A List Of Not

My goal of applying for things is not going well. I just cannot bring myself to do it. As I'm writing this, I should be finishing an applicant for a potentially cool job.

Things I did instead of filling out this application:

• Went to the cinema and saw four films in a row (one was in 3D)
• Watch videos about the Drama that is Vegan YouTube (take victims for the love of God)
• Cuddle my dog like a baby
• Joined a readathon and start trying to come with a TBR for it.
• Have mini-panic attacks about wasting time instead of just answering these questions.
• Argue with my dog about her crying at me.
• Check my DNA update on Ansery.com (not sponsored). 
• Annoying my dog by waking her up
• Wrote several nonsensical tweets about this process.
• My dog demanded love by attack kissing me.
• Reminiscing about past Productions, I was involved with.
• Shutting down American Headcanons of Harry Potter. 
• Wrote this list.

I ended up summiting the application but have no faith that it will go well. But that's life. Who knows maybe they're be real impressed by rambling for six paragraphs for one question. I suck. If I hadn't procrastinated, but I also have been trying to read six library books in one day.

I get too anxious about these things. I haven't been pushing myself as much. I mean have been failing to write on this blog or review books either. I have done some smaller reviews but not to a standard at all. More just random thoughts about books that will never get proper reviews.

I haven't filmed anything, editing has been touched and then abandoned. I still want to do all these things. Part of it being a carer but mainly I think I've been letting the day get away from me. I lack structure. Maybe a schedule would help, but I'm not sure if a self-made one would work.

Not sponsored but I brought Grammarly Premimun. I wonder how it can possibly worth £20 a month. We're be seeing if it is.
I'm certainly going to cancel it after this month. I was just feeling slightly panicked, and I should go back into writing, so maybe it will be usefully.

Going to see Pink tomorrow which is bound to be a thing, since we did not manage to get Disabled tickets.

Rocking in the Disabled Zone

I am going to see Fall Out Boy tonight. Awesome, no? Basically, this is a pre-wrote post because I'm probably in a car right now and realistically won't get to write this post on Saturday.

We're going to be in the seating, went through the disabled tickets. I'm not actually sure if there is actually a zone, but I would imagine there is because they have to have seats reserved for disabled people and can't actually sell them. My mum called up for concert that was meant to be sold out and got tickets because of this.

I kinda wished I could gone standing but then I would be by myself and I would have try to get right at the front anyway. We will actually be right at the front in the seating. Not sure that is good seating and not. Hopefully it will be because I imagine it probably be all the same seating and we going to see McBusted next month (Yeah, I am that cool). I'm meant to be going to the Hydro three times this year and it all for things that kinda broke up. Fall Out Boy obviously had their hiatus. Busted lost a band member (who is a proper example of a sold out). I'm also going to see the Still Game show, for those who don't know Still Game was a very popular show in Scotland and the people who made it fell out with each other. They agreed to live show to happen.

So I'm seeing all break-ups this year. I wanted to also go see Kids in Glass Houses as they are breaking up and doing one last tour but can't because it right before I leave for Florida.

Update on the saga of the non-existent placement. I was ill on Monday so couldn't make it to college, went in on Monday to a missing class. I was majorly fuck off by this point so I went outside to call my mum to rant (there is no reception in the actual college for some reason). I told her I was tempted to just walk it but she called them to find out where there were (I'm selective mute and hate interacting with people, especially when I'm annoyed). We told that we not to bug the reception about our classroom locations.

There were in the fucking library. They have no reason to be in the Library, they can't even get login on to the library computers. The course-runner actually like I should have been psychically able to tell or that it was a obvious place to find them. The CR was rude on the phone to my mum.

So I finally came face-to-face with the CR who lead preceded to lie to me like I was idiot. She tried to save the reason I didn't have a placement yet was because of my attendance. I've been off three times, all explained and were all together. I'm also not the only person who didn't have a placement. I told her that just wanted to quit now anyway because the course had mostly been a waste of time, her specific class being the main factor. It’s meant to be employability skills but she hasn't actually taught anything in weeks. She try say other people had benefit from it, using the idiot of the group. I know that mean thing to say, but she asks the most irrelevant questions and doesn't strand assignments even when they've been clearly explained.

She said if I stayed on the course I would she would get me a placement which she did, but not in hotel like I wanted. In a cafe that must be where everyone gets their work placement in the nearest town. I'm almost told to fuck herself then. I didn't because apparently social norms and that.

