Having an Empty

The parents have left us for a week, it's not a full one as they was drama about the car which has ended up with me having my own car that I cannot drive by myself. I really must start studying for my theory properly. Having the house to yourself is always awesome even when that house still contains a sibling and five pets. We messed with our parents by almost having them believe we had a party whilst they were gone.

We should be able to joke about that as we're both not really party, party people. Our parents ain't really jokey people which is strange since all their kids do is make fun of each other.

I haven't read much, mainly because I've found myself watching documents about the effects of WW2 with my sibling.

I left my computer in the living room, on this post and came back to find this written by my sibling obviously "It was at that moment I realised I was a very gay little boy. I went over to Adams house and told him. He said he was a gay little boy too. We were very gay together." I wonder why she never just told me and who is Adam I wonder.

It also the weekend of T in the Park and because I'm writing this on Saturday, it petty obvious I'm not there nor I'm going at all. *Sigh* There always the BBC footage and next year. Next year and a castle. I just have to enjoy the Edinburgh Book Festival and the castle that there this year, when it comes to festivals. T didn't actually look that good, it was very selective. The headliners are good but not much else.

It's raining outside right now, the bad person that I am hopes it raining at T. I went out on my trampoline, proof that you don't need to be a music festival to listen to music whilst jumping like idiot and become soaking wet due to the rain. 

I'm tired now and have videos to film (e.g. BookTube-a-Thon TBR) so I'm off to mock my sibling and enjoy a empty living room.

Univeristy Thoughts (I'm so lonely).

My parents have this concern if I go to uni I'll be rather lonely. I don't share this concern that much since there is always phones, skype, Facebook and other wonders of the internet. I mean there lots of ways that I can keep in touch with my family. Sure I might end up being lonely but I'm already lonely where I am.

Family is great and all however none of them really share the same interest with me. I have no real friends down here. Anyone I get friendly with, has this tendency of moving away. Most of my friendships have ended with a moving van (and no none of them were ran over by a van). I still friends with them on Facebook which I would still be able to do if I moved across the country.

I think my parents are so concern I do what my brother did. Sure, I do have a history of avoiding school but most of those times was caused by other factors. I'm applying for something I like, I'm not just settling for being offer to be. Sure, there is university that my parents would be prefer be to go to cause they're closer to home or other family members live near there but I'm not going let geography define what I do for the four years of uni (It might end up being 3 years of uni). Frankly I've already made that mistake.

My parents have this double standard of saying that worry about me if anything was to happen to them because they don't think I'm independent enough. I don't know if they're just lumping me in with young half of their children. One of the reasons I think going to uni would be good for me is that it would force me to be independent. I would have to learn to survive on my own, but in more of a safe environment than just randomly moving to another city.

I know there's not a lot stuff that I do for myself. I don't do the ironing because I suck at it and have no need to learn to be better. I don't do the general cleaning of the rest of the house. Yes, I hover but with 5 hairballs of pets that always going to be a losing battle. I don't how to use a washing machine, the one time I tempted it I dye some of my clothes and probably damaged the others. I also don't buy my own food. Though, I live in a house where food tends to become life for another organism before any humans get to it.

I just hate where I live, I guarantee that I won't be living down here as soon as I can afford to live by myself. Mainly, because there not a film industrial of any kind. Sure, films have been filmed around here but not regularly. Even in terms of writing, this place just makes me unhappy and there nothing here for me but depressing sites. I basically want to leave so I never run into someone from I know every time I go out.

I just hate it here and it feels like I'm always about to spill into depression around here. My parents bring up these points. Going uni is already a scary notion, it been 4 years that I've wanted to go to uni and I haven't backed down. I'm sick of uni seemly like a pipe dream. I know it going to be hard for me to get in because life hasn't been fair. However, I'm not going to stop that from stopping me for going for it.

I want to study Film and English. I don't care if those are hard jobs to get into afterwards. Someone does do them and maybe I'll be one of those people.

The Exit (Short Story) a.k.a. The Accomplishments of this week

So my week without parents is coming to a close. How time flies when there isn't any family members to bug. My parents are coming back late tomorrow now, bring with them my older sister and little brother. The older sister will leave, I will probably leave before my little brother does.

