Hannibal season 1, but both Will and I have a fever.

 Time is a concept that I refuse to believe in, but of course, like ghosts in every supernatural horror, time does not care about my personal experience with it and it will pass at whatever random speed. I am ill. I don't know how it happens as I've been isolating. I have theories but I feel crap so what's the point of getting into the theories.

Season 1 of Hannibal really hits different when you have a fever and watching it as you go in and out of consciousness. Makes Will all the more relatable and I too, now feel like someone has forced fed me an ear, but that's just what's ever going with my throat still. I'm been ill for a few days, kept having dreams I was better, then waking up very much not. 

I had a dream that Hannibal was serving soup, and my mouth was brunt from it. Then was a debate that whether Lector had done on purpose but it wasn't his m.o. I woke up with my tongue burning, so that was fun. I told my mum that at 6 something and she called the doctor in the morning while I was sleep so I got myself some very nice antibiotics without seeing or even talking to a doctor. I could barely talk at that point and nevermind mixing in Selective Mutism.  Okay, so my mum got me them but I was the one that picked them up. 

I also had a fever, my throat was so sore before I started antibiotics that I couldn't swore and was barely able to talk. Anytime I squeezed I wanted to punch god, it hurt so badly. I keep having to fight my gag reflex, as I was sure vomiting would have been nightmare. I never had cough until yesterday where it started to get better. It feels like there is fuzz in my throat. Still feels like there's something in my throat. 

Other symptoms include not being able to eat spricy chicken because I could feel the spice in my ears. I didn't want the chicken really anyway. It was just going out of date and felt like I had to eat as no one else was gonna eat it. 

Though with everything going on, I can't be sure when I got sick because I carry stress in my throat, so I blamed the sore throat on that. I wonder if that's why I got it worse than everyone else seems to have it so far. Everyone seems to have got it now. 

One of our cats died last weekend. She was only two. It's all very suspensions. She's my sibling who needs cat and who is definitely going to into hospital before the year is out most likely. Christmas is literal days aways and it's never felt further. Not sure what we have in terms of food at all. Some frozen stuff I guess.

Lockdown and Covid mutating is just the of course of the year. My siblings are taking turns being hospital so that's great. There won't be any Christmas lights up this year because no one can be boather. Only my tradition of keeping Halloween decoarations up over the Christmas period reminds.

Pending Snow

I have been ill now for a week. It's a pain in the butt. I feel bad basically, and like I can't breathe right.

I never went to the cinema on Friday due to my energy levels being crap and having been behind on things I wanted to do, including writing this post. I regret it now because it's meant to snow until Thursday which the day films re-set. I don't miss out on more films. I was meant to be going somewhere on Monday, nothing fun but still annoying for it to have to be postponed.

Not sure if I go or not, depends on how heavy it is. The roads tend to be impassable when does snow, so unless it's very light then I won't be going.

There's not much going on right now and been too ill to write much. There's some big storm coming, the house is making noises. The wind is that strong, it's doing it to the doors. I want to write and want to design new graphics for a project. But who knows when I'll get around to that.

Cursed and naming cats after the Devil.

My family is perhaps cursed. Good thing our cats are all meant to be lucky. My dad got a phone call on Thursday evening to say there was a crack in his leg, from falling last week in the garden, and they wanted to give him a CT scan. His knee is broken and now they debate whether he should get surgery to get pins in his legs. If they do so that will bring the number of family members having surgery this year to three. Though, who knows when they're actually have the surgery. We're in the seven month of the year, and we thought it would definitely have happened by now. But probably September because sibling needs to have something checked out and the appointment they gave her was for August. 

Leia has taken to wanting to sit on my head while I'm sleeping. Waking me because it bloody hurts. Leia now almost two years, finds new ways to hurt me every day. The kitten also likes to attack people in their sleep. Also feet and hands. His name started as Shadow and now it's Lucifer, One is loyal dog from a classic live action Disney film, the other is the evil cat from Cinderella. It's also a name of a character that appears in some Disney shorts :). It also means Rising star, how pretty.

