirdo that won't do the toilet anyway but off lead in my parent's garden. She also follows me everywhere so my parent's scheme to steal her from me won't work.

I meant to go to the beach all week and the cinema. I'm just not getting to do anything I want. I took Leia to a Loch because she constantly over heating and wanting to play ball. She was not keen but she went after the ball when it was thrown in. My mother also thinks dogs can't swim. Here are some photos because I am an artist.

I'm writing while in sitting in a wardrobe so obvious joke about being in the closet on this the last day of Pride. Might put Stella in here. Stella use to live in the closet, then the clothes over took. Now she tied to a bunk bed. Not sure where Stella is going to live in my house. Probably in the corner.

I've got so much stuff to do, and my mother is taking her frustration out on me. I've have a novel tow write, videos to film so I best just go. See you next week.

The Night (Short Story Thing) a.k.a. Nonsense.

So I've been reading a ridiculous amount of SuperBat fanfiction. I just love them so much and hate those god damn Syner films. I will fight you about it. The characters are just so OOC in them that I can't read fanfic where they use it as starting point. I just like my boys to be BFF/or Lovers. Happy Pride month. The whole Justice League is Bi in my head.

The Night

Things had been going bad for a while. Their wins were just scraping  by and more of the League was stepping away. She didn't want to admit it but they were back to the standard core. The Government had managed to scare away the less established supers.

For the core, it was too late to stand down. They had been doing this stuff for 10 years, she wouldn't know how to quit. Even pregnancy, the guilt of putting her baby in danger hadn't made her stay dominant for the first months she had known. She had only stopped when she starting showing with the helpful headline of "Is Atomic Girl getting fat?"

The older she got the more she hated that press name. When she had been 15 and The Atomic, girl was of course added because she didn't hide that she presented female. She wondered how old she would she have to be till people updated her to woman or at maybe back to The Atomic. It's didn't help that her teammates had ironically started calling her it so it had stuck.

Right now she did feel very like a girl, like a child, which was pretty bad considering she had a three year. A three old that didn't call her mum, less the government freak out about super children. They had no control of they destinies. 14 and a street kid, the government had no threats for her. But now she had a family, a family that was slowly going missing.

Members were quitting the League, but they were members who stopped coming in and answering to messages. Her gut told her they was something up. She knew that the Organisation had more secret identity than the league did, back when the Organisation had been ally, instead of a poaching threat. They hadn't said it, but they wanted the league to stop. Three years and one Leaguer turns villian, then the rest of the team couldn't be trust. He had only been there a few months. He was still a rookie. They had said they hadn't held it against them, but she knew they had.

They were hosit and only called them for big things like Aliens or armies of robots. The league just wasn't as attractive, they weren't the pretty porgan they had been as teenagers. They had been Best Friends, the Core, now she keep secrets from them all. She hadn't even told him that her powers were in flux. She lost them and then they came back screaming. She had terrible feeling that it would mean her end. Something had to be causing it. She just didn't have the time to find out what.

The Organisation was on to her. She knew they had finally figured her out. She made sure to be quiet, nothing flashy, just a boring office job, that had turn government and then she was working for them. How could she have said no to that offer? It would have strange to do in this economy. Had they known then, or had they clued up?

She disappeared a lot, but she was meant to be working from home and she did get her work in. How could they know? She had thought she had been so careful, but then 14 year old make mistakes, had they tracked her through her path before she knew that she had something to fear.

She was Fucked. She knew that. Crime went on and the Organisation did not want them solving it any more. They were up to something.

She heard loud crash, the sound of a building falling. She sighed and turned to the window. Robots again? She went for her uniform, knowing her powers interfered with electronics brilliantly but the truth was she knew she couldn't stay out of the fight. That what the Organisation had over her. She couldn't stop.

She would wish that wasn't true, when she realise the trap that she and the Core had just walked into. It was the end of the league. It was the end of them. The headlines would vary from crude to tragic. Conspiracy theories would be the only explanation anyone had. No one thinking about what the world had just lost.

