Book Review: Read Me Like A Book by Liz Kessler

Queer and has the words 'read' and 'book' in te title, I should love this, but yet.


Ashleigh Walker is in Love. 

You know the feeling - that intense, heart-racing, all-consumiing emotion that can only come with first love. It's enough to stop her worring about bad grades at college. Enough to distract her from her parents' marriage troubles.

There's just one thing bothering her...

Shouldn't it be her boyfriend, Dylan, who makes her feel this way, not Miss Murrary, her English teacher?

The author started writing this book fifteen years before it was published, meaning starting it in the early 00s and it shows. Especially as it starts with 'I'm not like Other girls' trope: "Actually, wait up a second, I'd better get something straight here, just in case I'm giving the wrong impression. I'm not one of those brain-dead bimbos who talks about boys and make-up all time." There is some girl hate in this book, as well as the main character being overwhelming jealous. I read Haunt Me by Kesser and didn't like it much. It felt old school YA, but in a bad way. It tried, but I didn't think I would pick Kessler up again but this was a Queer book I found in the library and it had 'read' and 'book' in the title so I decided to try again with Kessler. There's a first time sex scene in this, not queer. It's the standard heterosexual stick it in and call it 'sex'. I just wish there's was YA book out there, that didn't have a sex scene where it's just dry penetration, something to break the myth that your first time should hurt and that doesn't mean you're doing it wrong. It's normal to do sex badly the first time but remember kids, no matter what or how, if penetrating, always prepare and use lube, from the virgin thirteen-year-old who knows more about sex ed than she might ever use. I'm pro-sex scenes in YA, not excessive, but enough to show what normal healthy sex should be like, so they know enough to use a condom. This book also has a pregnancy scare in this book, which is the universal uterus having experience, because who hasn't thought: "Maybe I'm the next Virgin Mary". I guess this done realistically, except that's ends in period happening and that could just be spoting so Ash could be pregnant at the end of the book and just not know it as she never takes a pregnancy test and pregnancy are each unique angels. This book starts in September I think, her period is late during the Christmas holidays so it must have happened in November. Exam results are in August. Okay, so probably not secretly pregnant but what a way to end a book that would have been. Which brings us to another problem this novel has. This novel feels very disjointed, especially in Part three which feels like five epilogues in a role, then some plot, then just ends. It feels like it needed another hundred pages to smooth it out, but I also might have given up if there had been another hundred. This a school year in life of book, but we jump around a lot, not a smooth course through the year. On the pluses, it's own voices and it's queer. Besides, some mild girl hating this novel was okay. It has the typical It got better than first few chapters. I actually almost returned this to library unread due to the first chapter and the way the characters were introduced. I neither regret reading it or would have regretted never reading. If this book has been released during original conception then it would have stood out but frankly, in 2020, there are tons of better Queer girl books out there.  The teacher crush is part of Ashleigh discovering her sexuality and is acknowledged by Miss Murary but nothing really happens if you're looking for a scandalising read, this is not that, which I'm fine with. I know some people like reading teacher-student books, but I'm not here for abuse of power stories unless it confirms the teacher being in the wrong and not romanised.

It also attempts to tackle divorce, which involved the parents arguing all the time and being unbearable to live with, which is relatable. I can't actually think of YA book that deals with the parents divorcing during the book, a lot of have divorced set up before but usually, that's just an excuse to only have one parent around for the majority of the book.

Overall, I give this book 2/5 stars for Dated Lesbianism. If this book had been released during the 2000s then it would have stood out but frankly, in 2020, there are tons of better Queer girl books out there. 

Read 4/5/2019, finished reviewing 15/1/2020 (I had written the majority but never put the finishing touches.

Quotes

Page 8, "Actually, wait up a second, I'd better get something straight here, just in case I'm giving the wrong impression. I'm not one of those brain-dead bimbos who talks about boys and make-up all time."

Page 178, "'What's GSOH?' Mum askes me,
'Good Sense of Humour. God, Mum everyone knows that!" Yeah, I have never seen that term before. Maybe exclusive to online dating.

Book Review: Solitaire by Alice Oseman

Funfact: Radio Silence technically spoils the end of this book.

'I don't ever remember not being serious. As far as I'm concerned, I came out of the womb spouting cynicism and wishing for rain.'

My name is Tori Spring. I like to sleep and I like to blog. Last year – before all that stuff with Charlie and before I had to face the harsh realities of A-Levels and university applications and the fact that one day I really will have to start talking to people – I had friends. Things were very different, I guess, but that’s all over now.

Now there’s Solitaire. And Michael Holden.

I don’t know what Solitaire are trying to do, and I don’t care about Michael Holden.

I really don’t.

