Goal 2021

 I have no belief in these goals are happening. I just don't. I'm tempted just put vague things like reading as goals. I mean these have never been things I expect to do all of. It's just things that I would like to work on. 

1. Read a Book a Week:  Technically I failed this by not reading a book, in the first of the year which was just three days, so I forgot, but I did finish a book in that actual week, so I'm saying its counts. Or we only counting full weeks. Pro
2. Read 122 Books: I just want to read more books than I've ever had in a year. It's completely possible, I've read 120 books in a year before.
3. Read All the Graphic Novels I own: It's an easy goal and I own a few I haven't read yet.
4. Finish 5 Series: Okay, I give on the finished ten series a year. Just finished more than last year or something. I finished 4, that's why the goal is 5. I have finished 10 series before in a year
5. Get my TBR Down: Here's the thing, it's never gonna happen but also with Covid my local library may never open again and I'm gonna stop requesting things off Netgalley unless it's hella Queer. I've not reviewing at a stable rate and I'm never gonna read all the books. I want to read more my physical books but I also 
6. Write a Review a Week: I was tempted to take this one out, but I do plan to keep reviewing the books I read and if I'm reading a book a week, then I should be reviewing one a week.
7. Write a Post a Week: Writing is good for the soul. 
8. Finish a Novel Draft: I've been writing recently again. I don't think it's good, but if I could get it finished that would been something. It could be workable eventually, but I can't fix it until I have a completed work. 
9. Do More Complicated Videos: I have done the majority of the work for one but does not exist. I give up on consistency and gonna just make things and post it when it's done.
10. Continue Bullet Journaling: No explanation. I spent enough money on it, it would be arsinine to stop now. 
11. Exercise most days: I need to go out more. My tampline broke, which raises the question of whether I should get a new one. I have missed it recently. I'm gonna go back to my house and that way I could actually use my exercise bike. 
12. Applying for Things: I'm currently on two applications for completely different career paths. We see how that goes.

Skye has started catching the ball when it's thrown. He's not very good at it and still likes to run around the room with it in his mind. Leia is not pleased with this development. She wants to be the only one going for the ball. My trampoline is now broken, so she not happy. 

I'm tempted to make a joke about donating to me to buy another one, but it would only be a half joke since I cannot afford to buy a new one. The world is a nightmare. Look after yourself.

2020 in Reflection

 Now for the Annual post where I talk goals I had for the year. 

1. Read a book a week: Fail. Not even on a technicality. I went months sometimes not reading but in my defence, 2020. 
2. Finish 10 series: I finished four. 2 were on my actual list of series I wanted to finish. 
3. Read More of My Own Books: I read even less of my own books this year. I even made a comparison table to prove that.
4. Get the TBR Down:  Shockly, no, as someone who buys books in stressful and depressing times, I did not stop buying books during global pandemic when I stopped reading. 
5. Write a Review a Week: Well, if stop reading then you can't review anything and the film reviews don't feel right. 
6. Write a Post a Week: This is blog is meant to keep me writing all the time, and it's not working out that way. I would feel better about letting this blog go if I was writing outside of it but I am not. 
7. Finish a Novel: Ha no. I feel like I have been writing more creative this year which is good.
8. Published a Video a Week: Goblal Pandemic, sick siblings and funeral mean I didn't feel like doing this and I decide I wasn't going make myself do it. 
9. Do More Complicated Videos: I have done the majority of the work for one but not exist. 
10. Continue Bullet Journaling: I had fuck ups but I did it for the most part, despite no one actually needing a planner for this year.
11. Exercise most days: I know this is getting stale, but I really didn't walk my dogs due to the global pandemic putting pandoria into me, because I know it just takes one fool and people are too causal already with their dogs going by other dogs. As of recent events a.k.a. my middle of nowhere country as the highest numbers in the country right now. I could have went on my trampoline but didn't. I did use my exercise bike when I was in my house but a global pandemic meant I wasn't in my house because I apparently we shouldn't be leaving our houses at all and I am a carer for my parents.  I miss my house and at this point I should stop letting my parent get their way all the time. 
12. Apply for things: "I know I'm not going to a foreign country in September" This was a real moment of confusion for me, but I think it was reference to the Florida trip that my family has been talking about for five years. I did apply for a thing and was rejected and then a global pandemic happened so I had to isolate and didn't apply for anything after March. 
13. Read 104 Books: No. I won't go into again. 

This was a bad year for everyone. Mostly bad things happened and I have new nibing. That is the single good thing. Also I am shockingly alive, despite being half convinced that I would die in the Year 2020 when I was 27. That probably should have filled me with more panic than ever did. 

Hannibal season 1, but both Will and I have a fever.

 Time is a concept that I refuse to believe in, but of course, like ghosts in every supernatural horror, time does not care about my personal experience with it and it will pass at whatever random speed. I am ill. I don't know how it happens as I've been isolating. I have theories but I feel crap so what's the point of getting into the theories.

