So now that I no longer have to dance and sing every night, I've been very productive in every other field. I don't why I lie to you, you basically my diary (but not cause I write my dark stuff in Mikey and daily stuff in my dated diary) and I have a clear track on here as being a Procrastinator. I'm not sure what I meant by that opening sentence.
I've also been a Twenty for a week and I'm old.
I've began the process of tidying my room, actually began this process weeks ago. I got so annoyed by the state of bed tonight that I put the piles of clothes into binbags (just for now) so I could change it and fix the damn thing. My bed is actually broken, the wooded bars have became lose so fall out and some have basically snapped. I'm feeling a big mas reorganising coming this summer as soon as I'm done with college (which I need to catch up majorly).
Though, tidying of my room and making of mood boards has been heidence by illness. I just been really worned now lately. I been close to vomiting, always fun. Its the tiredness that really getting to me. I mean coughing and pain I can live with but wanting to sleep all the time, well it really wastes up a lot of time. I'll sleep for over 12 hours and still feel tired. It just so hard to get anything done or care about getting things done.
I mean, the only reason my bed finially got changed is because I live in my bed, its been bugging me for months and in state of tiredness I dumped everything off my bed and changed it only because I could literally not sleep in it in the state was in and I know most people would have got to that stage after the chocolate had melted between the sheets and mattress (the bottom sheet had came undone and it rolled under there and I never notice). When depressed and busy you really don't care.
Mentally I'm feeling better, I feel tired all the time but I don't want to sleep all the time, that just keeps happening. I've also started reading again, Oh and making Book Tubes videps. So I'm showing the signs of getting out of this cycle of depression.
See you next week, I'm off to read or sleep. Probably sleep.
Saturday, 11 May 2013
Wednesday, 8 May 2013
Book Review: Dead Romantic by C.J. Skuse
Frankly, this book isn't going to win any awards for being of great literature value. It basically, a reworking of Frankenstein into a modern setting and shallow values.
 |
| Stitching dead bodies:try wool |
Camille wants to find the perfect boy, with an athlete's body and a poet's brain. But when she's mocked at a college party, she kows there isn't a boy alive who'll ever measure up. Enter Zoe, her brilliant but strange best friend, who takes biology homework to a whole new level. She can create Camille's dream boy, Frankenstein-stylee. But can she make him love her?
Camile has loved anything dead and has kept dead things as pets her whole childhood (including her ran over cat). Camile meets a mysterious girl, Zoe in Graveyard filling in a grave and becomes obsessed with her(with brief thoughts of homosexuality). Camile actually switches subjects to be in the same class as the girl.
Turns out Zoe is collecting body parts, in attempt to make a boy and restore her father shattered reputation. Camile decides to help, mainly because she needs a date to the college Halloween party to make that shallow boy who dating her ex (apparently)best friend, jealous. Because who doesn't love a pig who offers to take your (and every girls' in college) virginity to get it over with.
Camile refers to the Experiment as the Dead Sexy Boy and so her annoyances really begins. Camile isn't the cleverest person but sometimes this got really unbelievable. I mean, Camile is smart enough to have passed her GSES however, claims not to know that a crowbar is an object, and not just the verb of "Crowbarring". I'm petty sure she says the same thing two other times (obviously about other words) and definitely within 20 pages says it again. We get it pretty clearly that Camile is the local idiot that likes dead things.
At one point, Camile thinks Zoe has started to kill people for parts when one of the friends she abandons at the beginning of the books goes missing with her boyfriend, for no real reason. Also she does nothing about this suspicion anyway.
Oh, yeah this is a romance, right? I think its meant to be... The romance is typical and boring. Frankly (I'm really loving that word in this review) in terms of relationships, Zoe and Camile was most interesting but I don't think either like each other that much. Camile loves dead things, Zoe makes dead things alive, they are the perfect pair.
To sum up its a good book for a light read. It was funny at points and tried too hard at others. The ending was bit too cliffhangie( also very cliché) for something that doesn't deserve a sequel. It bit too unbelievable and the characters got annoying. I enjoyed it, brief boredom aside that made me skim through the last chapters before going back and finishing it properly. I did enjoy it, but that's about it. The idea was overdone, the characters don't learn anything, repeating habits (except on a bigger scale). Read it if you're not in the mood to think too much or get too emotionally invested.