***

Yeah, that's just nonsense. Literally all telling, never even established where the character was. Probably should be in first person. From a project that probably never get off the ground. Mainly because I think it should be a comic that I draw. 7 years later and that's not happened passed costume design. I'm doing Camp NaNoWriMo next month, guess which genre I'm writing. It's quite shocking for me.

Isolation.

I haven’t finished a novel yet. I want to have that one draft done and dusted. My ability to finished stories has went away it seems. I thought, hoped that meant that they were novel ideas and couldn’t work as short stories. But nothing comes, no matter how much time I give it.

I still want to be a writer. I want to tell the stories stuck inside me. I have just got anxiety and that’s why they don’t come. The main novel thing I’m currently writing is a throw away. Dance Hall in it’s current state is not good enough to expect people to pay for it. I know that. The plot and the structure is all over the place. It’s urban fantasy with real weird world building, that I’ve been mostly thinking about for at least ten years and some I just made up on the fly.

Dance Hall is weird because it has like three version of it that lives in Limbo. I mean Dance Hall is such a random name for it. It only works because of what that short story was called and where that came from. Maybe because I’m writing in such isolation. All the advice is to join writing groups or foams and I haven’t got one.

I saw a trend coming, a trend that I had the loudest voice on it still. But I’ve did nothing about it. I’ve tried, very half heartily to write something. I’m trying to write something that captures that perfect isolation. I just can’t get it out of me anymore.

I can write so many weird stuff own voices. I have so much family drama. So much that creating family drama by fictionalising a family drama really wouldn’t add much to what already there and having to live through gives me the right to write about it. My family is so fucked up that one of us should write a memoir. Do you think Soaps are fake? Well, wait till I tell you my immediate family’s tale, full of irony and stupidity.

The not writing thing is kinda stupid. I used to write all the time and then I didn’t. That’s probably why it got harder. There were bouts of bad mental health (I have had so much stress). I’m always ill right now. I never seem not to be sick. I know I probably have a chronic illness, but why do I need to have a chronic illness on top of everything.

If I was a fictional character, the editor would stay dale it back. I wish I could be healthy. I wish I could get my shit together. I wish I knew exactly what I wanted to do. I wish I could live independently. 

Life isn't going well. Most of the time it isn't for me. I can't live in self-doubt. Random doubt basically. Going to keep writing and doing other stuff.

Sick again. (Or is that my natural state).

I am sick again. I always seem to be sick. Well, it might have been a month ago. Something always feels like its up with me. I guess because something always is.

It's just a head cold, sore throat and stuffy head so could be worst. I just have stuff I should have done by now. Me as always.

I should go to the doctor again. Probably I keep thinking my hormones have been out of wack. Just not sure but I think I should. Probably should to keep bugging them till I find out with what wrong with me.

I have been writing and busy. Not done much reading but I am going into another readathon on Monday so break not nesscasy a bad thing. Just wanted to have things done.

I also have your reviews in the works that I should finish. None British which why semi on the backburner but will be done soonish.

The writing is not in a stage of sharing but might be someday. It's novel idea that working on and still figuring out the contest entry. Just figuring stuff out. Thinking I've went too complex for short story.

P.S. probably spelling mistakes as I wrote this on my phone which has lacking speller checker.

The Attic (or something)

Its in the attic again. I can hear it breathing. The gentle tap against the trap door leading down here. I don't want to deal with it again, but it I know if I leave it the tap will become a bang and the breathing will become screaming.

I thought I had finally got rid of it last time. It hadn't been back for months. The first it left for a week. The next for a day, but it was quiet again. It's like I'm turning a computer on and off that has more going on than a processing error. Like the fan is broken and it's only a matter of time until it burns down my house while I'm a sleep.