With everything going on I have yet to edit a video for this week, I also haven't filmed properly in two weeks. There is stuff to edit including my July Wrap Up and the Vlog for the Strangeathon. I had laid out an hour to edit on Friday, but I was force to leave my house due to the broken knee and someone being stranded in a strange town. Camp NaNoWriMo is fail since I haven't properly wrote anything since the second day of this month. My life is constantly busy, even with nothing going on.

Well, I'm having an Indian takeaway, so hopeful that goes well. It's a good thing I decided not to go to college or something, because life is going to be something in the next three months. God, life.

Book Review: Clean by Juno Dawson

"Gossip Girl, Interrupted" is a phases used in the book.

A razor-sharp, adrenaline rush of a novel from award-winning author Juno Dawson, Clean is Gossip Girl meets Girl, Interrupted.

'I can feel it swimming through my veins like glitter ... it's liquid gold.'

When socialite Lexi Volkov almost overdoses, she thinks she's hit rock bottom.

She's wrong. Rock bottom is when she's forced into an exclusive rehab facility.

From there, the only way is up for Lexi and her fellow inmates, including the mysterious Brady.

As she faces her demons, Lexi realises love is the most powerful drug of all ...

It's a dirty business getting clean ...

I've had some hits and misses with Juno Dawson. I usually like what she trying to do: her plots sound interesting and she tries to diversify the stories she tells, though that had lead to specific problem for me in the past, forms of Ableism and weird Queer Burying. Going into this story I have read very good short stories by her but her longer works have just not worked at all for me. I know she capable and she is trying so I've let some of her problematic stuff side because I know it not malice and I am a critical little shit. Basically, everyone is problematic, its the trying that counts and pointing out the bad is something you should do for growth reasons. If you're interested in my specific thoughts then I've have reviewed everything by Dawson that I have read.

Clean is about addiction, and the word clean is said several times in the novel. It actually probably the normal amount but it more noticeable because title. I think it done well from my experience watching others self-destruction but I've never been addicted to a substance. The process of Rehab is talked about a lot and I'm glad it not portrayed as a quick fix.

The setting is a high class recovery centre for under 24s. There's people there with different addictions and vice. Lot of mental health rep so all the characters we're introduce to, have issues.There's also some survivor guilt action which was my favourite.

The protagonist and narrator Lexi is unlikable at first, but addicts in denial are kinda unlikable so
realistic. Books takes addiction from the bored kid with money angle which is fine but everyone is capable of becoming addicted and anyone can be effected by mental illness as neither care about money. It just what this novel does, which includes the party attitude towards certain drugs, that reaches most class levels anyway. I did think it was interesting to address whether its problem if have money and no one seems to notice.

Toxic relationships play a part in this novel. I think it done well for the most part, especially as partners and friend groups have been proven as to why many struggle to stay clean. I don't love the rebound relationship stuff but I can also see why its in the book. I just carry a lot of baggage from Disney's Frozen.

Pointing out fun things: Dawson likes to do A, B, C, D and E. All of the Above. That would make a cool title.

Overall, I give this book 4/5 stars for Bastard Demons or Puppet Demons if that offends you. It still Dawson's voice, but this one worked better for me. I would read her again, but probably sticking don't buy anymore of her book though because I own most of them and most books on my bookcase are still not read. I didn't feel that attached to the characters and for me it was surface level and this probably light read for me because my heart is blacken. It deals with a complex issue well enough. Don't take Heroine, it always a problem.

I got this book for review off NetGalley and is being published on Quercus Children's Books on 5th April 2018.

Sick again. (Or is that my natural state).

I am sick again. I always seem to be sick. Well, it might have been a month ago. Something always feels like its up with me. I guess because something always is.

It's just a head cold, sore throat and stuffy head so could be worst. I just have stuff I should have done by now. Me as always.