Sunday, 5 May 2013
Book Review: The Madness Underneath by Maureen Johnson (Shades of London, #2)
Okay, this review is so over due its not even funny. Sorry, stuff happen and just life I guess. I kinda ended up doing what Rory did with Homework in this book, so relatable yes.
When madness stalks the streets of London, no one is safe…
There’s a creepy new terror haunting modern-day London.
Fresh from defeating a Jack the Ripper killer, Rory must put her new-found hunting skills to the test before all hell breaks loose…
But enemies are not always who you expect them to be and crazy times call for crazy solutions. A thrilling teen mystery.
I just like to start by saying this is the second in Shades of London series, so I'm going to write this based on that you've read the first book. So probable spoilers for the first one if haven't read. Just slight hints to spoilers to The Madness Underneath.
In all honesty, I don't remember there being a big mystery in this book but it been like a month since I read it (I know bad for writing a review, but we now have reflection and it was somewhat out of my control).
So the books starts with Rory being in Bristol with her parents and seeing a therapist and obviously not being able to actually talk about what happened, because you know ghosts. Having read the last book (like I said I'm persuming you have) you know it ended in cliffhanger sort of fashion, well that actually quickly addressed and plays a big part on this book.
Rory has been away from school for over month, but really wants to get back to London to talk to the Shades as they are only people she knows that have clue about ghost stuff and obviously going back to school is the only way to do so (since this is a YA novel after all).
I just like to say that Rory's school stuff was portraied really well and Johnson did a really good job on that. As someone who has fallen almost that behind at school and had the horrible realisation that the battle might have already been lost, it really spoke to me and it was very similar to what happen to me almost. A lot of YA novel do seem to forget about the whole education thing, like they'll have school in them as a setting but never acknowledge that the protagist has been away from school for like a month and must be so far behind. Bravo, Johnson for having the only novel I've ever see deal with it and it was basically my favourite part.
Though, this also brings us to Rory doing something rather stupid of basically, damn I actually can't say what she does because it probably spoiler it. I was just shaking my head at Rory the whole time, lets just say that Rory's ghost seeing and new ability make her vulnerable and she ends up doing something stupid. Though, its good in terms of the book and kinda deals with real life issue within the world of Fantasy.
One annoying mistake was made in the book and I've just got to point this out because so obviously wrong and it something that you really should check when writing a book set in a country you're not totally familiar with. Rory must be 17 if she in her last year of education by English standards. That means she not a minor in Britain. So someone doesn't know the law, but this someone trained as policemen, meaning he really should/would know this, especially as everyone knows this in Britain, its the smallish details that can really ruined a book. Especially if the reader Autistic and notices errors easily.
On to the romance of the book, I saw it coming from the start (as in the last book), but glad it didn't go down the annoying line it could have especially since that got old with the second Twilight book (oh,Twilight you seem to haunt the world of YA). It once again done in a realistic, if not slightly cliché way at the end.
As for the ending, I did see it coming. I just felt it was going happen to someone and the someone I thought it would be was right. Though, I always tend to see the ending coming, but I just felt it was sort of cheap. Like it was just for this dramatic ending. However, I do think this is setting up for the next book and hopefully will work out fine in terms of the series.
I rated this book 4 out 5 stars. It was really good, they was just a few things that let it now.
Disclaimer: I got this book off NetGallary. So for free. Don't worry I'm honest and kinda of bitch. Just asked my Best Friend.
When madness stalks the streets of London, no one is safe…There’s a creepy new terror haunting modern-day London.
Fresh from defeating a Jack the Ripper killer, Rory must put her new-found hunting skills to the test before all hell breaks loose…
But enemies are not always who you expect them to be and crazy times call for crazy solutions. A thrilling teen mystery.
I just like to start by saying this is the second in Shades of London series, so I'm going to write this based on that you've read the first book. So probable spoilers for the first one if haven't read. Just slight hints to spoilers to The Madness Underneath.
In all honesty, I don't remember there being a big mystery in this book but it been like a month since I read it (I know bad for writing a review, but we now have reflection and it was somewhat out of my control).