This is a book I have owned since it came out, many years ago. So many years ago, I do not remember why I brought it. Well, probably because it says it's not a Love story and even then I hated the fact that every book seemed to be a love story at it's centre and they were often very bad. 

This book is more about friendship than romantic love, but it's also sort of there. We also have sibling relationships and as well as dealing with being a family with a sick sibling, which from my experience was done pretty well.

The way mental health is dealt with in this book is so great. If you're someone who wants to know nothing then leave this paragraph now. I related to Tori hating everything because I too kinda hated everything when I was seventeen and then I realise that this book was slowly showing beginning to related even more to my seventeen old self in an important way. It's done so fucking well. It's remind me of my slow dive into that state of numbness and then mixed in with the guilt because wasn't allowed to be sick. But haha that doesn't stop it.

I've seen others hate on the mental illness rep and the fact the main character is a teenager. Tori is shitty person, most teenagers are, I think that's pretty realistic to the story. Reading other reviews is interesting because you can see where other people get real hanged up on.

The plot is about this website called Solitaire.com that is playing planks on the Grammar School that Tori goes to. It used to drive the characters interactions with each other to figure out whose behind it/why.  With the plot description, it might seem like a thriller but it's really not, especially it's usually going on in the background. The focus is very much on the characters and their relationships together.

In terms of rep, we have Queer supporting characters as well as the mental health side. It sort of comes into the plot, but it's realistic and fine besides that. They function for the most part like a straight couple. There's also autistic feel to some characters, not saying they meant to be coded autistic but you could read them that way.

Overall, I give this book 5/5 stars for soft muttering. I related to this book a lot so I really loved it. I don't know if I liked it so much because I related to it so much, but I think either way it was done pretty well. In terms of her other books, I like this book better than Radio Silence. They have similar themes/issues and I think it works better in this one. I'm doing an review of Radio Silence so I talk about it there. Both are good, but I think this one was better, I also get why that might be a me thing. This book does have issues, but I like intention over all.

Book Review: Girlhood by Cat Clarke

Bordering School in Scotland and a Dead twin, what does that remind me of?

I lost myself

               when my sister died,

  and these girls rebuilt me,
     piece by piece.
I thought that nothing could 
  ever come between US.
I thought I knew who I was...
        Until
                  the new girl 
                        showed up.

This book came out on my Birthday and I went out and brought it on my Birthday which was an 2 hour journey for me. So course I've only read it now, despite also receiving a NetGalley of it as well. I don't even read the NetGalleys of my favourite authors on time (though I only got access to it, a day before it came out).

I've read most of Cat Clarke books (except one only published in America and the one that's not out yet). This was the most disappointing. It was the only one that didn't make me cry. It's not bad. It's not okay. It's is good. However, it was not Clarke ripping my heart out like she has with every other book. Even my least favourite book of her books made me cry. Though, I like this one better than A Kiss in the Dark.

It's similar to Cat Clarke books in I sat and read it in one sitting. Because you have to read Clarke in one sitting or you will spend all your time thinking about it, even if you're a sleep.

Okay, so what didn't work for me. The big conflict is a lot smaller than other Clarke books, it relays on subtly and relationships. The relationships and friendships are done well, but the issue is obvious from outsider point of view (even without another character saying exactly what's happening). Yes, I am not 17 like Harper is, but I think

Harper's relationship with her sister is a bit shallow for me. The idea of someone losing their identical twin sounds horrific, especially when they in their teens. This happens before the book and is one of Harper's defining issues. My problem is it all feels like plot to me. We have Harper talking about parts of their childhood and her death, not really flashbacks, more Harper talking to the reader about her sister like we were her friend/therapist. Anorexia is usually a slow death, so the time line feels a little muddled. Harper's guilt plays a role, but maybe a more hit and run death would have worked better. Clarke has done grief for a sister before and it worked then, so why didn't work now for me.

This also some girl on girl sexual tension which I always appreciate. We have a canon lesbian, Bi and someone at least willing to go there. It has almost nothing to do with the plot which is fun. There's some romance stuff, but it also like nothing. It's definitely a friendship book. I really should have loved this book.

Clarke as always, likes to tackle a harder subjects. We have grief, body image issues, depression and other stuff that's too much a spoiler to talk about in a review.

I thought the plot was going one way, it didn't which is probably for the best. The plot works for the most part. 

Overall, I give this book 4/5 stars for Stone Bars. The real problem is Cat Clarke is amazing and this didn't stab me in the heart, so I'm disappointed. Maybe I'm just getting more heartless as I get older. My actual guess, is that Clarke was juggling a lot more important characters than she normally does and my expectation was too high. I'm still going to shove Cat Clarke books at people, even they talk about books.