I'm technically still on the course but I'm refusing to do nothing. I'm not taking part in the Presentation or the charity event which the idiot is now running. My main problem with it is the quiz is that it's asking you to guess the name, the breed, and age of a rescue dog. There is probably no way to know his exact age or breed. The main reason I'm not taking part is that I might still quit so they should just prepare to do it without me. Also with the presentation thing, if I'm not allowed to say it been terrible then I'm not saying anything all.

I'm meant to be respectfully to them when they've nothing close to like that with me, just doesn't fly in my head especially as soon as this is over I'm having nothing to do with any of them and will be telling everyone I know not to go near them.

That all for this week, I'm off to see Fall Out Boy and sit through a meal that promises to be at least awkward. I'll probably tell you about it next week and hopefully have pictures- of the concert I mean.

2013 Summed Up (and the start of 2014)

Happy New Year, we 4 days into this year and I bet it gonna suck and be awesome because that's life bitches. We brought the 2014 with food and blue liquids. Okay, I was only one drinking blue WKD, everyone was champion and that. My sib actually sat and drank a full bottle of Captain Jack Strawberry & Cream by herself almost. You're meant to drink it as shorts. It tastes like strawberry milk with alcohol in it. My sib thought it tasted like favoured medicine. So we both agree its a taste of childhood with booze in it. So perfect to drink a year away.

I also exchanged gifts with my sister one Hogmanay as it was the first time we had seen in each other in the Christmas sort of time. I gave her and her husband scales and board with words on it for their kitchen. I suggest he use it to weigh his head to see how small his brain is. She got me jewellery, M&Ms and £25 gift card for Waterstones which will be fun to spend on Monday.

So far I've spent most this actual year sleeping, eating junk and reading the first book of the year.

Because this is the first post of the year it probably best that I reflect over the goals I set myself  last year which were:

1. To read a book a week (one or two misses will be forgotten).
2. To up 2012 book total so read 100 books
3. I want to finish writing The Stranger a.k.a my June Camp NaNoWriMo novel a.k.a the novel I've been working on since I was 15.
4. To continue with this weekly blog.
5. I think maybe focusing more on Creative Writing.
6. On the other subject of writing, I want to start keeping a diary every day.
7. To read more classics/great works of Literature for reasons. 
8. To pass my driving tests. Need to do my theory and practical. 

1.  This was a fail, I kinda stopped reading for a while. No particular reason. Just did. I just stop doing anything for a few months. That life for you.
2. I managed to read 103 books this year. Ew, I know odd number but I did try to read another book before the end of the year. It just didn't happen. So I read little more than my target. I also read a lot of comic books and if i had included them then I would have well past my goal.
3. I wrote a tiny bit of Stranger this year. Just trying to make the middle fit with the end is hard. Like I have the solution worked out and have for years but having the characters figure out is hard when they so focused on their parent issues. This is why Orphans are much easier to work with. I know I could just throw the parents out the window like so many YA writers before me but that just wouldn't work for the story. Moving on.
4. Well, I am writing this post ain't I?
5. Er...no. Not a lot of creative writing happen. Maybe more than 2012 though, I supose not since I wrote out most Stranger during 2012.
6. The diary kinda fell apart during the time I did nothing for months.
7. This started out great but then once again fell apart during the months of nothing. Damn those months of nothing.
8. LOL. I actually stop being on the insurance and gave up my lessons in a fit of frustration some point in the beginning of the year. I had been basically thinking of getting a new instructor for months before that. I was just not learning anything and there was no improvement at all. I'm going back on the insurance and hoping to get some sort of funding because I'm Carer and sometimes my parents are too ill to drive.

Overall, 2013 year was petty dull year. There were no new developments. Some drama was added to other things. I didn't apply to Uni due to Panic/laziness. I earned petty pointless qualifications. Music was alright. TV was alright. It was just alright year which is petty disappointing considering how cool a number 2013 is. I left my Teenhood behind which was kinda sad.Twenty just feels so old and I could go into Quarter life crisis any day now.

I'm going to do this year's goal next week as this a lot text already, for now I'm off to attempt to tidy my bedroom.

Panto Panic

I've had strangely busy week considering I had plans to do nothing. Well, except Panto rehearsal. On Monday I found myself driving up (I didn't actually do the driving) to Ayr to dump my sister on my other sister so they could go galavanting to the Hard Rock Cafe in Glasgow. We got decent Fish & Chips, went to Primark and ASDA. Just a few things I miss out whilst living in the Borders.

So I was sister free for like two days. On Tuesday, I actually did nothing, but it felt like I did something. It just not true. On Wedesday, it was my little brothers Birthday so that sort of family chaos. I also had a lunch thing with the Carer people. Apparently, they getting someone to just work with the Young Adult Carers. Right now we get lumped in with the adults but we like different.