So the books starts with Rory being in Bristol with her parents and seeing a therapist and obviously not being able to actually talk about what happened, because you know ghosts. Having read the last book (like I said I'm persuming you have) you know it ended in cliffhanger sort of fashion, well that actually quickly addressed and plays a big part on this book.
Rory has been away from school for over month, but really wants to get back to London to talk to the Shades as they are only people she knows that have clue about ghost stuff and obviously going back to school is the only way to do so (since this is a YA novel after all).
I just like to say that Rory's school stuff was portraied really well and Johnson did a really good job on that. As someone who has fallen almost that behind at school and had the horrible realisation that the battle might have already been lost, it really spoke to me and it was very similar to what happen to me almost. A lot of YA novel do seem to forget about the whole education thing, like they'll have school in them as a setting but never acknowledge that the protagist has been away from school for like a month and must be so far behind. Bravo, Johnson for having the only novel I've ever see deal with it and it was basically my favourite part.
Though, this also brings us to Rory doing something rather stupid of basically, damn I actually can't say what she does because it probably spoiler it. I was just shaking my head at Rory the whole time, lets just say that Rory's ghost seeing and new ability make her vulnerable and she ends up doing something stupid. Though, its good in terms of the book and kinda deals with real life issue within the world of Fantasy.
One annoying mistake was made in the book and I've just got to point this out because so obviously wrong and it something that you really should check when writing a book set in a country you're not totally familiar with. Rory must be 17 if she in her last year of education by English standards. That means she not a minor in Britain. So someone doesn't know the law, but this someone trained as policemen, meaning he really should/would know this, especially as everyone knows this in Britain, its the smallish details that can really ruined a book. Especially if the reader Autistic and notices errors easily.
On to the romance of the book, I saw it coming from the start (as in the last book), but glad it didn't go down the annoying line it could have especially since that got old with the second Twilight book (oh,Twilight you seem to haunt the world of YA). It once again done in a realistic, if not slightly cliché way at the end.
As for the ending, I did see it coming. I just felt it was going happen to someone and the someone I thought it would be was right. Though, I always tend to see the ending coming, but I just felt it was sort of cheap. Like it was just for this dramatic ending. However, I do think this is setting up for the next book and hopefully will work out fine in terms of the series.
I rated this book 4 out 5 stars. It was really good, they was just a few things that let it now.
Disclaimer: I got this book off NetGallary. So for free. Don't worry I'm honest and kinda of bitch. Just asked my Best Friend.
Saturday, 4 May 2013
20th Birthday *half-hearted whoop*
So today is my Birthday. Well, not actually. I'm really writing this from yesterday. Right now I'm still teen, but when you read this I shan't be anymore. Its sort of all , isn't it?
I guess some of you might be wondering what I plan to do on my Birthday. Well, the answer is obvious. I'm going to be in two shows today. I've spent every night being in a Production of Beauty and the Beast the past week and week before rehearsing it everynight but Saturday that week. Tonight's performance will actually be the last. So seconded year in a row I've been doing something for the last time on my Bday.
I sort of realised, I mean I was sort of knew I would associate my Birthday with this, that I be able to count how many years since I left school by taking 19 out whatever age I am. So its a year since I left school, it doesn't feel a like a year. I missed the variety of school. College seems rather boring so far and I haven't learned much.
Two of my sibling are showing up today, mainly to see the show.My older brother was annoyed to find out that no one had invite him to see the show. Frankly, though it my birthday and he said nothing about that until the show came up. I should probably just unfriend the bugger.
I don't know if my sibling coming today to see it was such a smart idea. Just because the two shows and the stress of it all.
Its terrible Doctor Who is on, on my birthday and I won't be able to watch it till Sunday probably.
So I'm off to listen to songs about teenagers while I'm still in that age range.
I guess some of you might be wondering what I plan to do on my Birthday. Well, the answer is obvious. I'm going to be in two shows today. I've spent every night being in a Production of Beauty and the Beast the past week and week before rehearsing it everynight but Saturday that week. Tonight's performance will actually be the last. So seconded year in a row I've been doing something for the last time on my Bday.