I got this book for Review off NetGalley and Quercus Children's Books. But I always going to read this anyway. It was published on 4th May 2018.

Currently £4 on Amazon (Affiliate Link):https://amzn.to/2HW1eLK

Book Review: Bad Girls with Perfect Faces by Lynn Weingarten

I didn't buy any nail polish off this book.

No one is good enough for Xavier. Not according to Sasha, his best friend. There's nothing Sasha wouldn't do to protect Xavier from getting hurt, especially by his cheating ex Ivy, who's suddenly slithered back into the picture. Worried that Xavier is ready to forgive and forget, Sasha decides to do a little catfishing. She poses as a hot guy online, to prove cheaters never change.

But Sasha's plan goes wrong fast, and soon the lies lead down a path from which there's no return . . .

This is my second encounter with Weingarten. I really liked Suicide Notes from Beautiful Girls and was excited to immurge myself into her writing. This does have similar to that book, but I didn't like this one as much. I mean I did really like Suicide Notes.

The plot is okay, there were some twists attempts, but I wasn't the right type of invested to care. Half way point kinda lost me. It works well in theory, but also seem like quite a standard affair. The plot is bit reliant on the characters being idiots.

This is another friendship bordering on romance. It works well and funly tragic. The characters do a lot of dancing around each other. This is more relationship based than plot, as everything that happens due the character's relationships have with each other.

Overall, I give this book 3/5 stars for locked accounts. I had high hopes for this book and sadly it didn't meet them. It was still a decent read, and if you're looking for a YA thriller, give it ago.

I recieved this book for review off NetGalley and Electric Monkey, it came out on the 11th January 2018.

Book Review: Eden Summer by Liz Flanagan

Eden is not a Paradise to spend time with.

IT STARTS like any other day for Jess – get up, draw on eyeliner, cover up tattoos and head to school. But soon it’s clear this is no ordinary day, because Jess’s best friend, Eden, isn’t at school . . . she’s gone missing.

Jess knows she must do everything in her power to find Eden before the unthinkable happens.

So Jess decides to retrace the summer she and Eden have just spent together. But looking back means digging up all their buried secrets, and she starts to question everything she thought Eden’s summer had been about ...

This book takes places over a day, with flash backs to the events leading to Eden's disappearance, in first person, with a flash forward about as well.

 Even with everything Eden is dealing with she still comes across as unlikable, especially with the flash back before the event. She has this perfect life, till the terrible thing happens and just come across as spoiled. I only cared about her being missing because the effect it was having on Jess and other characters. Jess is likable protagonist and I felt for the other characters.

This book deals with a lot of complex things including Hate crimes on sub-cultures and grief. It does a decent job of dealing with the topics.

Overall, I give this book 4/5 stars for Graveyard Snow. It was a quick read with some punch. I would recommend it for a readathon.

Book Review: A Tragic Kind of Wonderful by Eric Lindstrom

Brown Hair, Blue eyes and freckles doesn't make you a mutt. It makes you Scottish...looking.

How can you have a future if you can’t accept your past?
Mel Hannigan doesn’t have it easy. Mourning the death of her firework of a brother, trying to fit back into a school she’s been conspicuously absent from and struggling to deal with the loss of three friendships that used to mean everything. Struggling to deal with a condition that not even her closest friends know about.

So Mel tries to lock away her heart, to numb the highs and lows, to live quietly without hope – but also without pain. Until someone new shows her that it can be worth taking a risk, that opening up to life is what can make it glorious…

And that maybe, Mel can discover a tragic kind of wonderful of her very own.

The main character Mel has Bipolar Disorder and is in her second year of knowing she has it. This book does spend a lot of time going over what Bipolar disorder is and shows several characters with it that vary from Mel. I think a decent effect was made with this.

They were breaks from realities such as Mel going about being a freak for having very normal look aspects. Honestly, it was weird that she thought it was odd to have Blue eyes and pale skin, therefore freckles. Like who told her green eyes had anything to freckles (If reading this, Eric Lindstrom where did you get this)? Then someone else then mentions her appearance in this same detail. I think writers do fall in this trap sometimes.

So this is technically a romance book, but that's not really what I would sell it as and for me that's a good thing. I feel like it there because it has to be (old people set them up) and could have just been friends(I like friends). It fine though and definitely doesn't fall into the trap that 'love' cures all. There's a lot of friendships, there's a sprinkle of nice relationships throughout of the book, but I don't feel like the relationships were as developed as much as they should have been. Many they were too many things going on for the length of this book. There were lot of interesting dynamics, I think they could be in the one book and work, there's just wasn't enough dedication to them. I get why we did have so many characters with strong connections to Mel, I would have just liked more.