Season 1 of Hannibal really hits different when you have a fever and watching it as you go in and out of consciousness. Makes Will all the more relatable and I too, now feel like someone has forced fed me an ear, but that's just what's ever going with my throat still. I'm been ill for a few days, kept having dreams I was better, then waking up very much not. 

I had a dream that Hannibal was serving soup, and my mouth was brunt from it. Then was a debate that whether Lector had done on purpose but it wasn't his m.o. I woke up with my tongue burning, so that was fun. I told my mum that at 6 something and she called the doctor in the morning while I was sleep so I got myself some very nice antibiotics without seeing or even talking to a doctor. I could barely talk at that point and nevermind mixing in Selective Mutism.  Okay, so my mum got me them but I was the one that picked them up. 

I also had a fever, my throat was so sore before I started antibiotics that I couldn't swore and was barely able to talk. Anytime I squeezed I wanted to punch god, it hurt so badly. I keep having to fight my gag reflex, as I was sure vomiting would have been nightmare. I never had cough until yesterday where it started to get better. It feels like there is fuzz in my throat. Still feels like there's something in my throat. 

Other symptoms include not being able to eat spricy chicken because I could feel the spice in my ears. I didn't want the chicken really anyway. It was just going out of date and felt like I had to eat as no one else was gonna eat it. 

Though with everything going on, I can't be sure when I got sick because I carry stress in my throat, so I blamed the sore throat on that. I wonder if that's why I got it worse than everyone else seems to have it so far. Everyone seems to have got it now. 

One of our cats died last weekend. She was only two. It's all very suspensions. She's my sibling who needs cat and who is definitely going to into hospital before the year is out most likely. Christmas is literal days aways and it's never felt further. Not sure what we have in terms of food at all. Some frozen stuff I guess.

Lockdown and Covid mutating is just the of course of the year. My siblings are taking turns being hospital so that's great. There won't be any Christmas lights up this year because no one can be boather. Only my tradition of keeping Halloween decoarations up over the Christmas period reminds.

Life is a Slow March (also I do nothing for a month)

 I've been thinking about my oldest brother lately which isn't surprising. A date has been set for when he goes into the ground. Good thing, we're not Jewish because it's taken several sunsets. Who knows what we actually use to believe. 

A Catholic service is about as comforting as slapping when you don't believe in any of that crap, especially when it's a funeral for someone on the younger side. I just felt angry listening to all the shit and the main reason for having a Catholic funeral cannot be there for medical reasons. 

All this crap about god being a shepherd. Well, if he has been shepherding my family, I would like a word about several things and that maybe he should invest in a sheepdog.  So my thoughts through all the prays was about what a dick he is, which is probably the wrong attitude to have during a funeral. What is the right one, anger is meant to be one of the stages of grief but maybe you shouldn't be cursing god in a church. 

I joke about not being able to say I'm Satanist because I'm not an atheist. I guess I believe in something, but I don't believe we will meet again in the same form. I definitely don't believe in Abrahamic faiths and their teachings at all. Mainly they mostly sexist and no one plays attention to the actual good ones. Got to have your super churches, while the poor starve. 

Having a school next to church is quite awkward when leaving a funeral. They put him in the ground before my family got to the gravesite which is kinda shitty, especially as we were running early. 

The priest seemed to rush through the service, which I guess a good thing because I was dreading the idea of giant service. There are no hymns during a covid funeral. Why do Catholics sit up and down so much? We do not appreciate it as disabled people.

I've not done much recently, barely read but I have finished watching Murder, She Wrote except for the films. I've watched all of Hannibal in the last week, would have been quicker than that but I wanted to read fanfiction. Reading early fanfiction before a series is finished, Now I'm wondering what if Jessica Fetcher was Hannibal? Maybe she secretly is. I've been thinking about the murder statics around Jessica as I watch all 12 seasons. I had thought about doing vlogmas. I have several videos that I want to see the light of sitting unedited. 

This post probably be very different if I had finished writing three week ago instead of now. 

Life is Short but also Insufferable Long.

 So something that should be devastating happened at the start of the month. It doesn't feel that way which makes me feel odd. 

It just made me feel odd about watching nothing but things that involve death. I don't watch or consume anything that involves plain happiness and it's too soon to start watching Hallmark films, even those are secretly dark with all the dead mothers they just have for the sake of it. 

So I watched Casper (1995), may as well hit on the head and I'm back to watching Murder, She Wrote. Maybe I'll start the Christmas films early, especially as I can't finish my project currently. 

It wasn't unexpected. It came at a shitty time because covid and other bad shit that's going on. 

Anyway, there's separate Transport police in the UK that are not connected to Police Scotland and they mostly deal with suicides going off the leafet they gave us. 

My biggest emotion right now is angry at people using modern technology to insensitively inform people of things they have no business commenting on. People have been informed now so I guess I can go back to using Social Media as a coping mechanism. 

Halloween still Happens

 I really should have planned for this special occasion. A Halloween Saturday with a full blue moon. Well, of course, I didn't. I don't write anymore and my life is always six stages of chaos all slowly happening at once. 