I sort of realised, I mean I was sort of knew I would associate my Birthday with this, that I be able to count how many years since I left school by taking 19 out whatever age I am. So its a year since I left school, it doesn't feel a like a year. I missed the variety of school. College seems rather boring so far and I haven't learned much.
Two of my sibling are showing up today, mainly to see the show.My older brother was annoyed to find out that no one had invite him to see the show. Frankly, though it my birthday and he said nothing about that until the show came up. I should probably just unfriend the bugger.
I don't know if my sibling coming today to see it was such a smart idea. Just because the two shows and the stress of it all.
Its terrible Doctor Who is on, on my birthday and I won't be able to watch it till Sunday probably.
So I'm off to listen to songs about teenagers while I'm still in that age range.
Saturday, 27 April 2013
Teenhood is going to leave me
So I only have a week left as a teenager.
Maybe that why's I've been down recently, I mean subconsciously. Its the whole not being where I thought I be. However, I didn't really know what I want to do.
I mean, I do. I want to be a writer. Writer is what I am. What I want to be is: A published writer, one that gets/or makes money off their writing. I have ads on here but have never made off here. I make like 50p month off my Booktube channel.
I broke right now by the way.
So nothing about my mysterious future, lets talk about my actual terrible time as a teenager.
Okay, it wasn't all that terrible. But it wasn't that happy and my strongest memories are the sort of terrible ones.
My school career offically became a pile of crap. I didn't get to do the choices I wanted, never doing chemistry has really always haunted me and majorly fucked up my (first) 6th year. I also had the depressing experinces of repeating 6th year. I shall forever be able to lie to Americans about going to Hogwarts. Get it, 7th year.
I had horrible house teachers, that should know they both suck at their jobs. The teachers who actually taught me were pity good. All my biology teachers were awesome. English always taught me something and I can write a good essay even if they did just ignore creative writing.
I ended being rather disillusion with the education systems as no one ever gave a fuck about individual stunet. You either do it now, or fuck off because they was no way they were going actually try and improve you. I guess as Dyslexic with obvious signs of possible being Austic/sectively mute (I'm not going near that mess at the moment) High school was never going to be totally happy experince.
Generally, I was never all that happy in my current location where I spent the whole of my teenage years. I made few friends and frankly any one with brain eventually leaves this place even if they ended up back here. I just think I really need to leave. Goal for the past four years.
Cool stuff I did as a teen:
I went to Florida two times in that time. I saw My Chemical Romance and Fall Out Boy, I went to T in the Park for the first time, I killed a guy, I got half way through a novel, I started 2 you tube channels that currently have roughly 50 subscribers after like 80 videos on each; I went on the run, I have managed to acquired a what could be called a library of books (over three hundred); it safe to say I've read over 240 books taking to count I only really start to count since 2011; I've change my mind about what I want to do with my life at least 5 times; I own two typewriters and have kept this blog going for over a year (even if I have lied about some the dates).
So some of that was a lie, guess which. That right I have yet to see Fall Out Boy in concert but you know that could happen now that appear to be back.
So that 7 years of my life is over, let just cry in corner about only being 10 years away from being 30.
Maybe that why's I've been down recently, I mean subconsciously. Its the whole not being where I thought I be. However, I didn't really know what I want to do.
I mean, I do. I want to be a writer. Writer is what I am. What I want to be is: A published writer, one that gets/or makes money off their writing. I have ads on here but have never made off here. I make like 50p month off my Booktube channel.
I broke right now by the way.
So nothing about my mysterious future, lets talk about my actual terrible time as a teenager.
Okay, it wasn't all that terrible. But it wasn't that happy and my strongest memories are the sort of terrible ones.
My school career offically became a pile of crap. I didn't get to do the choices I wanted, never doing chemistry has really always haunted me and majorly fucked up my (first) 6th year. I also had the depressing experinces of repeating 6th year. I shall forever be able to lie to Americans about going to Hogwarts. Get it, 7th year.
I had horrible house teachers, that should know they both suck at their jobs. The teachers who actually taught me were pity good. All my biology teachers were awesome. English always taught me something and I can write a good essay even if they did just ignore creative writing.
I ended being rather disillusion with the education systems as no one ever gave a fuck about individual stunet. You either do it now, or fuck off because they was no way they were going actually try and improve you. I guess as Dyslexic with obvious signs of possible being Austic/sectively mute (I'm not going near that mess at the moment) High school was never going to be totally happy experince.