The novel is in the point of view of Mel, but I felt distanced to her and the other characters. They wrote well enough. I don't know if that due to the wall Mel has build surround her and the events we flashing back to a lot to, Or it could be I read it in one day because the world was on the bad side.

The title of this book is eye catching but it a bit generic and I don't think it suits the book that well. I have no alternative title suggestions so I'm the worst type of criticism bringer: says something is wrong and then runs away. 

Overall, I give this book 4/5 stars for beach beer.This book deals with mental illness well and has okay Bi, LBGT stuff floating about. This is a quick book to read, so I would recommend it if you like your light reads to have complex stuff going on. 

I got this book for review off NetGalley and was published by HarperCollins Children’s Books on 1st January 2017.

Book Review: Beautiful Broken Things by Sara Barnard

Finally, a contemporary without the main character declaring her love...romantically.

Here’s my theory on Significant Life Events: everyone has them, but some have more than others, and how many you have affects how interesting you are, how many stories you have to tell, that kind of thing.

I was still waiting for my first one.

After yet another typical summer where nothing of any significance happens, Caddy vows that now she’s sixteen this year will be different; she’ll get a boyfriend (a real one), lose her virginity and experience a Significant Life Event. If only Caddy knew what was just around the corner - a whirlwind of wild spirit and fury with a dazzling smile and sad eyes by the name of Suzanne – and a significant life event that no one could have predicted.

Caddy and Rosie have been BFF’s since they were little girls, but when enigmatic and beautiful new girl Suzanne starts at Rosie’s school, Caddy allows her insecurities to threaten her friendship with Rosie. Caddy wishes she were more like Rosie and Suzanne – confident, funny and interesting – but beneath the make-up and bravado lies a secret side to Suzanne that intrigues Caddy. Despite their differences very soon the three girls are inseparable, and things get a whole lot more complicated.

Under Suzanne’s influence, Caddy begins to see how much fun a little trouble can be. But climbing out of bedroom windows for forbidden midnight walks on the beach begins to lose its shimmer as Suzanne’s troubled past is revealed and her present begins to unravel. The course of friendship and recovery is rougher than any of the girls could have imagined, and Caddy is about to learn that downward spirals have a momentum of their own.

The books opens with the character stating she wants to get a (first) boyfriend, lose her virginity, have a significant life event. This last one is confusing as wouldn't the two above it be significant life events? She listed them first. To be honest this is not a good start for me. However, the book gets a lot better.

Caddy is our narrator, she self-proclaimed as being boring and I don't know if this is the reason why she reads that way. There lot of discussion about self worth in this book and the two main characters both struggling with it. Except this not satisfying when both characters are flat and don't feel like real people at all. Caddy has nothing going on besides her best friend, Rosie and she doesn't like going out. She too much of a Mary Jane to be able to attach to her.

Whilst the relationship between the girls being the core of the in book, its not that great. The girls are sometimes terrible to each other for very little reason and never felt they cared that much about each other. I think it comes down to not buying the characters. Certain things are done well in their interactions. I don't know how the characters could feel more real and feel like they have a history. I think it just one of those things: it might just come down to my bad start with the book.

 This book deals with abuse and the mental consequences of suffering from it. This is the best part of the novel. Its about the aftermath after leaving the abuse. This done well and I think it manages to capture the mental state of the sufferer and how complex relationship with their abuser can be. 

The ending of this book is rather disappointing. The actual ending is okay and works, but the way we get to it is badly executed. The dialogue before it especially. It just too much on the nose.

Overall, I give this book 4/5 stars for sunflowers. The idea of this book is really solid and does manage to capture the complex nature of abuse. The girls' friendship could be better,especially as that meant to be the base for the novel. I would like to see a book with a similar focus on friendships and do think this a strong début. 

 I got this book for Review off Netgalley and it is being publish by  Children's Books on 11 February 2016.Macmillan

Book Review: The Twice-Lived Summer of Bluebell Jones by Susie Day

Dye your hair. Dye Everything.

On her thirteenth birthday, Blue makes a desperate wish. To be transformed into a cool, confident teenager. Enter Red, appearing from nowhere like a wacky fairy godmother. She's only visible to Blue- in fact, she IS Blue, but a year older. With Red by her side to guide her, Blue can avoid all the gruesome embarrassments! But her future self causes a heap of crazy trouble - and there are dark secrets she's not telling...

The first full novel I have read by Susie Day. I reviewed one of her short stories which really sold me on her as a writer.

The whole of this novel is the main character to change herself and trying to make friends with "cool" people of where she is on holiday; making her a pretty realistic thirteen year old. The supporting characters are nice.

