A List Of Not

My goal of applying for things is not going well. I just cannot bring myself to do it. As I'm writing this, I should be finishing an applicant for a potentially cool job.

Things I did instead of filling out this application:

• Went to the cinema and saw four films in a row (one was in 3D)
• Watch videos about the Drama that is Vegan YouTube (take victims for the love of God)
• Cuddle my dog like a baby
• Joined a readathon and start trying to come with a TBR for it.
• Have mini-panic attacks about wasting time instead of just answering these questions.
• Argue with my dog about her crying at me.
• Check my DNA update on Ansery.com (not sponsored). 
• Annoying my dog by waking her up
• Wrote several nonsensical tweets about this process.
• My dog demanded love by attack kissing me.
• Reminiscing about past Productions, I was involved with.
• Shutting down American Headcanons of Harry Potter. 
• Wrote this list.

I ended up summiting the application but have no faith that it will go well. But that's life. Who knows maybe they're be real impressed by rambling for six paragraphs for one question. I suck. If I hadn't procrastinated, but I also have been trying to read six library books in one day.

I get too anxious about these things. I haven't been pushing myself as much. I mean have been failing to write on this blog or review books either. I have done some smaller reviews but not to a standard at all. More just random thoughts about books that will never get proper reviews.

I haven't filmed anything, editing has been touched and then abandoned. I still want to do all these things. Part of it being a carer but mainly I think I've been letting the day get away from me. I lack structure. Maybe a schedule would help, but I'm not sure if a self-made one would work.

Not sponsored but I brought Grammarly Premimun. I wonder how it can possibly worth £20 a month. We're be seeing if it is.
I'm certainly going to cancel it after this month. I was just feeling slightly panicked, and I should go back into writing, so maybe it will be usefully.

Going to see Pink tomorrow which is bound to be a thing, since we did not manage to get Disabled tickets.

I'm only writing in my head.

It is once again Saturday, How? I feel like I have done nothing this week, I wrote very little and I haven't took proper account so once again I have failed Camp NaNoWriMo and myself. I always have such great plans but the more I push myself to do I fail. I've hardly been reading as well, for me, it would appear that I finished reading two books but one of those was audiobook.

I have been trying audiobooks again in attempt to get more stuff done and exercise. That hasn't been that successfully. On the first attempt at walking and that, I scraped the skin off the back of both my ankle and I haven't walked again. Yes, I'm just refusing to leave my bed. Of course, I have walked around the house and left for the supermaket. The skin has started to grow back so I should try walking in just a form of exercise soon, next week or month.

I'm generally a fail at 21. Let's all remember that when I'll probably say it about being 22, unless I get really productive or discovered. The chances are slim on both.

I'm annoyed by the fact I let writing slip, I'm annoyed I've done so little, I'm annoyed that I suck at driving and I think I might be getting worse. I am terrible.

I'm filled with stories that I want to get out. I am filled with ambitions that I wanted to get out and as of last week I have failed to have my posts up on time for the first time this year and this will be the second. Words do come to me in time. Probably because I don't force them on to the paper/scene even when they are terrible.

I'm going to go now and pretend to tidy my room, or knit a complicated mess whilst attempting to read at the same time. See you next week, hopefully on time.