Generally, I was never all that happy in my current location where I spent the whole of my teenage years. I made few friends and frankly any one with brain eventually leaves this place even if they ended up back here. I just think I really need to leave. Goal for the past four years.
Cool stuff I did as a teen:
I went to Florida two times in that time. I saw My Chemical Romance and Fall Out Boy, I went to T in the Park for the first time, I killed a guy, I got half way through a novel, I started 2 you tube channels that currently have roughly 50 subscribers after like 80 videos on each; I went on the run, I have managed to acquired a what could be called a library of books (over three hundred); it safe to say I've read over 240 books taking to count I only really start to count since 2011; I've change my mind about what I want to do with my life at least 5 times; I own two typewriters and have kept this blog going for over a year (even if I have lied about some the dates).
So some of that was a lie, guess which. That right I have yet to see Fall Out Boy in concert but you know that could happen now that appear to be back.
So that 7 years of my life is over, let just cry in corner about only being 10 years away from being 30.
Saturday, 20 April 2013
Avoiding Life.
I wish I could make myself care. Basically, I've not been interested in anything.
I haven't been reading. I haven't been drawing. I haven't been writing.
I have been watching Cartoons but that only because I can do that in my bed while lying down without thinking. Basically, if it involves thinking I haven't been doing much of it.
I've been avoiding life really. Letting alot of things slide.
I never did finish my novel in time for that contest. Frankly, I'm not that happy with it at the moment anyway. I mean I think it needs a re-write. I want to finish this draft before I start reworking it. Just to have it all written out would be great.
I broke my laptop's built-in left button so that makes it harder to just lie in bed while staring at the laptop. I wonder if I can make the right button the main button on it so I don't have to use my spare mouse. Its getting a bit annoying. It actually does work sometimes, basically I split milk on it which has fucked it.
My cereal had went soggy by the time I had remove the plastic over the actual button and whipped all the milk I could see.
I've sort of started reading again but it took me like three weeks to finish a 298 pages books. I'm still kinda forcing myself to read. It was a non-fiction book but I'm not that interested in fiction books. I haven't made a BookTube video in a month and there's several reviews that need writing.
I haven't went to college in five weeks, two of those weeks were breaks. However, I should have been doing work for it because I'm terribly behind. I just don't care. Motivation for it has went and left me. I just don't think I have the time to finish.
I know in a year or so I regret not finishing the course if I gave up now. But that future me problem. She can deal with that regert which will join so much more. Arty never seems to go right for me.
I'm going to go now, I'll just leave you with this last thought:
I hate Moodborads.
I haven't been reading. I haven't been drawing. I haven't been writing.
I have been watching Cartoons but that only because I can do that in my bed while lying down without thinking. Basically, if it involves thinking I haven't been doing much of it.
I've been avoiding life really. Letting alot of things slide.
I never did finish my novel in time for that contest. Frankly, I'm not that happy with it at the moment anyway. I mean I think it needs a re-write. I want to finish this draft before I start reworking it. Just to have it all written out would be great.
I broke my laptop's built-in left button so that makes it harder to just lie in bed while staring at the laptop. I wonder if I can make the right button the main button on it so I don't have to use my spare mouse. Its getting a bit annoying. It actually does work sometimes, basically I split milk on it which has fucked it.
My cereal had went soggy by the time I had remove the plastic over the actual button and whipped all the milk I could see.
I've sort of started reading again but it took me like three weeks to finish a 298 pages books. I'm still kinda forcing myself to read. It was a non-fiction book but I'm not that interested in fiction books. I haven't made a BookTube video in a month and there's several reviews that need writing.
I haven't went to college in five weeks, two of those weeks were breaks. However, I should have been doing work for it because I'm terribly behind. I just don't care. Motivation for it has went and left me. I just don't think I have the time to finish.
I know in a year or so I regret not finishing the course if I gave up now. But that future me problem. She can deal with that regert which will join so much more. Arty never seems to go right for me.
I'm going to go now, I'll just leave you with this last thought:
I hate Moodborads.
Saturday, 13 April 2013
Regular programming has been cancelled due to life.