The twist was done well. It's hinted frequently through the book but not overly obvious. The ending felt a bit rushed and really let this book down. I didn't fully buy it and there is main thing that's kinda spoilerly. Here's a spoiler (highlight to see): the character just straight gives up, doesn't try to get out the situation at all. 

Overall, I give this book 4 out of five stars. I really enjoy reading this book, but the ending knocked a lot of points for me. It's on the younger side of YA. (Or older middle-grade? Teen would be so easier to use) Therefore short, which was nice read to have during the busyness of uni. Though with an important message for someone whose 13 or whatever age to hear.

Book Review: Tonight the Street Are Ours by Leila Sales

Don't ask me why I choose to read books by authors who I've had a bad experiences with over the ones I love?

From Leila Sales, the author of This Song Will Save Your Life, comes a compelling and relatable story about the hazards of falling for someone you haven't met yet. Seventeen-year-old Arden Huntley is recklessly loyal. Taking care of her loved ones is what gives Arden purpose: it makes her feel like she matters. But she's tired of being loyal to people who don't appreciate her - including her needy best friend and her absent mum. Arden stumbles upon a blog called 'Tonight the Streets Are Ours', the musings of a young New York City writer named Peter, and it feels like she's finally found a kindred spirit. When Peter is dumped by the girlfriend he blogs about, Arden decides to take a road trip to see him. During one crazy night in NYC filled with parties, dancing and music - the type of night when anything can happen, and nearly everything does - Arden discovers that Peter isn't exactly who she thought he was. And maybe she isn't exactly who she thought she was either.

I never liked the "This Song Will Save Your Life" so of course I had to pick up this book. In fairness, I do like this one better and there nothing wrong with it per say.

This novel was okay, I guess its about love, though not really romantic in my opinion. It's a character book with no interesting characters. There's something there with Arden and Lindsey's friendship but Lindsey is more like a side character and plot device more than a real person. Arden's family dynamic that's touched on and while the centre to the plot, we don't get a lot of time with her family so it didn't feel explored enough for me.

There isn't any romance in this book, despite slight love triangle action going on. Sure, the character has a boyfriend and developed a thing on someone from the internet from reading his writer. This doesn't work as the writer, Peter automatically becomes clear as being a pretentious, spoiled brat. I don't get why Arden decides she likes him.

The book ends the only way it could really and be satisfying, at least for me. 

Overall, I give this book 3 out of 5 stars for Just-Like-Me-Dolls. It was an okay read, it had interesting elements but they were overshadowed by romance elements that didn't really go anyway. While they do support the better elements, I just wish they had been more focus.

I got this book for review off Netgalley and it is publish by Pan Macmillan.

Short Story: The Truth Or Lies, It's the same Pain

I've been buzy. So buzy that I thought I would write this post in third person so it would be sort of interesting. Instead you're getting excuses and another repost. Except this one is currently not online, because I took it down to work on it and maybe use it as Portifolio for English. I'm glad I didn't as it's not that good and I never thought a lot of stuff through. Also no one but me seems to point out when people write dumb science things down. There is a lot of cliché in this but I still like it despite it being a "CANCER STORY" and whilst cancer being diese a lot of people will be effected by whether having it themselves or a love one, it not wrote about well a lot. You should probably include me in that list.

As to why I have been busy comes down to the whole moving and starting uni thing. I've also been filming stuff and actually editing it into a video. I'm half way editing something about uni. Also I just straight up forgot that was meant to be finish the first chapter, till I went to bed on Friday. Sorry, that I went to see Inside Out instead of doing that today.

This story is sort of Prequel to a story, I wrote and lost due Mibba.com deleting people's stories for dumb reasons that they never gave decent warning about before they do it. Girl goes to dying Best Friend's party, runs from the party to cry in the glass of BF's garden. The main difference is this story has angel names. It was written for a contest with a angel theme.

Original Summery: Amitiel is named after the Angel of Truth but all she gets is lies. However, when she gets the truth from her best friend, she wishes it was lies.

Written for A N G E L -- C O N T E S T
Word Count :1458
Angel: Amitiel - angel of truth 

Today this day, I'm not sure if that's actually a girl's name. Also at this point I must not have realised that repetition is a bad thing unless intentional for a point. I haven't really done anything to this story as it's been edited several times since it's original posting so let just enjoy seventeen-year-old-me's editing and younger-than-that's writing. I gave you...

The Truth Or Lies, It's the same Pain

Angel of Truth, HA.

My parents must have cursed me, to be forever denied of what the angel they named me after stood for. In my short life of seventeen years, I have been lied to more times than I can count. Usually by the most important people to me. My mother lied to me when she said Santa was real, my father when he promised he'd be back in an hour, but never step foot in the house again, that doctor when she told me he'd pull through, my ex-best friend Claire when she said she couldn't go to my birthday party because her mum was ill but in fact went to Susan's party instead. All those lies, in such a short time. I thought he was different, I guess I was wrong. Again.