If only I can could just get rid of it for good. I could move, but I don't have the money. This place is so cheap because of it frequent visitor. If I was completely deaf I wouldn't know it was there. Until it came down. I think its came down before. It was the mysterious murders that made this place cheap. Fuck I have to move. Maybe if I value my life more I would. I'll be gone soon anyway. Only few more months. I wonder if it knows.

"So you're back," I say to the attic door. Hole? Panel? I'm not sure what it proper name is. It just continues it gentle tapping, rhythmic as a clock and just as annoying in silence. "I wish you could tell what you want, instead of playing this game." Was this a game? It felt like a board game that you forget about until the power goes off for some unexplained reason. Maybe the weather set it off too? Maybe sunshine.

It didn't respond. Just the same breath. I went to go get sage. I had been saging the house everyday, mainly cause I liked the smell. Me doing it never worked. That physic had some luck, but she had ran out screaming last time. Maybe she left with her. I would check up on her, but my phone fried and couldn't remember her last name.

I decided to leave the sage and go back to what I had been doing.

"Well, I'm going out." I had been getting ready to leave when it started again and talking to it was having no effect. Maybe I was lonely. No, I was definitely lonely. Well, I guess at work I would the sweet joy of customers screaming at me for no reason. I grabbed my bag left into the rest of the mansion.
 
My flat was part of a converted mansion that been snab nashed into flats. If a good job had been done (and without the mysterious thing in the attic) the place would high end, but instead it was confusing mess with random rooms blocked off each other and cheap doors wooden doors from the 80s joining others. I had never been in the attic to see if I was the only one access. But my neighbours don't seem to notice the breathing and the taping. Only the banging and screams so I doubt it. I guess that was the bonus of that unit.

All the units opened onto the grand hall with its double stairs and they had the senses not to separate. It made the places almost grand if you ignore the awkward outside doors on half the units, the others having the study originals that would probably do a better job if stopping someone breaking it.

***

I give up. Don't know where is going and it is dangerous close to midnight. I've sort of been writing. There's Queer writing contest and I'm going to go for it. I have no plot, just weird thoughts. Been doing the contemporaryathon so I'm off to read.

The Snow stopped me writing.

There is too much snow. It has interrupted my plans and I have barely left the house. Though, I never leave the house. Leia likes the snow and old now so it just a inconvenient as I try to read books.  Here's the the creative writing I managed based on the snow.
 

Big white lumps filter down, in a wavy motion. The snow had been falling constantly for a hour and I was starting to get worried. They had gone out for logs an hour ago. The log shed being twenty minute walk had always seem stupid. 

 That stops me there. I wasn't going anyway with it. I want to write more and I'm just going to keep trying. I'll finish something, some time. There's also that novel I started on here as well. Maybe I have a look at that last chapter I was working on.

For now, I'm taking part in a readathon, the Winter Biannual Bibliothon. A name of a readathon I can't say and there are video challenges so I fail to say it a lot. I'm vlogging it, while super aware of that Bout of Books vlog sitting in a editing project without a end and sitting at 1 hour and 30 mintues. Yeah, I need to fix that. I don't care if anyone watches it, I'm still uploading it.

In a exactly a month, I won't be a YouTube Partner anyway. It pretty clear that our ten years together mean nothing to YouTube, how shocking to learn that a company doesn't care about one consist user. Though, YouTube is going to demonistised most of the YouTubers I actually watch so won't be making any money off of me.

It was never about the money, but YouTube are always such dicks about introducing new polices and the hours watched thing is such a dick move. I wish someone had the smarts to start another YouTube and succeed. That's the thing, YouTube can do whatever it wants because everyone whose challenge d them failed. If enough big YouTubers walked then maybe something could be started but also probably not.

It does make me wonder what YouTube would have to do. The subscriptions boxes have been fucked for years and still here we all are.

I'm just gonna make videos and we see if I can somehow hit a thousand subscribers before then. Remember to subscribe, like and maybe I should stop using google products.