On Thursday, I went into college for the last time this year to finish something and see about applying to this course. It turned out that my Personal Statement was already fine and I only actually need to say why I was applying. University Personal Statements on the other hand are nightmares and I look forward to writing one this summer as while filming that portfolio *brusts into tears*.  So I have now applied to college for next year and now I have "Advise Session" in February. Oh, what fun that sounds like *Rebrusts into tears*.

Everything else had been Panto related. Been in every night for rehearsal this week and tonight was the opening. So we had the first show, there some last minutes changes and issues. I messed up dances that I've never messed up before. We're doing Jack and Beanstalk this year. Its been an interesting experience so far. I will probably do it next year. Definitely doing the musical this spring which will be a fun and interesting experience as well.

I'm going to go now as I have to get up early to a show in the afternoon. See next week where I will be exhausted from 9 shows.

Leaving the Library A.K.A only be surround by books at night and weekends.

Proof that I do occasionally consumed alcohol.

I'm in Glasgow (sort of) right now being focus to be in the presence of non-home bound family member. Doing stupid things like going to TGIFriday to drink cocktails. Well, we actually went yesterday and droved up then too.

I had my last week of work experience at a University library. I finish reading the 'Life of Pi' for review and wrote two reviews in the end (though I had read that book before). I also replaced stickers on the books. So much fun...I'm going to miss the shelving. I actually am. It was tiny bit of challenge but I really like organising book to a system. It doesn't matter if it it my making or someone else's. As long as it not just big Alphabet line because honest you always give up by the time you get to F when you're just browsing for say Horror.  So tempted to offer to organise my local library shelves. They just so terrible and they get doubles of books no one likes.

As user of local library, hell I even actually give them money because I keep forgetting to renew my books on the right day, I have every right to moan about the stupid mistakes. However, I plan to do nothing about fixing/avoiding in the future about these annoyances. It just how I roll. 

Today I actually left the home of one sister (I frankly wanted to stay in hotel), visit another and spent too much money. My nephews are somewhat cute. The youngest one has a thing for going through bags and stealing books from said bag. I sort of don't mind because an obsession with books is just something I can get behind. Even if reading them isn't currently involved with that obsession. Someday it probably will be. Till then stealing books is the right path. I mean the Book Thief and I know that's what I did. However, I was lead a stray.

We went shopping today where I spent too much money. Brought a onesies, wristbands featuring Batman and my favourite aliens and also in my highest form immaturity brought several Monster High dolls when we went Toys R Us.  I was probably too happy when my mum told me we were going. We also went to Asda where I definitely spent too much money on books and children in need merch.

We also tried out the wheelchair in a public for the first time, it was a lot easier on lament floor than on carpet in the hallway. I was one doing the pushing. I did almost crash into people as it was awkward to see beyond the chair when turning corners. My mum made a joke that I need the chair now from pushing her around day.It wasn't that bad on my arms, though the top of my feet hurt hitting both on them on the bar things on them. I wonder if I'll get bruises.

To finish we had proper Fish & Chips on the way home. That all for this week, now I'm going to bed to pounder what I'm going to do with Dark Knight trilogy Blu-ray considering I don't own a player.

Annoyed Carer

I'm finally getting Carer's Allowance on Monday, frankly it took them long enough. Well, anyway I got a letter off them today about backtracking (or arrears). Guess what? Apparently, they don't own me anything since I've getting Jobseeker's allowance. Okay, I have two issues with this. One, Carer's Allowance is actually more than Jobseeker's, so they still own me 17.50 (Yes, I worked that out). Two, and probably most importantly, I have not been getting Jobseekers. In fact I've spent 6 weeks without any money till last week where I got Income Support. Also apparently if they did own me any money (which fucking obviously do) then it wouldn't be from when I got my last Job Seeker's payment as that was a Tuesday. So I miss a week because I wasn't born on a Monday. I know when to pick my battles so we leave that idiocy so I plan a tattle the own trying to get of paying me 6 weeks of money.  Can't even call the idiots till Monday so I have two days of rage.

I know some people would say that I've done nothing to earn that money, but they're idiots too. I'm meant to get Carer's Allowance because I'm a carer. I look after my mum and other family too I guess. I've probably said this on here before, basically I'm only in my house who healthfully. My little brother is, but he austisic and handfully. I'm probably not that good carer but once I'm finish with the Prince Trust course I'm going to do alot more.

So back to what I'd had plan to actually write about in this blog and keeping my orginal introduction. It doesn't quite work appearing in the middle of a blog post but I don't care.