My first love, he who filled me with such joy, light and made time stop just with his eyes. But behind those eyes, there were a pile of lies. He who was my first kiss,my first everything, was also my first taste of how cruel people can really be. He lied to me, everyday from the beginning. He had  blinded me with his god damn perfect smile and fucking boyish looks. It was all a disguise, a hell of good one too. I never expected, I never ever question any thing about him. Not the weekends he couldn't see me, nor the constant ringing of his phone. The way he would get a text and have to leave right that second without even a goodbye kiss. He played me so well and I let him.

He broke my heart, ran off with the pieces and sold them on e-bay. He's left me here with nothing but the memory of them laughing at me and them kissing with their tongues all the way down each others throats. What did she have that I didn't? Sure, she was blonde, rich and a bloody size zero but she still also had the body of twelve year old boy. I had wasted so much time on liars and cheats. It was time I got them all out my life. I had thought, I already had. God, if this trend continue, it would turn out Anna actually doesn't have cancer and it was all a sick joke. That would  be something I would love to find out wasn't true.

“Amitiel, I have something to tell you,” Anna said hiding from behind my bedroom door, that I hadn't heard open. I had been hiding from the world for about a week under a thick duvet. I only knew of the passing of time because my mother had inform me of it this morning, before she left for work. I push the duvet off my head and turned around to see only Anna's ocean eyes peaking from behind the door, like a child waiting to be given in trouble. I sigh.

“Come in,” I see the lost sparkle in her eyes for moment, then it disappears.

Anna slowly comes in and shuts the door behind her. She so frail and pale looking. Her sandy waves of hair were gone, her head now only covered by dark blue scarf. The diamonds in her eyes, once permanent only visits briefly now. As long as had know her, there had always been a sparkle in her eyes, even in the serious of situations. But ever since she found out about the cancer in her body, the sparkle has been slowly disappearing. I fear each passing day that I'll never see it again. The phase 'too young to die' flashes in my mind. It has too be the biggest lie of them all but the ones we tell ourselves usually are.

Anna slowly makes her way to my bed as I sit myself up. She would have just ran and jumped on me if she still had the strength. It breaks my heart to know that her days really could be numbered. I'm not ready to accept that really they are. I guess I'm happy to lie to myself but not for others to do the same. I feel so selfish as I watch her struggle to walk the metre from the door to my bed. I have all the time in the world to fall in love and get my heart broken again, but Anna hasn't even fall yet and it seems time is running out for her.

“I'm sorry,” I say pathetically.

“What for? You've just had your heart broken by that jerk. I'd be in bed too if I was you.”

You should be. She finally makes it to my bed and slowly sits down.

“Still, I could have been a better friend. You need me more than I ever needed him,” She smiles, just a hint of that missing sparkle. “What is it you need to tell me anyway?” I ask as I watch the spark disappear again.

“I...I don't want to tell you,” She speaks the words so slowly, pulling each one apart so that they seem to be each a sentence on their own.

“Lets go out and have some fun,” She says cheerfully and I force a smile.

This is the first time I've left the house since he broke up with me, even missing school to avoid him - and her. I don't really want to leave the house, or even my room but I do so for Anna. I would do anything for her now. She convinces me to go to the mall with her and get super sized blue slushie. Like we always used to do before her cells turned against her.  We're already on to our second slushies, by the time I remember we're avoiding something. Something she doesn't want to tell me, something I'm scared to find out. So I don't ask her what it is. So I just joke and try to catch that sparkle I long to see.

Anna is still beautiful, even though she resembles death. She still has her best features. She no longer has the long blond hair that I had been jealous of, for as long as I can remember, but she still has her ocean eyes that were beautiful without their sparkle and the dark lashes that by some miracle had been black instead of blond, had just grew back, flaming them to perfection. Her laugh still rang out like an angel catching you and making you laugh until your ribs hunt. Why?

Why would something so horrible happen to such young, beautiful-inside and out- person? The truth avoids me and only leaves me with theories of pain and hate of an unfair world, created by a unkind God. She had been my best friend for so long, I didn't know what I do without her and pray to that God that I never have to find out.

It seemed that the mall shut too soon and kicked us out before we were finished with our fun. I drove Anna home in my small, three door car that still remains the colour of her eyes even at night. We sneak through the back door, even though we know we've been seen, stealing the last of junk food from the kitchen and returning to the backyard of our childhood. The sun is almost completely gone from the sky. I hear her sigh beside me and look at a face drained of all it's colour. She looks almost unrecognisable, so much older than her mere seventeen years.