I should go to the doctor again. Probably I keep thinking my hormones have been out of wack. Just not sure but I think I should. Probably should to keep bugging them till I find out with what wrong with me.

I have been writing and busy. Not done much reading but I am going into another readathon on Monday so break not nesscasy a bad thing. Just wanted to have things done.

I also have your reviews in the works that I should finish. None British which why semi on the backburner but will be done soonish.

The writing is not in a stage of sharing but might be someday. It's novel idea that working on and still figuring out the contest entry. Just figuring stuff out. Thinking I've went too complex for short story.

P.S. probably spelling mistakes as I wrote this on my phone which has lacking speller checker.

Too tired to be creative.

I've been trying to write something creative for this post but its not been going well. I think it cause I haven't left myself much time for it this week. I've been keeping to my goals pretty well. I'll definitely have a review and video up three xin a row. I have read a book a week and I have currently read three books and I am on to my forth as write this. If you reading this obviously I have made it to week 2 of posting every Saturday something.

I want it to be more creative, but obviously I'm rushing it by doing it on a Friday night, very aware that I'm in a read-a-thon that I missed out two days of due to tiredness alone.

My mother drag me to the doctor, due to the tiredness and pain I've been feeling for the...let's see, the last ten years. I hate going to the GP. He really grabbed onto the insomnia and prescribed me Melatonin. A substance I've already tried thanks to the miracle of the American Drug store. It's a natural thing the body already produces, but I guess that's not enough for me.

It could just be the Autism and being unable to switch off but I feel tired and pain when I have slept. He says I should be more active but that's not worked well in the past and also my dog is a little a weirdo who doesn't like to go walkies.

Though, I tried her again on Thursday and she was mostly okay when I go her up the path but she also ran away that same day and she still ignores me when I'm shouting her name. Unless she thinks I'm able to grab her. She jump her back, when I came come to grabbing her harsness. But hey at least she was making friends with random dogs.

He said to come back if doesn't help. How long do I wait? Because sleep doesn't mean much. Some times the pain keeps me awake. I know there's nothing they likely to be able to do if I have what I think I have but what if it isn't that. Probably too late. He asked if I wanted to be on Pills for the rest of my life. Not really. I know pills any fun, but my pain is getting worse so I'm worried.

I knew this process wasn't going to be fun. It was just going to be difficult and awkward as the autism stuff which why I haven't pushed it as much. But it effects my life. Sometimes I'm too tired to move after a 12 hours of sleep. That means something is wrong. I don't want pills. I want answers. Sure, I would like solutions, but I know that probably never going to happen.

 I don't know what this post is really. I'm going to bed or to read. Though, probably not since y sister is coming down today.

Overwhelmed Procrastinating

I have been editing lots of footages, but writing not so much. I'm watching Doctor Who two epsideos at a time. I'm currently on the first one and I watch the next the one live. A hour later or something.

Dear blog, I have something terrible to confess. I have nothing to write. I have random sentences, words to write. I am several lies that I have been telling since I was young and I'm trapped to tell until I die. However, I don't want to add anything and I have to write something for uni so I should focus on that.

I also want to read three books this weekend, which is basically only a Sunday now which is sad. They need to go back to the library and my life is so buzy. I am constantly fighting being overwhelmed with stuff I should be doing but also other people ain't doing it, so less concerning. Except, I want to be the best and I want to do everything to be the best. Finding the time to do nothing, but not reading. Why can't I procrastinating be slightly productive?

I have watched films. I have applied for one job and been immediately rejected. I somehow ended up being director for project without fight. I was expecting a fight about it? I'm filming it and not editing it, that's should be great as I hate editing (though satisfying and the rest is pointless without it). I'm starting to get tired again and had to pull myself out of bed. I need to be better. Though, no distractings next Monday, dinner out of Tuesday.

I still have this blasted cough, which brings me back to getting my lungs check out because of the whole childhood of asthma and lung infections. I've had it for over three weeks so according

I'm going to watch British Bake Off finally. Also knitting. I like knitting. Fareoff.