Sh...lets not talk about real things. Lets talk about things that don't matter.
Things that can't wait, will just have to slip by. It doesn't really matter. I hate life and it hates me back.
See you next week if I learn how to form communication about anything with a topic. Just enjoy the random thoughts of nonsense.
Things that can't wait, will just have to slip by. It doesn't really matter. I hate life and it hates me back.
See you next week if I learn how to form communication about anything with a topic. Just enjoy the random thoughts of nonsense.
Sunday, 7 April 2013
Beauty for yourself or expertion of others (a.k.a ballgrown and jeans are basically the same)
My older sister is frankly terribly shallow and likes to ruin a occasions of going out by criticizes mine and my sib's fashion sense. In my opinion, she no one to talk considering she has no fashion of her own. She just follows whatevers meant to be "fashionable" and get rids of her clothes (some ain't even hers but you never getting that back) and then ends up buying the same thing brand new two years later. She loves all that terrible reality shows featuring orange people. She follows their example.
I've said all this rather insulting thing to rove the point that opinion is different. Her rather upsetting (only cause I'm depressed and prone to tears when I'm depressed) comments about my lack of effect inspired me to write post about whether beauty is really for yourself or what socity expects of.
My sister said something along the lines of "You should dress up for yourself" and how make it feel better. Frankly, I've been doing that for years. Dressing for oneself should mean that you one who decided whether glam up or not. Though, I dress for myself I get no sense pleasure from it. I feel the same wears pajamas as I do from wear fancy dress. Me and my sister (lets just call her sis from now on) differ on what is appropriate time to glam up.
I for one think its stupid to "glam up" for a rock/pop concert (unless you're one on stage and still) because those things are hot. No one is going to see you and what if you want to start a mosh pit. You really can't mosh in heels, it just not done. Though, I see a concert as the main event, she sees them as just something to do.
The thing that really bugs me is that she the opposite of dressing for yourself. She always goes by what she thinks is acceptable by society. When she insult me for not caring about my hair, frankly my night was going to be sitting in a dark threatre. Frankly, I don't understand how you wouldn't be bored spreading hours getting ready to go out. I don't see the fascination with going out to a club, paying to get in, over cost drinks and then theres the terrible music. I'm happy to be odd in these things.
Also looking "good" making you feel good never really work for me. Dressing up and making myself petty never actually makes me feel anything. It more something that you should do at certain times like formal events. My typical answer to "What are you planning to wear?" is a dress (or jeans if just whatever) and I wwill refuse to go on fuller. I find it rather annoying when someone tries to make this question into a discussion. We both going to the same event, I've already brought the dress, so you're going to see it, it will make no difference to what are you going to wear. My mother once show my other sister what I was wearing to this family party and it really bugged me for some reason. It probably had to do with the amount of time was being paid to this dress.
Yes, I dye my hair brightly colours, but that's more to with me getting bored with what I see in the mirror. The length of my hair is comfort and plaything. I do take alot pictures of myself, but that more to do with the fact they're no one else to play model when I have a idea. Also with make-up I tend to do it properly when I'm bored like I might draw or write nonsense when I'm bored.
I have notions of wanting to look like a girl somedays, but mostly wear whatever find or some random statement about myself. When I buy T-shirts, they're usually either petty due to arty things; skulls,hearts and wings; have some witty phrase on it or merch of band/book/movie I loved. In away they tell you something about as a person. Here have example of my sort of humour.
Actually, t-shirts with phrase on them brings us back to sis. My sister when left to her own devices will buy me things that are completely not me. They more the sort of thing she likes such as the two shirts she brought at different, I believe both were birthdays, gift giving times. One saying "You better earn more than I can spread on shoes". Shoes, frankly is something I've never paid that much attention expect wanting a decent pair of combat boots and converse style sand shoes. I must have been when I was like 12-14 age, maybe younger. Still I was definitely full fledged person, I was basically when I was four, I think the sort of the person I was clear when I was 2.
We'll always be different. My sister I guess just doesn't see it that way. Like I wouldn't demand that we all sit down and deeply discuss Harry Potter (or other fandom things). If that was the done thing among majority of my peer age then I would be pressured intositting through a discussion I might find dull as glass.