It's time to be told the truth, the truth I don't want and for once I long for lies, but I know Anna was never good at lying or keeping things from me. So I sigh with her and prepare for the worse.

“I need to tell you this, God knows I don't want to. I don't want it be true,” The ocean begins to escape from her eyes. “It's not good, they say it didn't work,” her waves of hair lost for nothing.

“Its spread.”

Those two unimportant, usually so harmless on their own but are now the worse words in the world to me.

“They say they can only prevent...” Death, they can't stop it now, only slow it down.

“I'm sorry,” I say as the first of many tears trickle down my face. We hug and cry into each other, to release the grief. I moan the loss of a friend who will soon leave me and she moans the life she'll never get to live. I miss the lies and hate this truth. Lies protect you from pain, for wee while anyway. The truth always comes out.

Santa not real, my dad never came back, never mind in an hour's time and he didn't pull through. Claire wasn't my BFF, Alex never loved me and - I'll never be Anna's bridesmaid. A child's promise broken and made a lie by Fate. Lies are all I have. 

Other's comments:  

-This was really good - I love the concept of this, but there were a few spelling errors that could be easily fixed (: That's all the "constructive criticism" I have really. I love the girls' relationship, even though Anna lied to Ami. This was really great (: Thanks so much for entering and good luck! <3 

-I like this story so far. Except for a few spelling errors, i don't really have any 'constructive criticism'. XD  

Also someone told me they liked it and it was wrote as if English was a foreign language to me and that was a good thing. That comment has disappeared though. 

My comment is that I remember it's worse and probably worse for me trying to worm out the bit with blonde hair person having black eyelashes. I should have just left the eyelash bit out all together as I'm not sure if they would have grown back at all at this point. 

It's bit problematic with the description of the new girlfriend, but that what I was raised to believe other people thought about each other. Thanks Media. I also just love the phrase "First everything" and pretty sure that appears in other story I wrote at the time. 

I will type to you soon. Till then what are your comments? 

Book Review: Hello, Goodbye, And Everything In Between by Jennifer E. Smith

The night before I leave to uni, I'm going tour the fields and say goodbye to the sheep.

One night. A life-changing decision. And a list…

Of course Clare made a list. She creates lists for everything. That’s just how she is.
But tonight is Clare and Aidan’s last night before college and this list will decide their future, together or apart.

It takes them on a rollercoaster ride through their past – from the first hello in science class to the first conversation at a pizza joint, their first kiss at the beach and their first dance in a darkened gymnasium – all the way up to tonight.

A night of laughs, fresh hurts, last-minute kisses and an inevitable goodbye.

But will it be goodbye forever or goodbye for now?

I have been excited for this book, since I heard about it the Edinburgh Book Festival. While not exactly what I expected, but I was not disappointed.

It is in the third-person, but with the emphasis on Claire. The chapters are split by where they go on their quest, for example Stop #613 THE MOON. It's not very stick with it, so it's just a way of emphasising the places they visit.

The relationship between Claire and Aiden is did well. It's feels like they have a real history behind them and I also like their group of friends. This essentially a character and relationship book. It also deals with they different relationships with their parents and how that's effected them.

Overall, I gave this book 4/5 stars for attempts to save Rusty. This was good book dealing with going off to uni/college and the general life stage after High school. If you at that stage like me, I recommend this book for you and if not it's still very good and Jennifer E. Smith writes good books. 

I got this book from BookBridgr and Headline for review. It's out on 1 September 2015 or yesterday to most people so now.

Book Review: Suicide Notes from Beautiful Girls by Lynn Weingarten

 I totally didn't buy yellow nail varnish because of this book.

When June met Delia, she was a lifeline. Their intense friendship gave her a sense of belonging, of security, that she’d never had before. She felt braver, smarter, funnier, more attractive when Delia was around. But then something went wrong, and Delia and June haven’t spoken for a year when an announcement is made at their school that Delia is dead. 

June barely has time to mourn before Delia’s ex-boyfriend convinces her that Delia didn’t kill herself but was in fact murdered, and June is fast swept into a tangle of lies and deceit – and a conspiracy she can barely conceive of, never mind believe.

"Wow" was reaction to the the end of this novel and the book in general.

The book's main narrator and protagonist is June who is trying to figure out what really happened to her ex-best friend. June feels like a real person and the emotions are done really well.

This book is mostly in first-person with a dash of third-person during flashbacks which were used to give us glimpses of important moments in June & Delia's relationships which I think was the best way to show us them when they were still friends. 

This story does revolve around June and Delia's friendship so the characterization  is of course important and it is thankfully done well. Both girls feel like real people and I found myself questioning both of their actions. I just love how complex their relationship is with each other.