This week was full of pain, paint, I meant paint. We were painting for our community project.
First we painted YMCA's toliets and then painted half of a room upstairs of YMCA. Of course, there momments were people brusted into song, a specific song. Also something that is apparently hilous when two boys trucked their shirts into itself displaying their stomachs and backs, then of course then "I want to break free" came on the radio. Someone record it on their phone as they painted the walls. I just don't get what was so funny about it. I mean if it had been two girls who trucked their shirts like that it wouldn't be considered humourious but girls being normal. 

We also went back to the community centre to plant flowers in a tire and paint lament flooring gold. We also decorated the hall for them for Halloween.

So Halloween is next Thursday which awesome. No major plans. Two pumpkins to crave and a bloody Red Riding Hood costume to wear. Also start Panto rehearsals on Monday. Never done a Panto before, should be interesting.

Well, that all for this week, join me where I be spending alot time in the Library.

College and Illness

I'm ill, but I'm not really ill. Like I'm overly tired,  I just want to sleep everywhere. I've had this weird deep cough, it sounds worse than just normal slightly chocking cough but its not constant. I have had head aches. My body been achy again, like my arms have been playing up. It sometimes feel like the bone went numb.

This week I went to college two days straight: Monday, Tuesday. Now, I don't actually have any classes on Tuesday but I do on Wednesday. I was really going to go to college on Wednesday, but I slept through my alarm and couldn't move out of bed. Having missed my bus I had no way to get into college. Did the same on Thursday and finally making out of bed on Friday to go to the dentist (Fun Times, though my teeth are fine).

I have a chance not to fail this year and body like thats not happening. Here be sick, have random pain, don't be able to move in the morning. Sometimes I wake up quite early naturly but my body is like nope and then I wake up 3 clock like I did today.

My upper arms are aching so I find myself typing then stopping studdenly, but I'm commited to finished this post now even if its petty much filler. It just college stuff and being ill. Like I got something in the mail that counts as illness but I'm not sure whether to share it or not.

I'm going to the Doctor's on Tuesday to see about my whole Austisic muteness thing, to see about opinions or something. Also I'm to be seeing carer person so that something that happening.

I'm having such a hard times staying still to write this and my arms are being bad and so is my leg. Ar Fuck, seriously at lot out loud. Okay, that's all for this week, maybe I won't be in so much pain and have something more interesting to say next week as I will be done with college by then. Yay, Summer of nothingness! Bye.

Exams and No Longer Young (Carer)

So I got my exam results and I failed everything.

Okay, that's not true, but I wanted the opportunity to lie about my exam results since I was not able to do the fake in real life. Because my parents knew my results before me.  Thanks MySQA, though it is sort of my vault since I should have change the phone number. Basically, my father and I swapped sim cards therefore phone numbers. Having signed up for MySQA  last year and never changing the number. My dad (who never uses his phone) got a text message that contend my exam results. He open it, then went on to tell my mother and after I told them I don't want to know, they told me.

So you're thinking this is where I'm going to tell you, but I'm not since I'm trying to build tension. Though, probably quite badly. So my results went like this.

Higher Biology- B
Higher English- B
Higher Maths- B

To see me opening the Result letter go here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZglF2qQb3iI&feature=plcp

Not that impressive and my mother persistence that it is, is just rather annoying. I have five Highers at B grade, but that's over 3 years which works out as being average of 1.6667 per year. Not at all impressive. No matter how good the sob story most universities will look at my grades and straight up reject me. Even if I had got five Bs in one year, that not good enough either. They want As. My mother doesn't understand that. They basically nothing I can with my Highers when it comes to Uni.

Glad I got a B in English since it was some what in doubt if I would get it.

Other big news of the week is that I'm no longer a Young Carer apparently. I knew you were old once you hit 19, mum lied to me. What I really mean is that I'm no longer part of the YC group. I went on day trip with them on Tuesday which I like to refer as Three Bs, Three bike falls day, since I got my results and fell of a mountain bike three times. I like the Lazer tag, though painballs would have made it more extreme. Rest of was just bah and pain.

I basically fell off a mountain bike at speed three times. Hurting myself the worse the last time. Yay for bruises. It does actually hurt to walk and I also think I might have done something to my knee that only coming out to play today. I did scape my arms a bite and I bruised my palms.

I've got to say I'm loving the patterns. I feel crazy art brewing.

On Thursday, had my last one to one meeting thing with my (former) link...support...something worker... Yeah, no longer young carer, so I take that means I can go around saying I'm auld.

So this week has just me feeling old and sore. The future looks so bright right now.