So this week has been productive in terms of video making as I have managed to make a video every day so far this month (Here a playlist of my VEDJ videos). I haven't been that successfully in terms of writing and tidying my room. My room is still quite a state, I have almost finished organising my clothes which is the hardest part of organising my room. For some reason dealing with my clothes really takes a lot out of me mentally and physically. The fact I almost cried about the prospect of putting them away after I had taken them all out is probably indication that I have too many clothes or that it was 3 am and I was pushing myself to get it done. I'll have to finish up tomorrow before my parents get back as my bed is still covered in stuff and I've been sleeping in their bed as my dog is suk who likes soft beds and carpets.

Seriously, I woke up yesterday with him lying on my side of the bed and trying to lick my face. I everywhere I turn he's there as I'm the only one in the house he likes. For some reason he doesn't like my sib, I always wonder why that it is. Though, if I sleep with my door open I might find idiot on top of me more often.

I meant to be doing Camp NaNoWriMo which has been some what of a fail as I've only wrote a thousand and something words. To be honest I haven't been forcus on it much, I just really want to get my room sorted and then I will go back to writing. I'll just have a day where I sit and forus myself to write until I get the words out of me.

So till then I leave you the short story I did managed to write. I rather like it.

The Exit

I find her in the woods. I go to her as woman: older than her mere teen years, but not mother figure. A sister if anything because she’ll need someone who won’t coddle her but will hold her hand. Someone she’ll trust and not see as a threat.

She stands looking down at what remains of her violated body. They are others young who suffered worst, but I’m still saddened. I’m always saddened by unnatural deaths. To have life taken from you is a terrible thing. Though, I’ve never had it to know.

She feels my presence and turns towards me. I’m glad that came to her from the side,  so we won’t have to walk through the remains. I offer out my hand, she goes to takes it but stops and looks back down.

“Why did he do it?” she asks sounding even more like the child she is. Once upon time, a girl her age would have died in childbirth to her seconded children. I have come for many a child with their own baby.

There so rarely ever talk and I’m never sure what to say to them when they do.

“That’s not my job to tell you,” I say because it all I can say. I don’t pretend to know why humans hurt each other, even after all these millenniums, the only other answer I could give her was that he’s sick and that’s not what she wants to hear right now. It’s only my job to show them to the exit.

She stands in silence for a few of their minutes.  I step towards her and take her arm gently.

“It’s time to leave this place,” I whisper to her. I don’t want to leave her, I hate leaving them to find their own way there.

“I don’t want to go,” she weeps. Even though her body and its water have gone, she forms her tears. The crier always do, it’s something their souls learned to do in life.  I stoke the tears from her face, maybe I was wrong not to come as a mother.

“You can’t and don’t want to stay here,” I say to her. When I leave them they always wander confused, unhappy.         

“What about my mum? I’m all she has,” she whimpers.

“You’re be lost to her if you stay,” I say it, but I’m not sure it true. She could already be lost.  I don’t know anything about what’s behind the exit, just that I have to bring them to it and I will never past it myself.

She pulls away from me; she walks to the other side of her body.

“Do you’re think they’re find me?” she asks me.  I look around at all the livers crowded around us. They clearly already have. The dead and livers never notice each other. I do my best to ignore the livers as there are of no importance to me.

“I’m certain they will,” I say as a policeman pushes his way through the crowd.  The search group actually found her before I arrived. They need time to adjust before the exit.

“Good,” she briefly smiles, before it’s vanishes quickly. She offers out her hand. I smile at the gesture before taking it.  I let her leads out the woods before guild her to the exit. It’s important she leaves somewhere other than the place she was forces out.

The exit is everywhere and anyway. I take her to the park where she played as small child and had her first kiss as an older child.

“Will you come with me?” She asks as she feels the exit open.

I want to say yes, I always want to say yes. To the toddlers who have never across anyway without someone; to those who are too scared to go themselves; to those who don’t ask. She still too wary to go anyway herself. She learnt that lesson.

“I can’t,” I say simply. “I watch till you go through.

“Thanks,” she says. I smile at strangeness of being thanked for my simple job. There always a  few who do. She leans in and kisses me on the lips. She brushes them slowly, I decide to kiss back. I’ve been kissed before. On the check by children, on the hand by gentlemen; being kissed this way is very rare and I’m not sure when it will happen again.

She pulls away smiling at me, I smile back.

“I wanted my last kiss, I mean before I went to be nice,” she playing with the long hair I had decide on. “It was lovely.”

We stand for another of their minutes before she speaks again.

“I have to go now, don’t I?”

I just nod and she walks through the exit as I watch her.

I leave to the next soul, happy knowing my decision to come as young woman was right.