The plot of this book was good and kept you guessing. I went down a few wrong thought paths and for a rare change I never saw the solution coming but it worked and was almost perfect. The ending is ambiguous but it works well with the rest of the story.

Overall, I give this book 4/5 stars for maraschino cherries. This book was awesome book about friendship and how much you can really know someone.

I got this book for Review off NetGalley and it was published by Electric Monkey this month.

Book Review: Only Ever Yours by Louise O'Neill

You should read this book.

freida and isabel have been best friends their whole lives. Now, aged sixteen and in their final year at the School, they expect to be selected as companions – wives to wealthy and powerful men.

The alternative – life as a concubine – is too horrible to contemplate.

But as the intensity of the final year takes hold, the pressure to be perfect mounts. isabel starts to self-destruct, putting her beauty – her only asset – in peril.

And then into this sealed female environment, the boys arrive, eager to choose a bride.

freida must fight for her future – even if it means betraying the only friend, the only love, she has ever known . . .

This book made me slam my laptop scene shut in frustration. I felt so uncomfortable, but uncomfortable in a good way which is why it has took me so long to do this review. I started reading this book before it came out. I had to stop for a while.

This is a dystopia with no happy ending. Is that spoiler? I don't know. Reading this book it becomes clear that there is not going to be some big rebellion that the main character starts or becomes part of. This is a sad, clever book that reflects today's society with it being escalated.

The girls are completely dehumanised, especially with their names not being treated as proper nouns. This book was so hard to read because the problems in the book are just extremes we have now, in modern society and it scary because it possible that it could get this extreme, it has been this extreme. In Victorian times women were basically property and reliant on getting a good husband that could just abandoned her. And there whole thing that for some men this book's world would be a Utopia. Not completely possibly setup, lies are clearly happened about reproducing, but how this world got here isn't the real point of this book (though there is some interesting conspiracies going on).

 O'Neill has mirrored today's problems of body imagine, reality TV and girls being raised against each other into this terrifying dystopia. Also I like how O'Neil has used the only roles that women are often focused into the media and society. The mother/wife, the whore and the sexless which are in the books the teachers which is a rare option in this world. She also touches well on race with ideas of beauty and homosexuality.

 In the end, it's sad but it about these two girls relationship with each other, which is done so well and believable. In this hopeless situation, these characters carry you through. All the characters were done so well. The title of this book is really good and meaningful.

Overall, I gave this book 5 out of five stars for tunnel down below. This book made me uncomfortable, it forced me to think. I was already aware these problems, but it made me really confront the consequences of these issues within this society. This is a strong YA book and nice to see one so cleaver and well thought out.

On a side note, this book has been Nominated for the Waterstones's Children's book prize 2015 which is actually quite strong in the teenager category this year -often is- with another favourite of mine of last year Smart being in it. These are my two favourites, (yes I'm basically saying you should go to a Waterstones store and buy these on 1 and half deal), though I'm planning read the ones I haven't read yet and do some sort of joint review.

I got this book off Netgalley for Review. It was published by Quercus Children's on the 3rd July 2014.

Book Review: The Worst Girlfriend in the World by Sarra Manning

In the friendship type more than anything.  

My best friend was now my deadliest enemy, the one person I'd hate beyond all measure for the rest of my life . . .

Franny Barker's best friend, Alice, is the worst girlfriend in the world according to the many boys of Merrycliffe-on-Sea. She toys with them, then dumps them. But she'll never dump fashion-obsessed Franny. Nothing and no one can come between them.

Not even tousle-haired rock god, Louis Allen, who Franny's been crushing on hard. Until Alice, bored with immature boys and jealous of Franny's new college friends, sets her sights on Louis. Suddenly, best friends are bitter rivals.

Is winning Louis's heart worth more than their friendship? There's only one way for Franny to find out.

This is a book is more about friendship than romance, but of course there’s a romance. There is always a romance.  It nice romance, a slow develop romance.

Fanny is just a terrible name to give anyone; fictional or not. I didn’t care that much for the characters. I don’t why but with Manning books that fact that I don’t like the characters doesn’t really effect my enjoyment of them. It’s rather weird for a contemporary. There nothing about these characters that I particular dislike but there nothing I love either. There are dull cookie bunch. I did identify with Alice being jealous, so I guess there were relatable.

This books deals with a lot of themes, such as slut shaming, jealous and Mental illness. Fanny is generally resentful, of her mother and the rest of her immediate family because there don’t have to deal with her mother’s depression. She left alone to deal with her mother alone. I think it dealt with quite well.

Overall, I gave 4 out of 5 stars for messed up dummies. I enjoyed reading this book and that’s all that matters. I don’t know what I’m saying. It’s a fun, light read that has friendship as the main focus which is something I like.