My point is making yourself "beautiful" is opinion. Though, acceptable dress will always be what society considers it to be and not what you individually think it should be. Still fuck them. I will never pay that much attention to my controlled beauty in daily basis, only notice spots when comes to appearing on camra and still then I tend to get on with it. I'm not saying I don't do things in the sake of beauty, it just not anyway near the top of the list of things I care about.
P.S. Sorry this tad bit like a personal rant and if appears to jumpy, that because I literally was jumping from back and forth different paragraphs as I wrote it.
I've said all this rather insulting thing to rove the point that opinion is different. Her rather upsetting (only cause I'm depressed and prone to tears when I'm depressed) comments about my lack of effect inspired me to write post about whether beauty is really for yourself or what socity expects of.
My sister said something along the lines of "You should dress up for yourself" and how make it feel better. Frankly, I've been doing that for years. Dressing for oneself should mean that you one who decided whether glam up or not. Though, I dress for myself I get no sense pleasure from it. I feel the same wears pajamas as I do from wear fancy dress. Me and my sister (lets just call her sis from now on) differ on what is appropriate time to glam up.
I for one think its stupid to "glam up" for a rock/pop concert (unless you're one on stage and still) because those things are hot. No one is going to see you and what if you want to start a mosh pit. You really can't mosh in heels, it just not done. Though, I see a concert as the main event, she sees them as just something to do.
The thing that really bugs me is that she the opposite of dressing for yourself. She always goes by what she thinks is acceptable by society. When she insult me for not caring about my hair, frankly my night was going to be sitting in a dark threatre. Frankly, I don't understand how you wouldn't be bored spreading hours getting ready to go out. I don't see the fascination with going out to a club, paying to get in, over cost drinks and then theres the terrible music. I'm happy to be odd in these things.
Also looking "good" making you feel good never really work for me. Dressing up and making myself petty never actually makes me feel anything. It more something that you should do at certain times like formal events. My typical answer to "What are you planning to wear?" is a dress (or jeans if just whatever) and I wwill refuse to go on fuller. I find it rather annoying when someone tries to make this question into a discussion. We both going to the same event, I've already brought the dress, so you're going to see it, it will make no difference to what are you going to wear. My mother once show my other sister what I was wearing to this family party and it really bugged me for some reason. It probably had to do with the amount of time was being paid to this dress.
Yes, I dye my hair brightly colours, but that's more to with me getting bored with what I see in the mirror. The length of my hair is comfort and plaything. I do take alot pictures of myself, but that more to do with the fact they're no one else to play model when I have a idea. Also with make-up I tend to do it properly when I'm bored like I might draw or write nonsense when I'm bored.
I have notions of wanting to look like a girl somedays, but mostly wear whatever find or some random statement about myself. When I buy T-shirts, they're usually either petty due to arty things; skulls,hearts and wings; have some witty phrase on it or merch of band/book/movie I loved. In away they tell you something about as a person. Here have example of my sort of humour.
Actually, t-shirts with phrase on them brings us back to sis. My sister when left to her own devices will buy me things that are completely not me. They more the sort of thing she likes such as the two shirts she brought at different, I believe both were birthdays, gift giving times. One saying "You better earn more than I can spread on shoes". Shoes, frankly is something I've never paid that much attention expect wanting a decent pair of combat boots and converse style sand shoes. I must have been when I was like 12-14 age, maybe younger. Still I was definitely full fledged person, I was basically when I was four, I think the sort of the person I was clear when I was 2.
We'll always be different. My sister I guess just doesn't see it that way. Like I wouldn't demand that we all sit down and deeply discuss Harry Potter (or other fandom things). If that was the done thing among majority of my peer age then I would be pressured intositting through a discussion I might find dull as glass.
My point is making yourself "beautiful" is opinion. Though, acceptable dress will always be what society considers it to be and not what you individually think it should be. Still fuck them. I will never pay that much attention to my controlled beauty in daily basis, only notice spots when comes to appearing on camra and still then I tend to get on with it. I'm not saying I don't do things in the sake of beauty, it just not anyway near the top of the list of things I care about.
P.S. Sorry this tad bit like a personal rant and if appears to jumpy, that because I literally was jumping from back and forth different paragraphs as I wrote it.
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