I do get to spend Halloween with my niece because of not good reasons because covid means they are no good reasons to see her. You can't just go visit for nothing. 

I went to a drive-in to see 28 Days Later on Friday. It was a burst and I won't be doing it again. It's just left me tired for today. It's wasn't that great of an experience and not worth the money for only two people having a decent view. Also, they showing Die Hard as Christmas film but actual Christmas film Gremlin as Halloween one. Terrible at that job and organising.

US Christians really need help as a whole. Halloween is the Christianflied version of a pagan holiday. All the shite they saying is just weird and wrong. Halloween is meant to chase evil spirits away and if you were a Good Christian you would celebrate it without being weird about. 

I suppose if you were actually a Christian, you would abandon the weird things the Romans did to Christianity.  Let's stop talking about those losers.

I'm off to stare into the distance and think about the giant pumpkin I'm gonna carve in November. 

Worst Sheriff of Cabot Cove

 Another week, another amount of time I never get back or being able to account for in a court of law. 

I did finish another season of Murder, She Wrote. I have now watched all the episodes that aired before my birth, which is 196 episodes. Probably all the good ones are in there. Definitely, the best seasons as whole have been, since we no longer have Sheriff Amos Tupper and the rest of the seasons have the worst Sheriff Cabot Cove has ever had and that includes the Sheriff that killed people and didn't last a week. 

The first seasons are the ones I have nostalgia for, despite them having to be ten years old by the time I saw them airing on BBC before the CBBC aired, or was it after... I'll never know but I'm also very nostalgic for Diagnosis Murder as well for the same reason. I suppose Murder, She Wrote was a Prime Time show rather a daytime so makes sense that they would use the re-runs for Daytime tv. Though, most of the murder shows are on TV here during the now, like Father Brown, which is on its ninth season.

Season 9 of Murder, She Wrote has JFK episode which proves its funk. A lot of shows will have a JFK episode when they are close to the end or running out of ideas. Murder, She Wrote has an lot of odd choices due blending to give Angela Lansbury a  manageable work load. I think now they would have just made less epsideos instead a full 22 US season. Probably a British 12 epsideos instead of having random characters we're now meant to care about. They were always men too, clearly not know why people were watching. 

Also Murder, She Wrote really relays on Angela Lansbury, there are definitely episodes that do not work with her. They are actors on her level but I don't think they would do a murder show for 12 seasons and four films.

I do think Jessica being a teacher makes a lot more sense, I think this was probably done to cut back on traveling to locations. Apparently, it took ages to get to Cabot Cove's location. It really annoys me when people talk about Cabot Cove's body count, because it's high but statistically speaking most of the murders happen when Jessica is traveling which is much more suspicious if we talking about her being a secret serial killer. I personally think she just a cryptid  that causes people to commit murder around her and trust her instantly. Also her dead husband had twenty sibings and that's why they had no kids of their own. 

There's also a random episode in season 8 where Jessica says she only been living Cabot Cove for ten years. Two years before the season started, instead of the decades implied when she talks about her attachment to her home. 

Cabot Cove murder rate is actually a lot lower next to most countryside based shows. I might do the stats once I finished watching all the episodes. I would do it now, but don't want to spoil myself. Though, you can't really spoil yourself for Murder, She Wrote.

My sister is sick meaning I've had less opportunity to waste money on fast food. That and with her cat she not having the best luck. I do wonder if having a chrontically ill sibling growing up has effected my concern level, because my sister was briefly hospitalised and they don't know what's wrong with her. I feel like I should be more worried, but maybe I've accidently trained my brain not to actively worry about about anything health related till the worst happens. 

2 Weeks of Eventish Stuff.

Shocking to no one who has seen me repeating say that I have no concept of time, VEODO is not going well. I also had no idea that I didn't post anything last week despite actually having things happen to me that worth talking about rather I missed doing things without the fear of the consequences killing my whole family. 

Last weekend I was at my sister's to look after her cat, who keeps getting injured at night. She was away and her cat needed surgery the day she was leaving. He needed surgery on his eye and cut his neck. He's recovering okay but it's been revealed that he had a broken nose. So there is a lot of debate about how he got injured. The vet doesn't think it's another cat, so it could be a fence, a fox or a person. 

He's not a person cat so I doubt that one. We'll probably never know what he gets up to at night. I did manage to not buy too much takeaway, but I did ice cream and ribs delivered to me. 

The StrangeAthon is going okay. I've read two books for it the counts and reading another that currently doesn't match any of the challenges. 

I actually excised on my excise bike and took my dogs for a long walk. Leia was not happy as she could not go in the field across the bridge because there's sheep in it despite the field being part of a public path. I guess maybe you could walk avoid the sheep, but sheep can be evil and I definitely wouldn't walk with my dog. Leia definitely cannot run up and down the field until she is tired with sheep in it.

I am tired as always, and as always I have so much stuff to do. I'm behind on reviews again as well.